Christians who have sex . . .

[Glib Gurl]

Does anyone have a friend or relative that is a Christian (and not just the "I go to church every once in a while/Christmas/Mother's Day/Easter" folk, but the up in church every week, can quote scripture and verse, gives their tithe type of Christian) who regularly has sex? (Or perhaps you are that person . . . .) How does that person feel about it? Are they conflicted? Or do they rationalize it? If so, how? How do you feel about this person and their faith -- do you think they're hypocrites?

Please ladies, let's not judge. Rather let's help each other be the people God wants us to be . . . .

Thanks,

Glib

 

[Shimmie]

Does anyone have a friend or relative that is a Christian (and not just the "I go to church every once in a while/Christmas/Mother's Day/Easter" folk, but the up in church every week, can quote scripture and verse, gives their tithe type of Christian) who regularly has sex? (Or perhaps you are that person . . . .) How does that person feel about it? Are they conflicted? Or do they rationalize it? If so, how? How do you feel about this person and their faith -- do you think they're hypocrites?

Please ladies, let's not judge. Rather let's help each other be the people God wants us to be . . . .

Thanks,

Glib

I know this thread is serious, and I respect it as such.

As I was reading, through your words, I thought, Geeeeeee, someone's actually doing it on a regular basis? There are some married folk who don't...on the 'regular'.

But to answer your question, I know of 'some' single Christians who have sex occasionally or have had sex and are trying to remain abstinent. Some are engaged, others are dating, others are just out there in 'random' land.

I can't judge them anymore... I used to, but I can't. Some are my family members and they are just out there because the world has conditioned them to feel it's okay. I'm sad, because some have gotten pregnant. But I just can't judge them anymore. I'm just sad and want to see them have better.

Blessings Precious 'GG'. This is an excellent thread topic.

 

[janiebaby]

I have known people like this. In that case the people rationalized it because they were going to get married. My Christian friends, stopped having sex and moved away from each other until they got married because they felt conflicted about it.

 

[janiebaby]

Now to talk about myself. I have had sex before regularly I was a "real" Christian. Real in the sense that I actually started to build a relationship with God and stopped playing Church.

I have had sex while I was a "real" Christian and I felt so empty and remorseful that it made me seek God even more fervently because of our relationship. I didn't even get anything from the sex act, that's how horrible it was. The whole time I kept justifying it and I realized later that I was angry at God for a lot of things. I'm not gonna get too deep here but we talked about it and we're working on my anger issues.

I'm not gonna sit here and play the struggle card because life is a struggle and I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's ok for Christians to have sex either. I think that if you don't repent and feel remorse for your actions and you try to justify them then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with God. I know that when I justified stuff I was not a "real" Christian and I knew it then and would tell you.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Thank you, everyone for your responses . . . I'm so glad that we can discuss these things! I really appreciate everyone's feedback and it is helping me cope

 

[Jenaee]

Now to talk about myself. I have had sex before regularly I was a "real" Christian. Real in the sense that I actually started to build a relationship with God and stopped playing Church.

I have had sex while I was a "real" Christian and I felt so empty and remorseful that it made me seek God even more fervently because of our relationship. I didn't even get anything from the sex act, that's how horrible it was. The whole time I kept justifying it and I realized later that I was angry at God for a lot of things. I'm not gonna get too deep here but we talked about it and we're working on my anger issues.

I'm not gonna sit here and play the struggle card because life is a struggle and I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's ok for Christians to have sex either. I think that if you don't repent and feel remorse for your actions and you try to justify them then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with God. I know that when I justified stuff I was not a "real" Christian and I knew it then and would tell you.

That was me. I aint gotta lie to kick it. I would do the deed Saturday night and be in church Sunday morning. While I felt remorse for what I was doing, I didn't wanna stop. I was supposedly "in love" and that's what people in love do right?!? WRONG

It took the destruction of that relationship (and several prior bad relationships) for me to realize that pre-martial sex is not HIS plan for me. That break-up broke me down to the core but also made me take a look at my life. I began to realize that my sexual sin was blocking what GOD had in store for me. Not anyone else, it was me blocking me.

With much repentance and prayer, I am now abstinent. I won't say it's not a struggle at times, but I will not allow lust to control me again!!!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

(Or perhaps you are that person . . . .) How does that person feel about it? Are they conflicted? Or do they rationalize it? If so, how? How do you feel about this person and their faith -- do you think they're hypocrites?

Truth be told I don't think they really believe they are doing anything wrong.

I withold calling folk hypocrites until they begin the 'do as I say not as I do' routine.

 

[locabouthair]

My male best friend goes to church EVERY sunday and is very active in his church but has no problem fornicating. I asked him about it and he said,"loca, I know I'm going to hell"

He did say if he met a girl who wanted to wait till marriage, he would wait.

 

[chellero]

I know people who do this. One says that it's a sin just like any other sin, and everyone sins. She didn't seem conflicted to me.

 

[glamazon386]

I know people who do this. One says that it's a sin just like any other sin, and everyone sins. She didn't seem conflicted to me.

That's the rationale I've heard for it as well.

 

[poookie]

... it's a sin just like any other sin, and everyone sins. She didn't seem conflicted to me.

that's how i feel about it. and i'm not conflicted.

:: prepares for someone to tell her that she IS, indeed, conflicted ::

 

[PaperClip]

I know people who do this. One says that it's a sin just like any other sin, and everyone sins. She didn't seem conflicted to me.

That's such a cop-out logic....Not you sharing it, but folk who use that to justify their actions.

The Lord doesn't judge on a CURVE....

 

[janiebaby]

I know people who do this. One says that it's a sin just like any other sin, and everyone sins. She didn't seem conflicted to me.

I do think this is a cop out and I would still believe it was a cop out if it was applied to lying, cheating, stealing, disobedience, etc.

 

[chicacanella]

Okay, I am actually having that problem right now. Being that I just got our of a relationship and will be entering another one, that is my main issue. And yes, I do feel conflicted many, many times. It is torture, especially after having "tasted" paradise, then to snatch it back.erplexed It's hard.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Yes, I know some Christians who have been in a shacking up, sleeping together, and going to church together situations. I personally have been in the position of having a man and sleeping with him while I was also trying to live righteously. It wasn't working. I felt terribly guilty and convicted everytime I finished the deed. I would just beat myself up about it. I personally discovered that I have sex issues---not saying I'm an addict or anything, but that I associate sex with closeness and love, and yada yada. So in an effort to "prove" my love, I was having sex, in spite of the fact that my guy knew I was really trying to change my life for the better and live for God. I think this is where being unevenly yoked can come into play. If one person is sincerely trying to stop having sex because they recognize it as a sin, but the other person is trying to make justification as to why it is not a sin, then you have two people unevenly yoked, and the one is bound to drag the other down.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Now to talk about myself. I have had sex before regularly I was a "real" Christian. Real in the sense that I actually started to build a relationship with God and stopped playing Church.

I have had sex while I was a "real" Christian and I felt so empty and remorseful that it made me seek God even more fervently because of our relationship. I didn't even get anything from the sex act, that's how horrible it was. The whole time I kept justifying it and I realized later that I was angry at God for a lot of things. I'm not gonna get too deep here but we talked about it and we're working on my anger issues.

I'm not gonna sit here and play the struggle card because life is a struggle and I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's ok for Christians to have sex either. I think that if you don't repent and feel remorse for your actions and you try to justify them then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with God. I know that when I justified stuff I was not a "real" Christian and I knew it then and would tell you.

That was me. I aint gotta lie to kick it. I would do the deed Saturday night and be in church Sunday morning. While I felt remorse for what I was doing, I didn't wanna stop. I was supposedly "in love" and that's what people in love do right?!? WRONG

It took the destruction of that relationship (and several prior bad relationships) for me to realize that pre-martial sex is not HIS plan for me. That break-up broke me down to the core but also made me take a look at my life. I began to realize that my sexual sin was blocking what GOD had in store for me. Not anyone else, it was me blocking me.

With much repentance and prayer, I am now abstinent. I won't say it's not a struggle at times, but I will not allow lust to control me again!!!

COSIGNING!
The last time was almost five years ago and I wanted to drop down on my knees right there and ask for forgiveness. He thought I was crazy. That relationship soon went down the tubes, but I thank GOD for giving me the strenght to change. And the thirst for HIM to learn why what I was doing was so wrong. But being that I have been there, I hold myself accountable for how I look at others, I can't judge, just pray for their strenght and growth.

My male best friend goes to church EVERY sunday and is very active in his church but has no problem fornicating. I asked him about it and he said,"loca, I know I'm going to hell"

He did say if he met a girl who wanted to wait till marriage, he would wait.

Okay, I am actually having that problem right now. Being that I just got our of a relationship and will be entering another one, that is my main issue. And yes, I do feel conflicted many, many times. It is torture, especially after having "tasted" paradise, then to snatch it back.erplexed It's hard.

It was really hard for me in the beginning, but I feel so much better about myself and my relationship with Christ, that I KNOW that I deserve a LOT better than that. This is an excellent thread GG.

 

[chicacanella]

Yes, I know some Christians who have been in a shacking up, sleeping together, and going to church together situations. I personally have been in the position of having a man and sleeping with him while I was also trying to live righteously. It wasn't working. I felt terribly guilty and convicted everytime I finished the deed. I would just beat myself up about it. I personally discovered that I have sex issues---not saying I'm an addict or anything, but that I associate sex with closeness and love, and yada yada. So in an effort to "prove" my love, I was having sex, in spite of the fact that my guy knew I was really trying to change my life for the better and live for God. I think this is where being unevenly yoked can come into play. If one person is sincerely trying to stop having sex because they recognize it as a sin, but the other person is trying to make justification as to why it is not a sin, then you have two people unevenly yoked, and the one is bound to drag the other down.

I thought they said don't be unevenly yoked with unbelievers, that meaning he is not a Christian. but what if he is?

So, my question is how did you stop fornicating? People always say, "don't be alone, don't do this," blah, blah, blah. But really, how can you not be alone together. you are watching a movie over his house, you are alone. you cook dinner for him, you are alone. I don't get that stuff. Anytime, you go over his house or he comes over your home-you two will be alone.

So what did you do?

 

[jturner7156]

I thought they said don't be unevenly yoked with unbelievers, that meaning he is not a Christian. but what if he is?

So, my question is how did you stop fornicating? People always say, "don't be alone, don't do this," blah, blah, blah. But really, how can you not be alone together. you are watching a movie over his house, you are alone. you cook dinner for him, you are alone. I don't get that stuff. Anytime, you go over his house or he comes over your home-you two will be alone.

So what did you do?

I would say go out in public or have double dates when you are in the home especially if you are not strong enough.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I thought they said don't be unevenly yoked with unbelievers, that meaning he is not a Christian. but what if he is?

So, my question is how did you stop fornicating? People always say, "don't be alone, don't do this," blah, blah, blah. But really, how can you not be alone together. you are watching a movie over his house, you are alone. you cook dinner for him, you are alone. I don't get that stuff. Anytime, you go over his house or he comes over your home-you two will be alone.

So what did you do?

An unbeliever is anyone who does not accept the Word of God as absolute truth. It's not just sinners but backsliding Christians too. That's why it doesn't just say sinners.

The single women I know who fellowship do group activities and don't do the solo thing with men.

 

[metamorfhosis]

This link might be helpful to you:

http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?pageID=1&discussionID=541416&messages_per_page=4

 

[divya]

Pre-marital sex is a sin. There is no way of getting around that. That is something that I had to realize and have struggled with. It is, as Chellero mentioned, a sin like any other sin - meaning that there is no justification for it.

It is hypocritical if the person is constantly criticizing others for their sinful lifestyle, while living their own. It is one thing to call sin what it is, but another to come down on and look down about others when you also are not living right. Honestly, I do not believe that there is a day in any Christian's life that we should look down upon others for their sin - because "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Even as sincere Christians, we struggle with sins, and sometimes we sin without recognizing what we have done. So we ought to pray for and encourage others in the right path.

 

[apemay1969]

Honestly, my husband and I got married because we didn't want to have sex out of marriage. We were both single parents, we had been dating other people and we made a decision to get married and build a relationship.

We were blessed in that we were compatible sexually, spiritually and emotionally but if I had to do it over. I would have waited to marry.

 

[Ramya]

I know quite a few. Yes, sex is a sin like any other sin but it's one thing to sin on accident and another to sin on purpose. Sex does not "just happen". It can be avoided just like murder, stealing ect . I've heard all the reasons why one would "end up" having sex, especially if one is "in a relationship" but I don't buy any of it. I certainly had sex issues and to some I still do . I was addicted to sex plain and simple. Not so addicted that I was sleeping with any and everybody but addicted to the point where I was having sex 25 days out of the month. I had to first realize why pre-marital sex is wrong and then acknowledge that God knows better than I do. My flesh does NOT have the power to rule me. Boo and I spend time alone ONLY in public. We have never been alone at home. It takes strength, determination and a lot of prayer but it can be done. Christians have sex before marriage b/c they want to, plain and simple.

 

[ChelzBoo]

i personally was that person a couple months ago during my last relationship. i knew what i was doin was wrong, i just wasnt ready to give it up. i dont judge anybody's walk based upon the sins they commit considering we all sin in one form or another. sex is a sin just like lying. i try not to judge because at the end of the day we are all human and we're destined to **** up.

however, i prayed many times for god to help me in that area of my life and he showed me that sex without marriage is VERY EMPTY! it feels good for a time period but then its over and ur left with nothing. so ive been celibate for about 4 months and counting now because i understand the spiritual damage sex does to a person.

but i dont knock anybodys life or choices cus i was once there myself.

 

[ChelzBoo]

I know quite a few. Yes, sex is a sin like any other sin but it's one thing to sin on accident and another to sin on purpose. Sex does not "just happen". It can be avoided just like murder, stealing ect . I've heard all the reasons why one would "end up" having sex, especially if one is "in a relationship" but I don't buy any of it. I certainly had sex issues and to some I still do . I was addicted to sex plain and simple. Not so addicted that I was sleeping with any and everybody but addicted to the point where I was having sex 25 days out of the month. I had to first realize why pre-marital sex is wrong and then acknowledge that God knows better than I do. My flesh does NOT have the power to rule me. Boo and I spend time alone ONLY in public. We have never been alone at home. It takes strength, determination and a lot of prayer but it can be done. Christians have sex before marriage b/c they want to, plain and simple.

so very true. it is hard to not give into sumthen that u want to do but the lord will give us all the strength we need. my next boo is gone know off jump that aint nothen poppin off unless i got a ring on my finger...plain and simple. but i do feel alot free'er and more peaceful that ive eliminated that out of my life until the time is right

 

[Inches411]

working on getting my self out the same situation.. im not afraid to say it here cause none of you guys know me. I was good for three years straight and the devil saw that and came botherhing me again and i fell. At the time the devil came was good planning on his part i must say cause i was having trouble with my relationship with god. I felt empty and i was sad about life. So the devil i guess thought what a perfect opportunity to bring someone to "fulfill" me. I did fall but i can honesstly say im getting myself out of this situation. I like having a person around its a nice but actually sex itself doesnt do anything for me at all so its like why am i having sex if i dont like it. Im sinning and not getting anything out of it.. which is actually a good thing. I thank god for that cause if it was the opposite i would get my self in big trouble. I wont judge anyone at all cause alot of ppl may say its not that hard.. but i want to ask those have u ever been there cause its not easy.. not making any excuses is wrong for sure but we all have our weak points.. all i gotta say is dont stay there.. make an effort to do right and keep pressing on. God will see your desire to change and help you as long as you help your self.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I would admonish those of us who are struggling with sexual sins to guard your heart with all dilligence. Be careful of what you expose yourself to. That means if you're single don't listen to love songs and watch intimate scenes in movies and on tv. If you're trying to abstain, listening to and watching stuff that you COULD be doing is not going to help the situation at all. Also avoid fellowship with folks who are willfully fornicating. You need to be around strong saints, iron sharpens iron. Those are temptations that can be easily avoided.

Folks say that the fastest way to get from point A to point B is a straight line. Well the fastest way to get to get from your point A, your sin life, to your point B to God's will for your lives, where you want to be is the straight truth of God's Word. Our wills are the strongest thing on earth. The only thing that breaks it is the Word of God applied to our situations. If you want to stop sinning, apply what God says about it to your life by repeating/speaking the Word of God over it until you've conquered your flesh. Find and memorize every scripture that speaks against fornication/sexual sins and say it until it becomes a part of you. It's the quickest,easiest most efficient way to get out of our messes. Saying "I'm just not going to do so and so anymore" is not gonna cut it. You'll be prone to backslide. It's the Word of God, not ours, that's powerful and pulls down these sexual strongholds. Repeat the Word over your areas of weakness.

The devil becomes more subtle the stronger you become. Because he knows he can't pull just any old crap with you, he'll come at you with a "Christian" mate because he knows you'll know he's setting you up if he throws a sinner your way. Don't become so comfortable with someone that you let your guard down little by little and find yourself in a sinful relationship with him.

Be especially cautious when you find yourself becoming stronger in the Lord and have successfully become abstinate. That's when the test comes.

 

[PaperClip]

I would admonish those of us who are struggling with sexual sins to guard your heart with all dilligence. Be careful of what you expose yourself to. That means if you're single don't listen to love songs and watch intimate scenes in movies and on tv. If you're trying to abstain, listening to and watching stuff that you COULD be doing is not going to help the situation at all. Also avoid fellowship with folks who are willfully fornicating. You need to be around strong saints, iron sharpens iron. Those are temptations that can be easily avoided.

Folks say that the fastest way to get from point A to point B is a straight line. Well the fastest way to get to get from your point A, your sin life, to your point B to God's will for your lives, where you want to be is the straight truth of God's Word. Our wills are the strongest thing on earth. The only thing that breaks it is the Word of God applied to our situations. If you want to stop sinning, apply what God says about it to your life by repeating/speaking the Word of God over it until you've conquered your flesh. Find and memorize every scripture that speaks against fornication/sexual sins and say it until it becomes a part of you. It's the quickest,easiest most efficient way to get out of our messes. Saying "I'm just not going to do so and so anymore" is not gonna cut it. You'll be prone to backslide. It's the Word of God, not ours, that's powerful and pulls down these sexual strongholds. Repeat the Word over your areas of weakness.

The devil becomes more subtle the stronger you become. Because he knows he can't pull just any old crap with you, he'll come at you with a "Christian" mate because he knows you'll know he's setting you up if he throws a sinner your way. Don't become so comfortable with someone that you let your guard down little by little and find yourself in a sinful relationship with him.

Be especially cautious when you find yourself becoming stronger in the Lord and have successfully become abstinate. That's when the test comes.

Good word... good word.... truth.... 'cause I'm living it.... virgins struggle, too.

ETA: I knowingly speculate that the struggle on the virginal side is (slightly) easier....

 

[firecracker]

Now to talk about myself. I have had sex before regularly I was a "real" Christian. Real in the sense that I actually started to build a relationship with God and stopped playing Church.

I have had sex while I was a "real" Christian and I felt so empty and remorseful that it made me seek God even more fervently because of our relationship. I didn't even get anything from the sex act, that's how horrible it was. The whole time I kept justifying it and I realized later that I was angry at God for a lot of things. I'm not gonna get too deep here but we talked about it and we're working on my anger issues.

I'm not gonna sit here and play the struggle card because life is a struggle and I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's ok for Christians to have sex either. I think that if you don't repent and feel remorse for your actions and you try to justify them then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with God. I know that when I justified stuff I was not a "real" Christian and I knew it then and would tell you.

I can understand.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I would admonish those of us who are struggling with sexual sins to guard your heart with all dilligence. Be careful of what you expose yourself to. That means if you're single don't listen to love songs and watch intimate scenes in movies and on tv. If you're trying to abstain, listening to and watching stuff that you COULD be doing is not going to help the situation at all. Also avoid fellowship with folks who are willfully fornicating. You need to be around strong saints, iron sharpens iron. Those are temptations that can be easily avoided.

Folks say that the fastest way to get from point A to point B is a straight line. Well the fastest way to get to get from your point A, your sin life, to your point B to God's will for your lives, where you want to be is the straight truth of God's Word. Our wills are the strongest thing on earth. The only thing that breaks it is the Word of God applied to our situations. If you want to stop sinning, apply what God says about it to your life by repeating/speaking the Word of God over it until you've conquered your flesh. Find and memorize every scripture that speaks against fornication/sexual sins and say it until it becomes a part of you. It's the quickest,easiest most efficient way to get out of our messes. Saying "I'm just not going to do so and so anymore" is not gonna cut it. You'll be prone to backslide. It's the Word of God, not ours, that's powerful and pulls down these sexual strongholds. Repeat the Word over your areas of weakness.

The devil becomes more subtle the stronger you become. Because he knows he can't pull just any old crap with you, he'll come at you with a "Christian" mate because he knows you'll know he's setting you up if he throws a sinner your way. Don't become so comfortable with someone that you let your guard down little by little and find yourself in a sinful relationship with him.

Be especially cautious when you find yourself becoming stronger in the Lord and have successfully become abstinate. That's when the test comes.

Yes, this is true and I enjoy when I read your post Ms.Honey a lot of wisdom behind what you say. I feel that when a single woman has a heart truly for the Lord and have the word of the Lord in her heart God will place everything in the right place and the right time. If I am single and claiming my F.H. in the Name of Jesus and I must trust the Lord for him. When a "flake" comes on my path then I will have discerned his intentions towards me and move on. I just have a heart for the Lord at this point and I am celibate and very happy. My X/FH was not happy about this change! He had to bounce! I placed him the feet of the Lord. If the Lord's will is bring him back in my life right then I will discern this. If he comes back like a flake. Then I let him go!