Christian men in the club…

[Kinkyhairlady]

So I’m noticing a huge increase in folks around me who are getting married to people they met at the club. Now me I’ve never been one to club and probably have gone inside of a club a total of 5 times in my life. These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church. Now as a Christian I know it is wrong to go clubbing and be around pagans etc. but are us single ladies limiting ourselves? Are we hurting our chances because we only stay around church events where the men are usually there with their fiancés or wives they met outside of the church? I’m starting to believe I need to expand myself to other areas because attending church functions alone is not getting me anywhere. Am I the only one noticing this?

 

[LucieLoo12]

Um, I can only speak for me,


"These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church." This is a oxymoron. Christians in the club? Um no. Sorry. Its not so. Now you right they are probably on the same level if they are both in the club, but its nothing Chrisitan about it.

But I dont believe in the dating around thing. My method may be old fashioned to some and I would probably would get alot of side eyes


But I would never never never lower my standards to get a husband nor will I "hang out" at a place to find one either. The man God has for me, will come to me. I dont have to go looking. God got it.

And I dont care if all my members went and got there spouses in the club, wouldnt be me! Two cant walk together unless they agree and dont agree with that lifestyle

So I’m noticing a huge increase in folks around me who are getting married to people they met at the club. Now me I’ve never been one to club and probably have gone inside of a club a total of 5 times in my life. These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church. Now as a Christian I know it is wrong to go clubbing and be around pagans etc. but are us single ladies limiting ourselves? Are we hurting our chances because we only stay around church events where the men are usually there with their fiancés or wives they met outside of the church? I’m starting to believe I need to expand myself to other areas because attending church functions alone is not getting me anywhere. Am I the only one noticing this?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Um, I can only speak for me,


"These men are good educated, handsome successful Christian guys and they meet women who are on the same level as them at the club not church." This is a oxymoron. Christians in the club? Um no. Sorry. Its not so. Now you right they are probably on the same level if they are both in the club, but its nothing Chrisitan about it.

But I dont believe in the dating around thing. My method may be old fashioned to some and I would probably would get alot of side eyes


But I would never never never lower my standards to get a husband nor will I "hang out" at a place to find one either. The man God has for me, will come to me. I dont have to go looking. God got it.

And I dont care if all my members went and got there spouses in the club, wouldnt be me! Two cant walk together unless they agree and dont agree with that lifestyle

I know my comment sounds like a oxymoron but the way these men explained it to me is that they go out to listen to good music and have a nice time. In my culture many of the guys go to Haitian balls where a Haitian band comes and plays. Sometimes those things can be messy others classy but it just depends. I was brought up to stay away from those athmospheres but its like I am starting to want to test it out. I may hate it and never go back but I want to go see. I enjoy music and would not mind going to a jazz club or something, is that so bad? The older I get the more I'm thinking I really limited myself.

 

[Shinka]

Why does the club have to be bad and unholy? To me it's all about how you conduct yourself and the atmosphere.

People go to adult lounges/clubs to maybe dance and socialize or hear great music or comedy. It's not always to drink and "bump and grind." He or She could be celebrating with friends.

I think if you are open minded, then try it. Just be aware.

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[Renewed1]

Personally, if I met my "FH" at the club....I would REALLY question it, because I'm not a club person. (Although, I do like to shake my rump shaker!)

My thing is God knows his people and he knows what we can handle, question, etc.

Is it impossible for two GOOD Christians people to find each other in a club? No, of course not, sometimes people go to clubs for parties, because their friend asked, etc. I would be concern if these two people were always going to the "club".

But a one time chance meeting....I wouldn't question. It really depends on the perspective of the person.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Ok wait a minute....*looks to make sure I am in the Christian Forum*


So yall actually think its ok for Christians to go to clubs?

Club as in where actual alcohol,smoking,people dressing provactively, drunk people, lust and ungodly music.

Now I am speaking in regards to Christian people, that live a Christian life, not church goers.

This is shocking to me, it shouldnt be but it is...

He said we (christians) are not of the world, we are peculiar, and we should live godly and holy lifes before Him. Im sorry but True Christians dont go clubbing. A Christians mean someone who is "Christ Like", I cant imagine Christ in the club, Im sorry

 

[LucieLoo12]

The bible says everything we do should be for the glory of God. Now ask yourself this, is going to a club that plays secular music glorifying God?

Please dont take offense to what I am saying...Im not trying to come to you with a harsh spirit, I just really want you to see what God is requiring, and He is requiring a holy life, seperated and devoted to Him.

Your life isnt for you, but its for Christ, that He may be glorified.

I. I enjoy music and would not mind going to a jazz club or something, is that so bad? The older I get the more I'm thinking I really limited myself.

 

[aribell]

From my perspective, clubs and a lounges are different types of environments. I'm a lot more skeptical of clubs/clubbing.

I don't know anyone--Christian or not--who is married who goes clubbing or met their DH or FH in a club. So your experience is a new one to me.

As with anything, how much you want of the Lord is up to you. How much you want your relationship to be godly is up to you. If you go to a club, you'll get the kind of man who goes clubbing. He may have faith, but he also has some maturing to do. It's easy to show up on Sunday after having done whatever on Saturday night...so the fact that a person labels themselves Christian or goes to church even isn't necessarily going to be everything you're looking for.

ETA: In the op, I see only two options given--clubbing or church events. There are dozens of other options in how to socialize and have a good time. If all I did was go to church events, I'd probably go batty. I enjoy live music and wouldn't think anything of going to a jazz lounge or coffeehouse performances. And outside of live music, there are many other perfectly good ways to get out and meet people. You could be limiting yourself, but I don't think it has anything to do with not going to clubs.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.

 

[aribell]

I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.

I think with lounges it's more of a case by case type of thing. Every venue has it's own type of "spirit" to it, some clean, some unclean.

 

[Laela]

Oh my.... Lounge is a euphemism for "Club" depending on who says it.. lol. I hear of Christians, mainly older ones justifying going to the club by saying it's the "lounge" because of happy hour or the "rowdy crowd" isn't there yet. But see that's how Satan lies to us...how is it a different place simply beause of the time one goes? **scratching head** I know everyone's walk is different..so no condemnation from me. There even are Christians who have ministries in the club as well. I'm just saying... call it was it is and make no excuses or compromise. If God isn't being glorified, it's enemy territory.

I agree clubs are not the place to be as a Christian but a lounge is more like a social area where you can sit and relax no? I don't want to go to a lounge and it be a sin as well.

 

[Shimmie]

Ok wait a minute....*looks to make sure I am in the Christian Forum*



So yall actually think its ok for Christians to go to clubs?

Club as in where actual alcohol,smoking,people dressing provactively, drunk people, lust and ungodly music.

Now I am speaking in regards to Christian people, that live a Christian life, not church goers.

This is shocking to me, it shouldnt be but it is...

He said we (christians) are not of the world, we are peculiar, and we should live godly and holy lifes before Him. Im sorry but True Christians dont go clubbing. A Christians mean someone who is "Christ Like", I cant imagine Christ in the club, Im sorry

@ the bolded and the side eye....

I'm staying out of this one. That other thread whipped me and we have prayer tomorrow night. I need to get my 'holiness' back.

However, I with you all the way on this one Alicia...

You go girl ! ! !

 

[LucieLoo12]

lol Shimmie..


I was serious. . I really looked. I was thinking, I know Im not in OT...

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.

 

[Shinka]

Let me just clarify I don't belong to the do everything by the book sec. So you can take my post with whatever. I just saying there are different venues for "nightlife." a place where one may enjoy secular but nice music like neosoul or jazz may be an appropriate place to met someone.

If its not gospel, should one not go? There are plenty of things in this world that are made for us to appreciate and enjoy that doesn't fall under " of the devil". Art, good music, movies, books etc. that may have not outwardly focus on "glorifying God." I believe when people are using their talents for good, they are glorifying God.

When you buy a nice hair clip is it to glorify the Lord? What about if you read Essence magazine? Or go to School?

It sounds like OP just needs to explore various "appropriate" social settings- maybe with the mindset of meeting new people, not necessarily men. A man she meets at the club, bookstore or church should have the same vetting process anyway.

When she said club, I thought lounge because I highly doubt you can have a decent introductory conversation in a "club."

Just going to church and hoping your husband finds you is bad advice. Enjoy your life OP and who knows what may come your way.

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[LucieLoo12]

Op, the question wasnt foolish at all, and if I made you feel that way I do apologize. i am truly sorry. We are open up to all questions and discussions. It was the comments that kind of threw me off....

But my point is, I believe we should never have to go out and "post up" and wait for our future husband. Live your life as normal, go about your daily routine, but dont have the mindset "Im going to the bookstore, i may find my future husband there".

God said to trust Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding...and He will direct your paths. We dont have to "make" anything happen. God will do it and He is in control.

Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.

 

[LucieLoo12]

buying a hair clip, or going to school isnt ungodly either..So you can't compare that.


I'm just trying to get over this "go look for a husband " thing. It just sounds desperate and "thirsty". I can understand desiring and expecting it, but to actually go out and look for him??? I didn't do that when I wasnt saved.

The bible says who can FIND a virtous woman? When a man FINDS, a wife, he finds a good thing.

As women of God, we are treasure. We are to be sought out for, seeked out and looked for. We was never intended to be the purser. I guess this is that "new age" thing, I just dont agree with it.


Me personally, I only listen to Gospel music. Because yes it does glorify God. I can't find entertainment in things God hates.


Alot of our problems comes from us trying to put things in our own hands and not trusting God.

Let me just clarify I don't belong to the do everything by the book sec. So you can take my post with whatever. I just saying there are different venues for "nightlife." a place where one may enjoy secular but nice music like neosoul or jazz may be an appropriate place to met someone.

If its not gospel, should one not go? There are plenty of things in this world that are made for us to appreciate and enjoy that doesn't fall under " of the devil". Art, good music, movies, books etc. that may have not outwardly focus on "glorifying God." I believe when people are using their talents for good, they are glorifying God.

When you buy a nice hair clip is it to glorify the Lord? What about if you read Essence magazine? Or go to School?

It sounds like OP just needs to explore various "appropriate" social settings- maybe with the mindset of meeting new people, not necessarily men. A man she meets at the club, bookstore or church should have the same vetting process anyway.

When she said club, I thought lounge because I highly doubt you can have a decent introductory conversation in a "club."

Just going to church and hoping your husband finds you is bad advice. Enjoy your life OP and who knows what may come your way.

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[Shinka]

Op, the question wasnt foolish at all, and if I made you feel that way I do apologize. i am truly sorry. We are open up to all questions and discussions. It was the comments that kind of threw me off....

But my point is, I believe we should never have to go out and "post up" and wait for our future husband. Live your life as normal, go about your daily routine, but dont have the mindset "Im going to the bookstore, i may find my future husband there".

God said to trust Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding...and He will direct your paths. We dont have to "make" anything happen. God will do it and He is in control.

I very much agree with this. Live your life and explore your interest. I personally don't go to clubs anymore and hardly ever frequent lounges unless it's someone's occasion.

I read into the OP's inquiry as her asking for more ways to meet people other than church. I will say where ever you chose to socialize just be careful not to compromise your morals. While we can repent and will bounce back, we still have to live with the consequences of our actions. This is more a testimony than preachy advice.

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[Shinka]

alicia If you read my post, you will see that I was not encouraging her to go look for a husband.

I will not speak any further on the matter as I think we have the same mindset regarding the looking for a husband.and I see nothing to defend.

As far as people enjoying classical music, art, and the worldly things our God created or inspired people to create, I will just agree to disagree. Not everything of this earth is evil. Have many things been perverted or made for evil as in to tempt?yes.

I guess that's why we should pray for discernment and wisdom- to know the difference as we walk this walk. What tempts you may not tempt me.
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[Shimmie]

I'm trying...to keep quiet.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

you must be trying hard ...lol

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

I'm having my coffee break

 

[Shinka]

Shimmie
I am very interested in what you have to say. As the questions I posed were genuine and not to be facetious.

If its not done to glorify God than should we not do it. If I take a bath for my personal enjoyment and not with the mindset of honoring my temple is it wrong?

If I got to school to earn more money to take care of my family, not outwardly thinking to Glorifing God is it wrong?

If I buy the hair clip to adorn my hair, is it wrong?

I guess I just wonder if we are not necessarily doing things always with the conscious thought of Glorifying God is it sinful? I am not talking to the extremes if blantant sins like sex, drugs use, etc.

Where does the neutral everyday life things fall- the things we do out of free will.

I guess one could argue that out of your love God, your actions will always fall to please him. I just wonder how conscious is this act?

Or if the act of listening to music that doesn't necessarily praise God but is simply a string of notes for enjoyment wrong?

I am really curious on more experienced people's opinion, especially you Shimmie since you are a trained dancer. Some dominations believe we shouldn't dance at all.

Sorry to derail the thread OP, but I am really curious.

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[LucieLoo12]

When i was responding back to your post, I wasnt saying it towards you (except for the hair clips and school comment) I was speaking generally.

You right, we have to work out our own salvation. Thats why we must pray that God leads us into all truth. Agreed

@alicia If you read my post, you will see that I was not encouraging her to go look for a husband.

I will not speak any further on the matter as I think we have the same mindset regarding the looking for a husband.and I see nothing to defend.

As far as people enjoying classical music, art, and the worldly things our God created or inspired people to create, I will just agree to disagree. Not everything of this earth is evil. Have many things been perverted or made for evil as in to tempt?yes.

I guess that's why we should pray for discernment and wisdom- to know the difference as we walk this walk. What tempts you may not tempt me.
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[SummerSolstice]

Every "Christian" man I have met in a club or a bar has resulted in a train wreck relationship.

 

[LucieLoo12]

When I said earlier everything we do should glorify God I was talking about the things we engage ourselves in. Im not talking about taking baths and hair clips, or school. I am talking more on a spiritual level. Things we allow into our spirit, friends we have, company we keep, environments we may engage in.

Please dont take what I said and nit pick it apart. When I said that I referencing what OP said about the clubs..

@Shimmie
I am very interested in what you have to say. As the questions I posed were genuine and not to be facetious.

If its not done to glorify God than should we not do it. If I take a bath for my personal enjoyment and not with the mindset of honoring my temple is it wrong?

If I got to school to earn more money to take care of my family, not outwardly thinking to Glorifing God is it wrong?

If I buy the hair clip to adorn my hair, is it wrong?

I guess I just wonder if we are not necessarily doing things always with the conscious thought of Glorifying God is it sinful? I am not talking to the extremes if blantant sins like sex, drugs use, etc.

Where does the neutral everyday life things fall- the things we do out of free will.

I guess one could argue that out of your love God, your actions will always fall to please him. I just wonder how conscious is this act?

Or if the act of listening to music that doesn't necessarily praise God but is simply a string of notes for enjoyment wrong?

I am really curious on more experienced people's opinion, especially you Shimmie since you are a trained dancer. Some dominations believe we shouldn't dance at all.

Sorry to derail the thread OP, but I am really curious.

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[Shinka]

Alicialynn86

Thank you for clarifying and I am not trying to pick your post apart. Maybe I should have started a new thread as these are genuine questions.

I am just asking if the OP enjoys activities that are not part of the church life or consciously glorifies god but are for her enjoyment like frequenting a place where they play Haitian cultural music or jazz, should she not go? I guess in this case her intention or post was about finding a man-so I understand where everyone is coming from with that.

I was taking the question and framing it on a larger sense because it really should be about her living her life and doing activities she enjoy. However, if she is being advised that going to a jazz or Haitian lounge that may indeed play "appropriate" music, should she not go ( or anyone trying to live for God)? I gave other examples of things I am curious about because how can such a mentality apply to one and not others.

I also posed the question to Shimmie as I wasn't attempting to go back and forth with you. I am not being passive aggressive. Once again, thank you for clarifying.

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[Shimmie]

Though it is a foolish question in the Christian forum I'm sure this is a decision many battle with in their walk. I go to church, work and school. We have a marriage thread here and it's like how are we suppose to meet this future husband? Church certainly is not cutting it nor are the church functions.

It's not a foolish question. Not at all.

Maybe I'm just UE, but I've never felt like the 'club' scene was for me.

There are no many other places to meet men which are far more respectable.

I met my Sweetheart at work. (long story). But many women meet their husbands this way as well as museums, the library... I'm no kidding. Through charity activities. FOOTBALL games....

I'll try to come back later with some encouraging testimonies.

 

[LucieLoo12]

oke:

Shimmie

I'm trying...to keep quiet.

 

[aribell]

Oh my.... Lounge is a euphemism for "Club" depending on who says it.. lol. I hear of Christians, mainly older ones justifying going to the club by saying it's the "lounge" because of happy hour or the "rowdy crowd" isn't there yet. But see that's how Satan lies to us...how is it a different place simply beause of the time one goes? **scratching head** I know everyone's walk is different..so no condemnation from me. There even are Christians who have ministries in the club as well. I'm just saying... call it was it is and make no excuses or compromise. If God isn't being glorified, it's enemy territory.

This is different from my experience. The places I know as clubs are places with loud music, a crowded dance floor, drinks, etc. There's a specific atmosphere and way people dress to go there that is the same whenever it's open.

Other venues labelled "lounges" have been connected to a restaurant and are places where people sit and talk. Maybe music. Not generally dancing, nor drunkenness, even if there is alcohol served.

That's just my experience. People will probably have to judge based on what the environment is. Neither are my "scene" though, so maybe my perspective is too limited.