That's it. I am going to big chop.

Copied from my LHCF blog

That's it. I am going to big chop.

For the last nine months I have been transitioning from relaxed to natural. I have resisted doing a big chop because I wanted to have long, pressed hair at my brother's wedding next Spring....hair my family would approve of.

Well, those of you who are my FB friends know that my family has done nothing but give me grief since I arrived home for Christmas break. First, my Grandma was frowning up, saying she didn't like me "walking around looking bushy-headed" and suggesting I go to a Dominican salon. The next day, my father asked me when I was going to get my hair done and my brother informed me that I looked like Harriet Tubman. Today as I was preparing to return from break my Grandma told me over the phone that she was very concerned about my hair and wanted me to get it fixed. I told her I had it under control. Her response? "Well I will pray for you."

*blinks twice*

My dad also gave me one last parting dig on my way out the front door. ("I like your hair" followed by a fit of laughter.)

Now I am the first to admit that my transition hasn't been the smoothest and my hair HAS been looking a little rough...but not so much different from when I would just pull my relaxed hair back into a sloppy bun or ponytail.

At first I was thinking that I should just throw in the towel and get a relaxer. But then I thought about how far I have gone in terms of my transition, how I love the way my coily hair feels, and how potentially damaging going back to a relaxer could be. (No, I'm not on the all-relaxers-are-bad bandwagon. But I do have some thinning - balding, really - at my hairline and I know going back to relaxers will only exacerbate the situation.)

I am thinking that the time for trying to appease everyone else is over.

I am going to big chop.

I should have about an inch or two of natural hair so it won't a complete big chop. And yes I am scared . . . . Scared that I won't like it . . . . Scared that all of my worst fears, implanted by generations of self-hatred, will come to life . . . I will never look pretty, I will never find (and keep) a man, I will lose my job, blah, blah, blah. I am also afraid of doing something spiteful just because I am angry with my family. But clearly what I am doing now to appease them isn't working. So why not now? If I absolutely hate it I will just go get a weave.

But I hope I will like it. I think I will. I will have my big earrings and lipstick ready in case another fear comes true and I look like a boy.

I have scheduled a consultation with a natural salon tomorrow. I plan to have done the deed before the year is out.

I say go for it!
Get some hair candy and some gel and you'll be good to go....
It will always be scary deciding to chop, even if your hair is longer.

Post some pics when you are done sweetheart

I absolutely will. Thanks for the support...you're right...it will always be scary.

@Glib Gurl, OK, when you say 1 inch or 2 of natural hair, do you mean shrunken or is that the stretched length? Coz what you see when you have relaxed hair attached is partly stretched so it may look shorter than you thought. Not trying to scare you. Just preparing you so you are not disappointed if it's shorter than you think. But whatever the case, there are so many styling ideas on this forum for any length that you'll be well covered whatever it turns out to be.

Good luck to you & what you think is all that matters when it comes to your hair. BC when your natural hair is down yo back honey child they gone be drooling & wished they would have never doubted you on your decision & whats best for you. Again good luck & please post pics!

Do it!!!!! I just bc'd on monday for like the fourth time, I just woke up and cut it all off and I have a border line fade right now lol but I say just go for it no matter the current length because your hair is always going to grow!!

No Matter Of You're Relaxed, Natural, or Texturized We Are All Beautiful Black Women...And It Doesn't Get Any Better Than That!

DO IT DO IT DO IT

I think you should give it some time, in order to be sure you are not doing it to rebel againt your family.

If your transition is not giving you too much grief, I think it is beneficial to continue as long as you can. Especially, if you are not mentally prepared to have short kinky ( I'm assuming) hair...and also if you think that you'll just end up weaving it away and not actually get to know your hair.

Good for you!!! I never had a relaxer but I did my first Big Chop after my sophomore year of college (many moons ago) because I had had "long" hair all my life and I was tired of the importance other people had placed on ME having hair. I intended to get a short curly bob and ended up with hair that was about 2 inches long (stretched). After I got over that shock I loved it and ended up chopping off the rest of it (I was a millimeter shy of being bald). It was one of the most liberating things I have done in my adult life. And the most interesting part was that all the people who had placed so much stock in MY hair, who told me I was crazy to cut my hair and that I would be much less attractive loved it. Sometimes you gotta do what is best for you. When you do, others will get on board

Aw, Glib Sorry you have to go through all of that. I'm sure you'll look great!

Well actually, you're not really "appeasing" them anyway since you won't relax it. So, I say go for it if it will make you feel better. From what you've stated about the thinning and balding around the hairline it sounds like a BC may turn out to be healthier for your hair. Anyway, just make sure you "appease" you! That's what matters.

I've got your back, @glibgirl

You can do it!!! And you may be pleasantly surprised...

Nonie said:

@Glib Gurl, OK, when you say 1 inch or 2 of natural hair, do you mean shrunken or is that the stretched length? Coz what you see when you have relaxed hair attached is partly stretched so it may look shorter than you thought. Not trying to scare you. Just preparing you so you are not disappointed if it's shorter than you think. But whatever the case, there are so many styling ideas on this forum for any length that you'll be well covered whatever it turns out to be.

Click to expand...

No that is a good point to consider. Thanks Nonie!

Theresamonet said:

I think you should give it some time, in order to be sure you are not doing it to rebel againt your family.

If your transition is not giving you too much grief, I think it is beneficial to continue as long as you can. Especially, if you are not mentally prepared to have short kinky ( I'm assuming) hair...and also if you think that you'll just end up weaving it away and not actually get to know your hair.

Click to expand...

Yeah, now that I'm a little calmer, I'm thinking that I don't want to upset my family. (Isn't it a shame - that this would be so massively upsetting?) I mean, it will give my grandma a near heart attack when she sees me at the bridal shower next month. Just the same, I've got to do me, you know?

Thanks everyone for all of your input and advice - I really, truly appreciate it.

Do it! Go for it! I have noticed that my hair grows faster since it is natural. Your family is hilarious- this sounds like my dad.

YOUR feelings are MORE important than anyone elses.

Be sure you are ready. If you want to BC with longer hair, then wait. No shame in that. But if you feel in your heart you are truly ready, then go for it! I was glad that I BC'd at 8 mo post, but wished my hair was longer. It's taken me 1.5 years to get to a length I'm truly comfy with, but I have to admit I've had fun learning my hair along the way.

Blessings to you!! Post pics!

Glib Gurl, I laughed and shook my head at the same time when I read your post. To this day my brother teases me when I wear my fro out - and I've been natural for a long time. Family can be unintentionally trife, but they do love you.

I chopped off all my hair in 2009. I had never done the big chop and I wanted to see what I would look like. testimony777 said was so right, for me anyway: that big chop was probably the most liberating thing I've ever done in my adult life. For a few fleeting hours, I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I didn't ascribe any importance to having long hair and its associations with feminity. I didn't worry about getting and keeping a man. It was wonderful.

I was fortunate in that I received very encouraging feedback from others on how I looked, but I didn't know that that was going to happen. You never know what will happen. Like you already said, it will always be scary, whether you have 2" or 10" of natural hair, because it's always scary to let go of things that we've held onto for a long time.

Having said that, I totally agree with Theresamonet. I think that you should continue to think about it - shoot, even pray on it! - before you decide to big chop. It does kind of seem like you're doing it out of anger toward your family. Whatever you decide, it will be okay. Just wanted to share my own experience.

Thanks ladies. I've been doing some research for good styles to shoot for . . . now just doing some research on what I can do after the bc. Will definitely share pics and keep you all posted.

Are you a slow grower? How are you anticipating 1" of natural hair if you transitioned for 9 months? Maybe I'll go re-read the op.

Actually I have no idea . . . I figure it's safer for my ego if I anticipate less hair . . . lol!

Glibby you got this!!! I think you will look beautiful natural!!

It usually happens like this.

Family- immediate are always the ones talking stuff initially. They will show shock & negativity.
Once they see your hair, then they get curious. How does your hair do that.
They get used to you in the style and accept even though they don't care for it.
They start to like it
They wonder how yor hair is growing so fast and looking so thick and healthy
They remember when they used to have thick healthy hair.
fast forward a couple of years. Their eyes pop out when they see how long your hair has grown

They complement you often on your hair in natural and straight styles.

At least that's my prediction.............


ETA like others have said don't chop in a rash fit of anger, but I still say when you are truly ready you will know.

Double ETA: You may want to wait until after the shower or plan to have you hair "did" to avoid drama......

Did you do it yet?

Most family comes around sooner or later. I transitioned for 7 months and chopped back in 2008. I'd had short hair before so that wasn't a big deal, but it being curly clearly was.

I came home for Christmas one year and my hair was blown out. I hadn't had a chance to twist it yet. My mother was apoplectic and my grandmother just kept saying "no no no. Not like that. I just want your hair to be pretty." I twisted it before I saw her (XMas is her birthday, no reason to upset grandma on her birthday) When it was curly she'd say "when are you going to get your hair done? Is this really how you wear it every day?" Last year I straightened it (just for her benefit) and she kept commenting on how pretty it was like that . This year it was in twists, and for the first time she told me how pretty it was and how much it had grown . Took almost 4 years, but it happened!

Do what makes you feel right! If that means chopping, then do the d@mn thing. If you decide to wait, no harm in that either. And as you said, if worse comes to worst, you can always get a weave for brother's wedding. Good luck either way!!

Glib you'll be beautiful whenever you chop. Your hair doesn't effect that, you're beatiful from within and your natural hair can't do anything but enhance that.

Your family will come around but you can't delay your actions (or rush them) because of what they say/do. You have to do what's best for you when it's best to do it.

....don't forget those pics

Get it girl! Rock your TWA! Don't let your family's issues with themselves get you down.