Over the years I have been trying to develop spiritual maturity in prayer. By this, I mean when I pray I try not to ask God to give me what I want, but for him to fulfill what he expects of me in this life.
It is harder than it seems because some days I feel like I just beg God like a relentless teenager.
I also wonder about how to pray about tragedy. In 1998 my mother and uncle survived the bombing of the E.A. american embassies and I remember thanking God for keeping them safe. Then I got myself thinking - by praying that, am I saying that God did not keep the others safe? To which I say, well it was their time to go. Then the question became, when I pray about tragedy, should I thank God for "sparing" me or should I pray and ask God what goals he has for me that I have not yet achieved and hence that is why I am still here?
I know I sound a bit silly, but what do you think ladies? I would appreciate your take on this.
Well spiritual maturity in prayer comes with time. Instead of looking to develop it, let God develop it in you. There is not a formula, necessarily, that will bring it about. It seems like you are definitely on the right path by recognizing that there is different prayers. You are already moving away from selfish prayers(which I am not downing because they are human nature and I am human myself). But you recognize that in your prayer life, there needs to be a focus outside of yourself and your sphere of relationships. Sounds to me like you are developing the gift of intercession, which is to pray on behalf of others and have the faith to believe in the power of God on the behalf of other people.
You are also on the right track by asking not only that God "give" you what you want, but that he help you to "submit" to his will in all things and situations. That is powerful, because while submitting can be hard for us to do, it takes a faithful, God loving, God trusting person to be able to truly submit to God's will, even in the face of situations that seem paradoxical. Like when the E.A. was bombed. There were some lives lost and some lives saved, but God had his hand on the situation the whole time.
This is an area that can get sort of gray when you are building your maturity and faith. Some questions can't be answered. At least not by us. God only knows why some people suffer and some people prosper in situations like that. Be grateful that your family was spared and continue to pray that the souls of those that were lost had the opportunity to know and accept Jesus. That is all you can do. I've heard a pastor say at a funeral that he wasn't going to preach anyone into Heaven and that it was between that person and God, but that he would prayerfully hope that that person was with Jesus. Same situation here. You can't pray situations into God's will, but you can submit yourself into God's will and be an example so that other people want to follow you and thus, follow the Lord.
Keep track of your prayers with a prayer journal---I don't do this out of laziness, but I know it is a great practice. Once you begin to do that, you can see when, how, where and under what circumstances you are moved to pray and you can track how, when, where and under what circumstanced God moves on those prayers. All that information can be added to your testimony so that other people can see what happens when you let God have his way.
Once you learn to fully submit your prayer life to God's will, you will become more bold in asking for things based upon his will because you know that he only wants the best for you. It is ok to ask God for things, because when you ask for things that line up with his will, he has no problem releasing those things to you. The problem comes when we ask for things that have nothing to do with God's will for our lives. When we stray into the areas of greed and self-serving prayers is when prayers seem to go unanswered. I say that they "seem" to go unanswered because we ask for things that are self-serving and we don't recognize when we get them, because they aren't in line with God and therefore are oftentimes riddled with confusion, sinful situations and we think that God is in the wrong because he didn't give us what we asked for, when in fact he did. example: a lot of women, myself included, have prayed to God for a man to come into our lives and love us, respect, etc. . .blah blah blah. Well, when we don't ask God to prepare us first, and ask God not to just send any man but to send the man that he made us fore, then we end up in relationships that seem heaven sent, but turn out to be . . .
. And we get mad at God becaue our new guy has us lusting all the time, sinning, drinking, partying, abusing us, cheating or what have you. If you keep a prayer journal, you can become more aware of when God gives you what you ask for, whether it is for you, or for someone else, and whether he blessed you with what you asked for for your own will or whether he blessed you with what he had for you in his will.
. 
