How to DEAL with this GOD's way...???

[femmedusiecle]

I really need help. I've been praying and praying about this matter.

Because of an extreme amount of family disturbances and drama, I made the decision not to invite 2 of my aunts (my mom's sisters) to my wedding for the sake of PEACE; also, I don't want them reporting my wedding day to other family members...ya know, gossiping. So, one of my cousins (a daughter of one of the aunts who is not invited) told me that her mom is so mad and talking about me like hell to the other aunt, saying that no matter what they should get an invitation bc we're family. This, of course, upsets me but I stand my ground.

Yesterday, the same cousin told me her brother AND mom as well as the other aunt/aunts are now talking about my family members, my wedding; saying that he's going to bring his mom just to get back at me....?!??!

I INVITED her brother, this cousin of mine, because I thought we were fine! Granted, I haven't spoken to him since '07 when we were at another fam member's wedding, but...I've never had probs with him. Now that I know what he's doing I REALLY don't want him there.

He's already received my invitation, however, I want to un-invite him. If he shows up, I'll just have someone kick him out lol! Seriously guys, I need your advice.
I thought about writing a sweet, direct letter with a hint of sarcasm:
Dear ******,
How've you been?? I'm so excited about my big day that's around the corner! So excited, in fact, that I didn't realize I exceeded the max number of guests I can have at my venue by five! So, unfortunately, as crazy as this may be, I have to recant my invitation. I figured, family members who I'm not really close to or close friends whom I've known for years. It's tough because you ARE my cousin whom I admire and want to share the very special day with, which is why I invited you in the first place. No hard feelings, ok? If you did the same to me, I'd understand and respect your decision because there is ALWAYS a reason behind something.

Sincerely,
********

LOL....help

 

[aribell]

I don't vote for the UN-invite.

I think that you should address the issues straight on without sarcasm. I'm not sure how you approached not inviting the particular aunts, but that might warrant an actual conversation with them, at least explaining that it's very important to you to keep the peace.

What you could do with the cousin is tell him that the whole situation is a sensitive one and that it's really important to you to have people at the wedding who are supporting you and that *if* he wants to celebrate with you then he is welcome, but that his invitation extends to him alone and no one else will be admitted. But if you feel that he is going to start stuff anyway, then maybe uninviting him is best. I think you should come right out and say what it is though, without any pretense of niceness or what-have-you.

 

[femmedusiecle]

Very true. In my family, there's no constructive confrontation; only verbal violence. There's pretense and facades. No one deals with anything and everyone talks behind closed doors. Maybe I should step up and start speaking honestly without the pretense, as you mentioned.

Thank you.

 

[Shimmie]

It's YOUR Wedding. It is not a stage for drama and confusion.

The purpose of any wedding guest is not for the sake of their relationship but for those who are there to support and are in 'agreement' with the Covenant that is taking place between you and your future husband. No other reason.

The letter should be direct and without malice.

Simply put...

Dear ............. :

It sorrows me when family members are not at peace with one another and you are well aware that this is a time in our family where the peace of God is not flowing on one accord.

It sorrows me even more, that because of the unrest and tension in our family, that I am unable to share the joy of my wedding day with you.

Therefore (Person's Name) ________, I am asking that you not attend my wedding and the celebration afterward, nor attempt to disrespect my wishes.

Please know that this decision does not say that I do not love you or respect you; as you will always be in my heart and prayers as my family.

In time, our family will heal as we allow it to heal with God's love prevailing.

I simply want peace on my wedding day and this is the only way that it will happen.

Loving you always,


________________

 

[Shimmie]

femmedusiecle, first I want to share how sorry I am that this happening to you. I am also sad that your family is having these issues.

In time, things will heal with the love of God and prayer. For God has indeed ordained peace for us. That's His Word... sealed forever.

For your wedding guests who are invited:

Make a list... Alphabetically.

You can do this in 'Word' in a table format which will allow you to sort the names alphabetically as new names are added or the list is edited.

Make a separate list of those members UN-invited.

They may be able to 'slip' by in the Church, however at your reception, there should be a list at the front with an assigned hostess to check off each guest as they arrive. You can have two lists with two hostesses.

Have a separate list of those UN-invited so that if they arrive they will be politely asked to wait until you confirm them as guests. Have one of your family members who KNOWS the UN-invited guests, in charge of making sure that your wishes are carried out.

They do not have to make a scene nor do they have to be obvious. If necessary, have a uniformed guard there to make sure peace remains in order.

I wish you a beautiful and happy wedding day and lifelong marriage, in Jesus' Name. :Rose:

 

[femmedusiecle]

You guys, thank you so much. I've been praying really hard about this. I've told God to take this matter from me and deal with it because I can't. I've asked him to help remove these emotions from my life as they're unhealthy. I've told him that I can't handle this alone and I need him to take this matter and just handle it the way it should be handled. I've prayed for him to bless my family and remove this evil that's forever lurking. I've BEGGED God for patience to wait on Him to tell me what to do...it's so hard. I know this is a test of faith. I'm trying so hard to let go and let God. I will continue praying and having faith.
I'm so happy that you guys have responded. Thank you so so so so much.

 

[Laela]

OP, I pray you have a joyous wedding day... IMHO, only the people who support a couple's union and have their happiness at heart can truly enjoy a wedding. All else there will show themselves at some point during the event. I'm glad to read you've taken it all to God in prayer, to ask Him to bless your family. That says a lot.