Help from my christian ladies on dating..

[LifeafterLHCF]

Before I get too deep in this thread I'm looking for suggestions that are doable..

I have been dateless for 4 years.I desire to date again but I feel like I can't let me guard down.Maybe it's my issue of being taking advantage of and I don't want my heart shattered again.It's quite scary to be open with people esp men...I read about some of you ladies who have men who love you and you ladies come in all shades and shapes..You ladies are getting married and your men aren't embarassed to show you off and show he cares by doing a actual wedding..

Any pointers from ladies who are either married or have been in long term relationship and marriage is in the horizon please respond.How did you get over any fears or what you did to put yourself out there to date properly..Im going to art mususm jazz night in 2 weeks so pointers are much needed.

 

[ms.mimi]

In order to date properly you have to be comfortable and secure with yourself. Then comfortable with others. It's ok to be guarded with men, that's just you protecting yourself. falling too quickly isn't wise. And giving you heart to the wrong man hurts.
A date is just spending time with the other person ...kinda like checking them out. So be friendly, enjoy yourself, have a good time but I think it's totally normally to guard your heart if you really don't know the person (in terms of a personal relationship)
Have a great time and let me know how it went. I'm sure if you relax and remember this person is your brother, you'll have a wonderful time.

 

[sidney]

I'm not married, but I think I can help.

1st: Be the person that you want to date. Successful, confident, good hygiene, nice personal style, kind, service-oriented, friendly

2nd: I am not guarded per say, but the bible says "guard your heart." So, until we enter into a courtship we are mostly going to interact as friends. I will not play "helpmeet" with anyone. When guys show interest, I always ask God to reveal their character and this is a prayer that has never failed to deliver on. I can think of atleast 4 instances when Gold told me "no" about certain guys. But I think even women's intuition can help you weed these guys out if you look for the red flags. God has brought someone into my life now so I'm looking to see where this goes. All the "good fruit" are there. The godly character is undeniable and there are no red flags.

You don't needed to be guarded. Be kind and a warm person and people will be attracted to you. God will show you who is worthy to date his daughter if you are tuned in.

 

[sidney]

In order to date properly you have to be comfortable and secure with yourself. Then comfortable with others. It's ok to be guarded with men, that's just you protecting yourself. falling too quickly isn't wise. And giving you heart to the wrong man hurts.
A date is just spending time with the other person ...kinda like checking them out. So be friendly, enjoy yourself, have a good time but I think it's totally normally to guard your heart if you really don't know the person (in terms of a personal relationship)
Have a great time and let me know how it went. I'm sure if you relax and remember this person is your brother, you'll have a wonderful time.

I agree, don't just give your heart away, just try getting to know eachother. But, don't put up an obvious brick wall between you in the guy. And please dont tell him about all your past hurts, etc. It will just scare him off. Just be the warm person that you are. Men are attracted to warm women.

 

[Mis007]

Ladies - NO DATING - Dating Leaves You Wet, Wanting and Broken!- Sisters please - for your sake - do not fall prey to the enemies tactics. It is his full intent to have you all out there speed dating, engaging in spiritually unlawful relationships and the like - so that he can harm and damage you. God is not ignorant to your age, times, or seasons. He knows the very hairs on your head - so obviously - he also knows that you are waiting on Him to send you a husband who glorifies his Name.

Just be careful Op ...

 

[Bunny77]

Ladies - NO DATING - Dating Leaves You Wet, Wanting and Broken!- Sisters please - for your sake - do not fall prey to the enemies tactics. It is his full intent to have you all out there speed dating, engaging in spiritually unlawful relationships and the like - so that he can harm and damage you. God is not ignorant to your age, times, or seasons. He knows the very hairs on your head - so obviously - he also knows that you are waiting on Him to send you a husband who glorifies his Name.

Just be careful Op ...

I disagree with this.

If one doesn't want to date, that is their choice, but there is nothing spritually wrong with dating... the problem is when we adapt the world's definition of dating.

But there is nothing wrong with going out for coffee or a meal with a man so that you can get to know each other. If one doesn't want to go out alone, you can do so in groups.

Dating does not automatically equal premarital sex.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Thank you ladies..I guess Im not the typical christian woman who is meek and mild..Im very in your face and hard..at times I can be very vocal..I have learned from watching a lady on youtube that says don't talk about your past at all only the good things..and if a guy ask what happened in past relationships just say you two had different goals and you left amicable..

I want to able to be like normal women who have alot of men chasing them and are very strong sexually and can be submissive and allow a dude to lead..I also have to get over my thought that a guy must only want me for certain things..like at times I feel like a second class citizen compared to other women who look more traditional

I know dating isnt a sin..if anything the devil wants us to live in this boxed in law..however I know that date doesn't end with sex..it ends with a hand shack and if you have gotten to know him maybe a peck on the cheek

 

[Bunny77]

Thank you ladies..I guess Im not the typical christian woman who is meek and mild..Im very in your face and hard..at times I can be very vocal..I have learned from watching a lady on youtube that says don't talk about your past at all only the good things..and if a guy ask what happened in past relationships just say you two had different goals and you left amicable..

I want to able to be like normal women who have alot of men chasing them and are very strong sexually and can be submissive and allow a dude to lead..I also have to get over my thought that a guy must only want me for certain things..like at times I feel like a second class citizen compared to other women who look more traditional

I know dating isnt a sin..if anything the devil wants us to live in this boxed in law..however I know that date doesn't end with sex..it ends with a hand shack and if you have gotten to know him maybe a peck on the cheek

Here's the thing I've learned about a man leading...

If a man is truly fulfilling his role as a man, it will be easy to "submit." A woman should never submit unless a man has shown that he is capable of being a leader and a head of household. He is not deserving of submission just because he is a man.

But... that's a LONG way down the road though. Girlfriends shouldn't be submitting to boyfriends... it's wives submitting to husbands and ONLY after the man has shown through his actions why a wife should submit.

Right now, I think the best option for you is to do what's been suggested about just taking the time to get to know men as friends. Even if you go on a date, you aren't spending every single date trying to be a girlfriend or wife... you are just interacting with him like a brother. If he is interested in pursuing you, he will show it through his consistent action.

So just focus on the basic stuff first, which is meeting men, talking to them and just getting to know them on a friendly level.

(And you don't need tons of men chasing you. At the end of the day, you are only going to end up with one man anyway, so don't worry about numbers. Worry about quality.)

 

[aribell]

(And you don't need tons of men chasing you. At the end of the day, you are only going to end up with one man anyway, so don't worry about numbers. Worry about quality.)

This is true. Thinking about the numbers alone and just looking to be pursued can lead to entertaining people that are just wasting your time in the long run. And as a Christian woman, most of them will be wasting your time...imo. So, just be sharply focused on what you're looking for and what your dealbreakers are and go from there.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Here's the thing I've learned about a man leading...

If a man is truly fulfilling his role as a man, it will be easy to "submit." A woman should never submit unless a man has shown that he is capable of being a leader and a head of household. He is not deserving of submission just because he is a man.

But... that's a LONG way down the road though. Girlfriends shouldn't be submitting to boyfriends... it's wives submitting to husbands and ONLY after the man has shown through his actions why a wife should submit.

Right now, I think the best option for you is to do what's been suggested about just taking the time to get to know men as friends. Even if you go on a date, you aren't spending every single date trying to be a girlfriend or wife... you are just interacting with him like a brother. If he is interested in pursuing you, he will show it through his consistent action.

So just focus on the basic stuff first, which is meeting men, talking to them and just getting to know them on a friendly level.

(And you don't need tons of men chasing you. At the end of the day, you are only going to end up with one man anyway, so don't worry about numbers. Worry about quality.)

Thank you for this insight..meeting men is going to be hard for me because I'm such the introvert and can be a loner quite easily..I think bc Im going to the art museum with co-workers it may make it easier for me to talk since I would have somewhat of a safety net

 

[HoneyA]

I am now dating again. I really believe that God has heard my prayer to send me the husband He has selected. I talk to God about the few guys that have crossed my path and I ask him to reveal what needs to be revealed even though they seem like quality guys. My advice for you and this worked for me so far: pray about your dates before you go on them, go on your dates, chill have a good time and be yourself, get to know about the other person, pray about your dates after you get home and ask God to grant you the discernment you need and reveal what needs to be revealed about this person. Accept that when God says no, it is no....but that just means He has someone else in mind .

I had a wonderful date on Saturday. As soon as I got home I started to pray because I want to hear from God on it and see where He takes it if He takes it anywhere. In my experience God speaks very clearly and I like that because it saves heartache. I'm expecting my answer very soon

Include God as a confidante and advisor in your dating and you'll be alright. Just make sure you listen and obey when He speaks.

 

[Crown]

Why not just talk, with no particular interest as you would talk with a teen or an elder?
I am saying this with love : it's better to let God do the healing part first. If God wants to give you more at the same time, He will.