Advice from former naturals who have recently gone back 2 relaxers

[nakialovesshoes]

Okay b4 I respond I have something really funny 2 tell u ladies. How about the organizer of my group of naturals that I mentioned in my original post called me & said she heard I was thinking about relaxing. I was dumbfounded for a minute b/c u ladies were the only people I mentioned it 2 & I thought none of our group participated on LHCF. Well... it seems one of our members is a lurker on here. She didn't tell me who so I still don't know but whoever you are, lurker - front & center.

Now see, I like you Nakia. In all of my 6 years being on this board, I can't remember coming across a great question like this.

I like the vibe of this thread... even from the naturals. I'm not referring to anyone on this board when I say this (and I do mean that) but, adding to what others have said, don't feel like you're "lye"ing to yourself by getting a relaxer. I told one natural person at my job I was considering transitioning and she darn near wanted to throw me a party! She kept saying, you're finally going to be free!

I had to let her know that: 1) I was never bound and 2) my freedom is not contingent upon the chemical status of my hair... that's just dumb (in my opinion). Get that excited because I better myself or make accomplishments in my life or something... not because I was thinking about changing my hair!

Whatever you decide it's like this: If you stay natural, I respect you (as I do everyone who transitions or chops) because you're putting in the time and doing what I just simply can not do! I wish I could transition but I just can't do it. If you relax, then you're still alright with me.

Thanks so much 4 this. It's like u're reading my mind & saying the words that I just didn't say. I won't call any names but this natural or die mentality is why I didn't join another forum. I don't think that one's decision to relax has anything to do with their "blackness" & I'm not relaxing b/c I wish to be more European/white or hate anything about being black.

 

[RedVelvet310]

How about becoming a pressed sistah? Lol..I know I mention this in every thread where naturals are looking for straight hair more often. But, if you want to avoid the chemicals, and the relaxed hair breaking from the nappy hair etc..drama. Than pressing could be your best friend.

Good luck with your journey.

I'm gonna co-sign with that. I think that is something I'm planning on doing when my hair does become the length I desire. I will most likely become a permanently pressed natural. I feel your pain about the hair topic (I cursed my hair this morning... it was taking waaay to long to do.. so now I'm rocking the Ceiley Braids right now), I love the hair THICKNESS... but the kinkiness is just too much at times. I never want to relax again... the really do think it was relaxers that were the death of black hair. So I'm going to start pressing weekly once I get my hair to the desired length. Tell us how it goes for you okay! FEEL BETTER *hugz&kissez* xoxoxo

ETA: Question, have you considered getting regular presses either yourself or at a salon? Instead of getting a relaxer?

 

[diamoness]

You know what? I have been thinking about relaxing after a tragic detagling incident last weekend. I thought about it all day and all night. I even dreamed that I got a relaxer. In the dream, I was happy....my hair still looked healthy, long and thick. This of course didn't help me decide against relaxing... But, that risk right now would be too much for me. Relaxers where always harsh for me. My hair is the longer and thicker and healthier now than I or any of my friends or family members thought possible. Plus, I like to have that "exotic" look with kinky hair sometimes. Anyway, you have my respect for being honest about it and this board will help you come up with a winning regime for your relaxed hair.

 

[SparklingFlame]

Okay b4 I respond I have something really funny 2 tell u ladies. How about the organizer of my group of naturals that I mentioned in my original post called me & said she heard I was thinking about relaxing. I was dumbfounded for a minute b/c u ladies were the only people I mentioned it 2 & I thought none of our group participated on LHCF. Well... it seems one of our members is a lurker on here. She didn't tell me who so I still don't know but whoever you are, lurker - front & center.

Now thats funny!! BUSTED!!!!

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I can understand wanting a break from the extra work of natural hair. That's why I love my lace fronts...I feel I have the best of both worlds

It sounds like a good plan...going back to your hair dresser in SC. This might sound funny but I'm going to get my hair colored in Los Angeles and I live in Atlanta.... good hair dressers are hard to find! That will give me an excuse to visit my family more often!

 

[beebstt]

what has helped me is making a list of all the pro and cons of natural vs relaxed hair. at the end, whichever list is longer and whichever speaks more to your heart and to your life and to you wins out!

 

[nakialovesshoes]

I'm gonna co-sign with that. I think that is something I'm planning on doing when my hair does become the length I desire. I will most likely become a permanently pressed natural. I feel your pain about the hair topic (I cursed my hair this morning... it was taking waaay to long to do.. so now I'm rocking the Ceiley Braids right now), I love the hair THICKNESS... but the kinkiness is just too much at times. I never want to relax again... the really do think it was relaxers that were the death of black hair. So I'm going to start pressing weekly once I get my hair to the desired length. Tell us how it goes for you okay! FEEL BETTER *hugz&kissez* xoxoxo

ETA: Question, have you considered getting regular presses either yourself or at a salon? Instead of getting a relaxer?

I was getting regular presses b4 I went on a personal weave challenge. Sometimes my press didn't even last all of the way home. If my hair smells water, it'll frizz.

I can understand wanting a break from the extra work of natural hair. That's why I love my lace fronts...I feel I have the best of both worlds

It sounds like a good plan...going back to your hair dresser in SC. This might sound funny but I'm going to get my hair colored in Los Angeles and I live in Atlanta.... good hair dressers are hard to find! That will give me an excuse to visit my family more often!

I've decided that b4 I start the trips 2 SC, I'll try out straight hair w/the BKT 1st. If I can get results like some of the ladies on here, then I may go with it vs. a relaxer. @ least the BKT isn't permanent & if I ever wanted 2 rock my natural hair, that would still be an option - yeah, right.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

Natural hair is beautiful, but natural hair care is not for everyone.

Bravo! Well said It bothers me when people say natural hair isn't for everyone. How can it not be for you when that's how it grows out of your head?

The above quote is so true though. I don't mind the hours of time it takes to do my hair - simply because I love playing in my hair. I put some Golden Girls or Perfect Strangers on (yes, I own the dvd's) and take my time styling.

Some people don't have the time for all that, but it's therapeutic for me. Do what makes you the happiest. What's the point of having natural hair if you can't enjoy it? Don't let it drive you bonkers.

 

[ImFree27]

Maybe its the weather. Every winter I hate my natural hair, because it just doesnt work for me. So I just keep it in a bun. You should try straighten it for awhile first to see if you still want to relax. You can heat train your hair, it maybe a healthier alternative....

 

[Mystic]

Love your honesty! It's so refreshing~

If relaxed hair is what you seek, be happy with your decision - there are so MANY healthy relaxed strands around. You've got ONLY one life to live so make the most of it!.

Adopt a good regime, and you will be well on your way. My only advice to maintain body is try not to relax bone straight, use heat ONLY after washing, and DC at every wash. Also, try to stretch to about 8 weeks minimum in between relaxing. Good luck!

Hi my name is Nakia & I hate my natural hair.

Lord only knows I've tried to love it. But I just don't.

It's such a hassle to deal with - & yes I know that some will say relaxed hair is also a hassle. But it wasn't a hassle 4 me. I feel like give me the rollersets & wraps over this any day.

I feel like I'm coming out of the closet. I have a group of naturals that I meet w/once a month. I keep thinking what are they going to say. Guess they'll kick me out of the group. One, in particular, was a friend from my relaxed days. Lately she's been really preaching to me about loving the hair that God gave me.

I know for some this is a sensitive topic. But I simply didn't go natural b/c of a movement or wanting to get in touch w/the "real" me. I went natural b/c I thought I couldn't have relaxed hair longer than BSL. Right after my BC I found you guys & just decided to stick it out b/c I saw so many gorgeous naturals on here & Fotki.

Well, now I'm over the whole natural business. Natural hair is nice & looks nice on a lot of people. It just isn't for me anymore.

So...having said all of that, I really need some advice on transitioning back to the other side. I don't know exactly when I'll relax but I know it'll be in a year or less. Heck, it may be in the next few weeks.

Thanks in advance, ladies.

 

[naijamerican]

Now see, I like you Nakia. In all of my 6 years being on this board, I can't remember coming across a great question like this.

I like the vibe of this thread... even from the naturals. I'm not referring to anyone on this board when I say this (and I do mean that) but, adding to what others have said, don't feel like you're "lye"ing to yourself by getting a relaxer. I told one natural person at my job I was considering transitioning and she darn near wanted to throw me a party! She kept saying, you're finally going to be free!

I had to let her know that: 1) I was never bound and 2) my freedom is not contingent upon the chemical status of my hair... that's just dumb (in my opinion). Get that excited because I better myself or make accomplishments in my life or something... not because I was thinking about changing my hair!

Whatever you decide it's like this: If you stay natural, I respect you (as I do everyone who transitions or chops) because you're putting in the time and doing what I just simply can not do! I wish I could transition but I just can't do it. If you relax, then you're still alright with me.

Well said, PMichael This totally sums up how I feel.

I've noticed that this question (or some variation of it) seems to be coming up a lot lately. And I will also say that after months of seeming to commit to remaining natural, I too am wavering. I don't have any advice, only to say that I appreciate your honesty Nakia. You would be surprised at how many seemingly hard core naturals contemplate getting a relaxer and search different threads to figure out how to maintain texlaxed hair or relaxed hair or stalk the fotki albums of relaxed sisters or even send PMs to those who went from natural to relaxed. Not that I would know anything about that...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Heck I've been asking people in relaxed threads about which relaxers they prefer. I'm giving myself 6 months to make up my mind (that was a month ago), as you can't go back w/o bcing (been there done that). I'm with you. I know how you feel. Though, I don't dislike my natural hair, I'm chained to the bathroom washing, dcing, etc on Sundays and 5-7 hrs of my life are gone (depending on what I'm doing with my hair) every week. Heaven forbid what happend when it gets to waist length I'd probably just end it all! (I've just reached mid back...a little over.). I got so frustrated I started looking at scissors and then decided to just braid it. I can only imagine the hours and hours of my Sunday gone, and then wet hair (if I airdry for days). Just not for me!!! I just don't have the time for this (I work and go to school full time,and I also audition for commercials so I need my hair to look consistent). So my reason is that I want my life back. I've gotten support from some natural friends and other naturals shreiking in horror at the audacity I have of wanting relaxed hair. It's as if you don't love yourself if you relax which is just ridiculous. I won't be bound to others thoughts of what I should do regardless of what they think of me. I say go for it. I'm on the fence, but that fence is swaying towards the cream! I'll probably be showing pics in the spring of my freshly relaxed look, unless I can talk myself down from the fence (I've climbed up and I'm looking over!)

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I was getting regular presses b4 I went on a personal weave challenge. Sometimes my press didn't even last all of the way home. If my hair smells water, it'll frizz.



I've decided that b4 I start the trips 2 SC, I'll try out straight hair w/the BKT 1st. If I can get results like some of the ladies on here, then I may go with it vs. a relaxer. @ least the BKT isn't permanent & if I ever wanted 2 rock my natural hair, that would still be an option - yeah, right.

What's the BKT ? I'm beings slow tonight... sorry....

ETA: I found it Brazillian Keratin -

 

[liberationtheory]

BUMP

10characters

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I missed this thread.

Big ups to Nakia!!!

 

[L.Brown1114]

i just recently texlaxed and i dont regret it one bit. i was going to relax bone straight but instead im going to start doing my own BKT's. at least you gave it time and decided for YOURSELF. and dont let the "love the hair that God gave you" sentence get to you. i hate my butt and when i tell ppl i want butt implants NOBODY tells me love the butt God gave you all i hear is "how much do u think it is?" and for me going natural isnt some world wide epidemic thats deeper than it really is. either your natural or your not....

 

[hair4romheaven]

This thread is 2 years old. "Calling Nakia please report to your thread...Nakia.... ;-) What did you decide?
I also have the same sentiments and plan on texlaxing in a year or so. I moved from up north and the stylist in Atlanta has ruined my hair. That was the reason for me going natural. (I wanted a new head of hair)
So I will be going up north to get my relaxers 2-3x a year.

 

[StarFish106]

Can I join in? I got my last texlax back in January 09. I stopped going to the salon in Feb 08 because I wanted to 1. Get away from my scissor happy stylist and 2. have less heat on my hair. So I have braided up, braided out and bunned since then. I have since learned that:

1. My hair has MAJOR shrinkage and I am a 4b-c. I hate the shrinkage.
2. My hair needs tons of moisture with a touch of protein. No moisture and my hair is hard as h3ll with breakage.
3. I sweat profusely in my scalp when I am warm so I can sweat out a fresh press like nobody's business. My hair is thick, heavy and retains heat.
4. I miss having my hair out.

I just took my hair out of braids (braid every summer) and I am getting loving it out. I will henna in the next few weeks and then I will decided to either do a keratin treatment or Texlax again. I can't even roller set with my hair in it's normal thick stage, and I did like roller sets. Now I can understand why my mom hated doing my hair (no relaxers or anything like that). I just have a head full of hair and the longer it gets the thicker and more tiresome it can be in it's natural glory.

So I will be returning soon at least half way

 

[Sondice]

I did it and It havent looked back I was natural for about 2 years, and relaxed back in Jan. 1st I would say research a good stylist to do the relaxer. Me personally would be to scared to do a virgin relaxer. The touch ups are fine Ive been doing those myself. Theres a forum here on salon and stylist reviews and stuff. I see ure in Atlanta. I am too, in Gwinnett co. If ure looking for someone and dont live to far from Gwinnett go to PJ's Hair Designs in Lawrenceville. ask for Donna. Just Donna I repeat just Donna no one else lol. I went to her for about 5 years, and out of all the stylists Ive had she is the best. She knows what shes doing, and will listen to you and your concerns. Plus she isnt scissor happy.

 

[PookaMendoza]

I was in your exact shoes .

My cousins are all nature and love to "brag" how their hair is "chemical free" so it was a lot of pressure when I even started thinking about going back to relaxers . Being natural was a lot of work and I am a person who honestly believes healthy relaxed hair is way easier to maintain , for my hair at least .

This Spring I talked to a girl I met at a birthday party . She was a couple of years older than me and had beautiful long natural dreads. I'd never seen this girl in my life but we started talking about hair and I confessed how I felt about going back to being relaxed. She told me that as long as your hair is healthy it will always be beautiful , and anyone who doesn't see that is ignorant . So with that I say envision your own ultimate goal for your hair . Evaluate the aspects of both and go with what suits your vision.

I decided to texlax after I talked to her . Now I can rollerset and wrap with no direct heat to achieve a straight look and also create curls and coils identical to my natural texture . I will most likely go natural again in my life one day . But for mow I am very happy with my hair .

 

[brucebettye]

Congrats on your decision. One thing about being a woman of color is that you can wear your hair anyway that you want to. Enjoy your new hair journey!!!!!!! Also keep in mind it is just hair.

 

[Morenita]

I hear you OP. I'm not planning on relaxing ever again, even with 3 kids and 2 more on the way, but I understand where you're coming from. Natural hair isn't for everybody. It's been 15 months since I b/c'ed and while I absolutely love my hair, it does get on my nerves sometimes. Do what's in your heart and don't worry about other people and their opinions. In the end, you're the one who has to deal with your hair.

Nakia we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

EVERY DAY anymore I'm thinking about relaxing. But I worry that I can't have classic length hair if I damage my hair when relaxing...

The thing is... I'm breaking off SO MUCH effin hair just detangling, that a relaxer couldn't be worse!

I'm trying to stay natural, but it is hard.

OT: Have you tried Chicoro's method of detangling? I recently purchased her book and am finding that it makes sooo much sense.

ETA: Now I feel silly responding to a 2 yr old thread like it was just posted. I usually check the dates, whoops!

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Some great advice in this thread. I transitioned and returned to relaxers long before finding this board. For me, I learned this was better because I was able to be gentler (no more impatient, rough detangling sessions) and stay away from direct heat (using only about 1x per year). As for care, I would definitely echo the "more protein" sentiment others have expressed as well as staying away from direct heat. Take advantage of the straighter texture and do rollerwraps, or wet wraps when you desire a straight look. Pay attention to how your hair fairs during stretches - some have tremendous long stretch success and others (like myself) fair much better with shorter stretches, as I relax around 10 no more than 12 weeks post.

Good luck!