Do you ever feel ugly because of your hair?

Brownshugaz · Jul 9, 2006

I think that my hair can be my strongest feature and my downfall at the same time. There are times when I feel so beautiful because my hair is on point. But lately (last few months) I've felt less attractive because of my natural hair. Am I the only one?

sareca · Jul 9, 2006

Ugly might be a strong word, but I've definitely felt less attractive (or not my best) when my hair is actin' funny.

virgo_chinwe · Jul 9, 2006

I agree with what you are saying but one also has to realize the essence of beauty is a state of mind. When you have confirmed in your mind that my hair determines if i look beautiful or not you have set your own downfall. I recently BC'ed my hair so I completely feel what your saying...and feel somewhat less attractive than other women who have gorgeous hair...but its hair it will grow so in the mean time work with the rest of your fabulous assets!

BroadstreetBully · Jul 9, 2006

I've had some seriously low self esteem in the past. My hair accounted for a lot of that. I could NEVER do anything with my hair. I just wanted to cut it all off sometimes. But now I wear my hair up and hidden all the time and that has forced me to think differently about myself. Now my features stand out because I have my hair so plain. I'm noticing more and more how important my personality is. If I can turn heads in my bun, no makeup, and ripped jeans with a tee there must be something about me that makes someone go WOW. So I used to feel ugly because of my hair. But now that I know my hair is going to be awesome one day , I'm being patient and letting the not-so-fab hair of today slowly become the hair everyone wants tomorrow. But it's hard...

sassyhair · Jul 9, 2006

You are not alone, I am here with you...lol

But yea, I have felt that way sometimes, matter of fact lately I have been confined to the house because I felt that way. Not so much ugly but not as presentable. It may also be partly because of my cycle. But I have definitely been there.

Denim And Leather · Jul 9, 2006

Definitely, especially when I used to wear a weave, which I wore for many years, because I was convinced that I had "bad" hair and that my hair would never grow because I wasn't able to care for it properly, because I somehow didn't have that special "knowledge".

Since taking it out a year and a half ago, I've felt much better about my hair, and being on this board has helped me appreciate my hair even more. I don't feel in such a rush to get it straightened as I did before, and I don't care so much if it looks a bit kinky, probably because I learned that the less I chemically straighten my hair the healthier it is.

I have to confess, though, that when I see the beautiful heads of hair on this board and on the different Fotki's, it makes me see how my own hair has a long way to go for my hair to look like theirs, LOL! :lol:

(Granted, I'm new into my hair journey, but still can't help those feelings. LOL!)

angelk316 · Jul 9, 2006

I felt like this all throughout college when my hair was relaxed.
I would always compare myself to others. I was never satsified with my hair. It was thin, short and always breaking. I always covered my hair with braids and weaves throughout college because I felt they made me more beautiful.
Now that I graduated I got over it and now am sporting my natural hair without any enhancements. I realized I am beautiful and unique no matter how I wear my hair.
I am different and thats good
remember you are not your hair

so1913 · Jul 9, 2006

sassyhair said:
You are not alone, I am here with you...lol

But yea, I have felt that way sometimes, matter of fact lately I have been confined to the house because I felt that way. Not so much ugly but not as presentable. It may also be partly because of my cycle. But I have definitely been there.

See, you guys only see the "good hair day" pics (weekend pictures, lol). I feel most of my "work week" days are "bad hair days" when I just feel yuck and extremely unattractive

Honestly, I do have a lot of physical insecurities that cause me to feel less attractive in the first place. I feel my hair is one of few things I feel I have some sort of control over, so when the hair is out of wack, forget it. I don't like being out in public and sometimes won't leave my house, nothing I put on looks good. Don't let it be that time of the month either when my skin is acting up, I'm bloated and twice as much overweight, AND my hair is a mess???

ETA: I didn't see the comment refering to feeling ugly because as a result of being natural. For me it has nothing to do with being "natural" just a bad hair day in general makes me feel unattractive. Felt this way when I was relaxed as well. I feel like I have BETTER hair days now that I am natural But those bad hair days, natural or not, whew....yuck

Hair has always played a big roll in womens, especially Black American women, self esteem.

Angelicus · Jul 9, 2006

I used to not leave the house because my hair was so unmanagable. I really messed up my self esteem to have people talk about how "bad my hair was." I found out that it wasn't my hair that wasn't the problem-- it was the negative people around me that were the crazy ones. I just realized a year ago that I am not my hair. I don't even care if it looks like a crow's nest anymore. If they don't like it, they can give me money to get it done to their liking :lol:

kitchen_tician · Jul 9, 2006

Yes.

Since I'm doing a long transition, I haven't found a true style that works for me. I normally wear a phony pony, but I've grown tired of it. I think wearing my hair back all the time, doesn't compliment me well and I don't feel very attractive.

That's why I recently straightened my hair out and I love my hair again. I think my bf loves it too.

He tends to stare at me more when my hair is "done". :grin:

SerenityBreeze · Jul 9, 2006

I do. I think hair makes a huge difference on your overall appearance. It is amazing what impact bad hair days have on my overall confidence. I know this does not sound healthy but its true for me.

fattyfatfat · Jul 9, 2006

i used to stay wearing phony pony's and sew-in's because i didnt want my boyfriend to see that my real hair is short, damaged, and thin on one side and thick on the other. but one day he saw it and said "whats the problem?". so now i know if he doesnt see a problem with it then i shouldnt either. some days i want to lock myself in here until my hair gets better (this can take years), but then, i know if i still have him and guys talking to me then...im fine.

remember india aire says "i am not my hair".

ximenia · Jul 9, 2006

Brownshugaz said:
I think that my hair can be my strongest feature and my downfall at the same time. There are times when I feel so beautiful because my hair is on point. But lately (last few months) I've felt less attractive because of my natural hair. Am I the only one?

i dont feel less attractive because my hair is natural, i felt ugly when i was relaxed too. the only time i felt pretty was right after my hair was relaxed and crimped :lol:

then it would get flat and straight and start breaking off. so i would wear a knit cap until the next touch up.

i still have ugly days now that im natural but thats usually when i have pms and i really do look ugly. no matter what i do with my hair, it doesnt change my face during that time.

so1913 · Jul 9, 2006

ximenia said:
i dont feel less attractive because my hair is natural i felt ugly when i was relaxed too. the only time i felt pretty was right after my hair was relaxed and crimped then it would get flat and straight and start breaking off. so i would wear a knit cap until the next touch up.

i still have ugly days now that im natural but thats usually when i have pms and i really do look ugly. no matter what i do with my hair, it doesnt change my face during that time.

OOOOH, I didn't read!!! My feeling "unattractive" on bad hair days has nothing to do with me being natural. IF MY HAIRS A MESS, IT'S A MESS, RELAXED OR NATURAL!!! Bad hair days simply suck! LOL

inthepink · Jul 9, 2006

Yes, definitely. After 3+ years of wearing my up every single day, I'm sick of it. So, I'm planning to straighten and wear my hair down more often using heat in the best way possible to minimize damage. I just really started to hate looking at myself in the mirror. I got sick of the puffy ponytail and didn't like my wash n' go. I like the versatility of being natural but I don't think the hairstyles are what I want to wear on a daily basis. Maybe it's not flattering on me. I think I just "look" better with my hair straightened.

Mystic · Jul 9, 2006

There is no way you should feel unattractive because of your natural hair - it must be something else because your natural hair is one of the most beautiful naturals I have seen. I would wear your natural crown with amazing grace and confidence. Your hair is very beautiful!!!!!! You look like royalty with your natural hair - much better than when you wear it straight.

Brownshugaz said:
I think that my hair can be my strongest feature and my downfall at the same time. There are times when I feel so beautiful because my hair is on point. But lately (last few months) I've felt less attractive because of my natural hair. Am I the only one?

chocolate01 · Jul 9, 2006

I don't feel ugly because my hair is natural, i've felt ugly the past few weeks because all i've being doing with it is putting it in a ponytail because I don't have time to do anything else. I felt ugly when I wore ponytails all the time when I was relaxed as well.

sassyhair · Jul 9, 2006

I do believe that hair has alot to do with overall appearance. I save my good outfits for good hair days, cuz bad hair will mess that up. Especially when I got to try on clothes my hair has to be presentable for me to be able to see the potential of the outfit.

KiSseS03 · Jul 9, 2006

YES! I can completely and whole-heartedly relate to this! I'm 9 months into my transition and there are a lot of days when I feel like my hair messes up my entire look. I don't like my hair straightened anymore (nor do I like the heat-damage it would cause) and as much as I like Braid-outs they don't always go with the over-all style I'm trying to create. I feel like life would be so much easier and I would look better if I was competely natural.. but I'm still not ready for hair that short.

Sassyhair: I totally feel you on the not wanting to try on clothes when you hair isn't looking right! I can't even concentrate on the outfit or imagine what I *could* look like when my hair's busted.

cmw45 · Jul 9, 2006

I would really like to thank the person who started this thread and for her for taking the courage to be real. I'm in college now and I'm always feeling like this. On good hair days, I feel good about myself. On bad hair days I feel ugly. Since I've joined this board, I've beagun to see my natural hair as beautiful always. And I would like to thank all of you for that.

hotshot · Jul 9, 2006

hmm, since i cut my hair i have days where i feel

ive been natural for years but this is the first time i ever wore my hair short. (i cut it down to about an 1/8 in in Feb.) ive been told short hair makes me look older. Growing it out will be interesting. its forced me to have more faith and confidence in my features.

Isis · Jul 9, 2006

This is a very good topic. I do consider myself to have a healthy self-esteem. However...

If I was going on a first date, or an important job interview, going to a party, flying out to visit relatives I haven't seen in a while - with pictures taken, of course! :Flahsssss :eek:

, etc. and my hair looked a hot mess :antlers:

because of a bad hair day, I just wouldn't feel right. I would need to fix the situation, asap.

MzOptimistic · Jul 9, 2006

I hear what you ladies are saying...you know some ladies can just sport a pony tail and look so beautiful in just about any style and some ladies have to have their hair combed and styled to bring the beauty out but some ladies can go to the shop and get their hair done and nails dones and have on the flyest most expensive clothes and still is not beautiful...I am not trying to down anybody I am just saying for some women they have to go that extra mile and I will admit I am not one of the ladies that can just pull my hair up in a pony tail or clip and look georgous. I am by no means ugly at all I just have to go that extra mile to be comfortable within myself....If you look at my pictures you will see I am not ugly at all. I just do not feel comfortable sporting a ponytail or bun all the time but I am on the hide my hair until christmas challenge and I am trying to stretch my touch up to 12 weeks and I am currently on week 8 and need a jtouch up baddddd....When me and my fiance goes out to eat and when a pretty girl walks by with her hair done and she's with her man or male friend I feel kind of self conscious because I am sitting there with my nappy hair pulled into a bun or ponytail....but then I have to remember why I am doing this and that is because I'm trying to grow my hair....and then I look at the photos on this site and that motivates me to keep my hair hidden until christmas and to stretch that touch up....sorry the post is long...I type as fast as I think....lol....

Brownshugaz · Jul 9, 2006

Thanks everyone for replying. I really needed the encouragement and honesty you all have displayed here. I think I'm just going through a rough period with my hair. I'm in a literal hair rut. I'm just....at the end of my rope. It doesn't help that everyone around me has flowing hair (weave or not). I might be putting my insecurities all out on front street but its therapeutic. I don't even want to go to the club anymore because the last time I was the only one in the whole room with natural hair. I saw these beautiful girls with guys all over them and I felt like a fly on the wall, just watching them go by. And the worst part is there's no solution because as ugly as I may feel sometimes I will never relax my hair. I've never had a relaxer. It just wouldn't be me....

Isis · Jul 9, 2006

Brownshugaz said:
Thanks everyone for replying. I really needed the encouragement and honesty you all have displayed here. I think I'm just going through a rough period with my hair. I'm in a literal hair rut. I'm just....at the end of my rope. It doesn't help that everyone around me has flowing hair (weave or not). I might be putting my insecurities all out on front street but its therapeutic. I don't even want to go to the club anymore because the last time I was the only one in the whole room with natural hair. I saw these beautiful girls with guys all over them and I felt like a fly on the wall, just watching them go by. And the worst part is there's no solution because as ugly as I may feel sometimes I will never relax my hair. I've never had a relaxer. It just wouldn't be me....

Oh, I thought this thread was about bad hair days, not about natural hair in particular.

I believe we all can feel and look beautiful whether our hair is natural or not, once we find the hair styles that bring out our beauty. It could be a very simple style which happens to make our eyes stand out, or a side part that brings instant glamour - we just need to practice (or get a professional opinion) of what works with our features. This is quite different than a bad hair day (which is temporary), it's about finding our hair style niche. It doesn't matter if our hair is natural, texturized or relaxed - it can all look equally beautiful.

Brownshugaz · Jul 9, 2006

Its about bad hair days, natural hair, relaxed hair, texturized hair. It's about everything. I just say natural hair because that's what I can relate to

Sarafina · Jul 10, 2006

I hear you Brownshugaz and big ups for your honesty. I personally think you and your hair are beautiful.

Although I am not natural, my hair looks like it is because I am underprocessed. I definitely have days when I feel unattractive because my hair is different from everyone around me. I honestly think this is why a lot of women don't go natural. It's not that they think natural or napptural hair is unattractive, but they are afraid of being different or overlooked when they are around people of the opposite sex. This has definitely been true for me and it doesn't help when the attn I get sky rockets when I put in braids or straighten my hair.

sassyhair · Jul 10, 2006

When I was natural I used to feel like that, not only that but since I am a fuller figured young lady I was always compared to jill scott or angie stone so I never wore my natural hair out. Not only for that reason did I not wear my natural hair out but it was not popular for ppl my age and I wanted to fit in since I was just entering college.

loonatick · Jul 10, 2006

The only thing i am not comfortable with is my length at the moment, unstretched.
I think when i reach my next goal, ill be more comfortable. Shrinkage amazes me sometimes, but its all about getting used to what you've got, in my case short hair. I deal with it the best way i can, by experiminting with different styles and giving it the TLC it needs to become what i want it to be. I personally feel that longer hair suits me and i feel my best that way.

There is no way to solve it, its a battle cos do i sacrifice health for looks and feeling good, or do i sacrifice looks for health but continue feeling down? when i do go for looks and feeling good, like I recently flat ironed my hair, but i need to enjoy it more without feeling bad about my ends being out and exposed. Its hard to balance without thinking about getting setbacks on both sides.

Tene · Jul 10, 2006

I have never let my hair determine my self esteem. I felt good about myself whether my hair was considered done or not.

Do you ever feel ugly because of your hair?

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