I Look Ugly, I'm Sick of My MBL Hair, I Need HELP Before I Do Something Drastic!

*my wash-n-go's might as well just be called 'washes' because i can't get them right. my hair shrinkage is unreal! i'm MBL stretched, neck length curly. it doesn't fall or hang right. it just looks UGLY!

*i workout regularly and cannot figure out how to keep my hair straight or cute after workouts.
*when i wear my hair curly, its always pulled back into a pony or a bun and the roots (hairline) get to be a frizzy, ugly, mess by end of day. i don't know what to do with it. THAT'S what i call my Zahara look. helllpppppp!!!

*i'm losing handfuls of hair everytime i comb, no matter how gentle i am. i don't comb it often because its curly and i don't want to comb it without having conditioner in it (prefer to detangle when wet and loaded with condish) - but whenever i do comb it, or flat iron, there is SO MUCH hair in the garbage can that i could make baby wigs! what am i doing wrong?!?! Should i be worried??

i really need help!!! All of you have such gorgeous hair. Your braids outs and twists outs look good (not mine!) You've figured out your wash-n-go's. You can get your hair to stay straight for days after workout (talking to you, Whimsy) NOT ME!! Your buns are full and adorable looking. My buns are skinny and rather anemic looking. I have NO IDEA what to do with my hair. I'm SICK of looking UGLY! I'm sick of having all this hair and yet, i can't wear it, it doesn't flatter me pulled back in ugly, frizzy buns everyday. yet wearing it straight isn't an option for the above mentioned reason! i'm so frustrated! I've worked hard and been patient to grow it and its still not as long as it could/should be, IMO. Arrrrggghhhhhh!!! HELP!! Please, Help!!!

Can we see some pics?

Maybe you have hairnorexia. Sometimes we think our hair looks worse than it really is. Don't do anything drastic!

I agree, pics needed

wyldcurlz said:

*my wash-n-go's might as well just be called 'washes' because i can't get them right. my hair shrinkage is unreal! i'm MBL stretched, neck length curly. it doesn't fall or hang right. it just looks UGLY!

*i workout regularly and cannot figure out how to keep my hair straight or cute after workouts.
*when i wear my hair curly, its always pulled back into a pony or a bun and the roots (hairline) get to be a frizzy, ugly, mess by end of day. i don't know what to do with it. THAT'S what i call my Zahara look. helllpppppp!!!

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I have the same problem; post workout hair is not cute on me. Would love to hear any advice on this!

What do you do to your hair to get it straightened?

My hair is long, but curly its shoulder length. Its just something I have to deal with, it is what it is and I can't change it.

As far as the hair loss, I'm wondering if its the products you're using or if you are anemic. What products are you using?

I have to comb my hair every day. That no hair combing for me just doesn't work. What does work (for me) is a large tooth comb. I detangle every day. I do notice that the few times I detangled after 2 days alot of hair fell out. I only finger detangle when I'm in the shower and I have alot of conditioner in my hair, but I follow up with the large tooth comb.

Please post pics OP...and calm down...there are some really knowledgeable ladies that I'm sure will help! It WILL be alright!!

Calm down...relax...breathe...

I agree with the other ladies. Can you post a pic of your hair? As for the handfuls of hair, is that a result of shedding (strands with the white bulb on the end) or breakage? If it's shedding, maybe you can try a garlic conditioner or simply add garlic powder to your condish. What kind of products are you using for your wash and go's?

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm with you on the washnGo styling issue and always having it pulled back. It's aggrivating and I've NEVER gotten a washngo right except when it's tied back.

shoot MBL, you have to be doing something right.

I would try aloe vera gel or a thick oil (like Castor oil) and the scraf method for fuzzy hair line.

There are ways of making buns appear thicker.
1. Bunning on dry moisturize hair instead of wet hair
2. Fluffing the hair
3. Using accessories to plump the hair up


That's all I got.

BostonMaria said:

What do you do to your hair to get it straightened?

My hair is long, but curly its shoulder length. Its just something I have to deal with, it is what it is and I can't change it.

As far as the hair loss, I'm wondering if its the products you're using or if you are anemic. What products are you using?

I have to comb my hair every day. That no hair combing for me just doesn't work. What does work (for me) is a large tooth comb. I detangle every day. I do notice that the few times I detangled after 2 days alot of hair fell out. I only finger detangle when I'm in the shower and I have alot of conditioner in my hair, but I follow up with the large tooth comb.

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Hi BostonMaria,

I usually flat iron my hair to get it straightened. I just bought a Pibbs 514, so I'm hoping that rollersets give me another option.

Yes! My hair does the same thing. And while I know I can't change the shrinkage, I just wonder, why does it look so good wet, just out of the shower, but it dries so ugly. the way it sits on my head when its dry/drying, it doesn't look good. I can't figure it out. And...I mean, I've been trying to figure this out for years!

Products: Right now I'm using the Yes to Cucumbers line. For conditioners I use YtC, AO Honeysuckle Rose, Coconut Oil, QB Amla & Olive Heavy Cream, QB Burdock Root Buttercream & the Honey one, too. I'm a product junkie so I have TONS of conditioners and butters etc. under my cabinet, but those tend to be my staples.

I'm not anemic, as a matter of fact, my iron count is a little on the high side so my doctor has advised me to not use any supplements with iron.

BostonMaria - how do you detangle everyday when its curly? do you wet daily or do you spritz your hair with something? My curls are so dense that deep in there (near the crown) it feels like a mass of curls. i'm scared that I'd have breakage, but I would like to detangle more often. I think you're right! I think that waiting in between combing/detangling is what's contributing to my losing so much hair.

as for pix, i'll take some today and try to post them later.

You can donate some of that hair to me.....

No seriously, let us see some pics, I think the ladies will be better able to help you!

Maybe you should try a BKT. It keeps the hair straight for a long time and it is healthy. Please don't do something drastic, your hair is

GOOD! Cut it off and send it to me! lol

Whimsy (sp?) has a nice youtube of keepin ur hair lookin cute during and after workouts.

FlawedBeauty said:

Whimsy (sp?) has a nice youtube of keepin ur hair lookin cute during and after workouts.

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i saw it. don't know if it'd work for me. i sweat all up in my head when i workout and then it mats down. it stays straight looking but it doesn't have any body or movement. (does that make sense?) just looks bad. but next time i workout with straightened hair, i'm going to give it a try.

If frizziness and hair shedding are your main problems, I would seriously look at the moisture protein balance of your hair. Your hair may not be getting enough moisture, and this could be why its shedding badly. I'm a firm believer that hair that has enough moisture in it hangs, and only gets frizzy after the moisture has been sucked out by the air. Closely examine your moisturizing and sealing techniques. I too, suffer from hair that can frizz easily each day, if I don't give it enough moisture, and seal properly. I'm still searching for the perfect combination of leave-in and moisture products, but have had great success with Alba Botanica leave-in, and Aveeno Nourish leave-in treatment. Once you diagnose the problem, experimenting with different product combinations on wet and dry hair can help a lot. Hugs to you; and hoping the ladies here will help you find a solution. Just don't do anything crazy, you've got a lot of hair to work with. It will get better!

wyldcurlz said:

*my wash-n-go's might as well just be called 'washes' because i can't get them right. my hair shrinkage is unreal! i'm MBL stretched, neck length curly. it doesn't fall or hang right. it just looks UGLY!

*i workout regularly and cannot figure out how to keep my hair straight or cute after workouts.
*when i wear my hair curly, its always pulled back into a pony or a bun and the roots (hairline) get to be a frizzy, ugly, mess by end of day. i don't know what to do with it. THAT'S what i call my Zahara look. helllpppppp!!!

*i'm losing handfuls of hair everytime i comb, no matter how gentle i am. i don't comb it often because its curly and i don't want to comb it without having conditioner in it (prefer to detangle when wet and loaded with condish) - but whenever i do comb it, or flat iron, there is SO MUCH hair in the garbage can that i could make baby wigs! what am i doing wrong?!?! Should i be worried??

i really need help!!! All of you have such gorgeous hair. Your braids outs and twists outs look good (not mine!) You've figured out your wash-n-go's. You can get your hair to stay straight for days after workout (talking to you, Whimsy) NOT ME!! Your buns are full and adorable looking. My buns are skinny and rather anemic looking. I have NO IDEA what to do with my hair. I'm SICK of looking UGLY! I'm sick of having all this hair and yet, i can't wear it, it doesn't flatter me pulled back in ugly, frizzy buns everyday. yet wearing it straight isn't an option for the above mentioned reason! i'm so frustrated! I've worked hard and been patient to grow it and its still not as long as it could/should be, IMO. Arrrrggghhhhhh!!! HELP!! Please, Help!!!

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Ok here are my opinions (though Im no expert! LOL):

1. BREATHE!!! It will be ok...you just have to figure out your hair. Im STILL learning things about mine! and sometimes the answers to your prob are as complicated as you may think! K?

2. From your avatar...I THINK your hair looks similar to mine. For my wash and gos I use regular or leave in conditioner mixed with various oils! For 20 years I have been bouncing btwn gels and mousses and all kinds of products and it was as simple as that!

3. keeping your hair straight during a workout is an age old black woman prob! When I took martial arts. I kept my hair in a high tight ponytail so that my roots were flat and would not take it down til my hair had dried and way it dried straight. (you can also try tying a bandana around it to make sure your hair is really straight)

4. When my wng hair is in a pony or banana clip (u may want to try that its a lil more fun than a regular ponytail ) I use aloe vera gel to keep my hair flat. I try my best to stay away from regular hair gels and other drying stuff and found that aloe vera gel does a GREAT JOB that lasts the whole day and leaves my hair feeling soft. I usually rub it in my hands put it throughout my roots (generously) and use a spray bottle or wet my brush to get it smooth. And it leaves my hair shiney and smooth! (with no dry flakes at the end of the day like regular gel!)

5. Why are you combing your curly hair? I would say that is a DEFINITE no no!!!! I comb my hair regularly (like BostonMaria the not combing thing doesnt work for me) BUT ONLY WHEN MY HAIR IS STRAIGHT!!!! I NEVER comb my hair when its curly. If youre putting it into a pony or bun you should only brush the roots to smooth it but I dont think you should be trying to comb the whole thing out. Also, when you dont comb your hair for a long time (even a few days) the hair that you naturally shed everyday is stuck in there so when you do comb it you may have 3, 8, 10 days worth of shed hair and it may just seem like a lot. But the longer you go without combing it the more it will build up and thats natural.

Now its more of a protein/moisture balance issue you have that could be causing your hair loss maybe some of the other ladies can chime in to help you because I still dont have that down! LOL

6. When you are bunning you dont have to necessarily coil it around tightly. I pin my buns loosely so that they look more full. If you look in my album I believe the 1st pic is of a bun (which I also do with my wng after my curls get tired. LOL) Everyone always asks me if thats all my hair because it looks full. If I coiled it around tightly it would NEVER look that big..

So like I said these are my nonexpert opinions and maybe someone else will have something more helpful but I tried! Good luck!

when u workout u could try wrapping your hair while its straight and tying it down with a scarf then keeping the scarf on till your hair is dry and get some aloe vera gel for those edges too

wyldcurlz said:

*my wash-n-go's might as well just be called 'washes' because i can't get them right. my hair shrinkage is unreal! i'm MBL stretched, neck length curly. it doesn't fall or hang right. it just looks UGLY!

*i workout regularly and cannot figure out how to keep my hair straight or cute after workouts.
*when i wear my hair curly, its always pulled back into a pony or a bun and the roots (hairline) get to be a frizzy, ugly, mess by end of day. i don't know what to do with it. THAT'S what i call my Zahara look. helllpppppp!!!

*i'm losing handfuls of hair everytime i comb, no matter how gentle i am. i don't comb it often because its curly and i don't want to comb it without having conditioner in it (prefer to detangle when wet and loaded with condish) - but whenever i do comb it, or flat iron, there is SO MUCH hair in the garbage can that i could make baby wigs! what am i doing wrong?!?! Should i be worried??

i really need help!!! All of you have such gorgeous hair. Your braids outs and twists outs look good (not mine!) You've figured out your wash-n-go's. You can get your hair to stay straight for days after workout (talking to you, Whimsy) NOT ME!! Your buns are full and adorable looking. My buns are skinny and rather anemic looking. I have NO IDEA what to do with my hair. I'm SICK of looking UGLY! I'm sick of having all this hair and yet, i can't wear it, it doesn't flatter me pulled back in ugly, frizzy buns everyday. yet wearing it straight isn't an option for the above mentioned reason! i'm so frustrated! I've worked hard and been patient to grow it and its still not as long as it could/should be, IMO. Arrrrggghhhhhh!!! HELP!! Please, Help!!!

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OK Deep breath. In and Out.
OK?

YOU DONT LOOK UGLY, STOP WITH THAT FOOLISHNESS!!!!

Now, first off I wanna see some pix of everything you've described.

Wash n gos: you can get some layers cut into your hair to help the wash n go have a nice shape. You can also pull and shape it as it dries. I have one bit of my hiar that shrinks up way more than everywhere else, about an hour after i do my wash n go, i just yank that section down a bit so it looks even with the rest of my hair. So just shape it, but pull large chunks so you don't frizzify your hair

Straight after workouts: are you using a serum? are u using any oils? are you pulling your hair taught? are you drying the perimeter of your hair as u workout?

edges when bunning: Try the curly hump, that way the curlies at the edges are a lil more disguised in the hump. Or use water and a gel or moisturizer or an oil or whatever you prefer and smooth your edges down, then put on a scarf to super flatten it. OR do your bun at night and flatten it over night instead of just in the morning, that way it stays flat and smooth all day You can also try a bun with a middle or side part, instead of straight back, that way you dont have to worry about as much frizzy curly edges.

Losing hair: Are you using a wide tooth comb? are you going in sections? from tip to root? while saturated iwth slippy condish and wet? How often are you combing? maybe if not so often you're only losing the "normal" amount of hair?

Buns: girl put a sock around the base of it and cover it up with hair! DUH! If you're uncomfortable with that, then bun loosely to make it look big...it'll be all aerated versus tightly wound, that's what i did before my hair grew to a good bunning length.

Remember getting your hair care right takes TIME. I know you've been patient and experimenting, but you've gotta be more patient and experiment more. Don't look at it as a chore or a stress, look at it as a fun adventure! You know a lot of what not to do and you're progressing well and learning more and more each day what TO DO and what works for you and YOUR hair!

Oh, and keep your hair tightly pulled back after you work out until it's dry. that'll help keep the reversion from happenin

wyldcurlz said:

*i workout regularly andcannot figure out how to keep my hair straight or cute after workouts.
*when i wear my hair curly, its always pulled back into a pony or a bun and the roots (hairline) get to be a frizzy, ugly, mess by end of day. i don't know what to do with it. THAT'S what i call my Zahara look. helllpppppp!!!

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You shouldn't have went there.

PPS - I think you should really consider trying braidouts, practice until you find the right number of braids and proper braid placement for you, to get the size curls you want. You could wear the braidout in a chignon to work, then workout with it, and not worry about reversion. I remember old pix of your hair, and it's beautiful so don't worry, with a lil experimentation and practice you're gunna love your hair and what you can do with it.

PPPS - it took me over a year to figure out the right amount of braids and braid placement for me to get a braidout i was happy with.

wyldcurlz said:

i saw it. don't know if it'd work for me. i sweat all up in my head when i workout and then it mats down. it stays straight looking but it doesn't have any body or movement. (does that make sense?) just looks bad. but next time i workout with straightened hair, i'm going to give it a try.

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OK so u saw it right, how i do 1 high bun, well you could also try doing 4 tight buns, that way you can dry the parts and around the perimeter of your hair as u work out, and you'll have volume and waves when you finally take down your hair. I do that sometimes, i was just too lazy to do it on the video.