Small Groups

[inthepink]

I'm curious about everyone's opinion on small groups.

It seems like most churches I look into nowadays, there's always a focus on small groups where you meet in someone's home and maybe there's about 6-10 people who attend.

Seems like most churches who have this focus on small groups, do not have ministries that offer bible studies at church locations.

I understand the idea of putting church back into the community but I wonder if anyone ever thought about the other side of it...

If you're a new person attending a church, just how comfortable are you supposed to feel going to someone's house who you don't know to study the bible? And what if you don't feel comfortable or even welcome? You don't go again - but then you see the person at church - just awkward?

On the other hand, when the church offers bible studies within its own doors, it seems a little less intimidating b/c you are not going to someone's home. If you don't enjoy the study, you don't have to worry too much that you hurt someone's feelings if you don't come back.

I am not saying that there's something "wrong" with either approach. I am just wondering why it seems most churches are moving towards only small groups vs having internal bible studies AND small groups.

For me, it honestly makes me want to look elsewhere for fellowship b/c I just don't feel comfortable going to someone's home when I don't know them. I have been in small groups before but only after meeting people through bible studies within the church doors.

Me - just thinking again and looking for thoughts and opinions. (No judgments, please.)

[Ramya]

I agree with you. I have been a member of my church for 2 years and I still don't feel comfortable doing small group sessions. Our small groups are not held at anybody's homes but are very intimate. We do have a regular bible study at church with our pastor for those who choose not to do small group bible studies. I prefer the main bible study.

[Nice & Wavy]

Originally Posted by hairlove

I'm curious about everyone's opinion on small groups.

It seems like most churches I look into nowadays, there's always a focus on small groups where you meet in someone's home and maybe there's about 6-10 people who attend.

Seems like most churches who have this focus on small groups, do not have ministries that offer bible studies at church locations.

I understand the idea of putting church back into the community but I wonder if anyone ever thought about the other side of it...

If you're a new person attending a church, just how comfortable are you supposed to feel going to someone's house who you don't know to study the bible? And what if you don't feel comfortable or even welcome? You don't go again - but then you see the person at church - just awkward?

On the other hand, when the church offers bible studies within its own doors, it seems a little less intimidating b/c you are not going to someone's home. If you don't enjoy the study, you don't have to worry too much that you hurt someone's feelings if you don't come back.

I am not saying that there's something "wrong" with either approach. I am just wondering why it seems most churches are moving towards only small groups vs having internal bible studies AND small groups.

For me, it honestly makes me want to look elsewhere for fellowship b/c I just don't feel comfortable going to someone's home when I don't know them. I have been in small groups before but only after meeting people through bible studies within the church doors.

Me - just thinking again and looking for thoughts and opinions. (No judgments, please.)

I've been teaching small groups for 20 years. I love the fact that its more intimate setting than a bible study. You develop friendships and break bread, where you aren't going to do that in a bible study. It's very family orientated. You learn alot more because you are able to interact better than a regular bible study.

It also helps families that have children who may not be able to go to the church mid-week for a bible study to have a small group at their home so that they may be able to participate.

Our small groups are like a small church within the larger church:

You have the leader, worship leader, prayer coordinator, resource coordinator (snacks, birthdays, etc.). We have communion once per month as well. We pray for one another, encourage each other and build up each other....that's what the church is all about.

The topics taught are usually what the pastor have spoken about the past Sunday, which helps those who may have had questions but couldn't ask them in church, so the small groups give them the opportunity to do that and discuss with others.

We have evenings where we go out and evangelize, and we have times where we all go out to eat!

It builds relationships...that's the whole plan. It's sort of taken from the first church in Acts. When we all come together again on Sunday, it's a blessing to see each other and greet one another...all of us together as the Body of Christ!

Once a month, all the leaders of the small groups get together for encouragement and fellowship. It's awesome!

Our church does have teaching classes at church, mostly on Fridays, where people can get certificates after taking a class (ie: Learning How to Pray) and there are many classes to choose from.

I can totally understand how you may be feeling, but the small groups are meant to meet people that you may not have ordinarily meet in a church setting. Most people who go to church, leave when the service is over and never get to meet anyone there. Small groups help to develop relationships so that when you do meet on Sunday's or special events, you are in one accord, which helps build the church and build families!

Hope this helps somewhat!

Blessings.

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

I can totally understand how you may be feeling, but the small groups are meant to meet people that you may not have ordinarily meet in a church setting. Most people who go to church, leave when the service is over and never get to meet anyone there. Small groups help to develop relationships so that when you do meet on Sunday's or special events, you are in one accord, which helps build the church and build families!

Hope this helps somewhat!

Blessings.

I totally get where you're coming from. I really do. And I definitely see MANY benefits to small groups. Where I get a disconnect is the loss of option.

For me, I made SO many friends by attending bible study groups inside of a church - some were large (100) and some were smaller (15 people). The reason I was able to meet people in the larger settings is because even though it was a big group of people, we were always broken up into tables of maybe 10 people. One of my closest friends now is one of the people I met this way.

I sort of felt at one church where I attended that I was sort of put in groups where I didn't feel any connection - people who were minimum 10 years older. I went to another group and I only kept going the next three weeks b/c I didn't want to offend anyone (though I feel like I eventually did anyway when I didn't go back for the next study). And the leader over small groups - I sort of felt like if I didn't like something, I'd be bothering him to ask him to place me in another group. And I had situations where I did not feel welcome. When you go to someone's home you want to feel welcome - it's hard enough as it is! Whereas a bible study setting, I would have been free to try out whatever I wanted with no feelings attached.

I guess for me - I just like having that option. Meeting people in a larger, less intimidating setting, and then feeling comfortable enough to go to someone's else.

I just wonder why churches are removing the internal bible studies instead of having both for people who need various ways of "fitting in."

NW: Has anyone ever brought up anything like this to you? (If you are the one running these, I wasn't sure.) Do you think anyone could be feeling like this and just not saying anything? I'm just curious.

[Ithacagurl]

I love small groups and house churches. I feel like the first century christians. Fellowship, breaking of bread nothing can beat that. We are supposed to be a church family so you get to know people on a more personal level. Sunday church is great but house church rocks.

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by Ithacagurl

I love small groups and house churches. I feel like the first century christians. Fellowship, breaking of bread nothing can beat that. We are supposed to be a church family so you get to know people on a more personal level. Sunday church is great but house church rocks.

Don't get me wrong...I have been involved in some AMAZING small groups!!! However, I met these people via bible studies within church. They've become some of my best friends.

[Nice & Wavy]

Originally Posted by hairlove

I totally get where you're coming from. I really do. And I definitely see MANY benefits to small groups. Where I get a disconnect is the loss of option.

For me, I made SO many friends by attending bible study groups inside of a church - some were large (100) and some were smaller (15 people). The reason I was able to meet people in the larger settings is because even though it was a big group of people, we were always broken up into tables of maybe 10 people. One of my closest friends now is one of the people I met this way.

I sort of felt at one church where I attended that I was sort of put in groups where I didn't feel any connection - people who were minimum 10 years older. I went to another group and I only kept going the next three weeks b/c I didn't want to offend anyone (though I feel like I eventually did anyway when I didn't go back for the next study). And the leader over small groups - I sort of felt like if I didn't like something, I'd be bothering him to ask him to place me in another group. And I had situations where I did not feel welcome. When you go to someone's home you want to feel welcome - it's hard enough as it is! Whereas a bible study setting, I would have been free to try out whatever I wanted with no feelings attached.

I guess for me - I just like having that option. Meeting people in a larger, less intimidating setting, and then feeling comfortable enough to go to someone's else.

I just wonder why churches are removing the internal bible studies instead of having both for people who need various ways of "fitting in."

NW: Has anyone ever brought up anything like this to you? (If you are the one running these, I wasn't sure.) Do you think anyone could be feeling like this and just not saying anything? I'm just curious.

I feel you. Not every one likes the intimate settings of small groups..and that's ok. I do know that there will be a time (that will be coming soon, I'm sure) that church as we know it will be no more. We will have to meet in the homes to have church...I think this is where the Holy Spirit is leading pastors to do small groups. Already in other countries like China, Korea, etc, they have small groups and have to hide to have church. We in America have not realized that it may happen here...just look around, sis....the church is being attacked from every side. Soon, we won't be able to have open church services as well. Mark my words.

Yes, I do lead these groups and dh and I lead a marriage one as well. It's alot of work, but God is good to us...He gives us the strength to do it and its always a blessing If there is someone who isn't happy about it, they have never said anything. I think I will ask them when I get back though, if they are happy in the small groups or not.

There have been a few people who were apprehensive about it when it first began. But, now it is the center core of the church and so many people are now teaching their own groups.

Now, not everyone can lead a group, just like not everyone can pastor a church. As a pastor, we are sent to other groups to watch the leaders and how they are with the 'members' of their group and if there is something going on that we discern is wrong, we bring this up to the Senior Pastor and he works out a plan of action. Everything is done in decency and order

I pray that you find what you seek, hairlove. You may find a church that does bible studies in the church, but lack in other areas that you may not like. There's always something.

Ask the Lord to direct your paths concerning this area for you. He is faithful and just might have YOU be the one to start this in the church where you are.

All the best!

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

I feel you. Not every one likes the intimate settings of small groups..and that's ok. I do know that there will be a time (that will be coming soon, I'm sure) that church as we know it will be no more. We will have to meet in the homes to have church...I think this is where the Holy Spirit is leading pastors to do small groups. Already in other countries like China, Korea, etc, they have small groups and have to hide to have church. We in America have not realized that it may happen here...just look around, sis....the church is being attacked from every side. Soon, we won't be able to have open church services as well. Mark my words.

I don't doubt you on this at all.

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

Yes, I do lead these groups and dh and I lead a marriage one as well. It's alot of work, but God is good to us...He gives us the strength to do it and its always a blessing If there is someone who isn't happy about it, they have never said anything. I think I will ask them when I get back though, if they are happy in the small groups or not.

There have been a few people who were apprehensive about it when it first began. But, now it is the center core of the church and so many people are now teaching their own groups.

Can I make a suggestion? Maybe not ask them face to face - maybe a questionnaire and also maybe ask how they felt initially. I am not trying to make you see something is "wrong" b/c I don't feel anything is wrong. Just maybe another perspective on the intimidation factor.

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

Now, not everyone can lead a group, just like not everyone can pastor a church. As a pastor, we are sent to other groups to watch the leaders and how they are with the 'members' of their group and if there is something going on that we discern is wrong, we bring this up to the Senior Pastor and he works out a plan of action. Everything is done in decency and order

I totally agree and I did leave a small group b/c of this. It was very disheartening and I was literally sick due to the situation that occurred. So, I think it is WONDERFUL and NECESSARY to watch over these. Honestly, that would help so much!!! I do feel in that situation of mine that if someone was truly watching over, things could have been different.

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

I pray that you find what you seek, hairlove. You may find a church that does bible studies in the church, but lack in other areas that you may not like. There's always something.

You are right about that! There's always something but I am learning to compromise! The church where I became a Christian had some of EVERYTHING so I knew nothing different and now I live somewhere else and I'm having to compromise and it is hard. I miss my old church a great deal. But I will tell you that I now attend Bible Study Fellowship which is not affiliated with any church. We meet as a large group for lecture and a small group for study (within the same meeting hall/church). I also just finished a study with about 6-8 other women (who I did not know) at a church meeting hall. And you know what? If I find a study I find interesting, I will go to different churches to attend.

I will tell you, I do miss fellowshipping with other Christian women. And I have joined a few on meetup.com. So, I don't rule anything out! [/quote]

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

Ask the Lord to direct your paths concerning this area for you. He is faithful and just might have YOU be the one to start this in the church where you are.

I always am! You have no idea! I really enjoy LifeChurch.tv and would love to have people come to my home and have "church with me!

[Nice & Wavy]

Originally Posted by hairlove

I don't doubt you on this at all. Thanks!



Can I make a suggestion? Maybe not ask them face to face - maybe a questionnaire and also maybe ask how they felt initially. I am not trying to make you see something is "wrong" b/c I don't feel anything is wrong. Just maybe another perspective on the intimidation factor. We have known each other for so long....they would look at me like I have two heads if I come up in there with a questionaire, but I do see where you are going with this.



I totally agree and I did leave a small group b/c of this. It was very disheartening and I was literally sick due to the situation that occurred. So, I think it is WONDERFUL and NECESSARY to watch over these. Honestly, that would help so much!!! I do feel in that situation of mine that if someone was truly watching over, things could have been different.So sorry you had to experience this. This is why its important for pastors to know their leaders and their members so that members can feel comfortable to go to their pastors if something isnt right about the leaders.



You are right about that! There's always something but I am learning to compromise! The church where I became a Christian had some of EVERYTHING so I knew nothing different and now I live somewhere else and I'm having to compromise and it is hard. I miss my old church a great deal. But I will tell you that I now attend Bible Study Fellowship which is not affiliated with any church. We meet as a large group for lecture and a small group for study (within the same meeting hall/church). I also just finished a study with about 6-8 other women (who I did not know) at a church meeting hall. And you know what? If I find a study I find interesting, I will go to different churches to attend. The two or three makes the church therefore, you are going to church! Small groups are just that, whether its in a bible study setting or a more intimate setting.

I will tell you, I do miss fellowshipping with other Christian women. And I have joined a few on meetup.com. So, I don't rule anything out!

So, the bible studies that you go too, don't have women that you can fellowship with?

I always am! You have no idea! I really enjoy LifeChurch.tv and would love to have people come to my home and have "church with me!

Then do it!!! Sometimes you have to just take the plunge and do it!

Hoping all works out for you, hairlove...I really do!

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

So, the bible studies that you go too, don't have women that you can fellowship with?


Then do it!!! Sometimes you have to just take the plunge and do it!

Hoping all works out for you, hairlove...I really do!

Oh yes, they do. Actually, the discussion leader of my group had people come to her home last Friday for a bonfire. It was lovely!!! I am not sure if you have heard of BSF but it is a VERY strict bible study that is focused on study (but also strict in regards to rule i.e. You cannot discuss your church or denomination). So, on Mondays, we meet to go over the lesson for about 35 minutes (strictly...no time for many stories/sharing b/c we must complete ALL questions on time i.e. fellowshipping), then we have a lecture which is like attending church. Oh, our teaching leader is amazing! All of this take about 2 hours.

I would love to have people over but the problem is meeting other Christian women - preferably single and somewhat near my age. It's a whole other issue....feeling a little left out when in your 30s and single and don't really "fit" anywhere. (I do have friends of all ages but I hope you know what I mean when I say that.)

[neenzmj]

This is a very timely post. I've been asked to begin a small group to speak to single women on the topic of preparation for marriage (God's way -- not society's way.) We do have Bible Study at my church; however, our church is really small and does not offer any additional options to meet specific needs and interests.

[BeautifulFlower]

I agree with you Hairlove. Small groups are great and its a great opportunity to build friendships but to do it at someone's home may be very intimidating to new members. I am initially very shy so I wouldnt go. Maybe if I build the relationship in church then I consider going to their home.

[BeautifulFlower]

That is awesome Neen...I am going to keep you in my prayers about this. Tell me how you are working this. I want to know about it because I want to do something similar that follows along Titus 2.

Originally Posted by neenzmj

This is a very timely post. I've been asked to begin a small group to speak to single women on the topic of preparation for marriage (God's way -- not society's way.) We do have Bible Study at my church; however, our church is really small and does not offer any additional options to meet specific needs and interests.

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by neenzmj

This is a very timely post. I've been asked to begin a small group to speak to single women on the topic of preparation for marriage (God's way -- not society's way.) We do have Bible Study at my church; however, our church is really small and does not offer any additional options to meet specific needs and interests.

That sounds great! I find it SO hard to meet other single Christian women. I would be all over you wondering when the first meeting would be! Please let us know how things go and if we can offer any advice. Are you going to do teleconferencing? j/k

[Nice & Wavy]

Originally Posted by hairlove

Oh yes, they do. Actually, the discussion leader of my group had people come to her home last Friday for a bonfire. It was lovely!!! I am not sure if you have heard of BSF but it is a VERY strict bible study that is focused on study (but also strict in regards to rule i.e. You cannot discuss your church or denomination). So, on Mondays, we meet to go over the lesson for about 35 minutes (strictly...no time for many stories/sharing b/c we must complete ALL questions on time i.e. fellowshipping), then we have a lecture which is like attending church. Oh, our teaching leader is amazing! All of this take about 2 hours.

I would love to have people over but the problem is meeting other Christian women - preferably single and somewhat near my age. It's a whole other issue....feeling a little left out when in your 30s and single and don't really "fit" anywhere. (I do have friends of all ages but I hope you know what I mean when I say that.)

Sounds good, hairlove.

I do hope everything works out for you.

Blessings.

[Nice & Wavy]

Originally Posted by prettyfaceANB

I agree with you Hairlove. Small groups are great and its a great opportunity to build friendships but to do it at someone's home may be very intimidating to new members. I am initially very shy so I wouldnt go. Maybe if I build the relationship in church then I consider going to their home.

You would be surprised at home many people actually like the idea of small groups...and I'm talking about new members!

I dunno...guess I've been so blessed doing this for so many years, that I never see a problem with it. All the people that I have met and helped over the years in these small groups have been so wonderful and God truly moves so mightly in our groups...it's not just a place to meet friends, but to build the church.

I do understand how you and hairlove feel.

Blessings.

[neenzmj]

I'd be happy to let you know the outcome. Our first meeting is this Saturday (May 16). I'm speaking about The Power of Words. I was led to talk about this after reading Proverbs 31:12 (She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. )

I asked my husband what he'd consider one of the most hurtful things a woman could do to a man. His answer: cut him with her words. I saw the evidence of this when we first got married. He was still stinging from some VERY hurtful things that were said to him by his ex-wife. But even more telling was the effect it's had on my uncle -- at 74 years old I still sense the effects of some very emasculating words that were spoken to him.

Originally Posted by prettyfaceANB

That is awesome Neen...I am going to keep you in my prayers about this. Tell me how you are working this. I want to know about it because I want to do something similar that follows along Titus 2.

[neenzmj]

I'd love advice/suggestions, etc. This is new to me, but a comment made by a single lady in my church magnified the need for something along this line. A few weeks ago, I made a comment about setting aside quality time time with my husband and she responded by saying, "it's time out for quality time." She followed that statement by saying "...but then I've never been married, so I don't really know." God has really been laying it on my heart to talk to single women about the "real deal" concerning marriage.

Originally Posted by hairlove

That sounds great! I find it SO hard to meet other single Christian women. I would be all over you wondering when the first meeting would be! Please let us know how things go and if we can offer any advice. Are you going to do teleconferencing? j/k

[inthepink]

Originally Posted by Nice & Wavy

You would be surprised at home many people actually like the idea of small groups...and I'm talking about new members!

I dunno...guess I've been so blessed doing this for so many years, that I never see a problem with it. All the people that I have met and helped over the years in these small groups have been so wonderful and God truly moves so mightly in our groups...it's not just a place to meet friends, but to build the church.

I do understand how you and hairlove feel.

Blessings.

NW - There is no problem with small groups. I LOVE small groups - just AFTER having met at least one person from a church group/church setting.

[inthepink]

NW - I do have another question for you. How are people assigned to small groups in your church?