Help me! My dilemma with my daughter's hair.

neet4 · Nov 16, 2006

This is my first post, but I'm on this forum all the time reading and learning.

I am considering putting a relaxer in my 7 year old's hair. I'm not trying to make it bone straight, I just want to be able to comb it with more ease. So, I would not leave the relaxer in very long. Her hair often feels dry and hard, like wool. I have used all kinds of products that have been recommended. The one that always helps me to comb through her hair is Qhemet Olive Cream Detangler. That stuff works like magic, but I feel like I need to do more for her hair. I am considering the Phyto relaxer or ORS Olive relaxer.

The problem is that I feel that because her hair is so "nappy" (for lack of a better word), I know her hair breaks when I comb it. It is really nappy at the roots. It takes me forever just to part it so that I can braid it. I literally have to "work through" her hair inch by inch when I am parting it. And when I wash her hair, that seems to be an all day process......wash, condition, detangle, comb out, braid.

I just think that if I put a relaxer in her hair for just a few minutes, her hair would be easier to comb, easier to manage, and there would not be as much breakage. My thinking is that it would actually be better for her or benefit her more than what I am doing now.

I hope this all make sense and that you get what I am trying to say. Please don't slam me for using the word "nappy". I'm just looking for your opinions about what I should do.

JLove74 · Nov 16, 2006

STOP, Don't put a relaxer in that child's head....

I just think that 7 years old is way too young. What about braids or an old fashion press-n-curl?

Armyqt · Nov 16, 2006

Please don't put a relaxer in her hair. It sounds like your baby's hair needs moisture. I will help you. I have a 9 yr old and she has a head full of hair, so I know what it's like to deal with that. But please no relaxer yet. We don't know what type of chemicals is really in it and how it affects hormonal levels. Send me a PM with her regime and I will make some recommendations. You can check out my daughter's hair album to see how I care for it.

Oh and welcome

Royal Glory · Nov 16, 2006

I agree. Try to hold out a few more years. I know it can be difficult. I had three girls (grown now)...all with different textures and all long. Hair washing day was the day we were all mad at each other...a lotta yelling and crying! :cry3:

But maybe you can take her to get it braided, sometimes and just moisturize really often.

Best wishes! Hang in there.

JazzyDez · Nov 16, 2006

I think it is way to soon to put a relaxer in her hair. With time you will learn how to handle her hair. I reccomend s-curl to everyone....it soften the hair and makes it easier to handle. My hair thrived when it was natural as a child....it all fell out once I started relaxing.

blackbarbie · Nov 16, 2006

I agree with what the other ladies suggested. It sounds like it needs some moisture. You may even need to mix up a concoction in a spray bottle and mist the hair as you are combing it too to make it easier to comb.

Another thing that may help is blowdrying her hair after you have washed and dried it; it would straighten it out a bit and should keep it manageable until the next wash.

neet4 · Nov 16, 2006

I really do want to wait on the relaxer. I try to wash and braid her hair on the weekends and it stays braided all week. Her hair is too thick and coarse for me to try to do it every day.

My sister-in-law made the comment that I think I'm saving my daughter's hair by not relaxing it and that I am really just combing her hair out because it's so nappy.

What about a Vigorol? Anybody ever heard of that? It's supposed to just make the hair a little softer and easier to comb.

PretteePlease · Nov 16, 2006

condition her hair w/ a moisturizing conditioner and cover w/ a hot steamy towel comb out and ponytail off in about 9 sections then rinse the individual sections and style as usual i think this method might provide some help

Armyqt · Nov 16, 2006

neet4 said:
I really do want to wait on the relaxer. I try to wash and braid her hair on the weekends and it stays braided all week. Her hair is too thick and coarse for me to try to do it every day.

My sister-in-law made the comment that I think I'm saving my daughter's hair by not relaxing it and that I am really just combing her hair out because it's so nappy.

What about a Vigorol? Anybody ever heard of that? It's supposed to just make the hair a little softer and easier to comb.

The vigorol is probably worse than a relaxer. Trust me when I tell you that yoour baby hair is NOT nappy. It just needs moisture. I had a friend who had a little girl (3 at the time) and her hair was really short and coarse. It was definitely 4b. WEll she was always complaining about her hair and how hard it was to work with. So I told her to bring her to me and I would show her she was wrong. I pre-pooed her hair and deep conditioned it and her hair was so soft and moisturized. When her mom picked her up, she was in amazement. I explained to her what to do and she couldn't believe how well it worked for her. All your baby's hair need is a little TLC.

On another note, please do not complain about your daughter's hair anymore or let others do it. It will damage her self esteem.

Spidergul · Nov 16, 2006

Armyqt said:
Please don't put a relaxer in her hair. It sounds like your baby's hair needs moisture. I will help you. I have a 9 yr old and she has a head full of hair, so I know what it's like to deal with that. But please no relaxer yet. We don't know what type of chemicals is really in it and how it affects hormonal levels. Send me a PM with her regime and I will make some recommendations. You can check out my daughter's hair album to see how I care for it.

Oh and welcome

Army, Can you also PM me too.

I dont plan on relaxing my daughters hair, but I woul like some new ideas on how to care for her hair. Thanks

By the way I loved the way you braided your daughters hair.

LocksOfLuV · Nov 16, 2006

A lot of people say Scurl is a saviour for natural hair, I would try that.

Armyqt · Nov 16, 2006

Spidergul said:
Army, Can you also PM me too.

I dont plan on relaxing my daughters hair, but I woul like some new ideas on how to care for her hair. Thanks By the way I loved the way you braided your daughters hair.

Sure no problem

camellia · Nov 16, 2006

I agree with the ladies who say don't relax the child's hair.

It sounds to me like her hair is very dry. Have you tried combing it only when it it loaded with conditioner? It will probably make hair washing days a lot easier on both of you. There is a night and day difference in combing wet and dry hair. Use a very wide toothed comb, K-cutter is a good one to try.

A good leave in conditioner and some avocado butter to seal it in would also probably help. If her hair stays moisturized it will be much easier to deal with when it's time to comb it again.

Also, washing her hair sections might help cut down on the tangles. I'm sure your baby's hair is beautiful, and when you have a routine down for washing and braiding it, you will both appreciate it much more.

Spidergul · Nov 16, 2006

blackbarbie said:
I agree with what the other ladies suggested. It sounds like it needs some moisture. You may even need to mix up a concoction in a spray bottle and mist the hair as you are combing it too to make it easier to comb.

Another thing that may help is blowdrying her hair after you have washed and dried it; it would straighten it out a bit and should keep it manageable until the next wash.

I have to comb my daughters hair while wet. Once it dries, it's uncombable :lol:

! Blow drying is not an option.
She is in tears and I am at my wits end. I mix up some sulfur 8 lite, coconut hair oil and for the life of me I can't think of the other grease, but it's black and stinks, in a jar and apply that while I comb, all the while spraying/misting her hair with water. I plait or twist it. After it dries or in a day or so, I will go back and flat iron it. Her hair is much more manageable when wet.

kbragg · Nov 16, 2006

Check out www.growafrohairlong.com especially the combing and brushing. It's helped me tons with my girls (even though they don't have type 4 hair they're both VERY wild and the hair is a matted mess at the end of the day and stinks like outside

erplexed). They don't tear up anymore when I comb their hair. Angel is begging me to let her sit under the dryer too :lol:

kristie21 · Nov 16, 2006

OOO NO! Please don't do it! Please take the words of advice from these ladies and try other techniques to moisterize and soften your little girl's hair. I say this because the topic hits home for me. My mother began to relax my natural past APL hair when I was 7 years old. I remember so well because my Dad had gotten so angry with her for doing it that they didnt speak for a couple of days. My Mom would complain to my aunts how my hair was too thick and unmanageable and she just had to do it. While the relaxer left my hair straight..it did WAY more damage. My hair began to break and eventually I had to cut most of it off (up to my jaw :eek:

) If I could go back and change it I sure would! Have you ever taken her to get a Dominican blowout? My friend owns a Dominican salon and I can tell you that I've seen them work wonders on little girls thick/coarse hair. But I agree with the other ladies...MOISTURE will solve the problem.

~*~ShopAholic~*~ · Nov 16, 2006

What type of shampoo and conditioner are you using? it may just not be good enough in the moisture department for your daughter hair. It maybe time to sample different moisturizing poo and cond. for her hair. Cream of Nature detangling poo is suppose to be a great one. i would also DC her hair under the dryer w/a plastic cap for atleast 10-20 min. every poo day. and let the hair air dry in large box platts, but be sure to add your leave-ins before platting it up. The next day it should be much easier to part through and comb. Dominican conditioners are great for softening the hair.

I've used Vigorol plenty of times and if you think her hair is dry now it will be even dryer after the Vigorol. You really have to know what to use to replace the moisture lost, but if your having a hard time finding a moisturizer that is good for her hair that is not a good option right now, it will remove the bulk but along w/any moisture she has.

neet4 · Nov 16, 2006

I guess the dryness and rough feel does come from a lack of moisture. I have tried so many products though. Qhemet works better than any other, but after a while it seemed like I wasn't getting the same good results. I do the ACV rinses sometimes and sometimes I will use a clarifying shampoo to get rid of product buildup.

I don't talk bad about my daughter's hair to her, but she dreads wash day because it's a long process. I try to make it better by letting her control the remote control for the TV and giving her stretch and snack breaks. I also have a 3 year old and her hair feels rougher than the 7 year old, but I knew not to ask about a relaxer for her. I alternate the Saturdays that I wash their hair.

I think all of my family is just waiting for the day I put a relaxer in her hair. I definitely feel pressure from them. Her hair just seems to get thicker, but not longer. I came here because I knew you all would put me in the right direction.

~*~ShopAholic~*~ · Nov 16, 2006

Another thing you can try as your final comb through is Roux Porosity Control condtioner, it should start helping your daughters hair obsorb moisture better and it's also great for softening and detangling.

cutiebe2 · Nov 16, 2006

also remember that as we become more knowledgable about hair care, we realize what a big job it is to take care of relaxed hair. I believe that job should never be put on you by someone else. If your daughter wants to relax her hair years down the road, then more power too her, but right now she has no say in the matter.
I agree with everyone that her hair is probably just dry. When you think you have put enough moisturizer, put a little more.. that way you are really giving her the amount she needs

ChocoKitty · Nov 16, 2006

PLEASE DON'T DO IT!!!

I've known serveral girls who had long thick hair when they were young. But after they recieved relaxers--it was all over. As they got older they're hair became shorter and shorter...

Spidergul · Nov 16, 2006

neet4 said:
I guess the dryness and rough feel does come from a lack of moisture. I have tried so many products though. Qhemet works better than any other, but after a while it seemed like I wasn't getting the same good results. I do the ACV rinses sometimes and sometimes I will use a clarifying shampoo to get rid of product buildup.

I don't talk bad about my daughter's hair to her, but she dreads wash day because it's a long process. I try to make it better by letting her control the remote control for the TV and giving her stretch and snack breaks. I also have a 3 year old and her hair feels rougher than the 7 year old, but I knew not to ask about a relaxer for her. I alternate the Saturdays that I wash their hair.

I think all of my family is just waiting for the day I put a relaxer in her hair. I definitely feel pressure from them. Her hair just seems to get thicker, but not longer. I came here because I knew you all would put me in the right direction.

Sounds like hair wash day around my home too.

I too feel pressure from one of my husbands sisters. I am terrified that she will perm my daughters hair behind my back!

She always talks about how she did her daughters at the age of 7.

CAPlush · Nov 16, 2006

It will actually be more work to properly maintain a relaxer because then you will have to constantly be vigilant about protein/moisture balance, and also the risk of over-processing. If you are able to do this, then I think it is ok to relax her hair. You are the mother, and I hope no one here made you feel like you would be a bad mother if you made that choice for your daughter. Make sure you are fully informed about the risk, and that you are able to fully commit yourself to caring for your daughter's tex-laxed hair because relaxers are absolutely not a substitute for proper conditioning and proper/patient handling, it just entails a somewhat more aggressive conditioning regimen.

Qetesh · Nov 16, 2006

I also would NOT suggest a relaxer for her hair, have you tried Hot oil treatments to soften her hair
Some hair responds better to oils than grease and VS versa.
If I were you I would continue to try different methods also be sure to moisturize her hair every day even if you are not going to comb thro it that day, this way when wash day comes it will be easier to deal with.
When I was young my mother would plait my hair up daily and use the dreaded PINK OIL on it in fact thatâ€™s all she used, my hair would actually drink it so I guess different things can work on different people. My hair was also mid back length at age 7.
She also always put me in pigtails.

Another suggestion is to have her hair put in a nice cornrow style, even possibly but some beading on the end or extra hair in to make it last longer, just make sure whoever does it knows what they are doing and doesnâ€™t braid it too tight this should keep for 2weeks or more.

Donâ€™t give up the Dominican blow out may also be a good option.

calliope · Nov 16, 2006

The thing to remember is once we get some sort of chemical treatment, we are usually married to it until we cut that hair off. Seven is kind of young. I wish that my mother had not relaxed my hair so early and just looked for alternate methods to keep it soft. This is also probably one of the reasons that we have so many problems with our edges -chemical services too often and too early. Maybe try pressing or braids- I hope you find a great solution!

Spidergul · Nov 16, 2006

CAPlush said:
It will actually be more work to properly maintain a relaxer because then you will have to constantly be vigilant about protein/moisture balance, and also the risk of over-processing. If you are able to do this, then I think it is ok to relax her hair. You are the mother, and I hope no one here made you feel like you would be a bad mother if you made that choice for your daughter. Make sure you are fully informed about the risk, and that you are able to fully commit yourself to caring for your daughter's tex-laxed hair because relaxers are absolutely not a substitute for proper conditioning and proper/patient handling, it just entails a somewhat more aggressive conditioning regimen.

This is the reason I will not perm my daughters hair. I am too busy to do all that to my head, to have to do it for 2. :eek:

I can get away with washing and plaiting her hair and not having to do it again for 2 weeks sometimes. Her hair is pretty thick and strong. I just make sure and oil her scalp every other day.

neet4 · Nov 16, 2006

You all have convinced me that relaxing is not a good idea. I will take your suggestions about different things to try. I was so close to ordering that Phyto relaxer!

Spidergul, we can compare notes about what works since our daughters seem to have the same type of hair.

Give me names of good Dominican products to try. I guess I can order online. I don't know of any Domincan salons where I live.

thefineprint · Nov 16, 2006

To me it sounds like the problem is that you are combing and trying to 'fix' her hair. If her hair is natural then of course it will be hard to comb. I never comb my hair either. Give her a good conditioning treatment, then try to detangle and finger comb into some cute braids or twists. I'm not against relaxers at all, but 7 years old is too young in my opinion

rocky · Nov 16, 2006

I'm so glad to see you are climbing off of the relaxer ledge. :lol:

Seriously, my daughter's roots were a bird's nest until I started using the lime and coconut milk recipe. I apply it 30 minutes before washing and it makes her roots like butta. I make a batch of the stuff using one can coconut milk, 1/2 c lime juice and mix. I leave it in the back of my fridge until I need it. Then I apply it like a relaxer.

HTH

Candiss · Nov 16, 2006

I keep plugging this but it's good so I gotta. Try to use generic Cetaphil skin cleanser to detangle her hair. First wet the hair maybe while she is in the tub. Then put this in her hair. This stuff is the best detangler ever. Then after you do the condition and wash, etc. Use some S-curl or Organic Kids detangler of whatever works. You may not like the Cetaphil but the point is to search for something that will detangle. Also, try using the cetaphil to detangle before you wash and then braid her hair in 5 or 6 large braids or twists, then proceed to wash and condition, this should help a lot. And try adding detangling moisturizer to hair braids EVER night. All of these things helped me tremendously and my hair is so dry and tangles like crazy. Please don't perm her hair yet. Just try some of the advice we give you and see if it helps

Help me! My dilemma with my daughter's hair.

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