Former naturals: Did Lack of time & styling skills lead you to relax/heat train?

I'm considering this because my DH is tired of my protective styling and I have zero styling skills despite my many attempts. Best I can do is a puff (which makes me look like a 3-yo) or a bun (which makes me look like an old lady, and I don't want to be in a bun all the time anyway!)

And I have lack of time for these marathon detangling/deshedding/SSK snipping sessions.

Anyone made the choice to go back to relaxers/texlax or heat train for these reasons? How did your thought process go for it? Do you regret it? Any advice?

Eta..I should have titled this a little differently because I still consider heat trained as natural hair.

I did a bc, grew it out and then texlaxed for a total of 5 years. I have been relaxed for the last 2. I don't miss being natural. For me, it was a lot of work and I got tired of wearing my hair in the same style.

I have not so recently cut my hair from SL to an above the ear short bob. No regrets.

Hi Charla I'm relaxed however I was just wondering why you went natural in the first place. I know a lot of ladies hate the lack of texture and experience thinness with relaxers. Maybe one option could be texlaxing or maybe texturizing? That way you can style easiily in less time and it may be easier for you to do the styles that your DH likes. By texturizing you can still have curls and thickness.

This is just a suggestion though. Good luck and whatever you do I'm sure it will grow to be long and healthy

I was feeling the same as u op. First i started texlaxing, now im back to relaxing. No I do not regret relaxing my hair. When I was natural, i could never get my hair to look how I wanted it to. I would always end up blow drying or flati ironing my hair into the styles I liked. I was also tired of the shrinkage. I say relax if that's what you want to do as long as you take care of your relaxed hair you should be fine

Yes!!! I went natural 2 times before this and relaxed because I had issues with manageability

I tried going natural in 1999 stayed natural for 2 years, gave up when my hair got too long (only abt BSB), relaxed for maybe 2 years, then went natural again for about a year and a half (this experience was worse than the last in terms of manageability).

stayed relaxed from 2005 - nov 2009 . been natural since and have no intention to relax ever again.

the main difference is that I know how to manage my hair. Im abt 2 inches away from APL and it takes me 15 mins to detangle and between 30 - 90 mins to twist my hair depending on how small I do the twists.

In fact doing my hair is relaxing !

I don't think I could ever go back bone straight. That is way too much work and I like coily hair. I chose the texturized road again because I can have the best of both worlds. Even though I never leave the curly world at least I have the option.

I just didn't like the way I looked as a natural. I was that way for 6 years. I have now relaxed and like the way I look even when I don't have weave in my head. It's your head do what you desire. You have the resources to have healthy hair no matter how its cared for via natural or relaxed.

It was the lack of time mostly that made me go back to the crack. I wouldn't say I have any regrets becuz I love being able to do my hair in less than 5mins but I do find myself in the natural threads and looking at alot of natural utubers. I miss my natural tresses but not willing to add hair drama to my schedule just yet.

BKT and henna'd for straighter hair. It was the time and the ssks. Also the need to wash more than once a week with 4b hair. I don't like braids (I have a young face and that doesn't help) and I have fine hair that is better off stretched. I decided to retry BKT again after the first go round damaged my remaining relaxed ends.

I don't regret it, my hair isn't straight or even close but it works much better for my life style than before, I wear it wavy curly most of the time.

I now know how to take care of my hair better and that is the more important thing.

Charla said:

I'm considering this because my DH is tired of my protective styling and I have zero styling skills despite my many attempts. Best I can do is a puff (which makes me look like a 3-yo) or a bun (which makes me look like an old lady, and I don't want to be in a bun all the time anyway!)

And I have lack of time for these marathon detangling/deshedding/SSK snipping sessions.

Anyone made the choice to go back to relaxers/texlax or heat train for these reasons? How did your thought process go for it? Do you regret it? Any advice?

Eta..I should have titled this a little differently because I still consider heat trained as natural hair.

Click to expand...

I am style challenged relaxed and natural so I have no where to go.

lovebug10 said:

Hi @Charla I'm relaxed however I was just wondering why you went natural in the first place. I know a lot of ladies hate the lack of texture and experience thinness with relaxers. Maybe one option could be texlaxing or maybe texturizing? That way you can style easiily in less time and it may be easier for you to do the styles that your DH likes. By texturizing you can still have curls and thickness.

This is just a suggestion though. Good luck and whatever you do I'm sure it will grow to be long and healthy

Click to expand...

Thanks lovebug10 I first went natural about 10 yrs ago because I felt like I needed to start from scratch from my relaxed hair b/c it was in bad shape. I only stayed natural for about 3 months b/c I had no idea what I was doing or resources to learn from. Late 2010, I decided to really learn how to make my relaxed hair thrive, and in casual convo with my sister, she told me how she recently discovered an "underground world" of natural chicks on YT who knew what they were doing and their natural hair was the bomb! After watching countless YT videos, I decided that I could make my natural hair thrive like I tried 10 years earlier...but this time with the right resources. And really, my natural hair is doing good in health and lenght (21 months post I'm all natural APL), but the lack of huge amounts of time and mediocre styling is stealing my joy of being natural. It really is.

SimJam said:

Yes!!! I went natural 2 times before this and relaxed because I had issues with manageability

I tried going natural in 1999 stayed natural for 2 years, gave up when my hair got too long (only abt BSB), relaxed for maybe 2 years, then went natural again for about a year and a half (this experience was worse than the last in terms of manageability).

stayed relaxed from 2005 - nov 2009 . been natural since and have no intention to relax ever again.

the main difference is that I know how to manage my hair. Im abt 2 inches away from APL and it takes me 15 mins to detangle and between 30 - 90 mins to twist my hair depending on how small I do the twists.

In fact doing my hair is relaxing !

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SimJam how do you do this? There's no way I can detangle my hair in 15 minutes, and that is even though my hair mainly stays in celies. And when it's not in celies and I just have it in a fro/wng, it literally takes me 2 days to detangle (7 hours each day!) I've done this too many times. And my detangling conditioner is super slippery esp with my oils. The problem is my hair just wants to wrap around itself and stay all hugged up together and even mat together if I'm not careful. I actually have to redo my celies in my nape weekly because that area mats that fast. My sister suggested I buy "No More Tangles" because my mom used it on my lil sister when we were kids because she had 6zzzz hair. (we used to call it "No More Napps" and she hated us for it now I'm the one buying it!) I just got it tonight so I don't know how well it'll work. But even it it works, I still have no styling skills and I refuse to be doomed to the puff

And you say your hair sessions are relaxing. It's so funny you say that because just tonight when I was discussing all this with my DH, I told him every time I have to work on my hair it's extremely stressful and no enjoyment in it.

firecracker said:

I don't think I could ever go back bone straight. That is way too much work and I like coily hair. I chose the texturized road again because I can have the best of both worlds. Even though I never leave the curly world at least I have the option.

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Thanks, firecracker lovebug mentioned texlaxing too. That is a completely new world to me for my hair. I have no idea how to do it (of course I'll research it well) or how my hair will look with it. I just don't know what to expect. But I don't think I want bonelaxed hair anymore.

My styling skills were on point but I lacked the time natural hair required. I went back to the relaxer and don't regret it at all. I would like to be natural again someday though. I think you should go ahead and relax. The good thing is that you can always go back!

Charla I've texturized twice so far this time. 1st application was NYE and the 2nd was June 1. I have been contemplating coloring w/semi permanent dye so that I can see the new growth better and not overlap the next time I texturize. I want to keep my gray streak so I'm going to only dye the rest of my hair. The grays have a mind of their own anyways. LOL

Charla said:

SimJam how do you do this? There's no way I can detangle my hair in 15 minutes, and that is even though my hair mainly stays in celies. And when it's not in celies and I just have it in a fro/wng, it literally takes me 2 days to detangle (7 hours each day!) I've done this too many times. And my detangling conditioner is super slippery esp with my oils. The problem is my hair just wants to wrap around itself and stay all hugged up together and even mat together if I'm not careful. I actually have to redo my celies in my nape weekly because that area mats that fast. My sister suggested I buy "No More Tangles" because my mom used it on my lil sister when we were kids because she had 6zzzz hair. (we used to call it "No More Napps" and she hated us for it now I'm the one buying it!) I just got it tonight so I don't know how well it'll work. But even it it works, I still have no styling skills and I refuse to be doomed to the puff

And you say your hair sessions are relaxing. It's so funny you say that because just tonight when I was discussing all this with my DH, I told him every time I have to work on my hair it's extremely stressful and no enjoyment in it.

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OMG Charla I really hope you can find a way to reduce your detangling sessions that just not practical and Im sure would lead me to search for an easier alternative.

Firstly it is 100% for my hair to unmanageable ie: if its dry and my cuticles are raised. The second time I went natural I actually ended up at my hair dresser with a comb tangled up in my hair LOL. And the first time being natural I remember it taking like 8 - 10 hours to wash detangle and twist - But that was before LHCF

Iin a nutshell

I keep my hair tangle free between washes
I keep my hair moisturized even during wash time (which reduces shrinkage and tangling)
I use products that provide slip and reduce tangles/SSKs (conditioners, teas and aloe vera juice)

These methods I use have been developed over 2+ years

Im going to go through everything I do in detail so that you may find a technique or product that may help you.

1. Styles

My main styles are twists, twist outs and shingled "wash and goes"
I dont allow my hair to tangle in the first place.

for twists and twist outs I make sure I smooth out each section with my fingers or tangle teaser yes I said tangle teaser so that there are no tangles hidden in the twists ... this will only serve as a gathering place for my shed hairs to hang out and get comfy

with wash an gos ... again I cant just wash, shake and go ... well I could, but then Id have some nasty tangles.

shingling basically sets my hair into detangled clumps ... I keep that for 1 week then wash out (this detangling session will take longer than others - hence I dont do wash and gos regularly, maybe once every 2 - 3 months)

2. Maintenance
I do some unconventional things

washing

I wash my hair loose (its what works for me)
I DONT wash in twists or plaits - my hair will loc up and tangle even if I detangled before - go figure

I use conditioner cleansers/sulphate free poos
I also always pre-poo before washing with a poo that suds (i used diluted Dr Bronners - been using for the last 2+ years )
when my hair lacks moisture it shrinks up something fierce and thats when I will get tangles. I noticed this when I switched to sulphate free poos ie: My fro after washing was much less compact (less shrinkage) hence less opportunity for my strands to get over comfy with each other

Aloe Vera Juice
This is my most valuable product, it is a great detangler for me (apparently it closes cuticles and reduces SSKs) I use this as the last step of my washing process. And it has pretty much eliminated dry tangley ends which hampered my retention alllllll of last year !!!!

I also tried tea rinses just this weekend and really like them (ingredients like marshmallow, burdock root, nettle, horsetail, hibiscus and rose hips all have general beneficial qualities and seem to help with moisture and detangling)

Maintenance between washes

detangling
(remember I only wear styles that dont tangle my hair in the first place)

I first spritz my hair with a herbal tea made with aloevera juice, then I part my hair in 4 sections and secure with bands. Then I take down each section and apply a conditioner that gives me slip (i use tresseme naturals) and finger detangle each section and twist each section up into 2 or 3 (so I end up with 8 or 12 sections)

This actually takes about 20 minutes (when I include the parting and twisting)

If Im doing a prepoo I then add some oil over each detangled section and put a plastic cap over it and go to sleep - the next morning my hair is super soft and detangled.

before I wash I take out the twists and do a quick finger comb

Styling

twists
again I separate hair into 4, then break down each section into maybe 12 - 15 twists (I just counted them lol) This will take me abt 60 - 90 minutes

If Im twisting my hair for a twistout I do less twists about 4 - 5 per section - this will take me about 20 - 30 minutes

I dont keep twists in more than 1 week (my hair will start tangling and never ever wash my hair in twists - tangle mania)


Hope this helps ... please ask any questions you need for clarification.
I really really really hope you can get your hair to a more manageable state. I know everyones hair is different but Im sure there is some product or method that will work for you

Oh and with regards to finding doing my hair relaxing .... I actually look forward to it ... if Im having a stressful week at work I cant wait for the weekend so I can do my hair or I'll do a mid week co-wash.

I love the scent of the products I use, sitting under the steamer is relaxing, and I love playing in my hair

hair shouldnt be stressful so if natural or the methods u are now using arent working for you, then find something thats easier for you makes no sense to be a martyr for some hair lol

I recently texturized because I was fed up of the frizz. I'm also style challenged, but honestly I don't want (or have any time for) to do anything more than WnG's or twist out's anyway. The tangles were annoying, and I had to use more product to keep my hair defined. Being texturized means my hair looks exactly how I want it to all the time, and detangling is quick and easy. Hair should be cute, and fun!

MrsJaiDiva said:

I recently texturized because I was fed up of the frizz. I'm also style challenged, but honestly I don't want (or have any time for) to do anything more than WnG's or twist out's anyway. The tangles were annoying, and I had to use more product to keep my hair defined. Being texturized means my hair looks exactly how I want it to all the time, and detangling is quick and easy. Hair should be cute, and fun!

Click to expand...

exactly

It was a combo of all of these for me. Detangling was painful and took hours, applying products was harder because of the thickness, Dryness was a major problem, more things would get stuck in my hair etc. Even though most of these problems are fixable, it was time consuming, and I was tired of waking up extra early to do my hair. It didnt look right either, at least not on me. An afro just didnt match my facial shape.

I'm texlaxed because I couldn't stand the ssk's anymore, it was killing my retention rate. Plus my hair would shrink up too much.

Being texlaxed, I can do wash and go's easily, I can straighten my hair with little fanfare.

Being texlaxed is the best of both worlds. I plan to only texlax twice a year during the summer.

For me it did. Once my hair got to APL I was all out of ideas for styles that felt like a me style. So I relaxed due to not having the know how. I never straightened my natural hair in adulthood, truly didn't think about it. So variety is something I am looking forward too.

I'm a 4b. I only wore my hair in mini twists. I tried twist outs but it was too much work in the am not to mention too much work at night before going to bed. I couldn't get it flat ironed because of heat damage. Them mini twists just took too dang long! I relaxed and never looked back. I'm all about what's convenient and for me, relaxed hair takes way less time.

I'm a former relaxed and resumed natural I guess...
I relaxed my hair the first time as a kid and thought that was my ticket to doing all the things I wanted to do with my hair, but then wanted to try out my natural texture in my teens. I had zero know how and kept straightening/damaging my hair. Eventually I realized there was no point going natural to straighten it all the time and damage it.
Relaxed again, got bored and saw the different styles of naturals online. Here I am still natural 5 years this year, its at the longest and healthiest ever and I don't spend much time on it. I guess because I can braid it, or don't mind leaving it bushy sometimes (looks better on my face shape anyway).

SimJam Thank you! I really appreciate the help and detail you've outlined here!

f its dry and my cuticles are raised. The second time I went natural I actually ended up at my hair dresser with a comb tangled up in my hair LOL. And the first time being natural I remember it taking like 8 - 10 hours to wash detangle and twist - But that was before LHCF

Click to expand...

[

B]Aloe Vera Juice[/B]
This is my most valuable product, it is a great detangler for me (apparently it closes cuticles and reduces SSKs) I use this as the last step of my washing process. And it has pretty much eliminated dry tangley ends which hampered my retention alllllll of last year !!!!

I also tried tea rinses just this weekend and really like them (ingredients like marshmallow, burdock root, nettle, horsetail, hibiscus and rose hips all have general beneficial qualities and seem to help with moisture and detangling)

Click to expand...

I wonder if my matting and tangles could be due to my cuticles being lifted. Even just a few days ago, I detangled in small sections upon removing my celies. Then I decided to just divide my hair in 5 big sections to cowash and M&S. Then I banded those 5 sections. In the morning, when I tried to take it down, I thought it would be easy breezy since it was already fully detangled and M&S, but it had already started to do spider web matting from the roots down the length and tangled ends even though it was seperated. I really wonder if that's because the cuticle is raised. I was reading that thread on avj and maybe doing a spray of avj before I M&S will help to smooth the cuticles. I'll start that on next wash. And when I detangle, I always do the 3-comb method using my seamless combs from root to tip. I make sure that by the 3rd comb which is the fine one that it can go through my section effortlessly from root to tip. So I know I'm getting rid of all the shed hairs.

And yes, my wash/detangle/celie sessions take me 8-10 hours -- and that's going from celie to celie not fro/WnG to celie! Like I mentioned before, detangling from a fro/WnG takes me 2 days!

Iin a nutshell

I keep my hair tangle free between washes
I keep my hair moisturized even during wash time (which reduces shrinkage and tangling)
I use products that provide slip and reduce tangles/SSKs (conditioners, teas and aloe vera juice)

These methods I use have been developed over 2+ years

Im going to go through everything I do in detail so that you may find a technique or product that may help you.

1. Styles

My main styles are twists, twist outs and shingled "wash and goes"
I dont allow my hair to tangle in the first place.

for twists and twist outs I make sure I smooth out each section with my fingers or tangle teaser yes I said tangle teaser so that there are no tangles hidden in the twists ... this will only serve as a gathering place for my shed hairs to hang out and get comfy

with wash an gos ... again I cant just wash, shake and go ... well I could, but then Id have some nasty tangles.

shingling basically sets my hair into detangled clumps ... I keep that for 1 week then wash out (this detangling session will take longer than others - hence I dont do wash and gos regularly, maybe once every 2 - 3 months)

2. Maintenance
I do some unconventional things

washing

I wash my hair loose (its what works for me)
I DONT wash in twists or plaits - my hair will loc up and tangle even if I detangled before - go figure

I use conditioner cleansers/sulphate free poos
I also always pre-poo before washing with a poo that suds (i used diluted Dr Bronners - been using for the last 2+ years )
when my hair lacks moisture it shrinks up something fierce and thats when I will get tangles. I noticed this when I switched to sulphate free poos ie: My fro after washing was much less compact (less shrinkage) hence less opportunity for my strands to get over comfy with each other

Click to expand...

After I've fully detangled, and my hair is coated in oil and conditioner and separated into 5 sections, I wash my scalp one loose section at a time with sulfate free shampoo and then rinse out the conditioner and oil and shampoo at one time then clip it up and move to the next section. I wonder could me maniupatling my roots in the shower like that be causing me to start my hair on the road to tangles??? But I make sure it' all smooth and I even run my fingers through the length, so IDK. It could just be a matter of my cuticles being raised.

Maintenance between washes

detangling
(remember I only wear styles that dont tangle my hair in the first place)

I first spritz my hair with a herbal tea made with aloevera juice, then I part my hair in 4 sections and secure with bands. Then I take down each section and apply a conditioner that gives me slip (i use tresseme naturals) and finger detangle each section and twist each section up into 2 or 3 (so I end up with 8 or 12 sections)

This actually takes about 20 minutes (when I include the parting and twisting)

If Im doing a prepoo I then add some oil over each detangled section and put a plastic cap over it and go to sleep - the next morning my hair is super soft and detangled.

before I wash I take out the twists and do a quick finger comb

Styling

twists
again I separate hair into 4, then break down each section into maybe 12 - 15 twists (I just counted them lol) This will take me abt 60 - 90 minutes

If Im twisting my hair for a twistout I do less twists about 4 - 5 per section - this will take me about 20 - 30 minutes

I dont keep twists in more than 1 week (my hair will start tangling and never ever wash my hair in twists - tangle mania)

Click to expand...

How are you preserving your twistouts at night and how are you refreshing them as the days passed. Did you mentioned that upthread already? I'll check.

I am cracking up at myself as I read how fast you can do your twists. I did just 4 twists last night for a bang (to go along with my toddler puff!) and it took me upwards of 30 minutes to separate it out, detangle AGAIN!, spritz with water and M&S and put in those 4 twists (2 flat twists, 2 regular twists)! And you can do your whole head in 20-30 minutes! I gots work to do to improve my skills!!

Hope this helps ... please ask any questions you need for clarification.
I really really really hope you can get your hair to a more manageable state. I know everyones hair is different but Im sure there is some product or method that will work for you

Click to expand...

This helps tremendously! Thanks again because I truly WANT to stay natural. And if I can just manage to significantly reduce the time it takes me to do my hair from beginning to end (end being full detangled and M&S, not styling) then I'll just keep practicing different styles to work away from the puff. Heck I'll even practice my twists better so it doesn't take me 30 minutes to do 4 twists! That's just sad!

MrsJaiDiva said:

Hair should be cute, and fun!

Click to expand...

I totally agree!

SimJam said:

Oh and with regards to finding doing my hair relaxing .... I actually look forward to it ... if Im having a stressful week at work I cant wait for the weekend so I can do my hair or I'll do a mid week co-wash.

I love the scent of the products I use, sitting under the steamer is relaxing, and I love playing in my hair

hair shouldnt be stressful so if natural or the methods u are now using arent working for you, then find something thats easier for you makes no sense to be a martyr for some hair lol

Click to expand...

That describes how I how looked forward to my hair sessions when it was relaxed. It was easy, fun, enjoyable and totally relaxing and pampering. Now it feels like my hair sessions mean going to war and cutting off all communication with my family until my mission is complete! I can't tell you how many times I couldn't talk on the phone with my sister or go out with my Dh and kids because I was in the middle of battle...errr, hair session! And HOURS later my sister would call back or my family would return and I'm STILL doing my darn hair. Ridiculous! But if I try to rush through the matting and tangling, I'll end up ripping my hair, so the slow path I go.

I was textlaxed for 3 years....I decided to stretch from '10 to '11. Long story short, I was in a relationship from '11 - '12 and I let my hair go due to the maintainence that I did not maintain. So my hair became unhealthy. From flat ironing thru my stretch to stress, fighting, ssk's from washing 1x a week. My natural hair was in a horrible state. When I straighten my hair, it was as though I relaxed it but I had serious frizz. So I started using the Curly Girl Method and gave up silicones. But my natural state is far gone. So I relaxed and hopefully, using gentle natural hair care practices, silicone practices, has my relaxed hair will be straight, my natural hair should be untouch from heat and silicones. When I decided to go back to natural.....I'll transition leaving my new growth healthy

I am a 4B that just BTK'ed this weekend and have been heat trained for 10 months since being natural for 3 years. I had to heat train because my hair is TOO thick for me to even try to handle properly. I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis and detangling in the mornings were pure torture. I had to do what was easiest for me. I miss being a 4B nautral but I couldnt deal with the upkeep. To be honest if this BKT doesnt work out and I decide to go back to being nautral I will be a short haired natural and keep it at that.

I am texlaxed too...right in the middle!
A little water and I have a firm curl pattern
A little steam/heat and I'm straight *nods*

Well my reason was reversion, i could style my hair how I wanted but an hour or so later it would just look frizzy looking like I got up without attempting to do anything with it. I've relaxed twice in the year I've been back and my hair is thriving. Do what makes you happy and ignore the labels

Yeah, pretty much. I do miss my kinks and curls and feel like I could have hung in there a while longer until my hair got bun length, but the maintenance did me in. I can't spend more than 10 minutes a day on my hair or I lose my mind. Wash days would literally be hours and it just wasn't something I was interested in. Would I ever be natural again, absolutely! But, now I have more realistic expecations of what my hair needs.