Should A Pastor’s Wife Be Part Of The Same Church?

Email: I am a pastor’s wife for 2 years, and I have lots of questions. One is should a pastor’s wife be a member of the church her husband is pastoring?


Thoughts Anyone?

If she doesn't I'd say that would be very telling about what kind of relationship they have

You're right Healthy Hair, it would be very telling.

That's almost like asking, should a man and wife live together or sleep in the same bed, or in the same room?

Marriage is not a separate union. God says that the husband and wife are 'ONE', that the two are no more twain, but "One".

Ministry and Marriage are one and the same. God's Word refers to the Church as the Bride of Christ... the unity of 'One'. For a Pastor's wife to not be a member of her husband's Church ... they are not worshiping as 'One' in their marriage.

I hope I explained this without anyone thinking....

There are always exceptions - the judgement should come from the details.

If she met him and they went through the courting with her being a member of a different church then they should have discussed this before marriage.

However I know a number of married couples that met while studying at seminary. They have been called to different churches but are supportive of each others work. I have one friend specifically that I knew who he was dating (courting) and how serious it was long before the general church attending "public" did. When they announced their engagement and marriage to their respective congregations the minions lost their ever loving minds. Clearly she didn't write this letter but I still hear rumblings from others that don't know them only "of" them. Those of us that know them individually and as a couple know how genuine their bond is but that doesn't seem to stop others from trying to start trouble. Its sad actually.

Her husband imho is first the leader, secondly a lover, and the thirdly the most important role is that of the family priest. A husband as the priest of his home should be in charge of the spiritual life and spiritual uplifting for all the residents of said abode. Yet his own wife could not be bothered to join his congregation that in itself would be a major red flag. I don’t know if I explained it in a way that made sense.

Healthy Hair, who's in the picture? I love the red attire.

I agree with bklynbornBbred that it depends on the details.

Back when I first came to Christ, I remember being at a Sunday gathering, and the wife of the founder stood up during testimony time and announced that she would not be attending there anymore. In her words, she said that she "couldn't do it anymore" and there was sadness in her eyes. Without knowing the details behind her decision, I'm sure that some judged her unrighteously based on assumptions. But after I personally witnessed and experienced certain ungodly things that were being taught and done by her husband (with the cooperation of leaders who assisted him), I understood why she "couldn't do it anymore" and left. The founder of this organization played the victim and portrayed himself as a persecuted martyr, and slandered his wife to the congregation. I actually ran into one of his relatives in Walmart, and they expressed that they were very displeased with his behavior. I too believe that the Lord was not pleased either, because He ended up dismantling that organization until they only had 2 members. The founder and his assistant tried to relocate in another state and start over, but it didn't flourish there either. Situations like this show why Jesus said do not judge based on the appearance of things, but to make a righteous judgment. Without knowing the facts, we just don't know. . .

Shimmie said:

Healthy Hair, who's in the picture? I love the red attire.

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just a model, it is nice but just a wee bit too blinged out for me

Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God. Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church. In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce. Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement. The bible says foolish women pull down their houses with their own hands. If the woman does not like the church, she should join and pray him out of the church. This does not apply to a pastor's wife. If a preachers wife is enjoying the word and shouting the walls down, this is a preacher to listen to. He can bless the socks off of his own wife. It is disrespectful not to join your husband who is pastoring. Comments?

that's a thought I had too, about other women zooming in on the no show wifeless Pastor, (some women don't care if the wife is there or not).

felic1 said:

Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God. Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church. In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce. Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement. The bible says foolish women pull down their houses with their own hands. If the woman does not like the church, she should join and pray him out of the church. This does not apply to a pastor's wife. If a preachers wife is enjoying the word and shouting the walls down, this is a preacher to listen to. He can bless the socks off of his own wife. It is disrespectful not to join your husband who is pastoring. Comments?

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I believe each couple needs to do what works in their marriage and work out their own salvation and we should not judge the situation based on things that aren't even written in Scripture. The idea that a wife must attend a church just because her husband is a leader there is based on false assumptions and traditions, not Scripture. The women in the church should not be a determining factor for whether a wife attends the church where her husband is a pastor. There could be many reasons why she doesn't attend. I think most women would gladly be a part of an assembly where their husband is a pastor unless something very serious is going on. In those cases, the absence of the wife is not where the focus should be, but on the bigger picture that's causing her not to attend. For example, I never knew who the wife of the pastor was at the church where I grew up. When my mom mentioned her one day I asked who she was and my mom told me she didn't attend often because her husband, the pastor, had slept with so many women in the church she simply stopped coming.

What if the wife is Catholic and the husband is Baptist?

It's not uncommon, I know a couple that worship at two different churches and it's a strain on their marriage and children, she wont leave because she truly believes that God placed her in this particular church (which her husband asked her to attend with him, he eventually left) and he 'hates' the Pastor.

I'm not sure that we are 'judging', no reason was given why a wife wont attend the church her husband is leading, everyone is weighing in based on opinion and experience.

felic1 said:

Hello Ladies! I glanced at the thread topic in disbelief. A Christian woman married to a pastor is supposed to recognize and pay respect to him as head of the family. Submission is not a bad word. If both are called to ministry they should be able to work out of the same ministry. I do see Mr. Bishop and Mrs. Pastor or co-pastor. A woman refusing to attend the church her husband is pastoring is not in the will of God.

Many women get married attending let's say Greater Macedonia International Ministries. The woman meets and marries a man from Worldwide Blessing Church. I think the woman should follow her husband and join his church, Worldwide Blessing Church. In this way, the women are not approaching him believing him to be single or in the middle of a divorce. Attire for the church can be adapted to for sunday service. This gives the wife leave to enjoy bible study over at Greater Macedonia Intl. This sounds like a workable arrangement.

The bible says foolish women pull down their houses with their own hands.

If the woman does not like the church, she should join and pray him out of the church. This does not apply to a pastor's wife. If a preachers wife is enjoying the word and shouting the walls down, this is a preacher to listen to. He can bless the socks off of his own wife. It is disrespectful not to join your husband who is pastoring.

Comments?

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Comments, you ask... ? You know I got em'...

The order of Marriage is Christ is the Head of the husband, the husband is the head of the wife. As a wife, the husband is her covering, therefore he is also her Pastor at Church and in the home.

Now if the husband is in sin, is preaching heresy and / or rebellious about repentance for his acts, that's another issue totally different from this topic. In such a case, the husband has departed from God and from his wife.

Outside of such circumstances, there's no scriptural reason for the wife of a Pastor to not worship alongside her husband in his Ministry. She is his 'Help Meet Suitable'. All husbands need their wives with them, beside them and before them. Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, are among scriptures to study upon.

Something else is noteworthy:

For a wife to not be alongside her husband is not a good representation of a family nor a marriage. And this has nothing to do with making an unjust assumption (judgment). As the Body of Christ, our foundation is Jesus and our family.

To see a Pastor without his wife plants a subliminal message (a seed) that a Marriage has a 'divide'. Also, what about the children? What 'seed' does this plant for a Pastor's wife and children to be at one Church and not his Church where he pastors? Are their children being told that 'Daddy' is not worthy to listen to and Daddy is not worthy to teach Jesus and that another Pastor from another Church is better than Dad?

Our society has way too many 'excuses' for why we do what we do when we are doing something that we should not do or for not doing what we should do. (I'm spinning with that one too ).

Even Paul speaks of 'Liberty' that is taken out of context.

The maddness needs to halt. And I absolutely love that one of my favorite scriptures fits in with this. Those who know me here, know how I love what Elijah says in I Kings 18:21 ...

"How long will you halt between two opinions?"

How can a wife halt between two opinions? To not attend her husband's Church and support him as a Pastor and yet choose to be 'pastored' under another...

She is indeed halting between two opinions. She is splitting her loyalties which should only belong to the 'One' to whom she has been joined to as 'One'... her husband.

No man (woman) can serve two masters. He (She) will love one and hate the other.

Ephesians 5:22-33 New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—

30 for we are members of his body.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Marriage... God's Gift to Man and Wife

But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding. Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what? Me! I would be moving forward.

I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it. God is first, in-spite of it all. If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.

It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.

@Shimmie I listened to a message by Voddie Baucham (sp?) the other day that has been on the forefront of my mind (hopefully I will find it I'd like to post the link) he speaks on why a woman should not lead a church (something to that effect), I know that this is slightly off topic but the reasons he gives are compelling and scriptural and I'm basing my opinion on it.

This is my opinion; In a case where a woman will not attend her husbands (the Pastor) church should not be because they were 'called' (like a another poster mentioned) to two different churches that goes against what the bible says about the two 'becoming one' and the husband being the head and leaving and cleaving. Many will say that a church 'hired' the Pastor not his wife. I get that and ...saving my place to add I've got to go.

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:

@Shimmie I listened to a message by Voddie Baucham (sp?) the other day that has been on the forefront of my mind (hopefully I will find it I'd like to post the link) he speaks on why a woman should not lead a church (something to that effect), I know that this is slightly off topic but the reasons he gives are compelling and scriptural and I'm basing my opinion on it.

This is my opinion; In a case where a woman will not attend her husbands (the Pastor) church should not be because they were 'called' (like a another poster mentioned) to two different churches that goes against what the bible says about the two 'becoming one' and the husband being the head and leaving and cleaving.

Many will say that a church 'hired' the Pastor not his wife. I get that and ...saving my place to add I've got to go.

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Amen, to the bolded. See you when you return.

I will say this in the meantime:

God is not legalistic in the sense of barking rules and regulations and expecting us to follow Him as robots. He is simply trying to help us avoid the consequences of the actions and decisions that we make against what He advises us not to do. Everything has a consequence and separate worship between a husband and a wife has a consequence...it steals the bonding of being 'One'.

Prayer is intimacy between God and between the hearts, spirits and souls of a man and woman who pray together. If the wife is not present there to pray with her husband during a service, there will be another woman to do so. Who better than the wife to be there to hinder and to put that fire out before the sparks get started.

Shimmie said:

Amen, to the bolded. See you when you return.

I will say this in the meantime:

God is not legalistic in the sense of barking rules and regulations and expecting us to follow Him as robots. He is simply trying to help us avoid the consequences of the actions and decisions that we make against what He advises us not to do. Everything has a consequence and separate worship between a husband and a wife has a consequence...it steals the bonding of being 'One'.

Prayer is intimacy between God and between the hearts, spirits and souls of a man and woman who pray together. If the wife is not present there to pray with her husband during a service, there will be another woman to do so. Who better than the wife to be there to hinder and to put that fire out before the sparks get started.

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How can two walk together unless they be agreed? The basketball players thread mentions religious differences. He sounds like a wonderful christian. Upthread, can your husband be convinced by your submissive behavior
Can you remain with him on sunday and worship elsewhere through the week? Where does the word indicate that you can move on? What is going on at that church that makes you feel like you can't take anymore? Just asking.

blazingthru said:

But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding. Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what? Me! I would be moving forward.

I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it. God is first, in-spite of it all. If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.

It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.

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blazingthru. I do not understand what you mean to move on. I did not realize that you were the poster. I am responding to this for the sake of other readers. You present a new truth to the man. He needs to research the word and obtain the revelation. The bible does not say you can move on. I am a very obstinate person. I do not obey easily.smh. the bible says who knows whether or not you will save your husband. Although a woman may minister the word to people, the bible does not say for the wife to leave the head. I am not blessing out my sister blazing. Blaz is experiencing a divorce. Now it would be difficult.impossible. for me to become a snake handler.JW. I think these two have departed from the faith. joyce meyer has a large ministry. She is the mouthpiece. Both of their names appear when describing their outreach. Dave coordinates, directs others and protects and supports joyce. He is like her manager and under the gift of helps. If the man is having an affair with a woman at the church, I would have trouble watching that.

felic1 said:

How can two walk together unless they be agreed? The basketball players thread mentions religious differences. He sounds like a wonderful christian. Upthread, can your husband be convinced by your submissive behavior
Can you remain with him on sunday and worship elsewhere through the week? Where does the word indicate that you can move on? What is going on at that church that makes you feel like you can't take anymore? Just asking.

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Good Morning felic1... it's early and I haven't had my first cup of coffee yet I truly apologize for not understanding your post.

I'm at my laptop now so I can easily re-read what I've been posting in this thread since yesterday. Again, I apologize for not making the connection. It's the basketball players thread that has me .

Once I have my coffee I should be able to make the connection.

Wishing you and everyone a beautiful morning.

Hi Shimmie! I was using my phone and I had some difficulty opening the reply. I did not really try to direct the post to you. It was the only way I could send it. Yesterday the board had a thread about a NBA player and a WNBA player who had become engaged. The engagement was broken according to a statement from the lady that religious differences were the reason to call off the marriage. The man sounds like a wonderful christian. He is very involved with his church and pastor. I am not sure what is going on with the lady. Sometimes we can get involved with nice people who are not saved. The bible says " how can two walk together unless they be agreed?". He may have know from the beginning that she was not like him. I am not sure of the title of the thread.

Shimmie The thread is listed as Kevin Durant and Monica Wright split because of religious differences

Wow at these responses. What if the woman and man are both Christians and of different denominations? What if she grew up in her church and has community, ministry, and family ties there? This is why folks always get turned off of church folk; they judge too much and don't even know the details and are too one-track minded. It's sad, actually.

blazingthru said:

But what if you, the woman, now have a new understanding. Now I have learned that there is a better way then the way we were doing things before, and I want to move forward, then what? Me! I would be moving forward.

I was married when I converted, He and I was separated at the time, had he been here it would have been really, really hard, but we were of the same faith. Now I am practicing something he deems totally left field, who is suppose to do what. We are not pastors and that means a lot, but its still the same concept isn't it. God is first, in-spite of it all. If I gain a new understanding and my husband does not agree, even after I have shown him the truth in the word, I have to move on. If the church is offended, oh well, but that is my opinion.

It is my husband's now duty to research the word for himself, since I presented him a new truth. Are step down, (harsh, but true) it has been done before.

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the lack of autonomy that women are implied to have is startling to me. I think people take the submit thing way toooo far.

Shimmie said:

Amen, to the bolded. See you when you return.

I will say this in the meantime:

God is not legalistic in the sense of barking rules and regulations and expecting us to follow Him as robots. He is simply trying to help us avoid the consequences of the actions and decisions that we make against what He advises us not to do. Everything has a consequence and separate worship between a husband and a wife has a consequence...it steals the bonding of being 'One'.

Prayer is intimacy between God and between the hearts, spirits and souls of a man and woman who pray together. If the wife is not present there to pray with her husband during a service, there will be another woman to do so. Who better than the wife to be there to hinder and to put that fire out before the sparks get started.

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I think this is a weak argument. If they are married, they live together in the same home and should be praying together daily. If he's going to have an affair because she can't pray with him for one prayer out of ten for the week, that is a character issue. He also can pray with elders or other men/youth in the church.

felic1 said:

Shimmie The thread is listed as Kevin Durant and Monica Wright split because of religious differences

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felic1 said:

Hi Shimmie! I was using my phone and I had some difficulty opening the reply.

Yesterday the board had a thread about a NBA player and a WNBA player who had become engaged. The engagement was broken according to a statement from the lady that religious differences were the reason to call off the marriage.

The man sounds like a wonderful christian. He is very involved with his church and pastor. I am not sure what is going on with the lady. Sometimes we can get involved with nice people who are not saved.

The bible says " how can two walk together unless they be agreed?". He may have know from the beginning that she was not like him. I am not sure of the title of the thread.

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felic1, I do the very same when viewing and posting from my phone as well.

Thank you and I mean this, 'Thank You' for taking the time to share this with me. I'm only on my first cup of coffee and headed for a 2nd before noon.

Have a wonderful morning. Look out... there's a open door of blessings that God is propelling you into.

Kurlee said:

I think this is a weak argument. If they are married, they live together in the same home and should be praying together daily. If he's going to have an affair because she can't pray with him for one prayer out of ten for the week, that is a character issue. He also can pray with elders or other men/youth in the church.

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The Word of God is clear about Marriage and the Husband and Wife becoming 'One'. And that the wife is to respect her husband in 'ALL" things. To not be there for her husband is disrespectful for she is placing another over her husband, which should not be so.

When the Bible says to 'forsake not the assembly of ourselves', this applies even more towards a husband and wife. In Marriage, God says, 'forsaking all others', allowing no man to put asunder.

Church worship is a holy bond. A man needs to have his wife beside him in Church (as well as at home); there should never be a 'divide'. There are no surrogates for his wife in Church Worship (i.e. elders, deacons, bishops, etc.). It should be her beside him as God called them to be 'One'.

Iwanthealthyhair67 said:

Email: I am a pastor’s wife for 2 years, and I have lots of questions. One is should a pastor’s wife be a member of the church her husband is pastoring? http://www.joy105.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/pastors-wife.jpg Thoughts Anyone?

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I guess there isn't any law that says she should but it would definitely be a red flag of deeper issues. If a man cannot manage his own household well how can he be fit to manage The Lord's house?

Kurlee said:

Wow at these responses. What if the woman and man are both Christians and of different denominations? What if she grew up in her church and has community, ministry, and family ties there? This is why folks always get turned off of church folk; they judge too much and don't even know the details and are too one-track minded. It's sad, actually.

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What's sad about it? This is a discussion - one that has including reasoning according to scripture.

I think it is a great discussion.