Does it seem to you that Christians tend to get married young?

inthepink

New Member
Whenever I go to church, I see the youngest-looking people who are married! Even when I hear about the pastor or anyone in ministry - I hear their story and they met while in college and got married at 23. How and why does this happen?

In the off-topic board, there is a thread on avoiding or not avoiding relationships while in college. It seems like many Christians go to Christian colleges in hopes of meeting their future spouse (I have read stories where some were disappointed when this didn't happen though).

So, as a Christian, sometimes I feel even less likely to meet someone near my age b/c even more Christian men around my age are already married - not just 2-3 years married but like 10 years married!!

Have you noticed this? Why do you think it happens? Did you get married young (and were both Christians at the time).
 

Lucie

Dancin' on sunshine!
I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 were marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be done for the right reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.
 
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MizzBrown

Well-Known Member
I also figured one of the top reasons was Sex.

The thought of marrying someone at age 18 or 19 years old? :nono:

Wasn't even close to being ready...still wet behind the ears.
 

divya

Well-Known Member
I believe this depends combination of things, including not only our religion but our culture, education etc. Most Christian couples in my experience - particularly in my church and our area churches - are the opposite. Most of us have concentrated on getting at least our college education and then have married.

My fiance and I are getting married next year, and we are both in our late twenties. We focused on completing education first, which is emphasized in our families. However, we both attended secular colleges. We are excited, but it is not a rushed affair. Marriage is for life.

Honestly I see what you are speaking of more so with people living deeper into the South. Attending a Christian college likely makes a significant difference. :yep: An exception is the fundamental Baptist school I attended in my elementary years. A number of them are already married, have children etc. It seems to work for the majority of them though because the support system is strong.
 

topsyturvy86

Well-Known Member
I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 where marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be right for the wrong reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.

I also figured one of the top reasons was Sex.

The thought of marrying someone at age 18 or 19 years old? :nono:

Wasn't even close to being ready...still wet behind the ears.

ITA. I have also noticed that even older Chrisians date for a much shorter period of time before getting married.
 

Allandra

Well-Known Member
Whenever I go to church, I see the youngest-looking people who are married! Even when I hear about the pastor or anyone in ministry - I hear their story and they met while in college and got married at 23. How and why does this happen?

In the off-topic board, there is a thread on avoiding or not avoiding relationships while in college. It seems like many Christians go to Christian colleges in hopes of meeting their future spouse (I have read stories where some were disappointed when this didn't happen though).

So, as a Christian, sometimes I feel even less likely to meet someone near my age b/c even more Christian men around my age are already married - not just 2-3 years married but like 10 years married!!

Have you noticed this? Why do you think it happens? Did you get married young (and were both Christians at the time).
I've seen it happen so much. I believe a lot of young Christians are getting married so they can (freely) have sex.

IMO, people haven't even gotten to know their own selves at those young ages.

I didn't get married young, and I am so glad I waited.

Like PrettyHaitian said, once the honeymoon is over (for the young couples), what's next?
 

Allandra

Well-Known Member
I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 where marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be right for the wrong reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.
Thank you. :yep:
 

PaperClip

New Member
A couple of things (in my humble opinion):

Just as the average age of people getting married has increased in society, so it has increased in the church.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm
The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. And a growing percentage of Americans aren't marrying at all: Provisional federal statistics released Tuesday report 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008, down from 10 per 1,000 in 1986.

I think it's a generational thing. My mother got married at 20. I'm twice her age she was then and I'm still waiting to be married. Women did not have the same employment opportunities back then as they do now. So marriage was a viable option for women re. security, etc. I certainly have expanded opportunities than my mother did back in the day.

Yes, some Christians of various ages who want to do their best to honor their faith get married relatively quickly to have sex. And it would be interesting to explore the correlation between fast marriages and the higher divorce rates among Christians.

Per the point about after the sex, what's next? Here's one response to that: my pastor's wife got married at 18 and she's been married going on 28 years so do the math she's been married basically her entire adult life and she had her first child at 20 years old. And they got married like 4 months after getting together (they had known each other like five years before they actually got together). I recall saying to her at one time (when I was in my early 20s and in college and was expecting to graduate from undergrad and going on to a career) that marriage takes the fun out of life. She quickly remarked that that wasn't the case and that they have a lot of fun together and she loves her family, etc. Yes, there's a lot of life beyond the sex, so that means that the couple (whether young or old) has to have the maturity to handle everything else. Some young marrieds are prepared for that, through supportive upbringing and pre-marital counseling, etc. And some aren't nearly ready.

My pastor's wife has also said to me that it's nice that I have been able to go to school and do other things while I'm single. It's not impossible to go to school while juggling marriage and children, but it's certainly easier. On those days when I'm feeling esp. lonely and heartbroken, I remind myself of this.... sometimes it relieves the loneliness.... sometimes it doesn't.

I thank the Lord for His divine will because back then I was also real wet behind the ears and not even ready for all the responsibility that marriage brings....
 

inthepink

New Member
Yes, I should have been more clear in my original post. I didn't mean 18 or 19. I meant more after college at age 22/23/24 years old.

I believe this depends combination of things, including not only our religion but our culture, education etc. Most Christian couples in my experience - particularly in my church and our area churches - are the opposite. Most of us have concentrated on getting at least our college education and then have married.

My fiance and I are getting married next year, and we are both in our late twenties. We focused on completing education first, which is emphasized in our families. However, we both attended secular colleges. We are excited, but it is not a rushed affair. Marriage is for life.

Honestly I see what you are speaking of more so with people living deeper into the South. Attending a Christian college likely makes a significant difference. :yep: An exception is the fundamental Baptist school I attended in my elementary years. A number of them are already married, have children etc. It seems to work for the majority of them though because the support system is strong.
 

inthepink

New Member
ITA. I have also noticed that even older Chrisians date for a much shorter period of time before getting married.

Yes and for older Christians (I know a few) it's not necessarily about the sex. It's really b/c they are at an age where they know what they want (marriage) so they don't need to play around and be engaged for 4 years. They date for 6 months to a year. Get engaged and are married within 6 months.
 

inthepink

New Member
I've seen it happen so much. I believe a lot of young Christians are getting married so they can (freely) have sex.

IMO, people haven't even gotten to know their own selves at those young ages.

I didn't get married young, and I am so glad I waited.

Like PrettyHaitian said, once the honeymoon is over (for the young couples), what's next?

I agree with this and I definitely believe it to be true for younger Christians. I've even heard that some churches/church leaders advocate for a couple to get married if they can't wait to have sex - b/c at least they aren't having sex outside of marriage and I totally disagree with that and probably leads to a lot of divorce in the Christian circle.

I will say that I would bet there is a good number of Christian couples who married young for the RIGHT reasons though and just happened to be young. :)
 

inthepink

New Member
A couple of things (in my humble opinion):

Just as the average age of people getting married has increased in society, so it has increased in the church.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm
The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. And a growing percentage of Americans aren't marrying at all: Provisional federal statistics released Tuesday report 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008, down from 10 per 1,000 in 1986.

I think it's a generational thing. My mother got married at 20. I'm twice her age she was then and I'm still waiting to be married. Women did not have the same employment opportunities back then as they do now. So marriage was a viable option for women re. security, etc. I certainly have expanded opportunities than my mother did back in the day.

See, I think in the secular world it is a generational thing. But it seems like in the Christian circle that even today it is pretty popular.

For the secular world, I think marriage age has increased b/c people figure well, they can get the milk without buying the cow...so to speak.
 

BeautifulFlower

Well-Known Member
See, I think in the secular world it is a generational thing. But it seems like in the Christian circle that even today it is pretty popular.

For the secular world, I think marriage age has increased b/c people figure well, they can get the milk without buying the cow...so to speak.

Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.
 

PaperClip

New Member
Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.

First bolded: that's true! LOL!

Second bolded: this is interesting to explore. Don't know if I agree... but it's interesting.... (I think) Some of those folk who got married young were simply horny, period. Others were trying to escape from parental authority. Others had no place to go. Others found the person they wanted to commit to earlier in life.
 

BeautifulFlower

Well-Known Member
First bolded: that's true! LOL!

Second bolded: this is interesting to explore. Don't know if I agree... but it's interesting.... (I think) Some of those folk who got married young were simply horny, period. Others were trying to escape from parental authority. Others had no place to go. Others found the person they wanted to commit to earlier in life.

Or marriages were simply arranged but the prettiest or oldest tend to marry first.

Alot of different aspects working here.
 

inthepink

New Member
Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.

Yep...nothing is 100% one way or the other! :perplexed
 

inthepink

New Member
Or marriages were simply arranged but the prettiest or oldest tend to marry first.

Alot of different aspects working here.

OT: I remember watching part of the Ten Commandments movie.

I remember all of the women vying for Moses' attention and making fun of the oldest one. She didn't vie for his attention at all and guess who he chose? I thought that was interesting.
 

divya

Well-Known Member
Yes, I should have been more clear in my original post. I didn't mean 18 or 19. I meant more after college at age 22/23/24 years old.

Oh ok! Interesting though because I see those ages as being not that young for marriage.
 

Amour

Well-Known Member
I think that Christians do get married much younger than general society.

This definately seems to be the case in my church.
 

inthepink

New Member
Well, I'm 36 (and hanging on to it for dear life) so I guess I see it as young in comparison to when other people, in general, get married nowadays. Typically seems more like 27 or later.

Oh ok! Interesting though because I see those ages as being not that young for marriage.
 

ChelzBoo

New Member
See, I think in the secular world it is a generational thing. But it seems like in the Christian circle that even today it is pretty popular.

For the secular world, I think marriage age has increased b/c people figure well, they can get the milk without buying the cow...so to speak.


ITA. a lot of people already have a negative view of marriage and like to "sow their wild oats" per say without even pondering marriage. and then once they start to get a little older then they realize that they dont want to end up 60 alone and still doin the same thing they were when they were 20 or 30.

IMO marriage to secular folks is a last resort type thing (to some not all), and those of the christian faith usually see it opposite and as one of the most imporant things one could do in life.

i think some people who marry young do it because at the end of the day...like paul said it.... its better to marry than to burn.:look:
 

hopeful

Well-Known Member
Hairlove, I posted in this thread yesterday but now my post has disappeared. Idk what happened. The main point of my post was that if it is meant to be God will send you a kind, loving husband, and none of the supposed "facts" will matter. Don't worry about all of the young Christians who get married. You just need one guy who was made just for you. Hold on and stay positive.
 

inthepink

New Member
Hairlove, I posted in this thread yesterday but now my post has disappeared. Idk what happened. The main point of my post was that if it is meant to be God will send you a kind, loving husband, and none of the supposed "facts" will matter. Don't worry about all of the young Christians who get married. You just need one guy who was made just for you. Hold on and stay positive.

Thanks hopeful! You always have such sweet words of encouragement!

A little OT: You know, I was thinking about this and I know it's not 100% tried and true type thing. Sometimes I think I am screwed b/c I didn't become a Christian until early 30s and so I missed out on finding a Christian guy (cuz they all married young, right?). But I have a good friend who's been a Christian since she was a child - lived a Christian life and is now 40 and has basically been a perpetual single, too. And I think - man, I guess nothing is a given. It's still makes me sad though b/c so many good women deserve a good man and they have just not been brought together yet.
 

PaperClip

New Member
Thanks hopeful! You always have such sweet words of encouragement!

A little OT: You know, I was thinking about this and I know it's not 100% tried and true type thing. Sometimes I think I am screwed b/c I didn't become a Christian until early 30s and so I missed out on finding a Christian guy (cuz they all married young, right?). But I have a good friend who's been a Christian since she was a child - lived a Christian life and is now 40 and has basically been a perpetual single, too. And I think - man, I guess nothing is a given. It's still makes me sad though b/c so many good women deserve a good man and they have just not been brought together yet.

That's if you think that the epitome of success in life and happiness is marriage. I hope that your friend is fulfilled in other ways because there's no such thing as all fulfillment coming just one way.

I'm not sure what the terms "perpetual single" means. I'm just turned 40 and don't consider myself a perpetual single by any means. In fact, I just had to be reminded about the benefits of singleness and to maximize the freedom that I have to do what I can do right now, e.g., full-time schooling. And this is after a weekend of miserable loneliness that today I can write this because of the grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I can name on one hand at least three of my friends who have been married at least two times BEFORE they were 40. Now do I want that? :nono:
 

inthepink

New Member
That's if you think that the epitome of success in life and happiness is marriage. I hope that your friend is fulfilled in other ways because there's no such thing as all fulfillment coming just one way.

I'm not sure what the terms "perpetual single" means. I'm just turned 40 and don't consider myself a perpetual single by any means. In fact, I just had to be reminded about the benefits of singleness and to maximize the freedom that I have to do what I can do right now, e.g., full-time schooling. And this is after a weekend of miserable loneliness that today I can write this because of the grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I can name on one hand at least three of my friends who have been married at least two times BEFORE they were 40. Now do I want that? :nono:

Pink - She's a VERY happy, fulfilled person! But she does long to be married. :yep:

Green - It may mean something different to all people. I just mean someone who rarely has a boyfriend - or has spent the majority of their life single. Not saying it 'defines' you - just a shortened description.
 

aribell

formerly nicola.kirwan
ITA. a lot of people already have a negative view of marriage and like to "sow their wild oats" per say without even pondering marriage. and then once they start to get a little older then they realize that they dont want to end up 60 alone and still doin the same thing they were when they were 20 or 30.

IMO marriage to secular folks is a last resort type thing (to some not all), and those of the christian faith usually see it opposite and as one of the most imporant things one could do in life.

i think some people who marry young do it because at the end of the day...like paul said it.... its better to marry than to burn.:look:

ITA. I wouldn't advocate anyone marrying young *just* to have sex, but it seems that what keeps a lot of people single by choice into their late 20s is the desire to live life as they want to, enjoy what they want, pursue what and whom they want, have fun, and not have to be responsible for anyone else. Although many Christians have the same attitude, many are also taught that having a family is a blessed thing, and that God doesn't call us to live for ourselves but for others.

The engagements are popping up weekly of all the people I went to college with, and I think that it's a values thing. They deeply value children, marriage, family, church, and just being "settled" in general. A lot of them are also seminary students/future pastors and missionaries looking for their wives.
 

PaperClip

New Member
Green - It may mean something different to all people. I just mean someone who rarely has a boyfriend - or has spent the majority of their life single. Not saying it 'defines' you - just a shortened description.

Ok... but that's still a secular/societal(?) concept being applied to a Christian context.

The Christian context is no sex outside of marriage.

The Christian context is to "court" versus "date".

The Christian context is to seek and connect with someone spiritually compatible.

So when you say "rarely has a boyfriend", how many is enough? How many boyfriends move you from "rare" to "often" to "frequent"?

When does the single life begin? 16? 18? 21? 25? 30?

The term doesn't define or defend (me), it demonstrates the range of perspectives as influenced by upbringing, for example.

ETA: meant to say "The term doesn't define or OFFEND (me)....
 
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ChelzBoo

New Member
ITA. I wouldn't advocate anyone marrying young *just* to have sex, but it seems that what keeps a lot of people single by choice into their late 20s is the desire to live life as they want to, enjoy what they want, pursue what and whom they want, have fun, and not have to be responsible for anyone else. Although many Christians have the same attitude, many are also taught that having a family is a blessed thing, and that God doesn't call us to live for ourselves but for others.

ITA. and i think that staying single for too long can become detrimental especially if its by choice. considering the fact that usually the person is used to pleasing themselves and only themselves so its like alot of people live a looooooooooong season of selfishness in a sense.
 

PaperClip

New Member
ITA. and i think that staying single for too long can become detrimental especially if its by choice. considering the fact that usually the person is used to pleasing themselves and only themselves so its like alot of people live a looooooooooong season of selfishness in a sense.

Not sure if you and Nicola are saying the same thing. Apostle Paul talks about the freedoms that come with singleness to serve the Lord, and ergo, serving others, as Nicola said. Marriage and family do not make serving the Lord and serving humankind impossible, but certainly more difficult in terms of time management, for example.

There's more than one example of a person who has a "great" ministry and their home/married life is in utter and complete hell.

Believe it or not, but there are some Christians who simple do not have the desire for marriage and that's ok. It's really not the end of the world and they are fulfilled. (I am not one of them, BTW).

And when you say that staying single for too long can be detrimental? How so? Are people shooting up places because they're single or because they are poor, got fired from their job, got rejected? That sounds extreme but the point is that Apostle Paul said "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil 4:11-13).

So this thing was something that Paul had to LEARN. It didn't happen automatically. And even in his learning, he noted that it is through Christ that he gets the strength to keep learning and keep going.

As do I....As we all should....
 
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inthepink

New Member
Ok... but that's still a secular/societal(?) concept being applied to a Christian context.

The Christian context is no sex outside of marriage.

The Christian context is to "court" versus "date".

The Christian context is to seek and connect with someone spiritually compatible.

So when you say "rarely has a boyfriend", how many is enough? How many boyfriends move you from "rare" to "often" to "frequent"?

When does the single life begin? 16? 18? 21? 25? 30?

The term doesn't define or defend (me), it demonstrates the range of perspectives as influenced by upbringing, for example.

Sorry - I wasn't even thinking THAT deeply about it...I was just trying to describe something. :yep:
 
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