Restoring a Relationship (Sorry a little long)

honeyflaava

Well-Known Member
Hello ladies. I really need some godly advice about how to restore a relationship with my mentor/Pastor that I walked away from. Well honestly the relationship did not really get off the ground in the first place, again because of my neglect.

To give a somewhat abbreviated version of the story, my mentor is the First Lady of my church. She has known me since I was in elementary school and as she expressed to me has always loved and admired me. Beginning about 10 years ago when I was in high school, she began reaching out to me offering me the opportunity to have a mentor/mentee relationship with her, but I've run away from her invitation because of insecurities and fears (fear of failing and letting her down and not being able to live up to what she asks me to do). In November of 2007, I finally contacted her and let her know that I desired to have that relationship with her. Things began fine for a couple of months, then I began pulling away because I felt I could not live up to what she was asking of me. Let me just be clear, she has not pressured me at all.

My biggest problem is that I am very insecure and afraid of being open and honest with people about my struggles, faults, and weaknesses, especially with her because she is one of the few people who can truly look at me with the help of Holy Spirit and see the real me that I try to keep hidden and honestly that scares me little. She has told me that I need to stop running from her and allow her to lead me. I guess because of her being in the position of being a Pastor and such a great woman of God, I just feel like I will fall short.

It’s been since February of this year since I’ve spoken to her, which I initiated, and she has not contacted me. Now I am not putting any blame on her because like I stated, she’s always reached out to me. And when I contacted her back in 2007, she was excited that I had finally accepted her invitation and was ready to begin leading and mentoring me and was initiating the relationship as per usual. She told me that she could not help me if I wasn’t coming to church. The intent of her words was not “I won’t help you if you don’t come to church” but rather “I can’t build off of anything if you don’t come to church to get your spiritual food.” Well I haven’t been coming to church because I struggle with the thoughts or feelings of “I have to get myself together before I go to church.” Again, my fault.

To sum it up, I just feel like I’ve ruined the relationship and I am a little afraid to contact her because I don’t know if she will still offer that relationship to me because. I’m truly at the end of my rope and need her leadership in my life. I know that I will have to prove to her that I truly desire this relationship and do my part.

I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice.
 

inthepink

New Member
I just can't imagine that this woman would turn you away. In fact, I would venture to guess that she'd be so happy to hear from you.

I would tell her some of the things you mentioned here - why you were running away etc. But this time, you've got to be in it for real, know what I mean?

Feeling like you aren't good enough to go to church - church can provide the "spiritual food" that you need to work on those things. Don't stay away b/c you aren't "good enough." No one is good enough. :)

It sounds like you could really use the leadership of this woman. I would certainly take her up on it but it sounds like you're going to have to be really honest with yourself and with her.

I'm sure others have much more advice than I do!
 

PaperClip

New Member
This relationship isn't ruined at all.

Now it's time for you to show her that you are ready to commit to it.

Maybe you call her or write her a letter explaining what you have been going through and acknowledge your insecurities to her. And then make a firm commitment (vow) to yourself and to her that you will press into her, sit at her feet and learn all that you can from her. Maybe include a card or a small token with the letter that can symbolize you all's mentorship relationship that you would like to build and have positive results.

She has given you one stipulation: that you maintain regular church attendance. That means exactly that: make regular church attendance. And when you cannot attend (meaning that it is something beyond your control), then you keep her posted on your whereabouts because that's part of the commitment between the two of you.

I admire your first lady for extending herself to you like that and stop beating yourself up for dropping the ball in the past. Pick it up, and move forward and don't let the enemy or yourself continue to beat yourself up about it.

Be at peace and smile knowing that you are special to this person and you DESERVE to be guided into being the best you you can be! You just have to do your part and you can do it!

(((HUGS!)))
 

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I

New Member


To sum it up, I just feel like I’ve ruined the relationship and I am a little afraid to contact her because I don’t know if she will still offer that relationship to me because. I’m truly at the end of my rope and need her leadership in my life. I know that I will have to prove to her that I truly desire this relationship and do my part.

I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice.


Maybe she is giving you room to make G-d the leader in your life? She understands. You will do what and when ...in due time. Don't fear she's rejected you, that seems like what she was saying about you getting your spiritual food.
 

Supergirl

With Love & Silk
I agree w/ Hairlove. I don't believe she would turn you away. But do make sure you are honest with her about why you "ran away" when she tried to reach out to you. I think she would be happy to hear from you. She has probably been praying for this.
 

honeyflaava

Well-Known Member
Thank you ladies so much for responding and encouraging me!

FoxyScholar, when I read your comment regarding her stipulation of me coming to church, Holy Spirit nudged my heart and said "That's it!" I've been stressing over what I need to do for weeks and the answer is so simple: commit myself to going to church.
 
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