Oral Sex in the Christian Marriage?!?!?!

The title of this thread pretty much says it all, I would like to know from those who don't mind sharing, what are your views on Oral Sex in the Christian Marriage?

I think that Christians as a whole don't really talk about sex with each other or with our children it seems to be taboo if you will.

I am married to a P.K.(preacher's kid) both of his parents are preachers. I must confess that my husband and I enjoy oral sex. But there was a time when we didn't know if it was ok with God. One weekend his mother had a womens weekend at a hotel in Dallas and everyone could write down a question and put it in a basket. One of them was about sex, she mentioned that oral sex is not of God. She went on to add that when a man and woman stand next to or in front of each other their bodies are line up as they should be as in mouth to mouth and genital to genital.

At that time I didn't know anything about the bible so my husband and I talked and we decided to stop having oral sex. Well as I got into my bible and did research I found that the bible does say that the "Marriage Bed is Undefiled."

Do you feel that this includes oral sex and any other sex between the husband and wife?

Tiff,

I am so happy that you and your husband are able to have a happy and healthy sexual relationship. It's what God intended!!

As I mentioned to you before, I respectfully disagree with your mother-in-law.
Hebrews 13:4 says that the marriage bed is undefiled. What does that mean? Just what it says. Any sexual act within the confines of marriage, that brings joy and/or pleasure to the husband and wife is permissable in the eyes of God.

I think that many Christians have forgotten that sex was created by God. It was His intention that a husband and wife would enjoy a happy sexual relationship. Unfortunately, the enemy has perverted God's intention for sex, and with the deviation of God's orginal plan, in comes all of the negativity and confusion.

I truly feel that where God is silent, many church leaders need to be silent as well. Nowhere in the word of God does He tell us what type of sex one is to enjoy or not enjoy with their spouse. It's up to the couple and what's comfortable for them.

I've been talking to a young woman who is having such a hard time with her husband because her scope of what is acceptable in the marriage bed is so minimized by the teachings she was exposed to. And this has led to a very unhappy marriage. I pray for her, and I have been speaking to her about the importance of asking the Lord to free her from all the negative teachings she's been subjected to.

Church folks have a way of making marriage seem so boring, and Lord knows, the married people are the ones with the license to do as they please in their beds. Instead of telling people what they can't do, the preachers need to start telling the saints what they CAN do. It is important to teach the saints that it's OK to enjoy physical intimacy with your spouse, and the only restrictions are the things outside of the couples comfort zones. This would help tremendously, particularly with the young married ladies who have a long married life ahead of them.

Sex isn't everything in a marriage, but it's a big enough part that it merits some honest and clean discussion between godly men and women.

Pebbles that was very well said and I agree with you 100% !

Pebbles,

You and Shimmie need to get started on a book for married Christians, with a quickness!

~~

sunnyjohn said:

Pebbles,

You and Shimmie need to get started on a book for married Christians, with a quickness!

~~

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LOL! Thanks for the compliment!

I couldn't had agreed more Pebbles. I am married to a preacher and as Pebble stated there is no where in the bible does it say what to do or not to do in the marriage bed. As long as both parties are comforable and happy in the marriage.

Tiffy2004: You truly have the 'boldness' of the Holy Spirit. You speak up ad you do it in decency and in order. God is pleased.

Pebbles: You speak straight from the heart of God. In marriage our bodies belong to God and to each other, and God did say to withhold 'not' ourselves from one another. The marriage bed truly is undefiled; outside of marriage is the real concern.

Love between a man and a woman is such a beautiful thing...a gift from God and these days, this gift is beyond priceless.

God tells us, "Don't be so spiritually minded that you are no earthly good." So by His divine approval, we are to enjoy our marriages. When I get married, I'm surely not going to allow somone else to enjoy it for me. And I will not be yielding out of fear...just loving my husband. I have many Romance plans for when that time comes; all which God has given me.

The difference is that whatever we do as Christians, we do it to the Glory of God our Father. Our marriages, we dedicate to Him and Him alone and He has blessed our marriage bed. (Key words--- the only words): "Marriage Bed."

SunnyJohn: I like what you said about Peb's and me writing a book...but Pebbles doesn't 'know me' like you do.... I have a 'Rep' ... (love you "SunnyJ")

"DSD", youknows, 'how I do...." (Loving Hugs to you)

"Precious LadyR, you know me too (I love you, sweet one).

Kidding aside: I'm honored that God would even consider to use me and I cry each time someone says they are blessed. I love you, ladies...you are my angels...

{{{{{ "Mommie Hugs" }}}}}

ShimmieGirl said:

God tells us, "Don't be so spiritually minded that you are no earthly good." So by His divine approval, we are to enjoy our marriages...

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The young woman I mentioned before in my earlier post is suffering in one of the most unhappy marriages I've ever witnessed.

Apparently, her mother had her at 16 and out of wedlock. She was raised by her grandmother, and unfortunately, her grandmother really did a number on her. Just to quote a few of the things her grandmother taught her:

-A woman's breast is strictly for nursing, and anything else, touching by her husband or otherwise is forbidden.
-Sex is really to be enjoyed by her husband. She should be mindful not to find too much pleasure in it lest she becomes addicted. And she is to be silent during the act.
-She shouldn't allow her husband to see her body. Outside of the bed, she should be covered at all times because the body is a symbol of sin for her husband. ???
-Etc....

And on and on the madness goes. How does one undo this amount of brainwashing? I can only direct her to pray and pray for and with her. I also talk to her and give her scripture where she can see what the word of God says. When God doesn't want us to do something, He says so. God doesn't mince words. And if God said any of the things above, her grandma couldn't show her where it was in the book.

pebbles said:

Please be advised, this question is being asked from a Christian perspective. As such, responses should be given in that same vein. Inappropriate, argumentative responses will be deleted. Thank-you! :Rose:

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er'ythang is deletable but errah on this subject I ain't mad at cha

firecracker said:

er'ythang is deletable but errah on this subject I ain't mad at cha

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LOL! You know how it goes. When you're talking from a Christian perspective on this type of subject, some folks get upset and swear responses are being judgemental of others, but it needs to be understand that what's good for the world isn't good in the eyes of God, and that's the perspective we're coming from.

pebbles said:

LOL! You know how it goes. When you're talking from a Christian perspective on this type of subject, some folks get upset and swear responses are being judgemental of others, but it needs to be understand that what's good for the world isn't good in the eyes of God, and that's the perspective we're coming from.

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Oh I understand for sure.

I can't believe that poor girls grandmother would tell her those things. That really does disturb me that there are people out there not enjoying sex with their husbands because of what they have been told they can't and shouldn't do.....Hmmmm......

I'm surprised as well! How did that sort of thinking make it past Victorian times? I never thought I'd hear such things.

While this young woman has told me that she doesn't believe much of what her grandmother has taught her, clearly she's been greatly affected by most of it. I can tell just by the types of struggles she tells me about.

With all these hang-ups, it's a miracle she can even talk about it to me, but God is good!

The lesson here is that engaged couples need to talk about these issues so that both parties are on the same page. We know that as Christians, the word of God says that we can't "test-drive" our future mates, but we do need to have open dialogue, and I think had these two had open and honest discussions between them, much of these archaic views could have been dealt with through godly counseling prior to the wedding. This issue wouldn't have morphed into the monster that it is today.

And while I'm on the topic of open and honest discussion of a sexual nature with your future husband, I have a message for my sisters who are engaged and reading this advice: please conduct these discussions in an area where you won't be tempted to run to the nearest bed and just do the wild thing. Don't discuss this in his apartment or yours while you're alone together.

Go to the park, go to a restaurant, someplace public, please!!! The point is to get to know what your future husband thinks of marital intimacy and to let him know how you feel about the same issues, not to tempt him beyond endurance. And some of the things that need to be discussed may excite him or you. Don't put yourselves in a situation where you end up ruining what you're trying to preserve, which is a godly courtship until marriage.

Whew! Sorry ladies, didn't mean to get preachy about it, but somethings need to be said.

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly Christian therapist.

LOL!!

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly Christian therapist.

That is too funny....

pebbles said:

Sex is really to be enjoyed by her husband. She should be mindful not to find too much pleasure in it lest she becomes addicted. And she is to be silent during the act.

And on and on the madness goes. How does one undo this amount of brainwashing?

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I think some parents do this to scare you into repressing your sexual urges and gives way to sexual inadequacy that is far reaching.

pebbles said:

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly Christian therapist.

LOL!!

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Too funny!! Everything you said was needed, indeed.

pebbles said:

I'm surprised as well! How did that sort of thinking make it past Victorian times? I never thought I'd hear such things.

While this young woman has told me that she doesn't believe much of what her grandmother has taught her, clearly she's been greatly affected by most of it. I can tell just by the types of struggles she tells me about.

With all these hang-ups, it's a miracle she can even talk about it to me, but God is good!

The lesson here is that engaged couples need to talk about these issues so that both parties are on the same page. We know that as Christians, the word of God says that we can't "test-drive" our future mates, but we do need to have open dialogue, and I think had these two had open and honest discussions between them, much of these archaic views could have been dealt with through godly counseling prior to the wedding. This issue wouldn't have morphed into the monster that it is today.

And while I'm on the topic of open and honest discussion of a sexual nature with your future husband, I have a message for my sisters who are engaged and reading this advice: please conduct these discussions in an area where you won't be tempted to run to the nearest bed and just do the wild thing. Don't discuss this in his apartment or yours while you're alone together.

Go to the park, go to a restaurant, someplace public, please!!! The point is to get to know what your future husband thinks of marital intimacy and to let him know how you feel about the same issues, not to tempt him beyond endurance. And some of the things that need to be discussed may excite him or you. Don't put yourselves in a situation where you end up ruining what you're trying to preserve, which is a godly courtship until marriage.

Whew! Sorry ladies, didn't mean to get preachy about it, but somethings need to be said.

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly Christian therapist.

LOL!!

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Awww, say it now, sista!
::waving my holy handkerchief in the air atcha Pebs::

firecracker said:

I think some parents do this to scare you into repressing your sexual urges and gives way to sexual inadequacy that is far reaching.

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Yes, I have a darling friend whose mother told her that sex is good for nothing but getting pregnant and that having a baby is like squeezing a watermelon through a straw. My friend is still a virgin (which is good)... for obvious reasons. (but the reasons aren't good)

This is a subject near to my heart. I have been affected by some things I learned in the church about sex and marriage. I'm still learning and healing from it.

Anyway, I agree with everything that was stated here.

Pebs, what does the word 'verdant' mean?

I'm being silly, angel. Pay me no mind. I've been reading the "Song of Solomom". Here's the scripture (NIV translation).

"How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And 'our bed is verdant. ' (Song of Solomon 1:16-17)

I read this scripture and my mind went 'Christian' on me I hesitated to proceed with reading and came straight up in here to get redeemed...

Seriously though.......Before marriage, each Bride should take a course of "The Song of Solomon" and not be able to get married until they 'agree' with its contents for marriage... Further, is should be a marriage manual for all couples. "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine." SOS 2:16

ETA: I wondered if Christian men have sexual repressions somewhat similar. I asked my 'friend' (over the phone 'Pebs' ), what he thought. He said 'men' don't have that problem. With them, after they say "I Do", it's all go.

This is all the more reason for a woman to be 'free' and as ease sexually, otherwise her husband will feel he's being rejected or that he can't please her. After that, I left the subject alone...

Cause I'm a good girl...Pebbles I'm staying 'repressed and fully dressed until marriage.

LOL @ Shimmie!

The Song of Solomon should be required reading for couples, those to be married, and those already married who need to know what intimacy should be like between them.

And I'm glad you had that discussion with your male friend, and over the phone, too! Good girl, sweetie!! I'm proud of you! LOL!

Seriously, I don't think the brothers suffer from the same hang ups some of our Christian sisters suffer from. I think as Firecracker and Supergirl mentioned, some parents teach their daughters a lot of these things to keep them in line, probably because with the risk of pregnancy, it would be more obvious that the girls were sexually active than the boys. I'm not sure that's all of it, but I think that's a big part of it.

I just want to say that this is a great thread. I really wish we could find a way to get the message across to young women that they should treasure their bodies, but at the same time, not so much that we make them believe that sex is dirty and improper for a woman.

(all in marriage, of course!!!)

Bunny77 said:

I just want to say that this is a great thread. I really wish we could find a way to get the message across to young women that they should treasure their bodies, but at the same time, not so much that we make them believe that sex is dirty and improper for a woman.

(all in marriage, of course!!!)

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I agree this is a great thread, How do we get the message across to our young women, well the bible tells the older women to instruct the younger. Ladies that are mature in the gospel and the understanding of the word, should be teaching the younger.

Many of us can't teach what we don't know and we can't lead where we're afraid to go.

We need some trail blazers in the body of Christ, Pebbles and Shimmie I think you two have been nominated to write the first book.

I think one of the biggest obstacles in teaching young women to honor and treasure their bodies is what the world teaches is acceptable sexual behavior outside of marriage for women. This is the biggest reason why we have grandmothers and great grandmothers and church mothers teaching and passing on so much of this damaging misinformation. They mean well, but they're doing more damage in the long run, and Christian marriages are suffering where they should be free and liberated.

We can't change how the world thinks, but the Christian women of today need to teach their daughters, and their sons, that abstaining from sex is the highest form of respect a woman can pay herself. And the men need to be taught to respect the bounderies we set for ourselves.

Somebody needs to point out the vast number of sexually active single women who are unhappy, moving through multiple, multiple sexual relationships. They're not getting anything out of it except hurt and emotionally bruised, and they're sadly passing their experiences on to the next generation of young women.

Aside from church, the majority of the work needs to be done in the home. Single Christian women need to walk the walk, not just talk it. Be an example for our daughters to follow. We can't tell the young girls how to live if we ourselves aren't living right. They will copy what they see.

We have to be careful not to be hypocrites. Lord knows the world has enough hypocrites to go around.

Are Christians supposed to have sex outside of the purpose of procreation? I've always wondered about that.

Does the Bible speak about having sex for pleasure?

Blossssom said:

Are Christians supposed to have sex outside of the purpose of procreation? I've always wondered about that.

Does the Bible speak about having sex for pleasure?

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I believe the Song of Solomon makes it plain. Unfortuantely, too many folks like to disregard this book of the Bible and are uncomfortable reading it. Furthermore, when God created Adam and Eve, He told them to cleave to each other, become one. Yes, He did tell them to be fruitful and multiply, but He also told them to be intimate with each other. Marital intimacy is the only thing that represents how close our relationship should be with God. Actually, our relationship with God should be moreso intimate than our relationship with our spouse, which, of course the Song of Solomon is also speaking about.This how we are desigened by His hand. It is just so sad to me that so many are taught that sex is not for pleasure inside marriage. I'm not mad at anyone for telling their kids that sex is awful outside marriage, or whatever, but let 'em know it's a beautiful thang after the 'I do's'.

ShimmieGirl said:

Pebs, what does the word 'verdant' mean?

I'm being silly, angel. Pay me no mind. I've been reading the "Song of Solomom". Here's the scripture (NIV translation).

"How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And 'our bed is verdant. ' (Song of Solomon 1:16-17)

I read this scripture and my mind went 'Christian' on me I hesitated to proceed with reading and came straight up in here to get redeemed...

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verdant \VUR-dnt\, adjective:
1. Covered with growing plants or grass; green with vegetation.
2. Green.
3. Unripe in knowledge, judgment, or experience; unsophisticated; green, Lacking experience or sophistication; naive.

Anything to help...

Wow I have never really paid attention to Song of Solomon I will make sure I read it..

Wow I have never really paid attention to Song of Solomon I will make sure I read it..

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Me too! I have some reading to do.