Is Preparation to Be A Wife Biblical?

[loolalooh]

Disclaimer: This post is not to be taken personally as I've honestly had this topic on my mind for over a year now. Additionally, it is directed at "preparation" beyond celibacy. I believe celibacy is a given, whether one is intentionally preparing for marriage or not.

The concept of "waiting" during singleness has left me conflicted for quite some time, and I now think I know why after talking with a friend. It isn't the actual "waiting" (i.e., the trusting of God to bring you a husband in His timing). It is what comes with the "waiting" according to some Christians (i.e., using that time to grow spiritually so that you can "prepare" to be a wife for your husband, OR simply using that time to "prepare" for your husband). I want to say that it - the preparation part - is a widely taught concept, and if so, is it biblical?

The conclusion I draw from that "preparation" bit is that single Christian women will not receive their future husbands until they reach a certain state spiritually. Thus, in this time of singleness we better put in work so that we are right for our future husbands. While I don't knock those who are actually "preparing" (especially if they were personally given this instruction from the Lord), I'm also beginning to see nothing wrong with those who are not "preparing" themselves. Here are a few quotes (some from married women) that got me thinking about this today:

"the purpose of marriage is to sanctify you"

"you don't realize the depth of your selfishness until you get married"

"God doesn't give us anything we deserve"

So, in essence, one cannot "prepare" for marriage because marriage, in itself, can show us our "ugly". It can bring about refining and spiritual maturation. Additionally, one cannot "earn" marriage; God gives blessings to those He chooses, not to those who deserve it. A single Christian woman who still has rough areas in her spiritual walk may still receive marriage.

So I guess my questions are these:
What does it mean to prepare for your husband? Why the preparation? What is the goal? Is it biblical? Feel free to share personal stories as well.

[EbonyCPrincess]

I loved your points OP. I am currently single but I do not consider myself to be in "waiting". My view is that I ask that God's will be done period. If that includes bringing my husband to me, great. If it is His will that I remain single, great. My prayer is always "God, I ask that your will be done - but my desire is to be a wife." I let Him know what I want but accept and am happy with whatever He sees fit for my life. So although I do believe everything I am (and have in the past) experiencing WILL prepare me to be a better wife, I concentrate on growing spiritually for ME. Preparing myself to be the best WOMAN I can be. I believe if that is the focus, then it will also prepare me to be a better wife.

So...I can't answer your questions directly, but I do not necessarily agree with the mantra that "I'm preparing to be a wife". I think that can lead to disappointment. I've known women that are celibate for years, reading and studying the Bible, becoming closer to God only to be frustrated when after a few years they still haven't met "the one." If that is the purpose, or even part of the purpose, then it takes focus away from God IMO. Just my two cents.

[sidney]

I got the very answer to your question yesterday in a bookstore. It's funny because I had just resigned to "prepare" for marriage when I entered into a courtship and just serve the Lord with my undivided attention until then...especially since I can do all the domestic stuff anyway. Well, I was peeking through the religion section and I began to see an inordinate number of books about dating and marriage...weird and out of place enough to make me realize God was trying to say something. So I finally gave up my search for finding a new book and opened one that caught my attention. ..mostly because it was a new"spin-off" from a book that changed my dating perspective. It was called "I kissed dating goodbye" by Josh Harris. I believe every single woman should read this book. Anyway, the book I found yesterday was called "Did I kiss marriage goodbye?"lol. So I opened it. Now I don't buy Christian books unless they are filled with scripture and teaching application. I don't like anecdotes because scripture is the only reliable thing that I will base life decisions off. Well it was full of scriptures all about the proverbs 31 and godliness for the sake of godliness. The life application of Proverbs 31 and the way she described it literally blew my mind away. I gother the book, and it's amazingly edifying.

Anyway, her premise is that preparing for life as a single or life as a married woman are not two different things. She said we should embody Proverbs 31 whether single or married because she is the example of godliness as a woman. There should be no transition from single to married because we should basically be doing all those things to service our families, church, and communities. For example, in Proverbs 31 it says her children shall rise up and call her blessed. So she asks, how are you as a single woman in service to the married couples in your church and family. This is beautiful service to God as a selfless act and it also blesses the marriages in the body. At the same time, she learned parenting skills from the parents involved because she was quite clueless. And it built a sense of community and relationships. Now this is a selfless thing because you have blessed others and have also learned invaluable hands on learning. I know this to true because I pray for the little ones in my family like they are my own, teach, them and take them fun places. The last time I took my siblings kids on a fun outdoor trip with their cousins too and they did indeed rise up and call me blessed Proverbs 31:28. There was a chant of tiny voices in the back of the van chanting "Auntie is the best!" It was hilarious. They were so happy. Busy parents don't always have the time or energy.

Anyway, it's a great book full of scripture, wisdom, and insight. Honestly, I think everyone should get it. It's by Carolyyn McCulley. The funny thing is that it was just the devotional book I need because it's not about marriage...it's about how women can live a godly life pleasing to the lord, married or single. I might post some key points...well the key point that I got from it which is just to trust God. This has been a lesson that has been very key to me lately, as I notice more and more just how involved and just how much God is in control of my life. He has taken my worries away, not so much over marriage because for some reason I trust him with that...but I see how much he is working behind the scenes orchestrating every detail of my life. Weaving in people and opportunities to bring his plan to pass for my life. I will type it now.

ETA: This book is so invaluable for multiple reasons that I won't type any key points but encourage you to get the book .

[sidney]

Originally Posted by EbonyCPrincess

I loved your points OP. I am currently single but I do not consider myself to be in "waiting". My view is that I ask that God's will be done period. If that includes bringing my husband to me, great. If it is His will that I remain single, great. My prayer is always "God, I ask that your will be done - but my desire is to be a wife." I let Him know what I want but accept and am happy with whatever He sees fit for my life. So although I do believe everything I am (and have in the past) experiencing WILL prepare me to be a better wife, I concentrate on growing spiritually for ME. Preparing myself to be the best WOMAN I can be. I believe if that is the focus, then it will also prepare me to be a better wife.

So...I can't answer your questions directly, but I do not necessarily agree with the mantra that "I'm preparing to be a wife". I think that can lead to disappointment. I've known women that are celibate for years, reading and studying the Bible, becoming closer to God only to be frustrated when after a few years they still haven't met "the one." If that is the purpose, or even part of the purpose, then it takes focus away from God IMO. Just my two cents.

I love what you shared here! Thanks! I tell you, people are holding out on all this godly wisdom.

[sidney]

By the way, she said that marriage is gift. It can't be earned by reaching a certain state spiritually. Just like Hannah had to wait although she was told she would be blessed with a child.

The text said God opened up her wound. God had a plan for Samuel and He didn't come one day too soon. Because Samuel would later go on to anoint David. David would later give rise to the genealogy of Christ at just the right time. One thing I know is that God has a plan. No need to fret or launch any big endeavor. He brings his plans to pass in His time. So we don't have to mistrust Him or His plans for our lives....and we certainly are not let to our own devices such a huge area in our lives to make something happen. We know what happened when Abraham did that. Rachel got her husband Jacob to do the same. Isaac had the right idea though. No need to launch anthing big and drastic...just pray God's will.

[sweetvi]

@sidney

Just read the preview and bought the book as we speak on my tablet. Now off to read...

[sidney]

Fantastic! You won't regret it...Am I the only one that still goes to the bookstore lol.

[LifeafterLHCF]

I don't believe we can ever be prepared. This isn't a darn dinner party. I see many who have gotten married still living in sin and such but as they grew together they became what God called them to be. To me I honestly believe those who preach this prepare for your husband stuff just don't have anything else to really positively say for those who have a desire to marry but find themselves not married.

I'm at a place that I can honestly say if it's going to happen it will. A nice guy sorta fell into my lap so to speak I'm not in this crazed who this must be my husband mindset. I'm ok being solo and if it's God's plan for me to marry it will. NO DEVIL IN HELL can do anything about it. I often feel praying over and over does nothing. I believe and know God is able to do anything. He doesn't need to be reminded since he created me and was expecting these request to come anyway. We make it know and move on. Do what your suppose to do and it will come to pass be it single life for ever or married. I won't lie and say I don't desire a man but I know I'm here for more than just to have my little fleshly desires met. Some will look at my post and side eye oh well.

The important matters like your heart,purification of you as a person,your character,your love,obedience those things matter so much because if you desire a godly man than those areas of you need to be truly on point and authentic for a godly man to be attracted to you.

[Belle Du Jour]

Originally Posted by sidney

Anyway, her premise is that preparing for life as a single or life as a married woman are not two different things. She said we should embody Proverbs 31 whether single or married because she is the example of godliness as a woman. There should be no transition from single to married because we should basically be doing all those things to service our families, church, and communities.

I like this. We don't have to be married to be on point. In fact, if we're single we should be extra on point because we only have ourselves to look after

[Belle Du Jour]

Originally Posted by sidney

By the way, she said that marriage is gift. It can't be earned by reaching a certain state spiritually. Just like Hannah had to wait although she was told she would be blessed with a child.

Bolded for emphasis. Single ladies should not feel like we're automatically missing the mark and that's why we're single. Now, some of us do need to work on some things and we need to be honest about our faults. Sometimes, it's the men who need to step into their role first.

PERFECTION was never a requirement for marriage but a lot of us have this idea that if I was thinner/prettier/had longer hair/whatever, I'd be married. But I submit to you the next time you see the thicker/less attractive/short-haired woman strolling along happily with her man, think about it. We need to stop beating ourselves up!

[Renewed1]

I'm going to read the book sidney recommended. Before I read her response, I immediately thought the Proverbs 31 woman was a good example of what WOMEN should aspire to be. So this is confirmation, my thinking was right thanks Sidney.

I came to the conclusion, about becoming a wife, is that I can't let that be my focus. When it's time for me to get married, I will. God has that situation under control, he just needs me to be obedient, like anything else in my life.

Do I want to get married of course....but my focus is more on ME....this is the period of my life that I can be selfish....do what I want, go where I want, buy things, travel, etc etc.

I do want a man who is going to approach me, to be "marriage minded." I will not be dissecting him to see if he's hubby material (well not immediately).

[sidney]

Ladies, I encourage you all to get the book! @MarriageMaterial, you won't regret it. It's very edifying!

[loolalooh]

Thanks for the great discussion, ladies. So many wise words from each of you.

[Belle Du Jour]

Originally Posted by sidney

Ladies, I encourage you all to get the book! @MarriageMaterial, you won't regret it. It's very edifying!

Awww man, is God trying to tell me something? I've read 2 AWESOME books in the past week about waiting/marriage prep. Couldn't put 'em down.

*sigh* Off to check out the reviews on Amazon.

[sidney]

Originally Posted by Belle Du Jour

Awww man, is God trying to tell me something? I've read 2 AWESOME books in the past week about waiting/marriage prep. Couldn't put 'em down.

*sigh* Off to check out the reviews on Amazon.

This book has broadened my outlook for ways that I can serve other people. The funny thing is that she doesn't offer any hard and fast solutions about what to do to prepare for marriage specifically...she helps women see what they can be doing right now so they are not stuck in that panicky "I don't see Boaz and I'm getting older! What do I do now? mode." It's just the way she broke down Proverbs 31, it's amazing and better than I've heard anyone break it down. This will bless single people who do not wish to get married, married women, men too lol (true story on the cover)...that's how good she is. Be blessed!

[momi]

Doing the bump - I have to speak on this topic at church on Sunday :-)

[fifi134]

This was a blog post I recently read that helped answer your question @loolalooh:

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/

[auparavant]

I think that preparation to be anything is biblical. We study to become professionals etc., why not study to become a wife? Like Belle du Jour says, we will not achieve perfection so A+++ is not the goal. It's just to become the best US we can be. There is so much that goes into a marriage. I'd work on patience, kindness, steadfastness, diplomacy, openness, giving encouragement and certainly commitment in addition to one's profession. Whatever you can do to help another in those learned traits is practice for marriage.

[loolalooh]

Originally Posted by fifi134

This was a blog post I recently read that helped answer your question @loolalooh:

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/

Thanks, @fifi134. This blog post in addition to many of the points made in this thread really hits it home. This part (especially the bolded) really stood out to me:

When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)

That sounds a lot different from the poem.

Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.

What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.

If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.

If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.

If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.

If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.

If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.

[Poohbear]

Originally Posted by fifi134

This was a blog post I recently read that helped answer your question @loolalooh:

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/

Interesting read! Thanks for sharing!

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