Relaxed hair ladies frowned upon?

majinbuu252 · Jan 19, 2013

Rocky91 said:
You know, I'm starting to think that kind of ease really isn't as "unicorn status" as we make it seem.

I feel like so many naturals are just committed to doing THEE most

I mean, I can't tell people what their hair needs or wants but I refuse to believe ANYBODY'S hair is gonna melt away from their heads unless they do 5 hours of detangling, 3 different treatments/week and use up industrial sized vats of buttahs and oils.
for the record, I do the hair of a lot of natural heads in my family ranging from 3's to 4a-b-c-z-x-*-& and all anybody ever really needs is a good wash/DC and nice leave-ins or moisturizers.

Lol exactly.

Missigirl · Jan 19, 2013

KCcurly said:
Come to the south. Most of the AA women here are still relaxed.

So true I am still getting offers from family members to relax my hair. :lachen:

. To each his own. :yep:

ClassicBeauty · Jan 19, 2013

I don't frown upon anyone, but I could see why people might feel that way. I was at a house party a few weeks ago where all but 2 out of about 25 ladies were natural. There were straight styles, kinky styles, twists, braid outs, braids, etc. When we started talking about hair the relaxed girls looked so left out. People were like "you still get relaxers????" And they were like

erplexed Everyone there had a professional degree.

BEAUTYU2U · Jan 19, 2013

You have to do you, OP. People need to mind their own business. I'm natural and happy. I don't spend any more time on my hair than I did relaxed. It's about what works for you.

sunnieb · Jan 19, 2013

divachyk - You are so right! Two of my natural friends told me that if their relaxed hair looked like mine, they'd still be relaxed. Another natural said that she's natural only because her scalp can't handle any type of chemical (including hair dye).

Either way, their hair is gorgeous and they take care of it. I'm still the only relaxed head left and I love it! :grin:

Honey Bee said:
When y'all all start relaxing again, or bkt'ing, or "heat training" , that's probably when I'll go natural again, just to be contrary.

This is me! I seriously considered transitioning back in 2010. Everybody was going natural and there were so many videos and blogs popping up to help. I even consulted with a natural hair stylist to help me with the transition.

At that time, I started to see the wave of the natural movement. I loved seeing all the different textures and styles. However, the backlash against relaxers just made me go.. :ohwell:

. Um, ok. Imma grow my relaxed tresses down to my butt 'den! :lol:

Although, I'd seriously be a cool natural head. Heck, everybody thinks I'm a straightened natural anyway. :grin:

*CherryPie* · Jan 19, 2013

Rocky91
I don't agree. My daughter has very lovely 4a 3c hair. Her hair is gorgeous but it takes her hours to do her hair because it tangles and she also gets those SSKs. So I know exactly how a lot of naturals struggle with their hair. It's real.

Rocky91 said:
You know, I'm starting to think that kind of ease really isn't as "unicorn status" as we make it seem.

I feel like so many naturals are just committed to doing THEE most

I mean, I can't tell people what their hair needs or wants but I refuse to believe ANYBODY'S hair is gonna melt away from their heads unless they do 5 hours of detangling, 3 different treatments/week and use up industrial sized vats of buttahs and oils.
for the record, I do the hair of a lot of natural heads in my family ranging from 3's to 4a-b-c-z-x-*-& and all anybody ever really needs is a good wash/DC and nice leave-ins or moisturizers.

Lita · Jan 19, 2013

OP,sorry to hear-I say do what makes you happy..I stop relaxing a long time ago,it wasn't for me,but I dont look down on people..When I had a texturizer or relaxer,people just throught I straighten my hair with a hot comb..lol..Ignore those people & do YOU!

Happy Hair Growing!

TLC1020 · Jan 19, 2013

Yeah I think people want others to follow suit, with so many women going natural it seem kind of odd that there are women that still relax.. I don't care what anyone say, as long as my hair is healthy, I am going to continue to relax my hair..

Saludable84 · Jan 20, 2013

Honestly, what I eat doesnt make anyone...

I dont care who looks at me as what because it is my choice and at the end of the day I have to live with it. I dont understand why people are so concerned with other people's hair :ohwell:

It is these same women that were at the salon every 6 weeks straightening that NG that are now trying to convert everyone :lol:

I dont see how being relaxed makes me any different or any less of a person than anyone else. I am glad there is more information out there and that more women want to embrace their natural hair (its cool looking at it) and even more information on relaxed hair. But natural does not mean healthy and relaxed does not mean damaged, though many have this misconception and I think that is wrong but makes others feel better. I have heard women with all reasons explain why they went natural and what is my reason for still being relaxed? "Because I like it" and many relaxed women will have the same answer. I even have a friend who told me she wants to relax so bad but then she will feel like all her years as a natural will be in vain, so she wears weaves.

Listen, at the end of the day, it is a hairstyle like any other hairstyle. Who is to say in a few years women will still be natural and relaxed might become the "thing" again. You never know. I just believe that when we make a decision, we should be fully committed to it and not make any assumptions based on preconceived and fallacious notions, but research what we are doing when we do it. I also believe that if more women respected their childrens decisions back in the day, they would have asked them if they would like a relaxer, before throwing it in their heads at the age of 5 & 6 :ohwell:

I have naturals tell me all the time "wow, your hair is really healthy, and thats all that matters". That really should be all that matters. I dont care what you do, just be happy with everything you do.

ToyToy · Jan 20, 2013

*CherryPie* said:
Honey Bee

That's not always true. It only takes me less than an hour, wash to finish...and that includes conditioning under the dryer...and before you say anything, I'm 4b in the front and sides, and 4a on the top and back. MY hair don't get tangles or knots, so I don't struggle with my hair at all.

All natural hair is not the same. You can't bunch all natural hair into one group.

Same here. I'm a 4ab natural and detangling takes me 10 minutes. I get some knots, but my hair rarely gets tangled.

Having said all of this - I really couldn't care less what people do to or with their hair. I will admire any beautiful head of hair of any colour or texture.

Those that look down on relaxed hair are most likely to be newly natural. The longer I was natural, the less I cared what other people did. I already have my hands full with my own hair ;-).

hnntrr · Jan 20, 2013

I have been permed most of my child/teen/adult life (I got relaxer when I was like 5). And my mother went natural due to health issues. Thus my sister went natural because of whatever reason...not really sure why I think she was just heavily influenced by my mom.

I got (and still get) a lot of flack a lot of the time for not switching to natural like they did. My mother and sister's hair is normally always in protective styling (wigs...and im not too sure about that since my sisters edges are seriously lackin). But my mom would give me SOOOO much stuff about how relaxing was gonna break my hair off and how I didn't need it and how we had nice curls when we were little and the only reason she relaxed us was for blachblahblah. And how so and so in our family was this race so we have 'good hair'..So I thought a long time about becoming natural thus began my first 12 week stretch (I couldnt decide) till finally I decided to not give into peer pressure from my mother and do what I was comfortable with.

Once day I might go natural. I am curious to see what my natural texture is. But I am happy where I am and personally dont have time to fuss around and learn about a new texture and all that jazz. So now I texlax. I dont need my hair bone straight my ng will flat iron the same texture as the rest of my hair regardless of if its virgin hair or not. I just like the ease and after seeing all these beautiful long haired ladies on here...know I know I have the potential to have gorgeous hair relaxed OR natural. And thats a good feeling.

kupenda · Jan 20, 2013

Will someone PLEASE tell me why this thread hasn't died yet -___-

9MillaNina · Jan 20, 2013

kupenda said:
Will someone PLEASE tell me why this thread hasn't died yet -___-

Why should it? I actually like the reads

9MillaNina · Jan 20, 2013

ToyToy said:
Same here. I'm a 4ab natural and detangling takes me 10 minutes. I get some knots, but my hair rarely gets tangled.

Having said all of this - I really couldn't care less what people do to or with their hair. I will admire any beautiful head of hair of any colour or texture.

Those that look down on relaxed hair are most likely to be newly natural. The longer I was natural, the less I cared what other people did. I already have my hands full with my own hair ;-).

True, I just find that whenever a trend is in and every is on the bandwagon, it's cool.. But your less cool when you don't join. Lol kinda like in school, you have the Jordan's and you're cool you don't and your not. Lol

9MillaNina · Jan 20, 2013

Saludable84 said:
Honestly, what I eat doesnt make anyone...

I dont care who looks at me as what because it is my choice and at the end of the day I have to live with it. I dont understand why people are so concerned with other people's hair It is these same women that were at the salon every 6 weeks straightening that NG that are now trying to convert everyone

Lmao convert.. I agree I really tried that one on friends .. Didn't work lol

Sometimes I think it's a thing where maybe (some) naturals feel left out, I mean let's be honest it is kinda a lonely world being natural. Yeah online is fun but how many people outside or really going to Big Chop for he experience. Alot of us naturals would have still been relaxed had we not joined youtube and alot of us would have no idea the hair care forum existed.. They may believe its a step up from the creamy crack and they love the experience lol. So now they wanna share the love. Especially new naturals they dont know what to expect from others, seeing as though if we're worrying about converting, we must have a genuine concern with what others think of our new du lol. I'm just keeping it real from my own feeling and the way I've done things. I tried to convert and it was mainly because I didn't want to be alone outside of the Internet. But then when that didn't work, I came online to convert. Lmao HairJesus is the savior j/k

afrofaithful · Jan 20, 2013

I don't think so. I'm natural but I see a lot of naturals talking about going back to relaxers now. I don't think less or more of either.

Saludable84 · Jan 20, 2013

9MillaNina said:
Lmao convert.. I agree I really tried that one on friends .. Didn't work lol

Sometimes I think it's a thing where maybe (some) naturals feel left out, I mean let's be honest it is kinda a lonely world being natural. Yeah online is fun but how many people outside or really going to Big Chop for he experience. Alot of us naturals would have still been relaxed had we not joined youtube and alot of us would have no idea the hair care forum existed.. They may believe its a step up from the creamy crack and they love the experience lol. So now they wanna share the love. Especially new naturals they dont know what to expect from others, seeing as though if we're worrying about converting, we must have a genuine concern with what others think of our new du lol. I'm just keeping it real from my own feeling and the way I've done things. I tried to convert and it was mainly because I didn't want to be alone outside of the Internet. But then when that didn't work, I came online to convert. Lmao HairJesus is the savior j/k

No, you just don't want to be alone and its perfectly fine. But the ones I know try to throw it in the conversation like a subliminal message. I do get what your saying though. Im one of the few friends that is actually into hair so I can see your point. Most people I know are natural or relaxed (50/50 kind of thing) but only very few of us are into hair and hair care. And funny thing too because many of my natural friends ask me for advice.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Honey Bee · Jan 20, 2013

ClassicBeauty said:
I don't frown upon anyone, but I could see why people might feel that way. I was at a house party a few weeks ago where all but 2 out of about 25 ladies were natural. There were straight styles, kinky styles, twists, braid outs, braids, etc. When we started talking about hair the relaxed girls looked so left out. People were like "you still get relaxers????" And they were like erplexed Everyone there had a professional degree.

ClassicBeauty, I don't know if you meant it, I doubt it, tbh, but there's so much shade in this post I don't even know where to start. :lol:

First of all, what special natural hair secrets were they discussing that the relaxed ladies couldn't join in? I dc, oil rinse, air dry, use oils, avoid heat, etc. What am I missing? Second, of course they were like "

erplexed". It's taboo to tell a natural to relax or even suggest they straighten. Why would it be okay to make people feel like pariahs for a hair decision? I would have politely told them to mind their own moisture/ protein balance. :giggle:

Third, I noted the shade of your last sentence. Hmmm... guess I must be an uneducated hoodrat for still relaxing, huh?

Lawd... :nono:

. If y'all were wondering, stuff like this is why OP felt the need to start this thread.

ClassicBeauty · Jan 20, 2013

Honey Bee said:
ClassicBeauty, I don't know if you meant it, I doubt it, tbh, but there's so much shade in this post I don't even know where to start. First of all, what special natural hair secrets were they discussing that the relaxed ladies couldn't join in? I dc, oil rinse, air dry, use oils, avoid heat, etc. What am I missing? Second, of course they were like "erplexed". It's taboo to tell a natural to relax or even suggest they straighten. Why would it be okay to make people feel like pariahs for a hair decision? I would have politely told them to mind their own moisture/ protein balance. Third, I noted the shade of your last sentence. Hmmm... guess I must be an uneducated hoodrat for still relaxing, huh?

Lawd... . If y'all were wondering, stuff like this is why OP felt the need to start this thread.

That's why I said I could see how people would feel that way.

The natural ladies were talking about where to buy certain products and which natural stylists in the area were good/bad. I am no product junkie and do my own hair, so I didn't have much to add to the conversation. I just sat and listened. The relaxed girls were just as educated/professional as the natural girls (most people at the party went to school together or worked together). Earlier posters mentioned the class issue with natural hair, so I thought that I'd add that tidbit to the post.

I am no nappy-nazi. There have been many days where I almost went back to a relaxer. I used the party as an example of why I could understand why some relaxed ladies in certain circles would feel like their relaxed hair was frowned upon.

Coffee · Jan 20, 2013

I will put my 2 cents in. I am 62 and have been natural more times in my life than I care to mention. When I was younger, wearing a natural was no big deal, so when I hear all of this "New Natural" talk it's hilarious. I have also been relaxed, nothing was said. It all depends on when I feel like a change. Right now, I'm transitioning, and when I'm completely natural, who knows how long I'll stay that way. Girl, do you, you can't control what other's opinions of you are. Don't worry, be happy :lachen:

.

CityGirl · Jan 20, 2013

Okay...when I started this thread it was just to ask if anyone else had noticed that these days a lot of natural haired ladies were looking at those of us who choose to continue relaxing as "less than" because we opt for chemically straightened hair. Honestly I have been relaxing a very long time and it is from this site that I have learned the most and have learned how to maintain healthy relaxed hair. I have no issues with what people think about this at all because I am "doing me" as many of you have recommended. But I have been noticing a trend among some who have chosen to now go natural.
I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed the same. As long as everybody's hair is healthy it really doesn't matter.

ImpatientlyWaiting · Jan 21, 2013

CityGirl, I have more than noticed the same. While I don't experience it in my every day occurrences, it is extremely prevalent on social media. Seems like most new naturals posts any & everything they can find that exposes "creamy crack lovers" as those who don't know nor love their true selves. Just because one relaxes doesn't mean they're trying to live up to unrealistic images of beauty or denounces their African heritage. I've been natural, so I'm not one who's never felt her true texture. I LOVE my texlaxed hair....imo, it's the best of both worlds. And it's healthy....and it's mine, which is all that should matter.

Aviah · Jan 21, 2013

I haven't read the whole thread, but I do understand where OP is coming from. It seems many people used to relax for the wrong reasons (being told they had bad hair, thinking it was the only way to look acceptable) and the wrong ways (being burned, overprocessing, hair loss) usually along with improper upkeep caused a lot of problems for many women. Now that many are learning to like/work with the hair they have and so much knowledge being put out there about it, its assumed that if you don't follow suit, you haven't been "enlightened" yet.

I won't lie, I think it would be great if everyone tried natural hair at least once in their adult life, but I don't have to deal with their hair every morning, so that's none of my business. I went natural before all the hype, and when it became a trend, that's when I heard so many bad things about relaxers. I just wanted my curly afro. Not everyone wants a fro/curls/waves/whatever they naturally have. And I don't see any other race tyrannizing its other members to be "one way"- natural or not.

venusfly · Jan 21, 2013

I don't know where she lives but I've never heard a peep or had any opinions/feelings expressed about natural versus relaxed. What I do hear about is real versus fake hair. The men I run across all complain about fake hair and are all just happy to see a wave/wig free woman .....they DON'T care if it's natural or relaxed as long as it's real hair. I've had too many brothers tell me that a black woman with her own hair is a rarity these days. Not saying I agree with it but real versus fake, not natural versus relaxed is what I hear people complaining about.

Relaxed hair ladies frowned upon?

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