My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

so i got ripped a NEW one after a work meeting today. my boss tells me she wants to put me up for a promotion but tells that my hair is "unprofessional" and that it "doesn't make me look my best with my hair slicked back" and that she needs me looking a certain way and "feeling confident" before she "moves forward with the (promotion) process." she went onto tell me how beautiful my hair looked when i wore it down at a company MLB event and "why don't i wear it like that all the time??" we have a corporate dinner tomorrow night and they (parents + boss) are mad that i'm not going to "press my hair" instead choosing to wear a bun.

so, i run home to mommy and daddy and what happened? my parents co-signed: "that crunchy bun doesn't flatter your face..." "your roots stick up" "...you used to wear your hair down more often do that." blah, blah, blah...

another co-worker: "....well, it looks okay to me, but..."

right now i'm SO FRUSTRATED i could cry. am i making too much of all of this? am i not seeing something? i know i look better with my hair down and straightened but i'm not sure how to keep my hair healthy, keep my body healthy and keep myself and my hair looking its best at the same time! right now i'm just mad.

WHAT???? Wow girl. I feel your pain and frustration. Now before I go off the deep end, please tell me....are you a model, hostess, actress, dancer... basically something where you get paid for your "look"? If so, I can understand your boss' request because your pay is based on your appearance....and what appearance the company wants represented.

HOWEVER (BRIEF PAUSE).............. if you are doing your thang at your job (not appearance related), she has NO damn business telling you want to do with your hair. Let's say..for argument purposes...that you are the best marketing director for a company... what the hell does your job performance have to do with your bun (as long as it is neat and professional?).

Please tell us more details about your industry...cause waiting is making me heated! Oh, do you have a picture of your alleged "unprofessional bun"? :mob:

This is too much of an infringement, isn't it? A bun is the epitome of staid and business like to me. It just seems as if there is no decision that your job thinks you can make on your own.

I know I'm dealing with a similar situation... "If you wanna move up.. change your hair"... It's so frustrating.. and then for your boss to come right out and say it .. That's like a slap in the face. They don't understand that they are trying to get in the way of your personal goals and although career and financial gain is important so is personal growth.
Don't get frustrated treat it as an opportunity for creative problem solving. How will you apease them.. Get that promotion AND continue acheiving your goals for healthy hair? I will not tell you what to do with your hair b/c there are so many ladies on hear who are waay more knowledgeable than I am. But, for me I'm trying to get into tv reporting and I'm natural. I have been researching the looks of other reporters who are my role models... and getting great advice from LHCF
I am going to invest in a half wig and make it look as seamless as possible.. and I might do sew ins b/c I know I can retain legnth that way I'm also changing my regimen to balance what I'm doing to have to look a certain way.. hope this kind of helps... If nothing else at least you can vent hear.. and the ladies here understand.

what does your hair have to do with your job??

Aisling~Siahbon said:

I know I'm dealing with a similar situation... "If you wanna move up.. change your hair"... It's so frustrating.. and then for your boss to come right out and say it .. That's like a slap in the face. They don't understand that they are trying to get in the way of your personal goals and although career and financial gain is important so is personal growth.
Don't get frustrated treat it as an opportunity for creative problem solving. How will you apease them.. Get that promotion AND continue acheiving your goals for healthy hair? I will not tell you what to do with your hair b/c there are so many ladies on hear who are waay more knowledgeable than I am. But, for me I'm trying to get into tv reporting and I'm natural. I have been researching the looks of other reporters who are my role models... and getting great advice from LHCF
I am going to invest in a half wig and make it look as seamless as possible.. and I might do sew ins b/c I know I can retain legnth that way I'm also changing my regimen to balance what I'm doing to have to look a certain way.. hope this kind of helps... If nothing else at least you can vent hear.. and the ladies here understand.

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Your hair has nothing to do with promotion,I thought that a bun was the corporate gold standard, its not like you're rockin' a rainbow colored mohawk. But IA with Aisling.There must be a solution to satisfy both sides.Half wigs are a great idea and they can be a protective style. So are sew-ins

I don't get it. As yardyspice said, the bun is one of, if not the most professional hairstyle.

Also, is your boss white? Someone of color would understand some of the trouble that goes with achieving and maintaining a straight style in a healthy way.

As has been suggested, you could always go for a weave or a wig. If your boss doesn't like those options, I would explain why it would be so inconvenient to wear your real hair out daily.

This is so bizarre.

Reecie said:

WHAT???? Wow girl. I feel your pain and frustration. Now before I go off the deep end, please tell me....are you a model, hostess, actress, dancer... basically something where you get paid for your "look"? If so, I can understand your boss' request because your pay is based on your appearance....and what appearance the company wants represented.

HOWEVER (BRIEF PAUSE).............. if you are doing your thang at your job (not appearance related), she has NO damn business telling you want to do with your hair. Let's say..for argument purposes...that you are the best marketing director for a company... what the hell does your job performance have to do with your bun (as long as it is neat and professional?).

Please tell us more details about your industry...cause waiting is making me heated! Oh, do you have a picture of your alleged "unprofessional bun"? :mob:

Click to expand...

No, i don't have a "sexy" job, i'm in corporate america, basic daily wardrobe is black suits and pointy toe heels or its business casual. (however, i AM the ONLY black female in my company in the West region (CA, AZ, NV, WA, MT, ID, NM, WY, CO, UT, OR) AND the women in my industry tend to be attractive/fashionable/put a lot of time and work into their looks. (Our quartely meetings are like small scale fashion shows.)

I don't have a picture of my buns and I will say that i suck at making buns (i'm no DLewis.) BUT this pressure to wear my hair down is getting to me. Even worse when my parents agreed with my boss. my mom has ALWAYS hated my buns - she also thinks they're "unprofessional" on me because they "don't look good on me." then my dad compares me to the 3 or 4 black women he sees while out and about over the course of a week. he then brings up 2 acquaintances of mine who "always look good" in his opinion (1 has the thinnest most unhealthy hair that's constantly slicked back into a phony pony, the other has bleached, relaxed and hot combed her hair to the point where its broken off her head and is barely eye ball length - which is fine for them, just not my thing.) i love my parents and i know they just want me to put my best foot forward, but, i refuse to do that at the risk of damaging my hair.

a trusted friend/co-worker told me that i need to "step it up, especially at meetings." so now, i'm reeeally feeling the pressure being the only black person, competing with all these hair flowing done up women.

i'd love to be able to wear my hair down more often but it doesn't look good down & curly, i workout 2hrs/day 4 days a week and i'm trying to get to full MBL. i really have no idea what i can do to my hair to make it look good, other than bun it...and now i find out what people "really" think of my buns.

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

Reecie said:

WHAT???? Wow girl. I feel your pain and frustration. Now before I go off the deep end, please tell me....are you a model, hostess, actress, dancer... basically something where you get paid for your "look"? If so, I can understand your boss' request because your pay is based on your appearance....and what appearance the company wants represented.

HOWEVER (BRIEF PAUSE).............. if you are doing your thang at your job (not appearance related), she has NO damn business telling you want to do with your hair. Let's say..for argument purposes...that you are the best marketing director for a company... what the hell does your job performance have to do with your bun (as long as it is neat and professional?).

Please tell us more details about your industry...cause waiting is making me heated! Oh, do you have a picture of your alleged "unprofessional bun"? :mob:

Click to expand...

ITA 110% with your entire post.

aurora3140 said:

I don't get it. As yardyspice said, the bun is one of, if not the most professional hairstyle.

Also, is your boss white? Someone of color would understand some of the trouble that goes with achieving and maintaining a straight style in a healthy way.

As has been suggested, you could always go for a weave or a wig. If your boss doesn't like those options, I would explain why it would be so inconvenient to wear your real hair out daily.

This is so bizarre.

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my boss is korean. i did the weave thing as a protective style/way to make my hair look great daily - however, my hair didn't seem to love it. my hair got significantly thinner and that's 1 of the reasons why i'm simply washing and bunning now. (plus i'm on a personal 6 month, no heat challenge which was supposed to end march 6th, but now....) i really don't know. i'm mad, i'm sad...all these opinions make me feel like i look ugly when i bun.

I think it sucks that your boss is requiring you to wear your hair down and you're not in the entertainment industry.
In the meanwhile invest in a half wig or roller set your own hair and wrap it at night or pincurl it.

What state are you in? Check the laws to see if you can record someone without their permission because this sounds "lawsuity" to me. The best analogy is telling an Asian person that their hair looks too blah and it needs to be colored and textured. Isn't telling you to be another race?

What if you just got a fake bun or a phony pony and bun it. A lot of people like buns if they are full and substantial. My mother hates my RL bun but I have a phony pony I wrap into a big bun and she loves it and says I look like a ballerina. See if they like it and then you can compromise.

Can we see a picture of your bun? If you do post one, please post what it regularly looks like. Maybe the professional bunning ladies here can give you pointers on how to make your bun better without it being "crunchy" or your "roots sticking up."

IA with Cracker's Phinn on wearing your hair out untill you get the promotion.

Another option is to start another thread asking for professional non-bunning styles that still protect your hair. The ladies here have all sorts up their sleeves!

Good luck to you! I really hope you get that promotion!!

yardyspice said:

This is too much of an infringement, isn't it? A bun is the epitome of staid and business like to me. It just seems as if there is no decision that your job thinks you can make on your own.

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i thought so too. guess we're wrong.

Crackers Phinn said:

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

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Lol! Good idea Crackers Phinn! I'm going to have to find a way to wear it down a lot more often. And apparently they don't like my hair in any form of updo minus a curly ponytail.

chavascandy said:

I think it sucks that your boss is requiring you to wear your hair down and you're not in the entertainment industry.
In the meanwhile invest in a half wig or roller set your own hair and wrap it at night or pincurl it.

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i think i'm going to have to learn how to roller set. i think that's probably going to be my best option. good thing i just bought macherieamour's rollersetting dvd. i know nothing about half-wigs...

a big part of my job is to entertain clients - i guess that means being eye candy for them, so maybe that's where the full court press comes from? also, as i mentioned before, most of the girls in my industry are the LV/Chloe bag carrying, trendy, full hair & makeup everyday type of girls (and none of them are black.) even though part of what i do requires entertaining clients an even bigger part of my job is meeting with my clients daily, running reports and surpassing my quartely goals - that's why i've never felt bad about wearing buns. does it feel awkward when all the other girls are so done up? a little, but i just didn't know it was causing...a problem. or that my parents thought i looked bad.

I have soooooo much to say on this subject. This is a recycled issue again and again and again. I do not think the bun is the issue. One particular thing is never the issue. You boss just aint straight talking. Your hair is what it is and there are many ways to get around this situation.

Play the game - get promoted and then do what you want.

Btw I do believe that as black women we are partially to blame for this issue. The fact that your parents are co-signing to me says it ALL.

ETA: This is gonna be a HAWT topic so get ready OP.

Can you post a pic of the bun please?!?! LoL I'm dying to see it because I cannot imagine how a bun could look UnProfessional on anyone!!

This is so upsetting. You're just going to have to play the game.

ITA with the other ladies. I truly don't think your bun is the issue and that is really unprofessional of her to say that to you with her being a manager and someone that is supposed to lead and be a example to the department.

Its just like if she was to telling you she doesnt like when you wear your hair in braids or dreads or a natural do. It has nothing to do with your job performance and how you perform.

If the real issue is that you need to step up then that has nothing to do with your hair holding you back. She better be glad you do not report her behind to HR for discrimmination and for her being Asian of all things.

I'm all for playing the game until it gets you promoted---but i dont believe this has anything to do with your hair.

Unless the bun is not neat and nice like im thinking---but i still say this shouldnt keep you from getting promoted.

A little off topic:
This kind of sounds like the Devil Wears Prada(not sure if you work in a fashion magazine industry and remember how the one lead actress changed her total look just to be able to get recognition at work by her manager).

OP do you work in PR, Advertising or Media?

Those are usually the careers where you appearance does have a lot to do with your job as you are selling a particular image.

The way I see its is this, I agree with Crackerphinn - just do what you need for now and then do what the *** you want thereafter. That said if you want to stay on top of the game what you must consider is that ultimately your clients/ customers will indirectly dictate their expectations which is something you can't really get around.

Even legal careers are a bit like this.....

stellagirl76 said:

I have soooooo much to say on this subject. This is a recycled issue again and again and again. I do not think the bun is the issue. One particular thing is never the issue. You boss just aint straight talking. Your hair is what it is and there are many ways to get around this situation.

Play the game - get promoted and then do what you want.

Btw I do believe that as black women we are partially to blame for this issue. The fact that your parents are co-signing to me says it ALL.

ETA: This is gonna be a HAWT topic so get ready OP.

Click to expand...

its definitely a multi-faceted issue. i think my boss wants me to look more like the other girls. my parents think i play down my looks when i'm at work because they incessantly bring up the fact that when i'm out with friends or on a date (when i had a boyfriend) that i do my hair and look great.

i suck at playing the game and i'm really struggling to figure out how to play it within this issue.

please elaborate on why do you believe black women are partially to blame for this issue? i think that's an interesting take.

one thing i'm sure of is that its interesting when you're the only black girl in a company where you've already witnessed "the old black tax in full effect" now add this on top of it. while i'm not trying to make it a black/non-black issue, the fact of the matter is I have curly hair and its not as easy to get it straight and done up as it is for some of my straighter haired peers.

...or maybe i simply don't know how to style my hair because i do see a lot of siggy and profile pix here with straight, lush, gorgeous hair.

i'll work on a bun pic this weekend - tomorrow is the big event with my bosses boss. for which i'll be...bunned. no time to straighten - especially now that i'm frustrated and up late, venting on lhcf.

I don't think that BIG BAD BOSS is the problem. I think that the system is the problem and the example that we have been setting as black women is the problem.

I think boss is just telling it as it is and trying to get her staff promoted. Its not in Boss lady's interest not to have her staff progress as she also will not progress. My guess is that Boss lady knows she is or soon will be up for promotion but usually one of the pre-requisites for that is that your own staff are also progressing.

We can attack boss all we like in this thread, but the facts remain that until society changes we gotta suck it up and play the system until we are in the positions of power to break it down.

OP I think you should listen to Boss lady, selectively filter what does not contradict your principles (within reason) and play the game accordingly.

Lets not get things out of context now. You paid a LOT of money for your education and to get where you are so guess what you already made a few sacrifices so do not get hysterical and emotional now and sabotage yourself.

There are so may Fotki's you can stalk for Inspiration until those promotion papers are signed.

If it were me I would have the hottest and hair health focus stylist on the case for the next few weeks and go out shopping for a few new bits.

And for all those who don;t like the suggestions - this is the game - just like in high school - just like in the jungle. The toughest survive and the rest get left behind.

bluediamond0829 said:

ITA with the other ladies. I truly don't think your bun is the issue and that is really unprofessional of her to say that to you with her being a manager and someone that is supposed to lead and be a example to the department.

Its just like if she was to telling you she doesnt like when you wear your hair in braids or dreads or a natural do. It has nothing to do with your job performance and how you perform.

If the real issue is that you need to step up then that has nothing to do with your hair holding you back. She better be glad you do not report her behind to HR for discrimmination and for her being Asian of all things.

I'm all for playing the game until it gets you promoted---but i dont believe this has anything to do with your hair.

Unless the bun is not neat and nice like im thinking---but i still say this shouldnt keep you from getting promoted.

A little off topic:
This kind of sounds like the Devil Wears Prada(not sure if you work in a fashion magazine industry and remember how the one lead actress changed her total look just to be able to get recognition at work by her manager).

Click to expand...

stellagirl76 said:

OP do you work in PR, Advertising or Media?

Those are usually the careers where you appearance does have a lot to do with your job as you are selling a particular image.

The way I see its is this, I agree with Crackerphinn - just do what you need for now and then do what the *** you want thereafter. That said if you want to stay on top of the game what you must consider is that ultimately your clients/ customers will indirectly dictate their expectations which is something you can't really get around.

Even legal careers are a bit like this.....

Click to expand...

my clients really like me. i'm one of the most recognized and well liked people in my geography and i think i'm respected because my clients don't look at me like "we'll listen to her because she's hawt, but we like her" ....and i think they think i bring something valuable to the table, professionally.

my boss also really likes me, so i'm glad that she was "honest" with me. she wants me to shine in every way possible because she witnessed me being passed over for a promotion even though i "do three times more work then the others in my geography who ended up getting the promotion" (her words, not mine.)

but, it comes back to hair. my clothes and shoes are fine, although i'm not in a dress everyday or in Theory suits, Marc Jacobs tops and Manolos, i still look nice. so the only area of difference is hair. most of the women in my company wear their hair down everyday - i'm the only one i've seen out here who doesn't.

And there we have it. OP why do you make an effort outside work and not at work? You boss wants you to look like the other girls (unfortunately) BC its called BRANDING. You are repping your companmy so there are unwritten and unspoken conventions as to how to do that. The ones that do so accordingly get promoted. Look at the successful people and mirror them within your own boundaries and personal style.

Black women are partially to blame because we are the weave wearing, relaxer straightening etc etc ones who have completely conformed to the European ideal of beauty thus far. Now that some are consciously making a move towards healthier hair practices we are being penalized for it in the same way that white women who do not want to starve themselves to look like Kate Moss are penalized. This issue is Universal. The trick is how to work within the constraints of the Politics.

OP I also think that if you don;t feel so confident styling your hair don;t sweat it. I am there too, but I would advise getting help with it instead of burying your head in the sand.

If the promotion is what you want then go get it.

wyldcurlz said:

its definitely a multi-faceted issue. i think my boss wants me to look more like the other girls. my parents think i play down my looks when i'm at work because they incessantly bring up the fact that when i'm out with friends or on a date (when i had a boyfriend) that i do my hair and look great.
i suck at playing the game and i'm really struggling to figure out how to play it within this issue.

please elaborate on why do you believe black women are partially to blame for this issue? i think that's an interesting take.

one thing i'm sure of is that its interesting when you're the only black girl in a company where you've already witnessed "the old black tax in full effect" now add this on top of it. while i'm not trying to make it a black/non-black issue, the fact of the matter is I have curly hair and its not as easy to get it straight and done up as it is for some of my straighter haired peers.

...or maybe i simply don't know how to style my hair because i do see a lot of siggy and profile pix here with straight, lush, gorgeous hair.

i'll work on a bun pic this weekend - tomorrow is the big event with my bosses boss. for which i'll be...bunned. no time to straighten - especially now that i'm frustrated and up late, venting on lhcf.

Click to expand...

Op you do not wear your hair down everyday to look nice. There are other styling options. I would just advise you switch it up a little.

Also my advice. Aim to look good everyday. People always like to remember the days you are not on point.

Also as you say, you are great at your job but are being passed over for promotion. Stop accepting second best and just play the game.

wyldcurlz said:

my clients really like me. i'm one of the most recognized and well liked people in my geography and i think i'm respected because my clients don't look at me like "we'll listen to her because she's hawt, but we like her" ....and i think they think i bring something valuable to the table, professionally.

my boss also really likes me, so i'm glad that she was "honest" with me. she wants me to shine in every way possible because she witnessed me being passed over for a promotion even though i "do three times more work then the others in my geography who ended up getting the promotion" (her words, not mine.)

but, it comes back to hair. my clothes and shoes are fine, although i'm not in a dress everyday or in Theory suits, Marc Jacobs tops and Manolos, i still look nice. so the only area of difference is hair. most of the women in my company wear their hair down everyday - i'm the only one i've seen out here who doesn't.

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I never did get a chance to give my opinion on this.

Honestly. I'm not a big fan of buns. Yes they're professional, but they can look severe, homely, and unattractive (not always, but if they're slicked straight back then yes, to me!). You say your work enviroment is full of fashionistas, and it makes sense. Studies and life experience have proven again and again that more attractive men AND women have an easier time at work (though for women attractive/too sexy to be taken serious is a fine line). I also think society (even in a work enviroment) encourages a woman to look feminine and appealing always, though not overly sexy (not saying I agree, it's just what I've perceived).

Another thing is that people often associate unattractive or unappealing looks with laziness, (i.e. those who are overweight, wont put on makeup, or wear that ultra crisp suit need to "try harder" or "invest in themselves more").

I dunno. These are just my thoughts and speculations. When I've worn my hair down at work in the past (at plain old Best Buy Computers) and did my makeup my bosses treated me better. It was like I was doing a better job even when I wasn't.

So play the game. Rollerset, and enjoy your flowing hair. Like I said though, I'm biased against buns.

Just...look your best.

I agree with some of the other ladies...I would play their game....

Are you able to wear a wash n go? If so, that may also be an option for tomorrow's meeting.

stellagirl76 said:

Black women are partially to blame because we are the weave wearing, relaxer straightening etc etc ones who have completely conformed to the European ideal of beauty thus far. Now that some are consciously making a move towards healthier hair practices we are being penalized for it in the same way that white women who do not want to starve themselves to look like Kate Moss are penalized. This issue is Universal. The trick is how to work within the constraints of the Politics..

Click to expand...

Word on this! Attractive does usually mean "attractive by white european standards of beauty" in our society. It's a shame it's so rigid, but we're all forced to work in those constrains.

I also had friend who hand to have 100 dollar singles removed for a job because braids were written in the companies policy to unprofessional.

you hit the nail on the head stellagirl. its not that my boss is the bad guy here. nor are my parents. and unfortunately, as a black woman and a corporate minority, again, we have to stand out. sometimes that standing out means fighting stereotypes that we've never been, seen, looked or sounded like, but still.

excuse the tangent above, anyway, my main problem is figuring out what to do wtih my hair right now. worse yet, there's little to nothing i can do for this big event tomorrow (make that, tonight!) i'm really wondering though, how to style natural hair that gets workout sweaty 3-4 days/week. even if i rearranged my workouts.

hypothetically, let's just say i stopped working out altogether...i'm STILL not sure how to style my hair in a manner that keeps it healthy, retains length and looks good monday thru friday (if not longer) - post wash.

like many of you have suggested, i'm going to have to do some lhcf, fotki and youtube research. and most likely, LEARN HOW TO ROLLERSET my hair straight.

i was always told as a black woman i had to be at least 2 times better than my non-black counterparts to get the same recognition. i hate to see how this applies more and more, everyday to more and more segments of my life.

stellagirl76 said:

I don't think that BIG BAD BOSS is the problem. I think that the system is the problem and the example that we have been setting as black women is the problem.

I think boss is just telling it as it is and trying to get her staff promoted. Its not in Boss lady's interest not to have her staff progress as she also will not progress. My guess is that Boss lady knows she is or soon will be up for promotion but usually one of the pre-requisites for that is that your own staff are also progressing.

We can attack boss all we like in this thread, but the facts remain that until society changes we gotta suck it up and play the system until we are in the positions of power to break it down.

OP I think you should listen to Boss lady, selectively filter what does not contradict your principles (within reason) and play the game accordingly.

Lets not get things out of context now. You paid a LOT of money for your education and to get where you are so guess what you already made a few sacrifices so do not get hysterical and emotional now and sabotage yourself.

There are so may Fotki's you can stalk for Inspiration until those promotion papers are signed.

If it were me I would have the hottest and hair health focus stylist on the case for the next few weeks and go out shopping for a few new bits.

And for all those who don;t like the suggestions - this is the game - just like in high school - just like in the jungle. The toughest survive and the rest get left behind.

Click to expand...