This is so embarrassing....

beans4reezy · Oct 22, 2010

Never thought I would post a thread like this...BUT

The VP of Sales pulled me aside today and warned me about my hair. He said he thinks the world of me, but he had to pull me aside. He said it looks "wild" and that it isn't appropriate for the work place. HE said he thinks the world of me...blah...blah...blah....he could see me advancing in my career blah...blah...blah...so he had to say something before my hair interefered with my career. He would hate to see something as little a my hair hold me back....really? :ohwell:

See, the thing is- my hair is relaxed, but I only texturize it- so it looks natural. I say all this to say- styling has been a challenge for me, because my hair isn't straight.....so here goes me trying to experiment with a damn braid out and I guess I was looking like Blanca from Street Fighter or something, because he felt compelled to pull me aside.

Wow. I am so embarrased that I was given a "talking to" about my hair of all things.

Wow.

Wow.

OK. Rant over.

~Sparklingflame~ · Oct 22, 2010

Does your hair look undone?

LunadeMiel · Oct 22, 2010

How does your hair normally look?

qchelle · Oct 22, 2010

Post a pic of how it looked

beans4reezy · Oct 22, 2010

~Sparklingflame~ said:
Does your hair look undone?

Well, this morning...I kind of thought it looked a little crazy, but then again- I thought it was cute...like I was a natural with a cute braid out...

LunadeMiel said:
How does your hair normally look?

I normally have it in a bun...but I was getting bored with them, so I wanted to try something new...FAIL

~Sparklingflame~ · Oct 22, 2010

Well you gotta show us a pic. If it was a simple braid out then dude is way outta line, but if it looked, you know, then, ..we just need a pic.

Simply_elle · Oct 22, 2010

beans4reezy said:
I guess I was looking like Blanca from Street Fighter or something

I died!! LOL

Sorry for his...ideas about your hair :needhug:

I would pull him aside Monday and ask for the reasons and views of why he felt compelled to say something about your hair. Was it todays style? Past styles? When people offer their "advice" I ask for parameters just to know they aren't talking out of there *** you know?? If your going to insult me make it constructive...

Ugg...some people..

LynnieB · Oct 22, 2010

OP - you yourself said that you thought your hair looked "a little crazy"!!

I think a pic of exactly how you styled your hair would help the ladies help you.

DDTexlaxed · Oct 22, 2010

This post made me mad. Hair has nothing to do with her doing her job. I found his speech empty and rude. :blush:

Maybe I am PMSing, but it sounds like a cop out to me. Black women are being forced into a mold no other race has to fit into. I find it disgusting! :angry2:

IDareT'sHair · Oct 22, 2010

This is 2010 ! Come On !

And I know all about being in a 'Professional Setting', Assimilating and being Corporately and Politically Correct but I don't think your Hair should Top Your Brains! :look:

I feel that it was inappropriate and totally uncalled for.

HappilyLiberal · Oct 22, 2010

On the positive side, at least he told you. A lot of folks would not have said a word and then just dinged you for it when it was time for a promotion.

Chaosbutterfly · Oct 22, 2010

DDTexlaxed said:
This post made me mad. Hair has nothing to do with her doing her job. I found his speech empty and rude. Maybe I am PMSing, but it sounds like a cop out to me. Black women are being forced into a mold no other race has to fit into. I find it disgusting!

It kind of does.
I don't know what industry OP works in, but most places want employees that look put together and professional. They want that, because that is the image that they are trying to project to clients. So if you have one employee who is not fitting the company image, then any clients whom that employee interacts with may be turned off, and then the company loses business. That's why you never see sales associates at Saks Fifth Avenue wearing sweatshirts and sneakers. Since the employee's job is to garner business for the company and not to lose it, then yeah...hair can affect job performance. So can clothes, makeup, tattoos, piercings, or pretty much anything else about a person's appearance. It's unfortunate, but that's life.

And that's something that goes for all races, IMO. At past jobs, I've definitely seen white co-workers and fellow students get in trouble for not combing their hair, having hair that was too long (mostly boys), and just generally looking like the Cowardly Lion in a hurricane. I know that you were angling more for the natural hair part of being black, but since OP is relaxed, then I don't think that really applies here.

Now, as far as OP's specific situation goes, I agree with the other ladies that we need to see your hair. I don't think he was complaining about the texture of your hair as much as he was complaining about the style, because all this time you've been wearing buns, he wasn't saying nothing. So some pictures would be helpful.

BraunSugar · Oct 22, 2010

I saw you said you texturize: Can you do wash & gos with your hair? Or maybe you can experiment with getting a braid out or twist out to look "neat" (whatever you feel looks neat), or maybe a bun, flat twists into a bun, straw set, perm rod set, roller set... I'm just trying to throw out some ideas here.

Mrs. Verde · Oct 22, 2010

Simply_elle said:
I died!! LOL

Sorry for his...ideas about your hair

I would pull him aside Monday and ask for the reasons and views of why he felt compelled to say something about your hair. Was it todays style? Past styles? When people offer their "advice" I ask for parameters just to know they aren't talking out of there *** you know?? If your going to insult me make it constructive...

Ugg...some people..

I think this is a good idea. What type of organization do you work for? Is it very conservative. I work for a VERY conservative company regarding appearance. For example, no cleavage or stilettos. I could very easily see some natural being considered “inappropriate”.

Newtogrow · Oct 22, 2010

pics would be helpful, however, I think he was overstepping unless you were looking like the Tina Turner Wig

SmilingElephant · Oct 22, 2010

With the way i'm feeling today...i would've told him to kick rocks...(enter Kanye shrug HERE)

My thing.....what is his age group and what color is he?? And WHERE did he come from??
I'm sorry but i'm the type of chick sometimes i even have to put my managers in check bc they like to try you with petty mess...and i ain't for it....if you are not the Son of God(wow i just thought about the crying chick in the bonnet in the dark video :rofl:

)....i will put you in check where i deem it appropriate....and honestly i woulda told him somethings :nono:

...let him have a bad day...and pull him to the side like he did you and feed him that same crap he fed you.....some ppl just love to cross lines....yes its 2010...but these days you get SHOT for stuff like that.

....stepping off the soapbox .

LifeafterLHCF · Oct 22, 2010

Pictures please op.See stuff like this as a 2nd time new grad in Dec makes me want to relax my natural hair.I wear wigs all the time but Im fearful on the one day I wear my natural I will get Bob white manger talking nonsense..I get both sides the corporate image and the free person side.

divachyk · Oct 22, 2010

I echo what was stated before -- post pics of what yo normally look like day to day. Nowadays, appearance is equally as important as professionalism. This is especially true for certain industries. Companies now look for the total package, right, wrong or indifferent, it is what it is.

HappilyLiberal · Oct 22, 2010

SmilingElephant said:
With the way i'm feeling today...i would've told him to kick rocks...(enter Kanye shrug HERE)

My thing.....what is his age group and what color is he?? And WHERE did he come from??
I'm sorry but i'm the type of chick sometimes i even have to put my managers in check bc they like to try you with petty mess...and i ain't for it....if you are not the Son of God(wow i just thought about the crying chick in the bonnet in the dark video)....i will put you in check where i deem it appropriate....and honestly i woulda told him somethings...let him have a bad day...and pull him to the side like he did you and feed him that same crap he fed you.....some ppl just love to cross lines....yes its 2010...but these days you get SHOT for stuff like that.

....stepping off the soapbox .

It's not fun to be unemployed in a recession...

Jus' sayin'

My Friend · Oct 22, 2010

A relative of mine was told to change their hair if they wanted to advance in the workplace. My relative changed their hairstyle and has advanced pretty far up the corporate ladder.

You can take it as a rude remark or a heads up about your future.

UrbainChic · Oct 22, 2010

Well as someone who has only had failed twist outs, braid outs and bantu knot outs, I know I have looked into the mirror and thought i look like i either rolled out of bed or just finished rolling in the hay. I usually play it safe with my hair and if i feel like " it looks a little crazy" the way you did, I just tie it back and go with a bun. ( this is if its a workday, I can look like i just got boinked on the weekend no problem!)

Definitely keep trying to work on your techniques ( lord knows I still am).

This is all assuming that this advice was not out of line. I have yet to encounter anywhere where the rule is your hair must be straight-- despite all the fear about it-- its always been an issue of neatness, and proper grooming, so I am assuming the comment mixed with your own ambivalence is probably an indicator that you should trust your instincts.

That said, its not really a race issue despite how sensitive a topic it is for women of african decent or with very curly hair. I mean there are some "sexy bed head" hairdos, or "tousled beachy" looks that caucasians and straighter haired people like to go with that are also inappropriate for the office. Oh not to mention greasy hair. :nono:

YUCK! Not saying its right, but I'm going to be totally honest when I say I too would find it less than professional.

These are all fine for OUTSIDE of the workplace, but in the workplace.... Nuh-uh.

Greasy Hair: :nono:

Messy/ Sexy braid: :nono:

Bed Head/ Just got F**ed Hair: :nono:

Chocolatelove2010 · Oct 22, 2010

My friend the other day was told by her supervisor.. to wear make up.

So do you know what she did? She wore some make up. She dressed up to work...

Not everybody finds 'wild' hair attractive. You probs thought you were looking the ish, thinking Yeaaaah this is for my natural sisters. Sadly, you were stopped in your tracks. It's alright... don't be embarassed. But sort it out girl.

And for the love of God, show us a pic. You're killing us here.

naturalmanenyc · Oct 22, 2010

I am also interested in seeing photos or your usual work hair style and how you wore your hair when he commented. Without the photos, I am not sure if his assessment was accurate. Maybe your braidout did look a bit off?

I change my hair up pretty often but I am no longer in a conservative industry. I wore a big curly fro on Wednesday and all one manager said was "Back to your old style" since I had straight hair last week. He does not know it but he has not seen my hair since June. What he thought was my "old style" was curly crochet braids.

LynnieB said:
OP - you yourself said that you thought your hair looked "a little crazy"!!

I think a pic of exactly how you styled your hair would help the ladies help you.

beans4reezy said:
Never thought I would post a thread like this...BUT

The VP of Sales pulled me aside today and warned me about my hair. He said he thinks the world of me, but he had to pull me aside. He said it looks "wild" and that it isn't appropriate for the work place. HE said he thinks the world of me...blah...blah...blah....he could see me advancing in my career blah...blah...blah...so he had to say something before my hair interefered with my career. He would hate to see something as little a my hair hold me back....really?

See, the thing is- my hair is relaxed, but I only texturize it- so it looks natural. I say all this to say- styling has been a challenge for me, because my hair isn't straight.....so here goes me trying to experiment with a damn braid out and I guess I was looking like Blanca from Street Fighter or something, because he felt compelled to pull me aside.

Wow. I am so embarrased that I was given a "talking to" about my hair of all things.

Wow.

Wow.

OK. Rant over.

beans4reezy said:
Well, this morning...I kind of thought it looked a little crazy, but then again- I thought it was cute...like I was a natural with a cute braid out...

I normally have it in a bun...but I was getting bored with them, so I wanted to try something new...FAIL

LittleLuxe · Oct 23, 2010

I tend to agree with the ladies who said if you had some doubts on how you looked (and not saying you looked terrible but if you were even like 'mhmm little crazy') then you can imagine how it must have looked to others.

Personally...unless you do show that it was intentionally callous of him I don't think it has anything to do with your race either. Like the lady who posted the pics of white ladies with unprofessional hair there are some things which just aren't workplace appropriate, especially in a professional environment.

I love makeup and nail polish but in a business environment I know it's not about me expressing myself so much as getting my work done and projecting the image of the company. That means simple makeup and plain manicures. 2010 or not companies are more concerned about efficiency, profits, and professionalism than whether you feel content to express a hairstyle of your choosing (I know it's not a happy response, lol, but honest)

LaidBak · Oct 23, 2010

OP, I have had the same experience. I am a bun girl 99% of the time. I decided one day to wear my hair out in a softly layered style. It was cute in the morning but looked a wild hot mess by lunch. One of the guys in my office said, in the nicest way possible, that my hair "looked better the other way". I knew exactly what he meant. My feelings weren't hurt, I didn't come on here and rant, and I didn't pout about it (not saying you did, just saying I didn't). What I did do was make sure that my hair never caused a distraction like that ever again.

People, life is not fair and we don't always get to be who we want to be at work. If the OP works in an industry that requires a corporate look then she better conform in order to get ahead. That guy did her a favor, he seemed to have her best interest at heart. Trust, if he didn't he would have kept his mouth shut and let her be judged by her hair.

Bnster · Oct 23, 2010

If he took notice of her hair you bet other people did. Others did not say it to her face. Think about your career first and experiment on your hair on the weekends. Good luck OP and hoping for you a very bright future, cause it sounds like something is in the works for you.

omegachick31 · Oct 23, 2010

Before we are judged by the merits of our abilities, we are first judged by our appearance. You should view this as an opportunity to show your ability to take constructive criticism and proof that you want to advance by heeding to the advice. Hair texture can not be unprofessional, hairstyles can be. I would leave the experimental hair creations for the weekend.

P.S. I can understand your being embarassed, I think people in general but especially black women are sensitive about any type of hair critique so BIG EMPATHY HUG for having to experience the encounter. But its better to know now than to be passed up on promotion for something you could have easily changed.

blackbarbietea · Oct 23, 2010

JS....

CurlyMoo · Oct 23, 2010

I don't need to see pictures. The VP of Sales told you that your hair was "wild" and "inappropriate for work" which means he is saying your hair is too casual for a professional enviornment. Just throw it up in a neat bun without straightening it. Then see what he says. My avitar is a twist out and some, particularly White folks would call it wild. As long as he doesn't ask you to change your texture, you are fine.

SignatureBeauty · Oct 23, 2010

Maybe you should just keep the bun going for work and then let your hair wild and loose on the weekends! and keep the weekends for hair experiments!!

This is so embarrassing....

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