My mom screwed me over

This is long but I'm having a hair crisis and really need help
my mom relaxed my virgin hair the other night,
I told her we could do it together, I tackle the front, while she does the back...I also suggested we do it in quadrants...I'd been watching Youtube vids and doing tons of research in preparation to relax my natural hair.
But, my mom, who can be very pushy and stubborn, said "i've been relaxing heads longer than you've been alive, let me handle this, I've got this, calm down...."
I was nervous, and I KNEW I should have said no...but, sigh, i didn't. I let my mother, whom I trust, relax my hair.
So, the back half and sides of my head is slightly overprocessed, and the top half and crown are SEVERELY undeprocessed! not only that, my hair is thin/NL and i have a little rat tail pony tail!!
I'd prefer to be relaxed for my lifestyle... but I was NOT expecting my mom to screw me over like this....
i have no idea what to do. buzz cut and start over AGAIN?
for the past few days ive been cowashing, leaving Mane and tail in, applying castor oil to hair and scalp, and slicking back into a side part with a weave track added for a bun. It'd be decent if half my head wasnt curly/textured and the other half slick straight!!! i really would prefer NOT to wear wigs, its way too hot and they've been messing with my edges lately...
The sad part is, all my mom had to say was "You're acting like it's the end of the world, calm down", and my step dad laughed his butt off and said, and I quote: "It aint the perm that's the problem, you just got some bad, nappy, ni*** hair!".
Does anyone have any advice? I'm really depressed and devastated.

So sorry to hear all of this. I'm hoping yOur mom didn't intentionally sabotage you. Maybe she honestly felt she was doing a good job. I've never had this issue before so hopefully persons who have will chime in. But off the top of my head a corrective relaxer would probably help. Maybe a quick search of the board and YouTube may offer some guidance!

Thanks avi1derful !
hopefully more ladies chime in

jessicarabbit

Ask your question in this thread:
"Ask the stylist whatever you want!!

Baby your hair. Both the Over & Underprocessed.

Keep your protein & moisture balance in check and think about how you're going to handle your next T/U.

If you are going to try to DIY, go to a Salon, get someone else to help you, do a corrective to the underprocessed areas etc......

But I wouldn't immediately panic unless I was seeing an unusual amount of shedding/breakage etc...

But I would take this next 8-10-12 weeks to formulate a solid relaxing game plan moving forward.

And a good regimen.

jessicarabbit

I'm sorry this happened to you. it's hard starting a new hair journey and having little to no support while you're learning your hair. Baby your hair and alternate protein and moisture since parts of your hair are under and overprocessed. You will need to do a corrective relaxer in about 8 weeks. You may just need to relax the areas that were under processed and leave the part that you say were overprocessed alone this next relaxer. Make sure to neutralize well then do a protein treatment or you can do the protein treatment first then neutralize directly after that. Aphogee 2 min reconstructor is a good medium protein treatment.

Continue to baby your hair and protective style.

IDareT'sHair said:

Baby your hair. Both the Over & Underprocessed.

Keep your protein & moisture balance in check and think about how you're going to handle your next T/U.

If you are going to try to DIY, go to a Salon, get someone else to help you, do a corrective to the underprocessed areas etc......

But I wouldn't immediately panic unless I was seeing an unusual amount of shedding/breakage etc...

But I would take this next 8-10-12 weeks to formulate a solid relaxing game plan moving forward.

And a good regimen.

jessicarabbit

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this^^^^^ and HUGS!

Keep treating your hair with care and do a corrective in 4-6 weeks. coat the straight hair in conditioner or protein filler to protect it.

Then wait 12 weeks before you do a full touch up again.

Then don't ever let anyone else touch your hair ever again. some lessons are learned hard. old school is not best anymore when it comes to hair care, we newbies have this hair game on LOCK! we know more than most licensed professionals so don't ever ever ever let anyone challenge you again!

((BIG HUG))

In the meantime, if you get tired of the bun, maybe you could install some braid/twist extensions. They will allow you to not think about your hair for a little while.

You could also try textured "out" styles if you want to wear it out. Braid/twist-n-curl outs might make your hair appear more uniform. When my hair was short, I would pin up the back and/or one of the sides for a cute style.

GL!

It's ok. Having under processed hair is not the end of the world. Keep up with your protein and moisture until it's time for another relaxer and then go to a professional to correct it. Problem solved.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's extremely difficult to do a virgin relaxer, so I wouldn't blame your mom entirely. How were you planning to wear your hair if the relaxer had been done correctly?

If you were going to wear it straight, you can still do so. Your textured styles shouldn't be affected by the over and underprocessed areas.

As far as the health of your hair, in my experience, overprocessed hair will eventually break off. How long had you been growing your natural hair?

Sorry to hear what happened. I agree- you should pay to get a corrective relaxer. No need to cut off all your hair. Maybe try self relaxing after this since you've done so much research. x

Your step dad is an arse. That's all I have to offer.

So sorry

I wish your mum would just apologize. She's definitely in the wrong. Hopefully you can find a stylist who can do a corrective relaxer. But probably babying your hair like the other ladies have suggested is the best thing for now.

Do it yourself next time without anyone's help. You can do it. I used to do it. The half-half method is what I used to do. There are tons of youtube videos out there.

Half half method is relaxing half. Rinsing. Relax other half. Rinse. ....shampoo, DC, etc...

tru4reele said:

Your step dad is an arse. That's all I have to offer.

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Was just about to say something similar but tru4reele beat me to it.

I've had this happen to me a few years ago but it was a Jheri Curl my mom put in my hair. She refused to relax my hair and said the Wave Nouveau was the best thing for my virgin hair (which was the same thing she used). Not only did I get made fun of in school….but ALL my hair eventually broke off. Though, I attribute it to me not taking care of it and "juicing" it properly.

BL: Your Mom was wrong…though, I'm sure she'll never admit it…Virgin hair is NOT easy to relax…she should've done it your way (it is your hair) or let you go to the salon. Regardless, pointing fingers at her isn't going to fix your hair. I agree with the others baby your hair--it will be okay hun. Also, try and do braid outs on the processed hair so that it looks a little like the textured strands. We're all here for you love.

No comment on you and your family dynamics. Anyhoo, what type of relaxer did you use? Do not buzz your hair off, just wait and be patient and start applying a good reconstructor conditioner weekly. I'd go to a good stylist who can give you a correction by applying one over the underprocessed areas to approximate the back section but you'll have to wait several weeks to do it safely. And was this your very first relaxer? There's a reason they say to go to a salon for your first.

Oh, please don't follow the advice to correct at home. You cannot correct a calcium hydroxide relaxer with another calcium or lithium etc. You have to use a sodium hydroxide. Please go to a salon. None of you know how to do hair. Don't end up bald, please!!! Don't risk it.

jessicarabbit Follow your instincts and stand up for yourself no matter how uncomfortable it is. They might get mad and call you names but sooner or later they'll get over it. Remember: Your feelings/instincts deserve to be respected too.

Babysaffy said:

Sorry to hear what happened. I agree- you should pay to get a corrective relaxer. No need to cut off all your hair. Maybe try self relaxing after this since you've done so much research. x

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I meant you do the corrective at a salon and self relax for subsequent touch ups

Thank you all SO MUCH for your inspiration and suggestions. ive been busy and havent had time to log on, but with yall's words i feel so much better, and i'm not as devastated. hair grows, end of story
i will baby my hair, and in 6-8 weeks get a corrective.
and never ever evah evah evah will i let anyone else touch my hair unless I KNOW they know the "hair game" lol.
thanks again yall

simplydebra said:

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's extremely difficult to do a virgin relaxer, so I wouldn't blame your mom entirely. How were you planning to wear your hair if the relaxer had been done correctly?

If you were going to wear it straight, you can still do so. Your textured styles shouldn't be affected by the over and underprocessed areas.

As far as the health of your hair, in my experience, overprocessed hair will eventually break off. How long had you been growing your natural hair?

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not quite a year. like 7 months, so its still pretty short

tru4reele said:

Your step dad is an arse. That's all I have to offer.

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more than you can imagine lol

jessicarabbit said:

not quite a year. like 7 months, so its still pretty short

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Okay...7 months isn't bad! I was just trying to get an idea of the length for styling advice.

I still think you can pretty much wear your hair however you had planned to wear it if the relaxer application had gone well. Since you have both under and overprocessed areas, I wouldn't bother with a corrective. I would just cut off any damage over time. Good luck.

Update:
Almost a week later, My hair is getting over the shock of being relaxed and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its already thickening back up. I've been babying my hair with cowashing, Ayurveda, and castor/flaxseed,aloe gel mix, and wearing a satin scarf or slouchy beanie thing. I'm glad I didn't cut it. In 6 weeks I'll corrective and move forward back to BSL.
Thanks again yall

jessicarabbit

I'm glad you didn't cut it all off either. You can & will recover from this.

While you're waiting on doing your corrective, keep a watchful eye on those 2 textures, familiarize yourself with some of the Relaxed Threads, start to build a Solid Regimen as a Relaxed Head.......And Keep Growing.

I've been following this thread and I'm glad you have decided to be patient and just take care of your hair from your setback. You have gained some wonderful advice and good luck.

You allowed your mother to relax your hair, so I think you cannot blame her. Next time you find yourself caught in any kind of situation where you are not sure say no or give yourself time to think.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

Just saw this -- thank goodness you didn't cut. Had a similar mishap and DID cut; still regret it years later.