HIS PLAN FOR YOUR MATE

[Yemaya]

HIS PLAN FOR YOUR MATE

Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone—to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living with Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me—exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to bring it to you—just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you…you must wait.

Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you will miss what I have to show you.
And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me…and this is a perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship and Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.”

Anonymous

[locabouthair]

Thanks for posting this tamala. I decided long ago that I wouldn't be in another relationship until I had a stronger closer relationship with God. I haven't been putting God first like I should and until I do there will be no boyfriend. This just confirmed what I felt all along.

[BMoreFlyy]

thank you for this post Tamala. I'm going to print this one out.

[EbonyEyes]

Oh Wow! Oh WOW!

You won't believe this but guess what I prayed about yesterday night!

I admitted to God that I have a weakness - I desire to have men want me. And this has gotten me into trouble. I finallly admitted that to him and myself. It felt goooood!

I then told God that I'm going to stop bugging him about finding me a mate. I told him that I trust completely that he has someone wonderful in mind and is working on him right now. And he will send him without me looking for him. But in the meantime, I want to be satisfied with God alone.

Thank you so much for posting!

[cocoberry10]

HIS PLAN FOR YOUR MATE

Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone—to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living with Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me—exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to bring it to you—just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you…you must wait.
Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you will miss what I have to show you.
And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this very moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me…and this is a perfect love.
And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship and Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.”

Anonymous

Thanks for posting this tamala. I decided long ago that I wouldn't be in another relationship until I had a stronger closer relationship with God. I haven't been putting God first like I should and until I do there will be no boyfriend. This just confirmed what I felt all along.

This is EXACTLY WHY I LOVE MY LHCF SISTERS!!!!!

Locabouthair, I am on the same page as you. I decided in the last few months that I would not seriously date until I had complete and total trust in the Father, and confidence in myself through Him.

I was finding myself wondering, when am I going to meet Mr. Right? Where is he? What does he look like? And God kept telling me to look to Him first and foremost (y'all know he's a jealous God, and you shall have no other gods before Him, right?) I found myself literally fantasizing about married life, Christmas with my imaginary husband and imaginary kids. Then He had to show me that I was not ready for these things, whether they ever come or not.

He began to show me how I was always down on myself. He began to speak to me, which taught me why I couldn't possibly get married now. He showed me that I was treating myself worse than I have ever treated anyone, even my worst enemy (and I don't even have enemies, other than myself--He had to show me this). I'm viewed as a nice, loving person. However, He had to show me that even if I thought I could give a man so much love; if someone really loves you, not only do they hurt when you hurt them--just as important is that they hurt to see you HURTING (especially when you hurt yourself)! This is an example of God's perfect love. When we are critical of ourselves, it's almost like we are being critical of God since He made us. I'm not saying you should never admit you are wrong. I just realized that women, especially women of color take so much criticism of themselves (and we shouldn't, cause we are priceless to Him).

Anyway, I'm slowly getting to where I need to be. It's difficult to fight the negative thoughts that sometimes creep in, but I am trusting more each day in God.

[blqlady]

I understand wholeheartly of what you are trying to say but all my life i have felt unloved. my father wanted me aborted, my mother was a good person but she never had time for me. i was always looking for love in all the wrong places. I had my son at 15 as a result of my stupidity. Dont get me wrong i love my son and he loves me he is always showing me affection. My problem is, is that I have never felt loved. I have always wanted to know what that felt like. I dont understand why im 31 going on 32 and dont have a husband. i have been praying for a husband on and off since i was 18. I havent even come close to getting it. Its not about a husband or even a flesh thing its the fact that the void of not have love and affection growing up. my mom loved me its just she felt like as long as she gave me the essentials that like food, shelter, and education i would be alright. she was one of the most sweetest person you will ever meet. when asked to describe how nice she was if you remember the mom from happy days that was how nice she was. I always tried to get her to spend quality time with me but those were so far and few between. i tried to get that same love from boyfriends but it was like they were on the same wave length as my mother they never had time for me.

After my last boyfriend(4-16-98). I just gave up on myself i went into a tail spin i gained 100lbs of pure fat. I stopped wearing makeup. I just basically gave up.
I spend time with my son as much as possible he is all that i have now.
Mom passed away 12-23-05 from stomach cancer. we go out to eat,to the movies, cruises, etc. I want him to feeled love so he doesnt go out and make the same mistakes i did.
I pray and I ask God how come Im not married or even have a boyfriend.
You say because I havent put God first in my life. I have tried over and over to that but i always fall short. when things get bad i give up because i feel like I try to do the right things i feel as though im not a bad person why do i have to suffer ? I know women who are happily married and they didnt have a relationship with God first why do they have to be happily married? I know that the Lord blesses me but I feel like having all those blessings means nothing if you dont have love. Love completes it. I feel incomplete. I wish that I could have the faith to hold on like I should but nothing is promised to anyone. How do i really know that I will find love?



sorry for the long post but i felt like i needed to vent

[Yemaya]

I understand wholeheartly of what you are trying to say but all my life i have felt unloved. my father wanted me aborted, my mother was a good person but she never had time for me. i was always looking for love in all the wrong places. I had my son at 15 as a result of my stupidity. Dont get me wrong i love my son and he loves me he is always showing me affection. My problem is, is that I have never felt loved. I have always wanted to know what that felt like. I dont understand why im 31 going on 32 and dont have a husband. i have been praying for a husband on and off since i was 18. I havent even come close to getting it. Its not about a husband or even a flesh thing its the fact that the void of not have love and affection growing up. my mom loved me its just she felt like as long as she gave me the essentials that like food, shelter, and education i would be alright. she was one of the most sweetest person you will ever meet. when asked to describe how nice she was if you remember the mom from happy days that was how nice she was. I always tried to get her to spend quality time with me but those were so far and few between. i tried to get that same love from boyfriends but it was like they were on the same wave length as my mother they never had time for me.

After my last boyfriend(4-16-98). I just gave up on myself i went into a tail spin i gained 100lbs of pure fat. I stopped wearing makeup. I just basically gave up.
I spend time with my son as much as possible he is all that i have now.
Mom passed away 12-23-05 from stomach cancer. we go out to eat,to the movies, cruises, etc. I want him to feeled love so he doesnt go out and make the same mistakes i did.
I pray and I ask God how come Im not married or even have a boyfriend.
You say because I havent put God first in my life. I have tried over and over to that but i always fall short. when things get bad i give up because i feel like I try to do the right things i feel as though im not a bad person why do i have to suffer ? I know women who are happily married and they didnt have a relationship with God first why do they have to be happily married? I know that the Lord blesses me but I feel like having all those blessings means nothing if you dont have love. Love completes it. I feel incomplete. I wish that I could have the faith to hold on like I should but nothing is promised to anyone. How do i really know that I will find love?



sorry for the long post but i felt like i needed to vent

Aww Sweetie,Thank you so much for your honest, and heartfelt post. It was beautifully written.
I wish that I had some anwers for you, but I do not what to say to bring you comfort. I wanted to send you a HUUUUUUGE hug((((((((((((((((( :) )))))))) and to simply say that there is nothing wrong with you and you are a lovable creature. I do not know why bad things happen to good people, or why others have and some have not. I do know that things aren't always what they appear. Those happily married ladies, maynot have all that you think they have.
It is a blessing that you have a wonderful son, and are a wonderful mother to him,you know what love is, and you show it to your son everyday. You have so much love for your son, and hopefully for yourself, and I think that plus the for God should make you feel complete. I know that its easier said then done.
I am quite young and still trying to make sense of everything, but I do believe with all my heart that God will provide whatever it is that we need, in his time.

[blqlady]

thanks for replying. and thanks for the huge hug. I appreciate that.
I really dont know what to think anymore. im just going thru the motions.
i guess i have to try again.

thanks again

[blqlady]

This is EXACTLY WHY I LOVE MY LHCF SISTERS!!!!!

Locabouthair, I am on the same page as you. I decided in the last few months that I would not seriously date until I had complete and total trust in the Father, and confidence in myself through Him.

I was finding myself wondering, when am I going to meet Mr. Right? Where is he? What does he look like? And God kept telling me to look to Him first and foremost (y'all know he's a jealous God, and you shall have no other gods before Him, right?) I found myself literally fantasizing about married life, Christmas with my imaginary husband and imaginary kids. Then He had to show me that I was not ready for these things, whether they ever come or not.

He began to show me how I was always down on myself. He began to speak to me, which taught me why I couldn't possibly get married now. He showed me that I was treating myself worse than I have ever treated anyone, even my worst enemy (and I don't even have enemies, other than myself--He had to show me this). I'm viewed as a nice, loving person. However, He had to show me that even if I thought I could give a man so much love; if someone really loves you, not only do they hurt when you hurt them--just as important is that they hurt to see you HURTING (especially when you hurt yourself)! This is an example of God's perfect love. When we are critical of ourselves, it's almost like we are being critical of God since He made us. I'm not saying you should never admit you are wrong. I just realized that women, especially women of color take so much criticism of themselves (and we shouldn't, cause we are priceless to Him).

Anyway, I'm slowly getting to where I need to be. It's difficult to fight the negative thoughts that sometimes creep in, but I am trusting more each day in God.




If i didnt know any better i would swear that it was me who just wrote that. so many of us are going throught that there is a movie about it coming out next week with sanaa lathan. something new is the title but the original title was 42.5% of black women will not get married. Its sad.
Is it to say that 42.5% of us dont put God first in our lives and that white and spanish women put Him first ? just a thought

[beverly]

I am sorry for your loss mitcy. I still believe that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord AND are called according to his purpose. Maybe you were picked for God's purpose and he is waiting on you, so that he can bring you into greatness. Everyone isn't called for God purpose. I don't know why God does what he does, but I do trust him. Or perhaps those people who are happily married that you know, are great now, but whose to say what it will be like 5 or 10 years from now. Divorces cause not only great financial strain, but deep emotional scares. I want to get married one time, with the person I am equally yoked with. I believe God knows what is best of us. And maybe God is still refining you to make you a better person to serve his purpose. I am still alone, and if its 10 more years then I am going to still trust God in his timing and his ways. I have not always been obedient either, and wanted to be married a long time ago, but I looking back I now realize that I was not mature enough, and am glad for my period of singleness that he has provided. Even if God never blesses me with a mate, he is still good, and wonderful, and I will spend my life giving him glory. I am learning not to serve God because of material things he can bless me here with on earth. But I love him because of who he is, our savior, he not only gave us life here on earth, but he died so that we might have eternal life. No person has done more for me than Jesus has.

[teressa9]

Hi Mitcy

I read your story, and I wanted to comment on one aspect of it. You said that you prayed and asked the Lord "Why aren't you married like your other counterparts?" You also said that you put God first, over and over. When I read that, the story of the Israelites asking for a king came to mind. (1 Sam. 8)

The people of Israel "wanted a king, just like the other nations". Basically, a visual symbol to show that they had power too. It seems that GOD wasn't enough for them. GOD told Samuel to go ahead, give them what they want, but he won't be blessed by ME and on top of that, he's going to make their lives a living hell. Tell them that, and tell them to make a choice. They chose a man over GOD.

I feel like maybe GOD is answering your prayers. He is keeping you from making the worst mistake of your life by seeking the covering and blessing of a man over Him. GOD wants you to see that He is more than enough for you. Once you realize that, He will release you to one of His anointed kings because you will be at a point where you will never forsake Him for anyone, not your child, not your husband, no one and nothing. He doesn't want to just be first, He wants to be everything. The fact that you continue to ask for a man to make you feel fulfilled should concern you. GOD is a jealous god too. He is not bringing a third person to the equation when He knows that, in your current state, you will in all likelyhood make Him the third wheel. Don't be like the people of Israel. Pray HIS will be done, not yours.

Please accept what I say out of love. You don't have to use it or believe it, but I pass it on out of concern. I won't pray for you to have a husband, but I will pray for his purpose for your life be fulfilled and that you'll stop fighting Him and come to accept whatever that may be.

[EbonyEyes]

Hi Mitcy

I read your story, and I wanted to comment on one aspect of it. You said that you prayed and asked the Lord "Why aren't you married like your other counterparts?" You also said that you put God first, over and over. When I read that, the story of the Israelites asking for a king came to mind. (1 Sam. 8)

The people of Israel "wanted a king, just like the other nations". Basically, a visual symbol to show that they had power too. It seems that GOD wasn't enough for them. GOD told Samuel to go ahead, give them what they want, but he won't be blessed by ME and on top of that, he's going to make their lives a living hell. Tell them that, and tell them to make a choice. They chose a man over GOD.

I feel like maybe GOD is answering your prayers. He is keeping you from making the worst mistake of your life by seeking the covering and blessing of a man over Him. GOD wants you to see that He is more than enough for you. Once you realize that, He will release you to one of His anointed kings because you will be at a point where you will never forsake Him for anyone, not your child, not your husband, no one and nothing. He doesn't want to just be first, He wants to be everything. The fact that you continue to ask for a man to make you feel fulfilled should concern you. GOD is a jealous god too. He is not bringing a third person to the equation when He knows that, in your current state, you will in all likelyhood make Him the third wheel. Don't be like the people of Israel. Pray HIS will be done, not yours.

Please accept what I say out of love. You don't have to use it or believe it, but I pass it on out of concern. I won't pray for you to have a husband, but I will pray for his purpose for your life be fulfilled and that you'll stop fighting Him and come to accept whatever that may be.

Beautiful post!

That story always tickled me because after EVERYTHING God did for the Israelites, they still wanted a king to rule over them! But what's lovely about the Bible is how we can relate. We can't act like we are better than the Israelites because we are guilty of the same thing. God can show his glory countless times but we still look to other people or things (money, houses, jobs, MEN, etc) to make us feel complete.

Mitcy, I told God that I want to be COMPLETELY satisfied with Him before he sends my mate.

In my church choir, we are singing a song called "More than Enough". Mediate on these lyrics:

Jehovah Jireh, my provider
You are more than enough for me

Jehova Rapha, you're my healer
By your stripes, I've been set free

Jehova Shammah, you are with me.
You supply all my needs
You're more than enough
More than enough
You're more than enough for me

Allow God to be more than enough for you. Lean completely on him and things will fall into place.

[cocoberry10]

If i didnt know any better i would swear that it was me who just wrote that. so many of us are going throught that there is a movie about it coming out next week with sanaa lathan. something new is the title but the original title was 42.5% of black women will not get married. Its sad.
Is it to say that 42.5% of us dont put God first in our lives and that white and spanish women put Him first ? just a thought

I don't think it's a matter of us not putting God first (although sometimes we don't). I think most people don't put God first, which is why we are all struggling so much. Most people in America will experience divorce (it's over 50% of all couples now), so White and Spanish women may seem to have it better, but I don't think they do.

I think most Black women don't really love themselves. I admit, living in the White world, it can be very difficult. We are either viewed as sexual objects (Beyonce, Halle Berry), motherly (Oprah, Iyanla) or as mean-spirited witches (Sapphire-type, maybe a modern day Star Jones). We are not portrayed well in the media (when we are portrayed at all). We are also lead to believe that no one else loves us and everyone hates us, when the truth is...EVERYONE WANTS TO BE US! Travel anywhere else in the world (outside America), and you will see the influence Black people have had on other cultures. Go to Europe and see those girls with their braids, cornrows, and trying to wear "our" clothes. Go to Asia, and see how these Asian women with naturally straight hair will get curly perms twice over to "kink-out" their hair, so it looks like an afro. Also see how many women in Europe and Asia buy jeans with all kinds of patching and stitching to give themselves hips and butts, things that many of us have naturally (or go get boob jobs to look top heavy).

So often we spend time hating ourselves, while other people spend time trying to be us. It's hard because it can seem like we are ugly to everyone else. A lot of Black women feel hurt when they see Black men choosing women of other races, but Black women need to pay attention. Without us, the world would not go on!

Look at the rich history we have, that we don't even claim (or better yet, that they try to avoid telling us about)!

Madam C.J. Walker was the first female millionaire in America!

Look at the empire Oprah has created, and all the people who have been blessed, healed, delivered and able to help others through her show and endeavors!

Look at Tyra Banks, who shows us that after a successful career as a supermodel, you can spread your wings into other endeavors

Look at Whoopi Goldberg, with her Afrocentric features, and eccentric personality, who reminds us to stay lighthearted about life, but serious about causes (and she still gets parts in major films, with her natural hair)!

Look at Halle Berry, who can show us beauty and fame don't mean that you are completely happy all the time, but that you can survive hurt and pain and still come out on top!

Girl, I could go on and on forever, but I think you get the point. Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves of who we are, because no one else (unfortunately, not even Black men) will always do this!

[BobbieDoll]

This is a wonderful post. My heart goes out to everyone that has been touched by it. It's funny that I read this today, the day after I told my ex-boyfriend that maybe we should try to get back together. Obviously we are apart for a reason and I have lost sight that that reason is maybe because God wanted it to be that way. Maybe he does have someone else out there for me.

[blqlady]

thank you ladies for all of your responses toward me i appreciate all the concern. Its nice to know that you guys care.
in my defense i would like to say that if you look at what i said in the beginning you will see that i have always lacked love and affection.
this is not a sob story. To go thru life knowing you were a mistake. to never have your mother say she loves you until you get pregnant and a stranger has to tell you that are not there for your daughter. Your father wanted you dead, your father only used your mom so he could get his green card. he leaves your mom because he doesnt want to raise their child.
you beg your mom to spend time with you but she cant/wont. you go elsewhere to find love but love kicks you in the a$$. to have men walk all over you because you dont know any better(or you allow). i have no self-esteem. is it too much to ask God to send someone to love you so that you can learn to love yourself and see what you value ? i can have all my dreams come true. if i dont have love to share it with what good is it ?

[blqlady]

while i was in church today i was praying and i was venting to God and i told him that i need his help. i feel like cain im just wandering aimlessly.
i dont know if im coming or going. please help me. after i left i got in my car and i turned on the radio to listen to dr tony evans. he was preaching about how the apostles where complaining on how the could not feed the multitude and that Jesus didnt care what they didnt have he just wanted to thank God for the little that they had. When Jeus was finished with his prayer not only did they feed the 5000 not including the women and children. all the people had their feel lets not forget that im sure some of the women saved some of that food for later : ) The point dr tony evans was trying to make was we spend so much time complaining on what we dont have we dont thank Him enough. he was saying what all Jesus saw what God had provided not what was lacking. Giving thanks is powerfull. Give God Thanks. Its not that I dont give thanks its just that i guess i wasnt giving enough. I will try to do that.



for those who like to get a little inspiration
you can log on to www.urbanalternative.com

[cocoberry10]

thank you ladies for all of your responses toward me i appreciate all the concern. Its nice to know that you guys care.
in my defense i would like to say that if you look at what i said in the beginning you will see that i have always lacked love and affection.
this is not a sob story. To go thru life knowing you were a mistake. to never have your mother say she loves you until you get pregnant and a stranger has to tell you that are not there for your daughter. Your father wanted you dead, your father only used your mom so he could get his green card. he leaves your mom because he doesnt want to raise their child.
you beg your mom to spend time with you but she cant/wont. you go elsewhere to find love but love kicks you in the a$$. to have men walk all over you because you dont know any better(or you allow). i have no self-esteem. is it too much to ask God to send someone to love you so that you can learn to love yourself and see what you value ? i can have all my dreams come true. if i dont have love to share it with what good is it ?


First of all Mitcy:

You are not a mistake! There is no way that God can make a mistake, because HE IS LOVE! Yes, we as people make mistakes, but God still blesses those and makes HIS POWER and LOVE known! You may not have been given love, but that doesn't mean that you don't have love to give, because you are HIS CHILD before you are anyone else's.

It will not be an easy road. I had extremely loving parents, and a close-knit family, and I still didn't love myself. It takes time, but knowing that you have unconditional love from your Heavenly Father helps!

[planodiva]

Ladies,

This is so touching and I have pools of tears in my eyes. For the young women on the post you are such a guiding light. Thank you for your guidance through words and experience.

I am very happy in my singleness and I recently decided I was ready for a mate only if God is ready for me to have one. It is just a baby step but I know one day I will be ready and I will wait on the green light from the Lord.

In my current dating situations, when I think we could move from being casual to something more intimate...I always pray to the Lord and without fail he either removes the gentlemen out of my life or lifts me to a higher emotional plane where I know it is alright to proceed. I am happy I have this type of relationship with My God

[phynestone]

Bumping this to the top!

[Pam Pam]

Hi Mitcy

I read your story, and I wanted to comment on one aspect of it. You said that you prayed and asked the Lord "Why aren't you married like your other counterparts?" You also said that you put God first, over and over. When I read that, the story of the Israelites asking for a king came to mind. (1 Sam. 8)

The people of Israel "wanted a king, just like the other nations". Basically, a visual symbol to show that they had power too. It seems that GOD wasn't enough for them. GOD told Samuel to go ahead, give them what they want, but he won't be blessed by ME and on top of that, he's going to make their lives a living hell. Tell them that, and tell them to make a choice. They chose a man over GOD.

I feel like maybe GOD is answering your prayers. He is keeping you from making the worst mistake of your life by seeking the covering and blessing of a man over Him. GOD wants you to see that He is more than enough for you. Once you realize that, He will release you to one of His anointed kings because you will be at a point where you will never forsake Him for anyone, not your child, not your husband, no one and nothing. He doesn't want to just be first, He wants to be everything. The fact that you continue to ask for a man to make you feel fulfilled should concern you. GOD is a jealous god too. He is not bringing a third person to the equation when He knows that, in your current state, you will in all likelyhood make Him the third wheel. Don't be like the people of Israel. Pray HIS will be done, not yours.

Please accept what I say out of love. You don't have to use it or believe it, but I pass it on out of concern. I won't pray for you to have a husband, but I will pray for his purpose for your life be fulfilled and that you'll stop fighting Him and come to accept whatever that may be.

Well put and excellent use of scripture. :)