Rejected for not being a virgin (please read)....

[RabiaElaine]

Hey Ladies,



So here goes. As some of you know I recently decided to become abstinent and change the way I was living my life. I joined a Christian dating site a few months ago but really haven’t been going on it until recently. Anyway about a week and a half ago I started having phone conversations with this single Pastor that I met on the site. He told me that he was 28 and told me that he had never had an actual girlfriend. I was astonished because I’ve never met a guy that old that has NEVER had a girlfriend. Anyway he explained that he wasn’t comfortable approaching women until a few years ago.



Anyway last night during our conversation he asked me if I was a virgin. I told him I wasn’t. When I told him that his voice changed. He started asking me questions in an accusatory tone. He asked me if I was a Christian when I did this. I told him yes I was, but my relationship with the Lord wasn’t right. I was doing my own thing. Anyway to make a long story short he basically told me that he believed that God had a virgin out there for him, someone who had saved herself like he did. He told me he was still very attracted to me but he was going to find his virgin. He said that if God told him that he was supposed to be with me anyway that he would accept me willingly.



Now don’t get me wrong, I was not wrapped up in this guy at all because we had only known each other a very very short time. But after I hung up the phone I cried myself to sleep. I feel so guilty again. I feel like I’m going to carry this non-virgin identity around with me for the rest of my life, even though I’m not the same person I used to be. I REFUSE to lie about it. I’m just scared that no one is going to accept me because of it.



Has this ever happened to any of you before, how have you dealt with it.

[GodsPromises]

Ok Read my lips - THE DEVIL IS A LIER, let me repeat that - THE DEVIL IS A LIAR, he is the father of the lie and he don't know any better. Now that Pastor is a fool and I feel sorry for his members. There is no way he should have said any of that to you. It's not his business what you have done in the past. What he could've said was that he felt that God has someone who had saved herself for him without making you feel guilty.


Please stop feeling guily and remember no KNOW that as long as our Lord and Savior has forgiven you, you are forgiven. He died on the cross for all of our sins, not just for some

[Blossssom]

I hope you won't allow this minister to derail you.

You're living a Christian lifestyle now and that's all that matters.

[bludacious]

Don't let this man get you down. You are a changed person and you are living your life in a manner that you see fit in God's eyes. Perhaps, this is God's way of also telling you that this man is not the one he has intended for you! Look at it as a blessing. God has someone for you! Just be patient and wait.

I won't call this Pastor a liar or any of that because I don't know what God told this man! Don't be mad at him! Rejoice in it because this is obviously not the man God has for you!

Leave you with these words, "Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet!" No one is perfect! We are all the work of God and he is not through with us, yet!

This is a little advice that I had to adhere to going through what I have been through lately!

[Blossssom]

Don't let this man get you down. You are a changed person and you are living your life in a manner that you see fit in God's eyes. Perhaps, this is God's way of also telling you that this man is not the one he has intended for you! Look at it as a blessing. God has someone for you! Just be patient and wait.

I won't call this Pastor a liar or any of that because I don't know what God told this man! Don't be mad at him! Rejoice in it because this is obviously not the man God has for you!

Leave you with these words, "Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet!" No one is perfect! We are all the work of God and he is not through with us, yet!

This is a little advice that I had to adhere to going through what I have been through lately!

Excellent advice! :)

[natstar]

I agree with everyone on this board.. Rabia- you know u are a child of God and that he who is without sin cast the first stone- we are loved and valued by our Lord and since Jesus didn't give up on us we shouldn't give up. I think maybe that this person just wasn't in God's plan for you but I know that patience is a virtue and you are and always will be of great value to God's purpose- virgin or not! Stay blessed!

[DragonPearl]

The way I see it, the man is a virgin, he has the right to also want a virgin for his bride. It's not like he has sown his wild oats, and still wants a virgin. I grew up with a lot of guys who slept with everyone in town yet still wanted to marry virgins.

The problem is, why are you allowing this man preference to influence the way you feel about yourself? Since when does your life's meaning and worth revolve around this man's opinion? You need to put back your sense of self-worth where it belongs, in yourself and in your faith. You'll be fine.

[AnnDriena_]

I don't believe you should let this get you down. I also don't believe the Pastor was wrong. I myself want a virgin and if I found out a guy was not a virgin I don't think I would ask about things in an "accusatory" tone but I would want to find out if he was one of those Christians who just does anything and everything that feels good and throws out the old "He knows my heart" or "Jesus forgives" for everything.:ohwell:
But as for crying yourself to sleep if your feelings were hurt I can see how that might be your reaction. But I've found more Christians were not virgins themselves and whole heartedly accepted and some who just brushed off premarital sex as being part of the "real world".:cool: So don't be down on yourself thinking you'll be carrying around some label for the rest of your life. Think about it. There are probably more Christians like you than not.:D

[Not Rapunzel]

Christ has forgiven you for your past transgressions. Don't let man keep you down when you are covered by the blood of Jesus. If you cry yourself to sleep, cry tears of joy knowing that you are redeemed and forgiven.


Be blessed :)

[Blossssom]

Christ has forgiven you for your past transgressions. Don't let man keep you down when you are covered by the blood of Jesus. If you cry yourself to sleep, cry tears of joy knowing that you are redeemed and forgiven.


Be blessed :)

These words are very true as a Christian, original poster.

I hope you won't allow that minister to discourage you.

I agree with the posters who said he has the right to find himself a virginal bride.

But as a leader of the flock of Christ, he should not have used that tone with you. That's my only problem with him.

He may have done you a favor. Continue to live your life the way Christ lived his, and He will send you someone. This is my hope for all the Christian ladies here.

[locabouthair]

if he's a pastor then he should know that we have all sinned whether its premarital sex, lying, etc. wat should it matter if you had sex b4 if you are trying to change and are developing a better relationship with God. in God's eyes you are a virgin becuz you have turned away from that sin. the Bible says that once we confess our sins aren't remembered anymore. if i were you i wouldnt pay attention to him at all and just work on my relationship with God. and this is coming from a virgin so its not like im trying to condone premarital sex or anything.

[Blossssom]

if he's a pastor then he should know that we have all sinned whether its premarital sex, lying, etc. wat should it matter if you had sex b4 if you are trying to change and are developing a better relationship with God. in God's eyes you are a virgin becuz you have turned away from that sin. the Bible says that once we confess our sins aren't remembered anymore. if i were you i wouldnt pay attention to him at all and just work on my relationship with God. and this is coming from a virgin so its not like im trying to condone premarital sex or anything.

:up: :up: :up: :up:

[sithembile]

Rabia, God has forgiven you and He sees you as clothed in robes of righteousness. This pastor has the right to want to marry a virgin, it is his preference, the only thing is, he should not judge your past. Don't let it get you down, go on in God. If it is His will for you to be married, He will send you someone who will love you for who you are and sees you as God sees you.

[CandiceC]

Rabia, God has forgiven you and He sees you as clothed in robes of righteousness. This pastor has the right to want to marry a virgin, it is his preference, the only thing is, he should not judge your past. Don't let it get you down, go on in God. If it is His will for you to be married, He will send you someone who will love you for who you are and sees you as God sees you.

I agree. This just shows you that obviously this man isn't the one for you.

[RabiaElaine]

Ladies thank you so much for all your words of encouragement. I agree, if he feels that there is a virginal bride that God has for him, he SHOULD find her. I just pray for him that he is able to advise other virgins w/o judging them. He told me that he guessed he was "too sheltered."

And you are right this is obviously not the man for me. I think I have a bit more healing to do.

Thank you so much once again my Sisters in Christ, I love you!

RE

[melodee]

I agree. This just shows you that obviously this man isn't the one for you.

...nor is he the man for alot of women, and that's why he hasn't had any girlfriends. Yes, he is entitled to find a virgin bride, but he could still treat you with respect and dignity (like Jesus did to the woman caught in the very act). His approach is all wrong. God may be working with him in certain areas. Consider this a blessing in disguise--you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

[RabiaElaine]

...nor is he the man for alot of women, and that's why he hasn't had any girlfriends. Yes, he is entitled to find a virgin bride, but he could still treat you with respect and dignity (like Jesus did to the woman caught in the very act). His approach is all wrong. God may be working with him in certain areas. Consider this a blessing in disguise--you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

:) this is true

[beyondcute]

Wow you ladies have said it all! How can he be a pstor if he does not have the ability to look past peoples past discretions? Thats wierd! If God has forgiven you then no MAN can take that away. No matter who he is.

[CandiceC]

..you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

You just put it out there didn't you? :lachen:

It is strange that he has had a problem talking to women for so long. He can't judge someone for not being a virgin. It's not like he's been tempted. He's just getting over his fear of girls!
Umm no. We don't have cooties. Weeell some of us do. Not us classy ones though! :grin: lol.

[CatSuga]

Well.............maybe he's a virgin and wants to save himself for a virgin.

But don't feel bad.
Jesus said go and sin no more.