No Sex till marriage....okay, what about sexual compatibility?

[kisz4tj]

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[sprungonhairboards]

Just curious, would you have still married him if you had tested the waters and found out it wasn't good?

[natalied]

If two people truly love each, they will want to satisfy each other sexually. I have never heard of these sexual problems b/w couples who are 100% giving and loving to each other. Me and DH were akward at first, but he was willing to do and try anything to please me sexually. And I the same. Did your husband try to do things that pleased YOU sexually and not just himself?

re:the girl that got married who is misearble sexually
Same issue applies. Is her husband a God-fearing loving and giving man? Also, I find sometimes, due to poor information, women come to the marriage with hangups which affects their sexual experiece (i.e. mom says she never liked it, sex is more pleasurable for a man, its painful, its a chore, etc.). These hangups are not the husband's fault.

ETA: Either God is able or He's not. If this is the man God chose for you, and you went into this marriage prayed up, then you know everything will work out. When you get married outside the will of God, you are asking for trouble.

[PrettyBrownEyes]

I believe this is where your faith and trust in God comes in. God's word does not say to try anyone but him (God). He doesn't want us playing house (living together prior to marriage) to see how that will work and not having sex to see if you are compatible.

When you meet a man and it gets to the point where you think of marriage then as you pray to God regarding the possibility mention to God also your desire to have a wonderful sex life with your husband. God's Word says to cast all our cares on him. Nothing is too small. We can ask for those desires to be met. God hates fornication and just because you try it out first and its great at the time doesn't mean it always will be.

Trust God.

[Supergirl]

I believe that if we honor God by waiting, He in turn will bless us for our faithfulness in Him and obedience. In other words, I don't think He would give us a horrible sex life after we did the right thing and waited 'til marriage.

[Sweet C]

If the man you married is who God has for you and you honor God by waiting, then you can work on any problem by you both taking it to the Lord in prayer. The problem with the term sexual compatibility is that it is purely basing how well two people perform sexually. And in marriage, sex is not merely an act, but a part of worshipping God. This is also like any other communication is key. You and your husband have to be able to communicate to each other your likes, dislikes, things you want to try, etc. freely and willing to try and please each other more than yourself.

Me and DH didn't engage in premarital sex and we fully enjoy those priviliges now :grin: . We had utilized our pre-marital time learning how to communicate in general, so when it came to the bedroom, we took those communication skills that we honed in on b/f marriage right in with us.

You say you tested the waters with your previous hubby, felt guilty that it wasn't that great, and still got married? Could it be that the combination of the lack of information and the guiltiness from previous acts b/f marriage made your sexual experience with your husband even worse than it was before you got married? Bottom line is when you and your partner make a commmitment to do things God's way and put him first, everything else will fall into place.

[sprungonhairboards]

Well I did test the waters. But because we both knew it was wrong we weren't totally uninhibited and we always felt guilty. Basically I couldn't gauge how our sex life would be based on our pre-marital experience together. I mean even on our wedding night...I was thinking God do I have to??? Part of that was it hard for my brain to understand that it was okay. The guilt stayed with me on our entire honeymoon.

To answer the question if I had found out that I didn't enjoy it I would not have married him.

Gotcha.
Now, not to be all up in your business but hey you put it out there :lol: Why do you think you have great sex now but experienced guilt with your husband? It seems you would feel even more guilt now since you are also committing adultry (forgive me if I'm wrong I think you said you were separated not divorced). I'm just trying to draw a correlation between the guilt and the physical dissatisfaction.

And do you think your husband was the man God led you to marry? Or was he who YOU chose? I ask because you said you wouldn't have married him had you known you wouldn't enjoy sex with him. So sex must be important to you (I ain't mad at cha either!). I can't see God putting us in situations especially permanent ones i.e. marriage, where we will be miserable and incompatible. That HAD to suck. Especially since you're not supposed to have sex with anyone else, ever.

[Sweet C]

Ok, maybe I misunderstood what you were saying. So are saying is that it was great until you got married? What did you expect your sexual life to be once you got married compared to before you got married?

[vevster]

Well I did test the waters. But because we both knew it was wrong we weren't totally uninhibited and we always felt guilty. Basically I couldn't gauge how our sex life would be based on our pre-marital experience together. I mean even on our wedding night...I was thinking God do I have to??? Part of that was it hard for my brain to understand that it was okay. The guilt stayed with me on our entire honeymoon.

To answer the question if I had found out that I didn't enjoy it I would not have married him.


If you weren't hampred w/ guilt and oppression you could have had more of a clear head in determining if your husband was the right man for you. I hate the way the church oppresses women with the virgin thing. The pressure is not really on MEN to be virgins.

[natalied]

Was this the only area where you guys were have problems? Many times, unhappiness in other areas of a relationship affects the the sex life.:ohwell:

He was never selfish always very giving and desiring to please.

[Bklynqueen]

I'm probably gonna get chewed out here, but I am not married (yet) and have been with my boyfriend of 3 years and I would never, never, get married to someone I was not sexually compatiable with. In my opinion, that is a serious mistake waiting to happen. My current relationship, Thank God is not like that. My last relationship, which last 4 1/2 years, we were not sexually compatiable and it was frustrating and unsatisfying. I was very often left wanting... Why I stayed with him so long? Well, I loved that fool- see I was a good girlfriend! LOL. But after we broke up, I took care not to make that mistake again, life was too short to be that unsatisfied. I made sure with my current boyfriend, that if I did not even like the way he kissed, it would go no further. And we discussed sexual relations prior to us having relations and found that were both open-minded and liked the same things- we were evenly "yoked" when it came to that! LOL.

I was asked once how important sex is in a relationship and marriage; well for me, the sex is 50 %, good communication, compromise , respect and understanding is the other 50%. No disrespect for those saving themselves before marriage but I would seriously kick myself if I waited so long and then waited to dtd in my marriage bed only to be left like , "Damn, i could have had a V-8...."

With that said, I'm out! *****running out of thread******

[sprungonhairboards]

I would just like for us to be real. The reward is worth it but this christian walk is not polly-annish.


Girl ain't THAT the truth :lol:
When I got saved I thought it was going to be a walk in the park, all the bad stuff I did I suddenly wouldn't want to do anymore and all my fleshly desires and sinful ways would be left behind in that baptismal pool. HA! The devil attacked even harder! I thought they didn't do it right and was mad at the church for a minute :lol: :lol: til I grew and recognized the real deal!

[Sweet C]

I would just like for us to be real. The reward is worth it but this christian walk is not polly-annish.

You got that right! But I know that God is able to exceedingly and abundantly above all that you can ask or think, but it takes work on our part. We must operate inside of God's Word, and expect his results.

[sprungonhairboards]

You got that right! But I know that God is able to exceedingly and abundantly above all that you can ask or think, but it takes work on our part. We must operate inside of God's Word, and expect his results.

Exactly! But when we have our own expectations and desires I think that's when we try to fit God into OUR world and get him to deliver OUR results.

...just speaking in general not necessarily in relation to this thread.

[blessedangil03]

We studied sex a couple of weeks ago in my abnormal psychology class and I've learned that some people have sexual disorders. Sometimes its not that their relationship is bad or that the partner doesn't want to please them but it could be that they were traumatized as a child or there is a dysfunction in their organs.

[Sweet C]

Exactly! But when we have our own expectations and desires I think that's when we try to fit God into OUR world and get him to deliver OUR results.

...just speaking in general not necessarily in relation to this thread.

This is what I am dealing with right now leaning to his will, and not mine as far as my future career path. Lord, we all got work to do, but to him be the glory!

[Honeyhips]

This is how I feel. I totally trust God taht he will send me someone compatible in this area. How can I not when I trust him for everything else. OR do I not trust God. Plus, practice makes perfect. ;) I believe that if we honor God by waiting, He in turn will bless us for our faithfulness in Him and obedience. In other words, I don't think He would give us a horrible sex life after we did the right thing and waited 'til marriage.

[aquarian1252004]

It’s funny that you mention this subject because I had the very same complex with God when it came to "waiting" for a husband. I feel like I have a very high sex drive for a woman (its almost like a man's). Anyhoo, when I talked to my future hubby about this who at the time was just my friend (we hadn't even considered the possibility of a relationship) but we were having a friendly discussion about celibacy. I told him that there was just no way I could not "sample" the goods before marriage because what if that person is just straight WACK. His response was don't you think that when God creates your mate for you that He will make him compatible to you in ALL areas :look:. Anyway, when we did start a relationship there was a time when we slipped up in this area. GOOD LORDY WHEW :blush: the sex almost made my head pop off :D. Anyway, the point IS that if I knew then, what I know now I would have waited until marriage because every guy I was with before him was totally WACK and not even worth giving my body to. I can just imagine how awesome our sex life will be when we finally get to do it God's way :yay: :yay:. Now like you I have an entirely different problem, I wish I never discovered it was that darn good before the appointed time :ohwell:.

[locabouthair]

This is how I feel. I totally trust God taht he will send me someone compatible in this area. How can I not when I trust him for everything else. OR do I not trust God. Plus, practice makes perfect. ;)

That's exactly how I feel. :lol:

[JuJuBoo]

This is how I feel. I totally trust God taht he will send me someone compatible in this area. How can I not when I trust him for everything else. OR do I not trust God. Plus, practice makes perfect. ;)


:lachen: OKAAAY!! Shoot...we have the rest of our lives to practice! I'll buy some books if I have to. We gonna MAKE it work! :lachen: