Sex and the Christian Single

[ebonylocs]

As a non-Christian, some of the recent posts by Christians in OT and this forum have piqued my interest.

Maybe because I grew up in a country that tends to view and enact Christianity very conservatively, my image is that anyone professing to be a "Christian" would be expected to remain chaste in thought, word and deed until marriage. So thinking of or calling someone as "sexy" would be out of the question, so would any kind of sexual interaction (words, touching) with someone not your husband.

So what exactly is allowed? Where are the lines drawn? What makes the forbidden forbidden? Is it the absence of sanctification by God? Is it the element of lust / objectification - (and if so, would that mean that some types of sexual behaviour are prohibited even after marriage)?

Please respond to the poll, and your thoughtful, honest answers would be appreciated.

[Shimmie]

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right." Song of Solomon 8:4....

Whatever 'awakens' one's love is where they should draw the line.

Meaning that whatever opens them up to seaxual desires or evven sexual fantasies (thoughts) which lead to desire, should be avoided.

Some may say that holding hands is innocent...Is it really? :rolleyes:

Some may say, light 'kissing' is harmless. :rolleyes: Not for most men and women take it to fantasy land.

Some may say, a light embrace is just that, an embrace. :rolleyes: Not for a man. Almost always, he'll want to 'pull you in' closer. :yep: :yep: :yep:

And almost always, we'll let him if we're in love with him and we are 'alone'.

I'm telling you straight up there are no 'easy' answers to this. It's not easy, especially when a man and woman are truly in love with each other. As long as we are in this flesh and blood body, we have to avoid that which makes us tempted.

Men are extremely hard to resist; especially if it's a man that you are in love with. Wanting to be with him is as natural as breathing. So no matter how 'innocent' something may seem (such as holding hands or light embraces), we have to guard ourselves if it will lead into going all the way, let alone thinking about it.

Therefore,

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

[Shimmie]

I was looking at your poll questions and I honestly could not 'vote' for any of them. I dunno.... the first two seem quite innocent and I have to admit I've 'been there' but, one still has to 'proceed with caution', because depending on the 'mood' one may be in......... Well, no explanation needed.

Here's your poll:

An unmarried Christian couple is allowed to (please choose all options that apply):

Hold hands and hug chastely
Kiss chastely (brush of lips)

Definitely none of this listed below!


Definite No's

Flirt sexually (in face-to-face, phone, text, and email conversations)

French kiss (with tongue)

Lie on a horizontal surface together, intertwined, and CLOTHED

Make out" or fondle each others' private parts

Lie on a horizontal surface, intertwined and UNCLOTHED

Have oral sex

Have penetrative sex

-----------------
Even a non-Christian such as yourself should not be doing so. Why allow someone else other than your husband, handle the merchandise?

Even when I buy new clothing, I wash before I wear them. Why? Because they've been handled by numerous other shoppers with dirty hands while on the rack.

Question: Are you asking these questions out of sincerity, or are you just sincerely trying to make 'mockery' of those who choose to live a modest life.

In this day and age, I would not dare 'brag' about being 'free' to have sex or have a thought that those who abstain are living a life in bondage.

Abstinence means 'smart'. The disease rates are astronomically alarming and spreading like the floods of Katrina. And why is that? Because of fools who didn't and still do not respect the gift of Virtue.

They are fools who do not respect their own bodies or their lives. There's no cherished protection over the beauty and true meaning of sex and the reaon that it is imperitive to be exclusive and in a committed marriage relationship.

Christians and non-Christians who abstain from pre-marital sex and are also faithful in their marriage, are those that we should be learning from, which is to value life and the quality of it.

It's nothing to mock about. :nono:

[prettyfaceANB]

The bible says it is good for a man not to touch a woman and oh how right they are....

"Love" is awakened very easily, its best not to touch each other at all. Especially, if your really attracted to the person. Caring for someone makes it feel impossible not to want to love them up.

Sigh...I need to go pray.

[music-bnatural-smile]

lol i love u

[music-bnatural-smile]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol

[prettyfaceANB]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol
:lachen::lachen::lachen:

[prettyfaceANB]

lol i love u
:look::look::look:

I've been good. Lord, knows my struggle.:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:

[Shimmie]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol
You need to 'retract' this statement. It's out of order.

[prettyfaceANB]

You need to 'retract' this statement. It's out of order.

You're right, Shimmie.

There may be drama here but no where near JS. Nisha...I dont think its that hardcore.

[jasmineleann]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.

[Poohbear]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.
Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?

[ebonylocs]

I was looking at your poll questions and I honestly could not 'vote' for any of them. I dunno.... the first two seem quite innocent and I have to admit I've 'been there' but, one still has to 'proceed with caution', because depending on the 'mood' one may be in......... Well, no explanation needed.
Yes, I know. When I started to review the poll results, I thought "Doggone it! I forgot to put "None of the above". It's always like that with polls - always forget something.


Question: Are you asking these questions out of sincerity, or are you just sincerely trying to make 'mockery' of those who choose to live a modest life:
Sigh. I was hoping to avoid this kind of thing, that's why I put "your honest, thoughtful, answers would be appreciated".

I'm really not interested in the popcorn eating, drama seeking, "hardy-har-haring." I just want people to say what they believe, and why - whether it's scriptural authority, church teachings, personal discretion, etc. So your first response was really appreciated.

I put all options there just to cover all bases, and because, Who knows?, there might be some people who think that Christian morality does not circumscribe sex at all. But really, what confuses me is the grey areas - talking about men, touching, kissing, flirting, hugging, pressing up against each other, etc.

BTW: I've been celibate for 4 years, and don't make free with anything of mine. But even if I did make free, it is definitely not in my nature to mock *anyone's* choice to live by a strict moral code.

[ebonylocs]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
The poll choices are private.

[lamaravilla]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.


Another really good one (at least in my opinion) is 'No More Sheets: The Truth About Sex' by Juanita Bynum :yep: I highly recommend this book.

[Poohbear]

Yes, I know. When I started to review the poll results, I was thought "Doggone it! I forgot to put "None of the above". It's always like that with polls - always forget something.



Sigh. I was hoping to avoid this kind of thing, that's why I put "your honest, thoughtful, answers would be appreciated".

I'm really not interested in the popcorn eating, drama seeking, "hardy-har-haring." I just want people to say what they believe, and why - whether it's scriptual authority, church teachings, personal discretion, etc. So your first response was really appreciated.

I put all options there just to cover all bases, and because, Who knows?, there might be some people who think that Christian morality does not circumscribe sex at all. But really, what confuses me is the grey areas - talking about men, touching, kissing, flirting, hugging, pressing up against each other, etc.

BTW: I've been celibate for 4 years, and don't make free with anything of mine. But even if I did make free, it is definitely not in my nature to mock *anyone's* choice to live by a strict moral code.
I feel you ebonylocs. I believe that sexual intercourse (genital penetration and oral sex) outside of marriage is a sin against God, but I often wonder about the grey areas of touching, kissing, hugging, and flirting among unmarried couples as well. I believe these "grey areas" would be considered lust (craving for sexual intercourse) which is a sin as well. So like Shimmie said, none of these would be considered "okay" when it comes to living a Christian life to glorify God as an unmarried person.

[ebonylocs]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.
Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?
I would like to know too.

Another really good one (at least in my opinion) is 'No More Sheets: The Truth About Sex' by Juanita Bynum :yep: I highly recommend this book.
Care to summarise it's teachings?

[jasmineleann]

Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?

Ty Adams explains how anything other than holding hands and a peck is wrong when you are engaging in these activities before marriage. Even thinking about lustful acts, and not phycially acting out on them is wrong. In scripture it says;

Matthew 5:28 (New International Version)
28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Also she was explaining how even when married oral and anal sex, even fondling each other, and masturbation is not to be allowed because you are un-fruitful. Yes, God gave us sex to enjoy with our partners in marriage, but also to have children.

The book gets way deeper than this, and I am still reading it. Now, some of the things I was reading, I was shocked to find out too, and Lord knows that temptation is always out there lurking, but I do agree with most of the things she is writing about.

[Shimmie]

You're right, Shimmie.

There may be drama here but no where near JS. Nisha...I dont think its that hardcore.

I'm this close.... this close to saying something that's been long overdue to this girl's comments about this Forum and the sincerity of the people on it.

This close ! ! !

[prettyfaceANB]

I'm this close.... this close to saying something that's been long overdue to this girl's comments about this Forum and the sincerity of the people on it.

This close ! ! !

I understand your passion for the forum. She's new here and I've known her for many years. Her sense of humor is quite eccentric but she doesnt mean to offend.

Jerry Springer is more than drama. It has no limits. We may have a fair share of cat fights but not Jerry status. I dont even believe that show anymore. They MUST stage that stuff.