WHEN PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

[taytay86]

Ladies:

A friend of mine recently found out that her spouse who is a prime figure in the church slept with the pastors whoring daughter. The sad part about it is when she went to the pastor and first lady, they didn’t offer any support as their main concern was “how it would look on the ministry” and wanted her to keep quiet. Telling her as a minister's wife, she's going to go through things like this and she needs to suck it up. I'M SORRY - WHAT???

It's hard seeing someone go through this!!! Trust me, I could feel her pain. What makes it worse is chick use to want my man for years before I came in the picture - so the way I look at it is, that could be me. I mean, it's one thing to sleep with a married man and not know his wife and family because then there is no attachment. But when you are at this woman's house, playing with her kids and sleeping with her man, it becomes a problem. Hot joke is, her man goes to the church also and was friends with said minister. And yes, he knows. I shouldn't be trying to get away from slackness in the world, only to find it in the church! I'm settin' up for her today though - better believe that.

This “sweep it under the rug” mentality a lot of these churches have is DISGUSTING and I am utterly shocked and applaud at their response – what ever happened to marriage counseling from the church? Does it only apply when they have nothing to do with your marriage issues? Everything they preach about love and relationships is a lie.

I think I’m going to begin praise and worship in my own living room, because I’m NOT a hypocrite.

Lord have mercy.

[LHCF2009]

The church (not all but some) is no different than many places, its corrupt. I'm sorry to say that but it's true.

[prettyfaceANB]

Thats crazy and definitely tells about the ministry there. Of course not all churches are like this but you can to watch out for the churches that profess the gospel and turn a blind eye to sin. I'd say Call Them Out (in the name of Jesus) and find a new church.

[Caramel Hottie UK]

Ive found Churches (the ones ive gone to) to be quite like school, there are a lot of circles, the popular's and the normies. If anything wrong happens within those circle's then its okay, but if a regular person does something everybody wants to drag them to the alter. There were many issues within my Church that kept on getting swept under the carpet because it involved families of those who were high in the ministry. When these situations involved someone else, that person was always made out to be the one in the wrong, regardless of the situation.

Im sorry this happened to your friend, but i am not at all surprised. I now choose to worship in my own way because i cant deal with Church drama taking away my focus x

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I think I’m going to begin praise and worship in my own living room, because I’m NOT a hypocrite.

Lord have mercy.


G-d asks you to worship in community. There's too much of this "individualism" going on in general. But I do know what you mean. And it's not only the hierarchy that pushes it conveniently under the cover....people in the community will know something is going on and be silent about it. And yes, these fraudulent "pious" ones are all smiley in your face, attending religious services alongside you...while shtooping your husband in the corner. Disgusting....:nono: Gotta think of it this way, tho, who do they serve?:yep:

[msa]

Ladies:

A friend of mine recently found out that her spouse who is a prime figure in the church slept with the pastors whoring daughter.


Ummmmm.......

[BrooklynSouth]

Ladies:

A friend of mine recently found out that her spouse who is a prime figure in the church slept with the pastors whoring daughter. The sad part about it is when she went to the pastor and first lady, they didn’t offer any support as their main concern was “how it would look on the ministry” and wanted her to keep quiet. Telling her as a minister's wife, she's going to go through things like this and she needs to suck it up. I'M SORRY - WHAT???

It's hard seeing someone go through this!!! Trust me, I could feel her pain. What makes it worse is chick use to want my man for years before I came in the picture - so the way I look at it is, that could be me. I mean, it's one thing to sleep with a married man and not know his wife and family because then there is no attachment. But when you are at this woman's house, playing with her kids and sleeping with her man, it becomes a problem. Hot joke is, her man goes to the church also and was friends with said minister. And yes, he knows. I shouldn't be trying to get away from slackness in the world, only to find it in the church! I'm settin' up for her today though - better believe that.

This “sweep it under the rug” mentality a lot of these churches have is DISGUSTING and I am utterly shocked and applaud at their response – what ever happened to marriage counseling from the church? Does it only apply when they have nothing to do with your marriage issues? Everything they preach about love and relationships is a lie.

I think I’m going to begin praise and worship in my own living room, because I’m NOT a hypocrite.

Lord have mercy.

Find another church to fellowship with; these folk will feel the wrath sooner than later.

[Laela]

The title of your thread caught my attention: NO ONE can destroy anyone's marriage if the two people involved won't let this happen. That said,


I see this young woman has always been causing a stir...

But what about this "husband" who violated his vows? Not to defend her, but this young woman didn't violate any vows... Seems he should also be chastised and there doesn't seem to be any concern for his behavior. I don't buy the "a man will be a man" excuse.

Not everyone who is in church is there for the right reasons.. we must all remember that..and please try not let your anger cause you to lump all Christians together for the indiscretions of a few.

There are people in church who are for real and won't allow Satan to mess with their salvation...

I agree that you may need to find another church, but praying about this may be in order.


God bless :rosebud:

Ladies:

A friend of mine recently found out that her spouse who is a prime figure in the church slept with the pastors whoring daughter. The sad part about it is when she went to the pastor and first lady, they didn’t offer any support as their main concern was “how it would look on the ministry” and wanted her to keep quiet. Telling her as a minister's wife, she's going to go through things like this and she needs to suck it up. I'M SORRY - WHAT???

It's hard seeing someone go through this!!! Trust me, I could feel her pain. What makes it worse is chick use to want my man for years before I came in the picture - so the way I look at it is, that could be me. I mean, it's one thing to sleep with a married man and not know his wife and family because then there is no attachment. But when you are at this woman's house, playing with her kids and sleeping with her man, it becomes a problem. Hot joke is, her man goes to the church also and was friends with said minister. And yes, he knows. I shouldn't be trying to get away from slackness in the world, only to find it in the church! I'm settin' up for her today though - better believe that.

This “sweep it under the rug” mentality a lot of these churches have is DISGUSTING and I am utterly shocked and applaud at their response – what ever happened to marriage counseling from the church? Does it only apply when they have nothing to do with your marriage issues? Everything they preach about love and relationships is a lie.

I think I’m going to begin praise and worship in my own living room, because I’m NOT a hypocrite.

Lord have mercy.

[nicola.kirwan]

The title of your thread caught my attention: NO ONE can destroy anyone's marriage if the two people involved won't let this happen. That said,


I see this young woman has always been causing a stir...

But what about this "husband" who violated his vows? Not to defend her, but this young woman didn't violate any vows... Seems he should also be chastised and there doesn't seem to be any concern for his behavior. I don't buy the "a man will be a man" excuse.

Not everyone who is in church is there for the right reasons.. we must all remember that..and please try not let your anger cause you to lump all Christians together for the indiscretions of a few.

There are people in church who are for real and won't allow Satan to mess with their salvation...

I agree that you may need to find another church, but praying about this may be in order.


God bless :rosebud:

Yes. The ministers of the church were not responsible for fixing her marriage, though it is certainly a shame that they seem more concerned with their image than with the affairs of their congregation. In that respect, such an attitude is a pastoral failing. But, this woman's husband was also a minister in the church. What about his culpability in sinning against this woman and failing to help her grow closer to God and be an example for the other men in the church? As a minister and a husband, this man failed as well.

All that said, I think it's a very bad sign when church leaders refuse to exercise church discipline, especially for those in leadership. The Spirit cannot flourish in such a place, so praying for another church home might very well be in order.

[Ramya]

Umm people in church cannot destroy anyone's marriage. The people that took the vows are responsible for their own marriage. I get what you're saying as far as leadership and discipline/order but at the same time what did you want to happen? Such a sensitive matter should have been handled discretely with the persons involved.

[taytay86]

Ummmmm.......

Ladies, can we stay focused here?

[taytay86]

To all those who replied, thank you. Yes people outside your marriage CAN in fact destroy it if you allow it to happen, which the husband clearly did. The issue with the pastor/church is that his daughter is the main culprit in all of this mess and he does nothing to fix it? Does the church not offer counsel to those who need it? What happened to that?

Today at church was a joke. Those who know what's going on, knew exactly what he was talking about. It's so sad because he is allowing his wicked child and this minister to get way with their deed. The whole time the minister felt so nice because no one was telling him he was wrong - you could cut the tension with a knife. I'm not big on hearsay, BUT I did hear some things from the horse's mouth that confirm everything that happened without hard copy proof. Ladies, you know when you're husband is lying - if you accuse him of infidelity and it was false, would he not disown it? Until now, no one has either owned it or disowned it.

What is happening to our churches???

I really try my best to give her a WWJD response to her problems as I do not want to give the worldly/wrong advice. While the woman in me, and I think all of us is angry and wanting to fight back. I know some of you have dealt with something similar - please offer your words of wisdom.

Is it true that a married woman to a man of power in the church will have to endure issues like this???

[taytay86]

Umm people in church cannot destroy anyone's marriage. The people that took the vows are responsible for their own marriage. I get what you're saying as far as leadership and discipline/order but at the same time what did you want to happen? Such a sensitive matter should have been handled discretely with the persons involved.

Efforts were made to handle it discreetly, and nothing was done. In fact, she left there feeling belittled as they told her she was demon possessed.:ohwell:

Question for you though Ramya, if it was you, what would YOU expect to happen? Very interested to hear your response.

[Aviah]

Ladies:

A friend of mine recently found out that her spouse who is a prime figure in the church slept with the pastors whoring daughter. The sad part about it is when she went to the pastor and first lady, they didn’t offer any support as their main concern was “how it would look on the ministry” and wanted her to keep quiet. Telling her as a minister's wife, she's going to go through things like this and she needs to suck it up. I'M SORRY - WHAT???

It's hard seeing someone go through this!!! Trust me, I could feel her pain. What makes it worse is chick use to want my man for years before I came in the picture - so the way I look at it is, that could be me. I mean, it's one thing to sleep with a married man and not know his wife and family because then there is no attachment. But when you are at this woman's house, playing with her kids and sleeping with her man, it becomes a problem. Hot joke is, her man goes to the church also and was friends with said minister. And yes, he knows. I shouldn't be trying to get away from slackness in the world, only to find it in the church! I'm settin' up for her today though - better believe that.

This “sweep it under the rug” mentality a lot of these churches have is DISGUSTING and I am utterly shocked and applaud at their response – what ever happened to marriage counseling from the church? Does it only apply when they have nothing to do with your marriage issues? Everything they preach about love and relationships is a lie.

I think I’m going to begin praise and worship in my own living room, because I’m NOT a hypocrite.

Lord have mercy.

I am SO sorry to hear this. However no one and no place is perfect. I can see your obvious cause for concern and alarm, but that is no reason not to fellowship with others. Ask God for a chruch home, and let the Spirit guide you. These things (not this situation in particular, but I mean tribulations) will come along to test your faith. If we leave them, rather than face them we don't become any stronger. I agree that this is a HUGE problem for the Church and many ministries unfortunately but we must remember the devil is like a lion, seeknig whom he may devour, and who else better than God's people? Some give in, and things like this happen. But no matter what, YOU can't give up on the assembly of saints. I'm praying for your friend and all the body of Christ and its issues. Its a shame, and what's even worse, is it pushes some believers from God, and non-believers even further away... God have mercy on us as the body,for real...

[DarlingNikki]

Why is your friend approaching the pastor and first lady about their grown daughters activities? Of course bias on their part was to be expected...their human and that's their child. This is something she needs to take up exclusively with her cheating husband.

[music-bnatural-smile]

Ive found Churches (the ones ive gone to) to be quite like school, there are a lot of circles, the popular's and the normies. If anything wrong happens within those circle's then its okay, but if a regular person does something everybody wants to drag them to the alter.


Wow this is so true... me and my sister were talking about it... we have no friends at church... its definitely like school... and i hated school, so i avoid them at all costs LOL

[Mortons]

To all those who replied, thank you. Yes people outside your marriage CAN in fact destroy it if you allow it to happen, which the husband clearly did. The issue with the pastor/church is that his daughter is the main culprit in all of this mess and he does nothing to fix it? Does the church not offer counsel to those who need it? What happened to that?

Today at church was a joke. Those who know what's going on, knew exactly what he was talking about. It's so sad because he is allowing his wicked child and this minister to get way with their deed. The whole time the minister felt so nice because no one was telling him he was wrong - you could cut the tension with a knife. I'm not big on hearsay, BUT I did hear some things from the horse's mouth that confirm everything that happened without hard copy proof. Ladies, you know when you're husband is lying - if you accuse him of infidelity and it was false, would he not disown it? Until now, no one has either owned it or disowned it.

What is happening to our churches???

I really try my best to give her a WWJD response to her problems as I do not want to give the worldly/wrong advice. While the woman in me, and I think all of us is angry and wanting to fight back. I know some of you have dealt with something similar - please offer your words of wisdom.

Is it true that a married woman to a man of power in the church will have to endure issues like this???

The pastors daughter is (presumably) a grown woman. He cannot control a grown single woman no matter who she is. Now if she is not grown we are opening a bigger can of worms here.

The HUSBAND is the one who needs to be chastised for his cheating ways. Men need to stop being able to get away with things like this and it being blamed on the woman as the problem. Your friend needs to have a serious talk with HER MAN and let him know the deal. She cant run to other people to help fix her marriage, acting like she is afraid of her man.

The answer to the bolded is only if she is willing to deal with it. :yep:

[DarlingNikki]

IA! I mean, what are they supposed to do? Lock her up? Banish her? What? She wouldn't have a mess to be in the middle of if other responsible parties knew how to behave.

The pastors daughter is (presumably) a grown woman. He cannot control a grown single woman no matter who she is. Now if she is not grown we are opening a bigger can of worms here.

The HUSBAND is the one who needs to be chastised for his cheating ways. Men need to stop being able to get away with things like this and it being blamed on the woman as the problem. Your friend needs to have a serious talk with HER MAN and let him know the deal. She cant run to other people to help fix her marriage, acting like she is afraid of her man.

The answer to the bolded is only if she is willing to deal with it. :yep:

[mscocoface]

This is between the husband and the wife. If they determine they want to try and save this marriage (both will need to come to that conclusion on their own individually) then it would be most beneficial to seek help outside of that church.

They need a neutral party to help them, someone who has nothing to gain. They should also determine if staying at that church is beneficial and what is right and proper. God can use us anywhere if your are doing HIS will he is at more than just one church.

Another marriage is in danger of being dissolved this was the first union, or community God created, it trumps everything else.

[lamaravilla]

I don't believe your friend should have approached the pastor and his wife about his daughter. Not to say that this is her fault, but her relationship is lacking something, whether it be love, communication, respect, attraction, whatever, in order for her husband to step out on her like that, and so brazenly at that, with another church member.

Does she want to fix her relationship? Did she find out why he did this? You also said that it hasn't being confirmed or denied by her husband, well how did she find out? I sincerely hope she isn't listening to gossip from others, because there are those who will try their best to cause strife for those in relationships.

All I can say is she needs to stop worrying about the pastor's daughter, that woman has no obligations to her whatsoever. She needs to pray and get some counseling whether with her husband or without depending on how she plans on going forward.

And if she chooses to forgive him, then she needs to genuinely do it and let it go. Not hold any grudges or malice in her heart as her marriage will just fall apart all over again.

If she does decide to stay with him, I would advise they find a new church together because this whole incident is going to leave a sour taste in everyone's mouth who is involved.