Does it seem to you that Christians tend to get married young?

[hairlove]

Whenever I go to church, I see the youngest-looking people who are married! Even when I hear about the pastor or anyone in ministry - I hear their story and they met while in college and got married at 23. How and why does this happen?

In the off-topic board, there is a thread on avoiding or not avoiding relationships while in college. It seems like many Christians go to Christian colleges in hopes of meeting their future spouse (I have read stories where some were disappointed when this didn't happen though).

So, as a Christian, sometimes I feel even less likely to meet someone near my age b/c even more Christian men around my age are already married - not just 2-3 years married but like 10 years married!!

Have you noticed this? Why do you think it happens? Did you get married young (and were both Christians at the time).

[Lucie]

I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 were marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be done for the right reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.

[MizzBrown]

I also figured one of the top reasons was Sex.

The thought of marrying someone at age 18 or 19 years old? :nono:

Wasn't even close to being ready...still wet behind the ears.

[divya]

I believe this depends combination of things, including not only our religion but our culture, education etc. Most Christian couples in my experience - particularly in my church and our area churches - are the opposite. Most of us have concentrated on getting at least our college education and then have married.

My fiance and I are getting married next year, and we are both in our late twenties. We focused on completing education first, which is emphasized in our families. However, we both attended secular colleges. We are excited, but it is not a rushed affair. Marriage is for life.

Honestly I see what you are speaking of more so with people living deeper into the South. Attending a Christian college likely makes a significant difference. :yep: An exception is the fundamental Baptist school I attended in my elementary years. A number of them are already married, have children etc. It seems to work for the majority of them though because the support system is strong.

[topsyturvy86]

I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 where marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be right for the wrong reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.

I also figured one of the top reasons was Sex.

The thought of marrying someone at age 18 or 19 years old? :nono:

Wasn't even close to being ready...still wet behind the ears.

ITA. I have also noticed that even older Chrisians date for a much shorter period of time before getting married.

[Allandra]

Whenever I go to church, I see the youngest-looking people who are married! Even when I hear about the pastor or anyone in ministry - I hear their story and they met while in college and got married at 23. How and why does this happen?

In the off-topic board, there is a thread on avoiding or not avoiding relationships while in college. It seems like many Christians go to Christian colleges in hopes of meeting their future spouse (I have read stories where some were disappointed when this didn't happen though).

So, as a Christian, sometimes I feel even less likely to meet someone near my age b/c even more Christian men around my age are already married - not just 2-3 years married but like 10 years married!!

Have you noticed this? Why do you think it happens? Did you get married young (and were both Christians at the time).
I've seen it happen so much. I believe a lot of young Christians are getting married so they can (freely) have sex.

IMO, people haven't even gotten to know their own selves at those young ages.

I didn't get married young, and I am so glad I waited.

Like PrettyHaitian said, once the honeymoon is over (for the young couples), what's next?

[Allandra]

I think many young Christians get married young so that they can have sex. When I was going to church it seemed that many members over the age of 18 where marrying rather quickly. It always worried me because once the honeymoon phase was over, what happens next? I can appreciate wanting to follow God's laws. But marriage is something that should be right for the wrong reasons. While sex is great, it does not pay the bills or last all day long.
Thank you. :yep:

[FoxyScholar]

A couple of things (in my humble opinion):

Just as the average age of people getting married has increased in society, so it has increased in the church.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm
The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. And a growing percentage of Americans aren't marrying at all: Provisional federal statistics released Tuesday report 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008, down from 10 per 1,000 in 1986.

I think it's a generational thing. My mother got married at 20. I'm twice her age she was then and I'm still waiting to be married. Women did not have the same employment opportunities back then as they do now. So marriage was a viable option for women re. security, etc. I certainly have expanded opportunities than my mother did back in the day.

Yes, some Christians of various ages who want to do their best to honor their faith get married relatively quickly to have sex. And it would be interesting to explore the correlation between fast marriages and the higher divorce rates among Christians.

Per the point about after the sex, what's next? Here's one response to that: my pastor's wife got married at 18 and she's been married going on 28 years so do the math she's been married basically her entire adult life and she had her first child at 20 years old. And they got married like 4 months after getting together (they had known each other like five years before they actually got together). I recall saying to her at one time (when I was in my early 20s and in college and was expecting to graduate from undergrad and going on to a career) that marriage takes the fun out of life. She quickly remarked that that wasn't the case and that they have a lot of fun together and she loves her family, etc. Yes, there's a lot of life beyond the sex, so that means that the couple (whether young or old) has to have the maturity to handle everything else. Some young marrieds are prepared for that, through supportive upbringing and pre-marital counseling, etc. And some aren't nearly ready.

My pastor's wife has also said to me that it's nice that I have been able to go to school and do other things while I'm single. It's not impossible to go to school while juggling marriage and children, but it's certainly easier. On those days when I'm feeling esp. lonely and heartbroken, I remind myself of this.... sometimes it relieves the loneliness.... sometimes it doesn't.

I thank the Lord for His divine will because back then I was also real wet behind the ears and not even ready for all the responsibility that marriage brings....

[hairlove]

Yes, I should have been more clear in my original post. I didn't mean 18 or 19. I meant more after college at age 22/23/24 years old.

I believe this depends combination of things, including not only our religion but our culture, education etc. Most Christian couples in my experience - particularly in my church and our area churches - are the opposite. Most of us have concentrated on getting at least our college education and then have married.

My fiance and I are getting married next year, and we are both in our late twenties. We focused on completing education first, which is emphasized in our families. However, we both attended secular colleges. We are excited, but it is not a rushed affair. Marriage is for life.

Honestly I see what you are speaking of more so with people living deeper into the South. Attending a Christian college likely makes a significant difference. :yep: An exception is the fundamental Baptist school I attended in my elementary years. A number of them are already married, have children etc. It seems to work for the majority of them though because the support system is strong.

[hairlove]

ITA. I have also noticed that even older Chrisians date for a much shorter period of time before getting married.

Yes and for older Christians (I know a few) it's not necessarily about the sex. It's really b/c they are at an age where they know what they want (marriage) so they don't need to play around and be engaged for 4 years. They date for 6 months to a year. Get engaged and are married within 6 months.

[hairlove]

I've seen it happen so much. I believe a lot of young Christians are getting married so they can (freely) have sex.

IMO, people haven't even gotten to know their own selves at those young ages.

I didn't get married young, and I am so glad I waited.

Like PrettyHaitian said, once the honeymoon is over (for the young couples), what's next?


I agree with this and I definitely believe it to be true for younger Christians. I've even heard that some churches/church leaders advocate for a couple to get married if they can't wait to have sex - b/c at least they aren't having sex outside of marriage and I totally disagree with that and probably leads to a lot of divorce in the Christian circle.

I will say that I would bet there is a good number of Christian couples who married young for the RIGHT reasons though and just happened to be young. :)

[hairlove]

A couple of things (in my humble opinion):

Just as the average age of people getting married has increased in society, so it has increased in the church.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-02-17-marriage-campaign_N.htm
The average age at first marriage is now almost 26 for women and 28 for men. And a growing percentage of Americans aren't marrying at all: Provisional federal statistics released Tuesday report 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008, down from 10 per 1,000 in 1986.

I think it's a generational thing. My mother got married at 20. I'm twice her age she was then and I'm still waiting to be married. Women did not have the same employment opportunities back then as they do now. So marriage was a viable option for women re. security, etc. I certainly have expanded opportunities than my mother did back in the day.



See, I think in the secular world it is a generational thing. But it seems like in the Christian circle that even today it is pretty popular.

For the secular world, I think marriage age has increased b/c people figure well, they can get the milk without buying the cow...so to speak.

[prettyfaceANB]

See, I think in the secular world it is a generational thing. But it seems like in the Christian circle that even today it is pretty popular.

For the secular world, I think marriage age has increased b/c people figure well, they can get the milk without buying the cow...so to speak.

Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.

[FoxyScholar]

Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.

First bolded: that's true! LOL!

Second bolded: this is interesting to explore. Don't know if I agree... but it's interesting.... (I think) Some of those folk who got married young were simply horny, period. Others were trying to escape from parental authority. Others had no place to go. Others found the person they wanted to commit to earlier in life.

[prettyfaceANB]

First bolded: that's true! LOL!

Second bolded: this is interesting to explore. Don't know if I agree... but it's interesting.... (I think) Some of those folk who got married young were simply horny, period. Others were trying to escape from parental authority. Others had no place to go. Others found the person they wanted to commit to earlier in life.

Or marriages were simply arranged but the prettiest or oldest tend to marry first.

Alot of different aspects working here.

[hairlove]

Its in the church too:look:...they just feel bad about it.:nono:

But I do see alot of young couples. One minister (forgot who) said, in older-biblical setting, biology tells you when you're ready for marriage. When you begin to have urges for sex and interest in the opposite sex, thats not your queue to start a relationship. Its your queue to start getting ready for a spouse. Of course this starts a very young age. Thats why most got married young because they were ready young. Some churches still practice this.

From brief observation however I noticed alot of men were 30+ before they had children. I still will look at this. This would imply the age gap between husband and wife was 5 to 10 years easy; more on the 10yrs side.

Yep...nothing is 100% one way or the other! :perplexed

[hairlove]

Or marriages were simply arranged but the prettiest or oldest tend to marry first.

Alot of different aspects working here.

OT: I remember watching part of the Ten Commandments movie.

I remember all of the women vying for Moses' attention and making fun of the oldest one. She didn't vie for his attention at all and guess who he chose? I thought that was interesting.

[divya]

Yes, I should have been more clear in my original post. I didn't mean 18 or 19. I meant more after college at age 22/23/24 years old.

Oh ok! Interesting though because I see those ages as being not that young for marriage.

[Amour]

I think that Christians do get married much younger than general society.

This definately seems to be the case in my church.

[hairlove]

Well, I'm 36 (and hanging on to it for dear life) so I guess I see it as young in comparison to when other people, in general, get married nowadays. Typically seems more like 27 or later.

Oh ok! Interesting though because I see those ages as being not that young for marriage.