Married Young?

[Aviah]

I would love to know which ladies here on the board have married while they were still relatively young, let's say between 20 (or younger!) and 23 (not exhaustive).
What were your challenges and how do you feel it may have differed from marrying at an older age (if at all)?

[neenzmj]

I was married at the age of 19. For me, the biggest challenges were immaturity not to mention the fact that at 19, I had NO clue who I was as a woman. As a matter of fact, I really had no clue about what I really desired in a man.

I went from my parents' house to living with my husband. I had no sense of independence. Though marriage didn't prevent me from pursuing my goals: college, etc., being married didn't allow me to be as selfish with my time as I could have if I were single.

This marriage did end up in divorce. If I'd waited until I was older, I would have had a better sense of who I was and in turn, probably would have made a difference in the type of man I wanted to be with. I definitely would have had a better idea of what it meant to truly love a person and to be the type of wife God called me to be. At 19, I was clueless and wasn't anywhere near thinking about what God said about wives.

[Aviah]

I was married at the age of 19. For me, the biggest challenges were immaturity not to mention the fact that at 19, I had NO clue who I was as a woman. As a matter of fact, I really had no clue about what I really desired in a man.

I went from my parents' house to living with my husband. I had no sense of independence. Though marriage didn't prevent me from pursuing my goals: college, etc., being married didn't allow me to be as selfish with my time as I could have if I were single.

This marriage did end up in divorce. If I'd waited until I was older, I would have had a better sense of who I was and in turn, probably would have made a difference in the type of man I wanted to be with. I definitely would have had a better idea of what it meant to truly love a person and to be the type of wife God called me to be. At 19, I was clueless and wasn't anywhere near thinking about what God said about wives.

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you mind me asking if you were saved at the time, and why you got married so young?

[neenzmj]

I don't mind you asking at all.

No, we weren't saved at the time we got married, but we did both get saved a few years afterward. It's funny because once we accepted the Lord, things changed a lot. It's not that getting saved was bad (it was the best thing we could have ever done), but instead of us drawing closer together, we seemed to grow further apart. We were clueless about what it really meant to be man and wife and we were even more clueless about how to go about it from God's word. There was just so much we didn't know: how to communicate (with love), not attacking with our words, sacrificial love, submission. Those things are essential and back then, we didn't have anyone in our lives who could mentor us before we said "I do."

As for why we got married that young: I think we both THOUGHT we were in love and we both THOUGHT we were ready. I also think a part of us was looking for an "out" from living with our parents. Definitely not a good reason to get married.

[Aviah]

I don't mind you asking at all.

No, we weren't saved at the time we got married, but we did both get saved a few years afterward. It's funny because once we accepted the Lord, things changed a lot. It's not that getting saved was bad (it was the best thing we could have ever done), but instead of us drawing closer together, we seemed to grow further apart. We were clueless about what it really meant to be man and wife and we were even more clueless about how to go about it from God's word. There was just so much we didn't know: how to communicate (with love), not attacking with our words, sacrificial love, submission. Those things are essential and back then, we didn't have anyone in our lives who could mentor us before we said "I do."

As for why we got married that young: I think we both THOUGHT we were in love and we both THOUGHT we were ready. I also think a part of us was looking for an "out" from living with our parents. Definitely not a good reason to get married.

Wow... was there really no way of recifying it, or was it just not God's will for you two?

[neenzmj]

Oh yes, It definitely could have been rectified -- without a doubt. Send me a PM and I'll share the rest if you're interested.

[Mini mimi]

I married at 21 - he was 23. We were both imature, but we grew up together.

Challenges - 1. control issues in all areas. 2. did not know each others' love languages - get that book!

I'm glad I did not marry at an older age. We were definately in God's hands. Plus we had the kids early.

We have been married 15 yrs.

[Highly Favored8]

Was married at age 19 had my son as well.
I was muslim at the time about 9 years (I was actually a muslim for 11 years).
DS dad very immature.
was married for 2 years then after I divorced gave my life back to Jesus Christ, and saved ever since.

[hopeful]

I was married at 22, dh was 26. We dated for 4 years before we got married. It worked out for us. I'm not really sure what the difference is between us and those who married later.

[Skent]

I keep trying to figure out what DH stands for? I'm sure it means hubby, but what's the actual word that DH comes from. Sorry this doesn't really have anything to do with the post, but I've been trying to crack the DH mystery since November....

[birdie]

I keep trying to figure out what DH stands for? I'm sure it means hubby, but what's the actual word that DH comes from. Sorry this doesn't really have anything to do with the post, but I've been trying to crack the DH mystery since November....

"Devoted husband". LOL I was equally confused a couple of years back.

[Odontyouwish]

I thought it stood for "dear husband" but oh well, devoted works haha. I plan on getting married soon. I am 20.

[Aviah]

Wow, I started this thread earlier this year and forgot about it. ODon'tYouWish, when ddi you get married?
Anyone else wish to share their stories?
BTW DH means dear husband. At least that's what I thought...

[Mrs.TheBronx]

My 18 year old sister called me last night and said that her bf proposed to her. I think this is totally TOO young. I feel like it takes a long time to really get to know/find yourself, and to get married will make that process even harder. People will do what they want to do tho. I just said a dry congrats and called it a day

[Fallen Angel]

I have been engaged a while ago when I was 19.Im 24 and lucky for me I knew God but was on the boarderline because I didn't know just because Im plus size,my mother accepted garbage in her current marriage not my dad that didnt mean I had to marry the 1st thing that proposed.

Waiting is good as long as your working out your kinks.

[Crown]

Is it an age thing or a maturity thing (or socio-cultural)? Some become mature earlier than other and some never. The support of the family and the church (model) are also important.
Tit. 2.1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: 2.2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. 2.3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 2.4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 2.5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 2.6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.

My mother was eighteen at her wedding (of 45 years). Once upon a time, 15-17 for the bride was the standard; and if a woman (willing to marry) reached 25 without a planned wedding, she was desperate.

Those days, if the person shows maturity and understand the engagement, I think the real important limitation, all things equal, could be the economic one.

Marriage is challenging, at 20 or at 60...

[Health&hair28]

My husband and I both married at the age of 20. We dated for about 1 year. We were both saved when we got married and both in the military. We had some issues in the beginning with learning to not try to control or change one another.

It has been 10 years and 3 boys and we are still saved and more in love. I thank God for my husband, He is my best friend. I can talk to Him about anything and He does also (at least I think). It has been by His grace that we have not suffered major problems in the marriage.


Also when we were first married we were surrounded by many other young christian couples and they was such a blessing.

[Aviah]

MrsTheBronx, I totally understand your sentiment. I guess all you can do is pray that God guides thier decisions. You never know how things may work out...

Thanks for your insight and ideas ladies... keep them coming!

[rx2008]

i met my husband @ 20 and married @ 23. he's two years older. when we met, we were both broke college students. everything we have today, we built together. that's important to me. by nature i am very independent and strong willed. i think if i had waited until after i had graduated and established myself financially, it would have been much harder to sustain a long term relationship because i would have been too set in my ways. it would have been very hard for me to compromise because i would have felt like i didn't need him.

in my case getting married young was definitely the right move. my hubby says i was already a handful. he don't even wanna think about what i would have been like if i had some money:lachen:

[Butterfly08]

I was married at the age of 19. For me, the biggest challenges were immaturity not to mention the fact that at 19, I had NO clue who I was as a woman. As a matter of fact, I really had no clue about what I really desired in a man.

I went from my parents' house to living with my husband. I had no sense of independence. Though marriage didn't prevent me from pursuing my goals: college, etc., being married didn't allow me to be as selfish with my time as I could have if I were single.

This marriage did end up in divorce. If I'd waited until I was older, I would have had a better sense of who I was and in turn, probably would have made a difference in the type of man I wanted to be with. I definitely would have had a better idea of what it meant to truly love a person and to be the type of wife God called me to be. At 19, I was clueless and wasn't anywhere near thinking about what God said about wives.

:yep: I am recently divorced and got married at 22. The difference is my husband was much older, and very controlling (although that didn't start until after we married). I was a dove that got swallowed by a snake. :perplexed I didn't have a lot of relationship experience, my parents sheltered me a lot, so I wasn't able to recognize the warning signs. Looking back 12 years later, the warning signs were there - I just wasn't savvy enough to recognize them at the time.

Still, I know of couples who marry young and are happy and successful many years later. It's a case by case situation. I will say that it has taken me 4+ years to finish my MBA because of circumstances and obstacles tied to being married (and getting a divorce). I really lost myself for several years. I initially had such drive and ambition, but it got sucked up in the early years of the marriage. Once I figured out who I was (independent of anyone else) and what I truly wanted to do, that was the final nail in the coffin of our marriage (although there are many MANY other reasons which contributed to my decision to leave - I prayed, went through joint and independent counseling, and contemplated for YEARS). I think my ambition was threatening to him, and I can't be with someone who wants to hold me down. :nono:

I have and continue to learn a lot from this. My main piece of advice is that it really takes two whole and healthy people to enter a marriage, and to be prayerful before entering into such a sacred and life-changing covenant. No one can make you happy, happiness is internal and comes from God. (I'm sure we all know that person who seems to have everything but is STILL never satisfied).

Come to think of it, one of the sweetest couples (and families) I know got married young, either in or right out of college. They say that marrying young allowed them to grow together. I promise their whole family is sweet as sugar. :lachen: So just because it didn't work out in my situation doesn't mean that marrying young can't turn out wonderfully. :grin: