Women Pursuing?

[cocoa2122]

Would you ever let a man know that you like him? If so , how? As Christians, how do you feel about a woman making the first move? Is this considered "pursuing", and is there a way to tell him outright without coming across as "fast" or out of place?

[prettyfaceANB]

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

He finds, he seeks, he pursues...

Its designed this way by God because men are hunters. Women are too emotional so the pursuing game because if they reject us, we'll we get hurt. Men compartmentalize that stuff and move on the to next.

[moonglowdiva]

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

He finds, he seeks, he pursues...

Its designed this way by God because men are hunters. Women are too emotional so the pursuing game because if they reject us, we'll we get hurt. Men compartmentalize that stuff and move on the to next.

I like how you put this. I agree wholehearted!!!:yep:

[Bunny77]

Would you ever let a man know that you like him? If so , how? As Christians, how do you feel about a woman making the first move? Is this considered "pursuing", and is there a way to tell him outright without coming across as "fast" or out of place?

No, I wouldn't make the first move, and no I wouldn't tell a man that I liked him.

You can be friendly when you're in his presence, smile, be polite and kind and open to conversation. If he is interested in you, then he should be able to respond in kind.

[divya]

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

He finds, he seeks, he pursues...

Its designed this way by God because men are hunters. Women are too emotional so the pursuing game because if they reject us, we'll we get hurt. Men compartmentalize that stuff and move on the to next.

Thank you. Well said...:yep:

[Sweet C]

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

He finds, he seeks, he pursues...

Its designed this way by God because men are hunters. Women are too emotional so the pursuing game because if they reject us, we'll we get hurt. Men compartmentalize that stuff and move on the to next.

Amen!!

And to add to this, if a man is not willing to approach you even if you know he is interested, then that just lets you know that he is not ready and it is no need to try and "help" him out. If it is Gods will it will come to pass

[neenzmj]

I think it is good to be open and friendly if you're interested, but let him doing the pursuing.

I hate to admit, but sadly, I didn't take my own advice. A mutual friend gave me a guy's number, but the friend took too long to give it to him (in my estimation), so I called "the guy" myself. God is good, though (even with my foolish impatience.) We hit it off from the first time we met and got married three months later. We've been married over 13 years.

Do I recommend this for everyone? Absolutely not! Is God still in the business of putting men and women together (despite those times when we get in the way trying to "help Him out?") Absolutely!

[nicola.kirwan]

I think it is good to be open and friendly if you're interested, but let him doing the pursuing.

I hate to admit, but sadly, I didn't take my own advice. A mutual friend gave me a guy's number, but the friend took too long to give it to him (in my estimation), so I called "the guy" myself. God is good, though (even with my foolish impatience.) We hit it off from the first time we met and got married three months later. We've been married over 13 years.

Do I recommend this for everyone? Absolutely not! Is God still in the business of putting men and women together (despite those times when we get in the way trying to "help Him out?") Absolutely!

Thanks for sharing that. God's grace definitely covers our mistakes. Plus, if a man really likes a woman, her calling him isn't going to suddenly change that.

Still, I would say, No, don't pursue him or let him know (verbally) that you like him. Biblically, you want a man who will love you as Christ loved the Church, who will come after you and make the sacrifice to get you, like the man in the parable of the pearl of great price. You're the pearl to be highly sought after.

That shouldn't make you freeze up, though. Be yourself and feel what you feel, just don't initiate anything with him. HTH

[HeChangedMyName]

I was just talking to a friend of mine about this. very good advice has been given here. . .he finds :yep: he pursues :yep: if he doesn't approach then he isn't ready :yep:

[FoxyScholar]

I think it is good to be open and friendly if you're interested, but let him doing the pursuing.

I hate to admit, but sadly, I didn't take my own advice. A mutual friend gave me a guy's number, but the friend took too long to give it to him (in my estimation), so I called "the guy" myself. God is good, though (even with my foolish impatience.) We hit it off from the first time we met and got married three months later. We've been married over 13 years.

Do I recommend this for everyone? Absolutely not! Is God still in the business of putting men and women together (despite those times when we get in the way trying to "help Him out?") Absolutely!

So if I may probe:

What would you say is/are the consequence(s) of initiating contact/relationship in your case? Regardless of the "favorable" result (marriage), do you find yourself in your marriage initiating/leading more often in your marriage? Or is it a matter of every marriage is different/unique so the balance may look different in comparison to another marriage?

Is it true when it is said that whatever a person does starting off in a relationship that they have to continue that throughout the relationship to maintain the relationship? So as you initiated do you find yourself initiating/leading?

Notice: I understand the delicacy of my question as it probes into your marital relationship. I ask this question sincerely and not amiss and yet I understand if you decline to answer. Thank you.

[hopeful]

So if I may probe:

What would you say is/are the consequence(s) of initiating contact/relationship in your case? Regardless of the "favorable" result (marriage), do you find yourself in your marriage initiating/leading more often in your marriage? Or is it a matter of every marriage is different/unique so the balance may look different in comparison to another marriage?

Is it true when it is said that whatever a person does starting off in a relationship that they have to continue that throughout the relationship to maintain the relationship? So as you initiated do you find yourself initiating/leading?

Notice: I understand the delicacy of my question as it probes into your marital relationship. I ask this question sincerely and not amiss and yet I understand if you decline to answer. Thank you.

I just wrote a lengthy response and it just went poof, I will try again...

I know you were not writing to me but I would like to share if you don't mind. I see where you are going with your questions and you are oh so right. It really is best to NOT pursue a man. If you do, at some point you will regret it. God does not need our "help" other than to try to be who He wants us to be and to trust Him. Men do not need our "help" either. This chasing women do is making men lazy and weak.

And it hurts a woman's heart as she will never know if he is/was willing to pursue her or not. If you are patient and wait and he pursues just imagine how wonderful that will feel for you and for him. If you wait and discover he never would have taken the chance and pursued you, don't you want to know that too?

I know sometimes you just like him so much and want him to know you like him because then, well, that will make it easier for him. But what you are doing is stealing the "pursuit" from him. Do you really want to do that? I am using "you" in very general terms.

Also, you do not have to continue to do the same thing later in the relationship that you did in the beginning. Sometimes a woman will change, realizing she needs to fall back and let the man take the lead, and a man will adapt, sometimes he won't, it all depends on the situation, the people involved, and God's presence in the relationship.

It really really is best to not pursue a man. You are taking on the man's role which is unnatural and over time will become draining on your feminine spirit and heart.

[cocoa2122]

This is all great advice! Thanks for answering my question.

[neenzmj]

FoxyScholar: I don't mind your question at all. As a matter of fact, I appreciate it.

No, I don't think it set the tone for the relationship -- but I definitely think it was an indication of some control issues I had in my life. I had been divorced for a couple of years prior to meeting my husband and as a single woman with two children, I had become very accustomed to handling everything and trying to make certain that everything was taken care of. But once we got married, I couldn't figure out why I was running around stressed and frustrated all the time while my husband seemed so peaceful. God finally showed me that I was out of order (and perhaps I was out of order in calling him first, but I definitely don't regret it.) I was out of order in the fact that I was still trying to handle everything (just like I used to do when I was single) instead of allowing my husband to lead our family. My husband recognized it, but he realized he needed to let God reveal it to me rather than trying to bully me for position -- he knew God would deal with me about it AND HE DID! :yep:

Allowing God to deal with me and my control issues has definitely changed my life and strengthened my marriage. It has taught me how wonderful it is to have His peace (that peace that surpasses all understanding.) It has also made me passionate about being a submissive (not subservient) wife.

[FoxyScholar]

FoxyScholar: I don't mind your question at all. As a matter of fact, I appreciate it.

No, I don't think it set the tone for the relationship -- but I definitely think it was an indication of some control issues I had in my life. I had been divorced for a couple of years prior to meeting my husband and as a single woman with two children, I had become very accustomed to handling everything and trying to make certain that everything was taken care of. But once we got married, I couldn't figure out why I was running around stressed and frustrated all the time while my husband seemed so peaceful. God finally showed me that I was out of order (and perhaps I was out of order in calling him first, but I definitely don't regret it.) I was out of order in the fact that I was still trying to handle everything (just like I used to do when I was single) instead of allowing my husband to lead our family. My husband recognized it, but he realized he needed to let God reveal it to me rather than trying to bully me for position -- he knew God would deal with me about it AND HE DID! :yep:

Allowing God to deal with me and my control issues has definitely changed my life and strengthened my marriage. It has taught me how wonderful it is to have His peace (that peace that surpasses all understanding.) It has also made me passionate about being a submissive (not subservient) wife.

Yeeesss!!! That's real talk and real WISDOM right there!!! Thank you for considering and responding to my question and being candid!

[neenzmj]

Hopeful:

I agree with your post. In fact, I agree with anyone who says not to pursue a man. I don't use my story as a means to encourage anyone to do what I did. What I should have emphasized is this point: It was ONLY God that made the difference by putting a man in my life that 1) was totally committed to living his life for God and 2) had been praying and seeking God for a wife. If it had not been for this, I would have TOTALLY set myself up for a man to use me and take advantage of the vulnerable place I was in at that time.

I won't use this post to share my testimony, but let me just say that I had gone through several years of dealing with really low self-esteem, guilt and shame. I was on a very destructive path searching to fill the void, but God brought me to my knees and showed me that HE was the only one who could fill the void.

[hopeful]

Hopeful:

I agree with your post. In fact, I agree with anyone who says not to pursue a man. I don't use my story as a means to encourage anyone to do what I did. What I should have emphasized is this point: It was ONLY God that made the difference by putting a man in my life that 1) was totally committed to living his life for God and 2) had been praying and seeking God for a wife. If it had not been for this, I would have TOTALLY set myself up for a man to use me and take advantage of the vulnerable place I was in at that time.

I won't use this post to share my testimony, but let me just say that I had gone through several years of dealing with really low self-esteem, guilt and shame. I was on a very destructive path searching to fill the void, but God brought me to my knees and showed me that HE was the only one who could fill the void.

Hi neenzmj, thank you so much for you beautiful testimony. I just want to make sure that you know that my post was only in response to FS's questions. I was in no way at all judging what you had posted. And I didn't think for one minute you were encouraging women to pursue:nono:, I knew you were just sharing your experience. And girl even if you were encouraging folks to pursue I still wouldn't have said anything in response to you because it's just none of my business and I don't like being critical of other people, I don't think that is nice. I just enjoy sharing my thoughts, particulary regarding relationship issues.

FS's question was just so...deep. I had not seen anyone married or single ask this type of question before and could not resist responding. Maybe I should have just left it alone and let you respond since she was asking you (and not me) and your answer in the end was much better than mine. I just felt compelled to reply because right now God has been dealing with me and my "control" issues. And I am just now seeing there are still some things I need to work on with myself. I didn't see them as being "controlling" until I read your response to FS. I am really working on letting go more and really trusting God. Trying to be in control is exhausting.

I am so happy for you that God blessed you with such a good, patient, loving man.

[neenzmj]

Hopeful,

No, I understood and I appreciate your post. I took no offense in what you said and I appreciate the fact that we can all respond and learn from one another.

I also appreciate you reiterating the fact that it is definitely in order for the man to do the pursuing (my situation was definitely not something for anyone to model.)

Hey, if you ever have an afternoon (that's how long the journey feels like it's been) I'll share just how far God has brought me. :) Everytime I think about it, I wanna tell the world!

[hopeful]

^^^:yep: Yes I would love to hear your story and I can share you mine as well. Oh and I'm glad there was no misunderstanding:).

[juju]

Oh what a lovely thread !

Thank you ladies for all this wonderful advices .

[discobiscuits]

Ruth and Naomi pursued Boaz so evidently there is nothing wrong with it if done correctly.