He's a Minister but won't get a job

[trenise]

and take care of his family. I try so hard not to think about this, but sometimes something will happen and upset me all over again. I know I will also get some helpful input concerning this. The lady is my very best friend. She and her husband have been married over a year and he has refused employment on at least one occasion that could have brought good income to the family. She works to support them and gets burdened with all of the bills and the housekeeping and he stays at home all day or does errands for the church or his fraternity. There are no children at this point and they are not financially situated for them anyway. I just don't understand his Christianity or the fact that he is now recognized as a minister by the church. I just thought that a man who didn't take care of his family was worse than a non-believer. Plus there is the fact that he will even say now that she was not his "type" and will describe for you the type of woman he used to date. He even said this at the wedding reception, how he didn't want her when he first saw her. I really don't think that was appropriate. I kinda think that he's taking her for granted and feels as though she should be grateful just to have a man, but I struggle with that thought because he's a minister.

PS. I never criticize him or their marriage

[Shimmie]

My first reaction is to 'jack him up'..... :hardslap:


Ummmmm, I'll be back a little later. I want to give him a little time to catch this 'in the spirit....' :mad:

[Coffee]

Humm, maybe he wasn't called by God...he just answered on his own. Just like everyone who says they are Christian aren't, the same can go for "Ministers".

[Shimmie]

Humm, maybe he wasn't called by God...he just answered on his own. Just like everyone who says they are Christian aren't, the same can go for "Ministers".
:thankyou:

What kind of man, ESPECIALLY a man of God, let's his wife do all the work? He's just lazy and I'm ashamed of him for being such a bad example to Black men and to men in Ministry.

Don't we have enough problems with 'free loaders'? What kind of example is he presenting / teaching to those who are 'watching' him and his 'title'.

And to which, no such title should be appointed to him until he proves himself to be deserving of such as the word of God commands a Minister to be.

Uggggggggg! :lachen:

:kick: for him and his foolishness.

[Ms.Honey]

and take care of his family. I try so hard not to think about this, but sometimes something will happen and upset me all over again. I know I will also get some helpful input concerning this. The lady is my very best friend. She and her husband have been married over a year and he has refused employment on at least one occasion that could have brought good income to the family. She works to support them and gets burdened with all of the bills and the housekeeping and he stays at home all day or does errands for the church or his fraternity. There are no children at this point and they are not financially situated for them anyway. I just don't understand his Christianity or the fact that he is now recognized as a minister by the church. I just thought that a man who didn't take care of his family was worse than a non-believer. Plus there is the fact that he will even say now that she was not his "type" and will describe for you the type of woman he used to date. He even said this at the wedding reception, how he didn't want her when he first saw her. I really don't think that was appropriate. I kinda think that he's taking her for granted and feels as though she should be grateful just to have a man, but I struggle with that thought because he's a minister.

PS. I never criticize him or their marriage


The Lord warned her before she married Him and she decided to marry him anyway. If she hasn't told already, she'll tell you eventually. He said, "I will not leave you ignorant". She rejected knowledge. Her DH is an idiot and God will deal with him. It could take days or decades but she's made her choice. The Lord will grant her peace in this situation if she repents and seeks His face.

[Ramya]

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

He knows that he is wrong but doesn't care. I can't stand lazy people.

[mrsjones1]

--Deleted--

[MizzBrown]

^^^That touched a nerve in my soul..:nono:

[mrsjones1]

^^^That touched a nerve in my soul..:nono:

I know right, deep in my heart I know he played on her being hurt....she was really really hurt. And he took her to church and of course being in God's presence made her feel better, not his. But if you don't know that it is easy to become prey.

[FoxyScholar]

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Timothy 5:8)

If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]. (same scripture, Amplified)

Yet per these scriptures, I am FULLY PERSUADED THAT PEOPLE. DO. WHAT. THEY. WANT. TO. DO. including this lady who married this man/so-called minister.

I wouldn't put any more energy into being concerned with this lady's marriage and it would even be better to avoid her vents, esp. if you're single.

And as far as her husband being a minister and the weight that people want to put on people who CLAIM to be in ministry versus coming to such conclusions BY THEIR ACTIONS, I kindly refer to the scripture posted at the top of this post.

[trenise]

:thankyou:

Don't we have enough problems with 'free loaders'? What kind of example is he presenting / teaching to those who are 'watching' him and his 'title'.


:kick: for him and his foolishness.

free loader, yeah that's the word I was looking for:perplexed

[trenise]

The Lord warned her before she married Him and she decided to marry him anyway. If she hasn't told already, she'll tell you eventually. He said, "I will not leave you ignorant". She rejected knowledge. Her DH is an idiot and God will deal with him. It could take days or decades but she's made her choice. The Lord will grant her peace in this situation if she repents and seeks His face.

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married:sad:

[trenise]

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."


"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (1 Timothy 5:8)

If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]. (same scripture, Amplified)


Thank you both. These were the very scriptures I was thinking of.

And to answer FoxyScholar, no I'm not single and it actually makes my dh very mad to see the way she is treated. He actually vents about it to me more than she does. But he also stays out of it by not saying anything about the situation to either of them or anybody else.

[Ms.Honey]

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married:sad:

Not really. The Word of the Lord is true and He is faithful to all. If He said it He meant it and did it. He told her personally and through others and He showed her things and she still rejected it. Now she's suffering and that's sad but she caused this sorrow not her DH. She was free not to marry but seemed to out of fear and desparation. Hopefully she will seek Him before making her next move and wait on the Lord. Otherwise a worse thing will come upon her. Tell her to fast and pray until she is 100% positive that she's heard from Jesus and after that pray some more and wait for the confirmation. It'll be sad if she divorces and this was a fixable situation.

[AnnDriena_]

I believe you must be very perceptive. He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment. But she was praying about it. She'd waited such a long time to get married:sad:

She didn't wait long enough. I'm 32 and STILL in now hurry. 32 year old MEN aren't and neither am I. But you best believe I will lay down a few REQUIREMENTS before we get married and employment is one of them.

[firecracker]

Men do what women allow and same goes for men with women. If she likes it I love it. She isn't the only woman taking care of a man. Minister or not. LOL

[kayte]

She'd waited such a long time to get married
and sadly that was her motivation.....instead of waiting on the Lord
I hurt for her... but also a little angry....she "bought and paid" for " this marriage..

He was having trouble with funding on his job prior to marriage and wasn't getting paid. He was reluctant then to seek other employment

He should have then..been reluctant to get married under those circumstances
and that remark at his wedding...:(

Really...he "told" her and told and told her
who he was..
why do we expect men to step up if that is not who they are
why would the marriage be any different...

I hope God turns it around for her..and for him
because HE can

As a minister....does he not have an honorarium or stipend or even a salary?

[trenise]

As a minister....does he not have an honorarium or stipend or even a salary?

No, I believe he does not at this church, seeing that he is not pastoring the church, but is a minister at the church under the pastor. I know it is different at some other churches and with some other denominations. Besides, some of her concern was how he is so talented and is always doing things for people and church for free.

[somethingdifferent]

He sounds emotionally abusive. If she is not careful, any confidence or self-esteem she had prior to him will dissolve (I saw this happen to my very own sister).

Keep her lifted in prayer and continue to be her good friend. I know this must be hard for you to watch.

[Shimmie]

No, I believe he does not at this church, seeing that he is not pastoring the church, but is a minister at the church under the pastor. I know it is different at some other churches and with some other denominations. Besides, some of her concern was how he is so talented and is always doing things for people and church for free.
This is what 'ticks' me off. Men and Women who put all of their enrgies 'as a front' in the Church, but at home, everyone suffers.

At Church they are known as Brotha and Sista 'Good So and So', who always show how helpful and supportive they are IN CHURCH, but don't you dare let their wives. husbands or children need them at home. The wife or husband and children get their heads snapped off just for needing a crust of bread.

I'm truly not trying to 'judge' this man. However if he is not working to take care of HIS WIFE first then he is wrong and it is not right. God would rather this man put his wife and home first and the Church last.

As for what he does in Church, God speaks it as clear as day, "...that it' is not of works which men should boast...."

This man's wife and home comes first, this God honors and commands.