If you have an extra prayer.

[lejardinier]

I am explaining my story as a warning to my sisters and to ask for any extra prayers that you may have. I have been married to my husband for 12 1/2 years. I thought that we had a good Christian marriage with the usual ups and downs. I have had many miscarriages and have been unable to carry to term and so today would have been the day that we sat down with an adoption lawyer to discuss adopting a child. We did not make that appointment.
My father became ill in March and I have been up and down the East Coast between his hospice and my apt. I tried to take care of him and continue to be there for my husband. During this time I noticed my husband becoming distant whenever I came home or he came to visit me. There were times when I came home and swore that he hadn't slept in our bed in the two weeks that I'd been gone. Another time I came down with a yeast infection that took two weeks to get rid of after having sex with him. I became fearful and suspicious because everything was adding up to - 'another woman'. I actually confronted him and he swore that he wasn't having an affair. Recently I found messages on his phone that had records of his communications with the woman that he was having an affair with. Receipts were found for $5,000 worth of furniture. Pictures of a dog were also found. I was right in my suspicions and begged him to get counseling with me with our minister or a counselor. He insisted that he was the problem and refused. He went to a therapist on his own. I thought that we were working towards a brighter day. It seemed that we were communicating on a greater spiritual level.
During my annual exam, a huge lump was found in my right breast. I was referred to Roswell Cancer Institute. During this time he still seemed to be the loving man that I thought I had married. 48 hours before Christmas - he turned to me in the morning and told me that he had to be alone and couldn't be with me anymore. He left with a bag of clothes and a stash of cash which I didn't realize at the time. It seems that he had set up another household with a woman that he worked with over two years ago and has been living with her while I left to take care of my Dad.
I was laid off from the TV show I have worked on and so my husband has been supporting us both for 1 year. During the strike they cut half of our staff.
I am in a state of shock and am not here to knock my husband but to ask you to think of me in your prayers. I have been suicidal since Tuesday and so two of my friends have kept me on phone watch so that I don't take my life. Please if you see or even think that your husband might be cheating on you - don't wait. Try to talk to him right away. I truly love my husband and have been receiving much prayer from my loved ones at my parish. But I thought I would just reach out to you all, my Christian sisters and beg you for your prayers as I didn't think that I could be more broken.

I have no money, no insurance for my operation, no marriage, no job; but I still have faith in God. Thank you in advance for your prayers

[CandiceC]

I'll be praying for you! :hug2: The Lord will turn things around for you.

[veggieBURGER]

:bighug: I will definitely be praying for you.

[JFemme]

Praying for you,:rosebud:

http://www.fireflii.com/blogpics/candle.gif

[**Tasha*Love**]

Your faith in God is all that you need to make it through the trials that you are facing. Suicide in not the answer even though this time in your life may seem dark, there are brighter days ahead.

Remember: When you are down to nothing, God is up to something! He hasn't forgotten or forsaken you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. :)

We are here for you and you can always PM me just to talk or vent. I mean that from the bottom of my heart! :rosebud:

[kayte]

praying for you love..
are you in NYC?
and working in TV....are you an artist?
may be able to make suggestion for resources

please if you feel anyway that you might hurt so bad
it's unbearable please ..go to an emergency room ..
let them know you need extra help

[raloftin]

Please know that suicide is not the answer.Believe me love, I feel your pain.I am blinded by tears after reading your post and want you to know that I went through a divorce similar in nature to your situation and it was hard. I became stronger in faith,spirit mind and body thorough that tribulation and I know you will too. Please trust me, God has a plan for you.This man that promised to honor you and cherish you through sickness and health till death did you part WAS NOT YOUR LIFE, he is only a chapter in it....Our father has a plan for you and you need to be strong to see that plan through. I don't know you but I love you, and God love's you. I can't explain to you how low I got during my trial but he will lift you up if you CALL upon him.Stay steadfast!!!


Please check into any state assistance you can, to see if some or all of your surgery can be covered.Believe me,this trial will not be easy, but I can guarantee you if you hold on to your faith, you will look back upon this one day and be able to testify....



I will keep you in my prayers along with the others on here and thank you for sharing your story with us.It made me forget about my small problems to focus on prayer for someone else that is going through something way bigger than I am. Please, Please be strong, it will get better.


Rai

[gn1g]

I am here for you, PM if you would like and I will share my phone number with you! Praise and WORSHIP will get you thru this. I recommend marvin sapp because it's not too slow to where it will depress you. God is close to them that are broken hearted. I also have several prayer lines that I can share with you and maybe some community outreach numbers.

Abide in His word, you shall live and not die!! Amen.

[**Tasha*Love**]

What a wonderful testimony of faith and deliverance! May God continue to bless you Raloftin. :)
Please know that suicide is not the answer.Believe me love, I feel your pain.I am blinded by tears after reading your post and want you to know that I went through a divorce similar in nature to your situation and it was hard. I became stronger in faith,spirit mind and body thorough that tribulation and I know you will too. Please trust me, God has a plan for you.This man that promised to honor you and cherish you through sickness and health till death did you part WAS NOT YOUR LIFE, he is only a chapter in it....Our father has a plan for you and you need to be strong to see that plan through. I don't know you but I love you, and God love's you. I can't explain to you how low I got during my trial but he will lift you up if you CALL upon him.Stay steadfast!!!


Please check into any state assistance you can, to see if some or all of your surgery can be covered.Believe me,this trial will not be easy, but I can guarantee you if you hold on to your faith, you will look back upon this one day and be able to testify....



I will keep you in my prayers along with the others on here and thank you for sharing your story with us.It made me forget about my small problems to focus on prayer for someone else that is going through something way bigger than I am. Please, Please be strong, it will get better.


Rai

[Highly Favored8]

I am praying for you and God will see you through.

[blqlady]

I am so sorry to hear that my sister. I am praying for you.

[Sashaa08]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. But Christ has promised that He has already overcome the world. I am praying for you. Please read some of the posts in this forum. The scriptures and testimonies that are listed here are encouraging. I even recite the scriptures aloud and I have definitely seen my situations changing in my favor.

[crlsweetie912]

:bighug:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! God is with you whether it be on a mountaintop or in a low valley! Your husband's insurance should still cover you since you are still married. Please know that God will NOT let you go through this alone. Please come back and talk to us even if it's to vent, cry, or WHATEVER! We are here for you.
And know this...

Deuteronomy 32:35:

35To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.

Your husband WILL NOT prosper for what he has done to you. I pray that he repents and asks the Lord for forgiveness, because his actions are the lowest of low.

[koko22]

I finally subscribed to this forum after years...just so I could tell you...
I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. God loves you and you are not alone. Please take care.

[Shimmie]

Dear Sweet Baby Girl.... Lejardinier

I am so sorry. :kiss:

As much as I am hurting for you, I am also all the more stronger. I've been where you are in my former marriage. I too, wanted to die. I wanted to 'escape' the pain and the uncertainty of what was ahead in my life.

But God...................... He sustained me. He sustained me and all of my being. He sustained my zero balance in both my finances and in my hopes for an answer and a brighter day. Instead of a brighter day, He gave me a brighter life, a whole life in which I can now rejoice and live forever.

Oh beloved daughter of God, beloved one of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, beloved one of God's heart and the very beat of the heart that Jesus poured His blood from. Beloved one and highly favored one, you are.

Despair not over what has been done; despair not any further. For this has not occurred to you out of flesh and blood. This is a direct attack upon you from satan, for it is his anger towards you for choosing God over him and to hinder your witness by stealing your joy.

But know this! And this I can say as a witness before all, and stand before all of heaven and hell dare not fear consequence.

"YOU HAVE NOT BEEN BEATEN"! No, my loved one, you have not been beaten nor will you ever be.

In this you are held high above the enemy's plan; and you are safely kept and upheld by God's loving hand. And it is God's demand, that you shall not be taken out, by satan's plan. The Holy Ghost is the greater one, who lives and abides within you. He is the same power who raised Jesus from the dead and who abides in you. He is the same strong and everlasting strength that will sustain you and remain in you from here and now and until all Eternity.

He is, the power which shall not only 'prove' God's word in you, but will continue to feed and overflow in you from within. Casting out all sin, not sin which is of you, but sin which satan tried to append upon your soul, your mind and your body... your wholeness as a child of God.

Little One, I'm telling you what I know to be true and you also know this too. God is not done! God is not finished! God is not out of connection with what you are going through.

For though you walk through the valley of the 'shadow' of death (thoughts of suicide), you will fear no evil, for God is with you. His rod and His staff shall comfort you. He has prepared a table for you in the presence of thine enemies. He has annointed your head with (fresh) oil; He has given you streams in the desert; He has given you a new beginning and this day, you shall see His salvation.

You shall see what has been there with and for you all along. And it shall be great; far beyond any greatness you have ever known or ever imagined. For what you have sown in love you are reaping in abundant proportion, the Love of God in return. And no one can steal this joy and it's blessings and God's provision away from you.

Le Jardinier, you have not lost; neither have you been defeated, nor will you be shamed or blamed. You reside within the courts of the Highest One and those who have sinned against you, shall not over rule.

For your husband I pray as well, for he will have no 'peace' until he gets right with God and does right by you. I pray this not with a heart of vengence, but simply from God's principles and the His word and for what I know to be true.

In Hosea, the word speaks clear; "Her lovers will reject her." Your husband will find no joy nor peace with this woman. His heart, his mind, his body, his soul, will reject her. You see, what he tried to 'front' in your marriage, he cannot be nor make loyal or true in this his sin. There is no loyalty in sin, only deep regret. And as King David poured out his heart in Psalm 51, so shall it be with your husband. He will find no peace, nor solace, nor escape with any woman other than you; for you are his wife whom he was promised to.

The issue/relationship with this other woman, 'consider it dead'. For that's what sin is.

Again, my heart is not in rebellion nor vengence, just God's undying love and His word.

I love you precious sister. You are under the Covenant of Jesus Christ and His shed blood. And there is no harm, nor danger nor sickness nor disease which can bring harm to you. You shall have blessings of the deep and blessings of the breast and of the womb. Again, this is God's word and His promise.

Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb: (Genesis 49:25)

Babygirl, no more thoughts of suicide :kiss: For God most surely has a plan for you and even more, He has a plan of Victory for you alone to see. Ask yourself Otherwise..........

Why died I not fromthe womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

Why? For God's plan for and with you must be fulfilled....

Live the fulfillment of your days; for only blessings are in store for you. As your name speaks 'garden', so has God planted you as such surrounded in love and beauty.

With all my heart.... :giveheart: and more, with all of God's.

Shimmie

[ClassicChic]

I will keep you in my prayers.

[Amour]

I sent a prayer up there for you!!!

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Continue to be strong and please know suicide is not the answer.

[socurlyqt]

im praying for you. God didnt take you here to leave you!! it will be ok..

[lejardinier]

To all of the woman who read my post:
Thank you for thinking of me. Your prayers are needed and appreciated. I never thought that I would experience such a low in my life. My Mom, who is retired has been reaching out to me daily. My landlord told me not to worry about my rent even if it takes months to get a job. I have been going to the church where I volunteer and eating with the nuns who live across the street. I think that I might have a job tip, but it won't happen for at least six weeks. But at least things are happening in a positive way. I thank you all again for keeping me in your hearts and shoring me up against this pain. Thank you again. God is good. I will never forget you.

[crlsweetie912]

To all of the woman who read my post:
Thank you for thinking of me. Your prayers are needed and appreciated. I never thought that I would experience such a low in my life. My Mom, who is retired has been reaching out to me daily. My landlord told me not to worry about my rent even if it takes months to get a job. I have been going to the church where I volunteer and eating with the nuns who live across the street. I think that I might have a job tip, but it won't happen for at least six weeks. But at least things are happening in a positive way. I thank you all again for keeping me in your hearts and shoring me up against this pain. Thank you again. God is good. I will never forget you.
I am so happy that you checked back in. I kept checking this thread worrying about whether or not you were ok. Please keep in touch and remember that we are here for you! I don't know what area you are in, but I am SURE that your sisters here would help with leads for jobs/etc, or anything that we may come across that could help. We are here for you!!!!! Be blessed.