WHAT IS REAL BEAUTY!?!

[Roselyn]

You know, I had a friend a last week who was in depression because she thought she was "unpretty". I asked her for the defenision of "pretty" ans she told me thin (Like Dimi Moore), lightskinned with long hair! I could believe my ears! Okay, so she wasn't a size 5 or 6, she isn't "lightskinned" and her hair isn't dragging the ground, but she IS very beautiful! I love her skin (it's like a light brown). I asked her why she would say such a thing and she told me that it was because she though guys would look at her more. She said that she's be able to get any guy she wants; that she'd never feel insecure about herself again.
But to tell the truth, we all get insecure sometimes; but I felt so bad that she was feeling this way... http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif She's a reallyy good friend of mine and I hate her sucked into something stupid as this. Honestly, I wanted to smack the heck out of her!
So now she's on this dangerous diet where she eats like a bird and now she's thinking of ordering these pills of the net--they claim to bleach your skin (Like michael jackson)! I'm warning her of how dangerous this is but she's mad at me because of something about my skin. She says that I wouldn't understand because my skin is lighter. So now we're not even talking! I REALLY don't understand what's going on, but I really miss my friend right now.
I did a little research on this matter and it seems as though there are many other girls like her all around the US, Africa, and even India! This really, REALLY angers me 'cause these 'bleaching' companies are really dangerous and they shevel in billions per year! To think that companies like this are allowed to exist! http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/swearing.gif DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS?!! DID ANYONE ELSE KNOW ABOUT SUCH A THING!??? PLEASE ANSWER MY POST! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT I HEARD YOUR OPINION!!! THANK YOU.

[Roselyn]

I really do not mean to affend anyone about the matter, but I'm just trying to understand what goes throught the mind of my friend and other women/girls who think like her...

[JFemme]

Healthy esteem is an inside job. Finding a guy or becoming a man magnet won't help for long. When you are empty( low-esteem/depressed) , you will attract the worst of the bunch. And that's not what she had in mind I'm sure. Keep hanging there and being a good friend to her ... http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[jainygirl]

wow, i hate that she feels that way...She should understand that no matter if people put you in the category of being "cute", "pretty" or "gorgeous" that guys have their own "picks and chooses" of what they like. Plus, and i HATE to sound like a mother but it's about more than looks if a guy really likes you and wants more of a relationship with you. I mean It doesnt really matter how pretty you look there is always gonna be someone that's prettier or smarter or smaller. It's about making the uniqueness of just being YOU draw people. Tell her not to feel down.

Youre being a good friend for wanting to help her. I know that my "friend"--i dropped her http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif-- used to attempt to put me down because she couldnt understand that although i wasnt a "textbook beauty" that guys always liked me and not the ughhh ones but the really cute ones with stuff going for them. So it's nice for her to have a friend that geniunely is concerned for her http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/kiss.gif I hope she feels better and try to keep her away from those dang pills http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/nono.gif it sounds like she has a very nice complexion so i hope she doesnt spoil it by taking those things; theyre unhealthy and could possibly mess up her pigmentation permanently. Keep being a good friend http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif -- jainygirl

[hotshot]

i feel, if you subsribe to beauty standards you will continue to be trapped by them.

[Nay]

I've read somewhere that there is a higher rate of suicide among people who have plastic surgery than people who do not.. What's my point? Sometimes even when you "fix" whatever it is about your looks that you don't like, you're ultimately still miserable.

Happiness, peace, love of one's self doesn't come from the outside. Real beauty is loving yourself exactly how God made you. It is not about looking for approval from other folks or having the perfect nose or a certain kind of hair.

Those are lessons that people, I think, kind of just have to come to realize on their own. In the meantime, your friend will just be wasting time being unhappy and not appreciating the beautiful creation that she already is http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[SweetJamaica]

I think that every one should have a fit looking body. Just a few years ago the average dress size for a woman was a size 8 and know it is a size 14! Skin color really dosn't matter nethier dose hair lenght but you hair dose have to look good pretty and healthy looking. And making sure you skin looks desent (not alot of pimples and blemishes). And also the way you carry yourself.

[Poohbear]

Roselyn,

I think your friend is going through what America has been brought up upon...

"The closer to white you are, the better."

This is an ideology that has been here ever since slavery. You were seen as inferior if you skin was darker. It still goes on today. I'm dark skinned myself and I feel like people tend to look at me that way. I took an African American history class in my fall 2003 semester in college and it was a very interesting class. I could go on and on about what I learned in the class.

But I think your friend is angry at the society's view about skincolor. She probably didnt mean to be mean when she said "you're lighter, you wouldnt understand". I'm sure lightskinned people have went through alot too but people that are darker REALLY go through a lot with their skin color.

When I was in middle and high school, people have made comments like "you're jet black" and I cant think of anything else. I couldnt believe it because I feel like Im not that dark and my skin is brown. Even people darker than me would say that. Also, I remember someone asking "why are guys attracted to lighter skinned women?" and a light-skinned guy said "they're more exotic and attractive". When comments like that are made, it makes you feel ugly and unattractive if you're not light skinned. I myself have looked for ways to lighten my skin but now Im appreciating my skin more. Plus I have a man that loves me and tells me how beautiful I am and I havent worried ever since.

If your friend doesnt have man, that could also be a reason she is feeling that way. I was single for a while and felt like no guys liked me because I was too dark. If you have any questions, feel free to comment or contact me. HTH! http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[Poohbear]

Also if you like to read, check out the book Cane River. It's a good historical black book! http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Poohbear]

ALSO...I want to answer your question about "What is real beauty?"

Real beauty is being happy with yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In today's society, people do things not because they like doing them but to impress others. Real beauty doesnt try to impress people because with real beauty, u know that whatever God thinks of you really matters. God sees everything that He made as beautiful and perfect (even after we have done wrong and after asking for forgiveness of our sins) for we are all made in His likeness. http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Roselyn]

very good advice and thank you. I try to keep religion close in everything I do... I think I'll call her up today. If there's something I can do to help her recover, It'd make me (And her) a whole lot happier, that's for sure. Thanx again.

[Roselyn]

Oh, yeah. I just wanted to comment on the fact that nobody is TRUELY accepted in the world. Doesn't matter if you're dark of light or in between. It's impossilble to make everyone like you... there will always be some one who doesn't accept you. For me, there's the fact that I'm mixed (Japanese and Black). Though African American's accept me as being black, Asians do not accept me as being one of them. In fact, there are many asians who look down to me because of the fact that I'm half black.
What I'm saying is: the best thing one can do is accept themselves and not care what anyone else thinks; because there will always be someone who wants to hate.

[SweetJamaica]

Physical beauty is Humanistic and I think God has nothing to do with that but Spritual beauty completely is a different thing. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Beauty is olny skin deep. You have to believe you are beautiful before you can be beautiful. I believe Beauty is Quality not Quantity (If that makes any sense) I dosn't matter what kind of skin, hair, body, whatever you have aslong as it is in good shape it is beautiful. But that is on the outside.

[phynestone]

Being true to yourself, confidence, treating your body well and being respectful of others constitutes real beauty in my opinion.

[SweetJamaica]

What I am saying is Light skin long hair, is as beautiful and darkskin short hair. Or even VS.

[Taliah]

beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
Roselyn said:
Oh, yeah. I just wanted to comment on the fact that nobody is TRUELY accepted in the world. Doesn't matter if you're dark of light or in between. It's impossilble to make everyone like you... there will always be some one who doesn't accept you. For me, there's the fact that I'm mixed (Japanese and Black). Though African American's accept me as being black, Asians do not accept me as being one of them. In fact, there are many asians who look down to me because of the fact that I'm half black.
What I'm saying is: the best thing one can do is accept themselves and not care what anyone else thinks; because there will always be someone who wants to hate.

[/ QUOTE ]

So true http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Enchantmt]

Sorry to hear about what is going on with your friend. Unfortunately when you are depressed you tend to isolate yourself and then your fears and worries just intensify and you can end up deeper in despair. Don't let her cut herself off from everyone, she needs to have a balanced perspective. Also it sounds like she is craving an intimate relationship and that since she doesnt have one she is picking herself apart and magnifying every flaw. The thing is, when you are unhappy with yourself others can see it, in the way you carry yourself, eye contact, posture--everything, and if she doesnt have the confidence that alone will turn some men off so it turns into a cycle of sorts. If she is receptive to it, you may want to purchase a book for her. A really good one that somewhat addresses these issues is Sapphires and Other Precious Jewels by Terri McFaddin. Here is the link and some Amazon links for some other books I recommend. Most of them are easy, inspiring reads:


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1578565995/102-0664447-8625729?v=glance

God Made me Beauty-Full: building Self Esteem in African American Women...Terri McFaddin

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1884743056/ref=pd_sim_books_2/102-0664447-8625729?v=glance&s=books

Only a Woman...Terri McFaddin

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1576737829/ref=pd_sim_books_1/102-0664447-8625729?v=glance&s=books

The Diva Principle...Michelle McKinney Hammond... Actually ANY book by Michelle...shes another Christian author and she deals alot with being a single woman and relationships...I highly recommend searching Amazon by author to get a complete listing, she's very inspiring...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0736911537/ref=pd_sim_books_3/102-0664447-8625729?v=glance&s=books

HTH...

[Roselyn]

I think it's normal to want a boyfriend at my age (18), yet there IS a lot more going on in the world besides boys. At this time and age, I personally thinks it's better to consinstrate on yourself--cause if you can't make yourself happy, it really isn't wise to depend on a boy (especially the young boys today) to do the job. I don't and have yet to have a boyfriend of my own, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I trust in God to chose for me. That way, I can't go wrong! I just wish that she could understand that for herself... But yes, I will look up the books and maybe find something that might help her during this time in depression. Thanx.