Can you love any Christian man (romantically) if you trust God enough?

[cocoberry10]

I just wanted to get you ladies thoughts on this. I was having a conversation with someone and she said "you know the problem with your generation?" And I said "no, what?" And she said "you all don't know HOW to love.":perplexed

She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly" and that she believes too many of us in this generation (I'm in my 20's, but she was referring to those under 40, so probably like 18-40) have all these "ideas" about "love" and that we need to just choose someone and let "God work out all the kinks"

I thought about this. What do you all think?

[prettyfaceANB]

She's not totally wrong or right.

Just because you are godly does not mean you have a preference for someone's personality. You can love someone and not like them very much. If you cant get along because you dont like them as a person but love them with true agape love, then a marriage will struggle because regardless of what anyone says you would want to be with someone you like just as much as you love. Also its not going to work with someone that you dont share similar aspirations with. If he wants to move to Scotland one day but you prefer to stay in the states, thats not going to work. If he prefers you to be a stay at home mom but you want to be a career mom, that will not work either. It doesnt mean your wrong and he's right, just mean you've different and thats quite already. God made us diverse for a reason.

She is right in that most young people and PEOPLE is GENERAL dont know how to love. People dont know what love is all about. I have done alot of research on true agape love and I was shocked and ashamed at how much I've failed the test. Here is a snippet of the research I have done based on 1 Corinthians 13.

So, what are the components of God Love?
• Love is Patient and Kind: Patience is the ability to endure, wait, and delay for long periods of time without becoming annoyed or upset. Patience requires an others-centered mentality. Self-centered individuals often lose their calm in the face of difficulty very quickly. Kindness involves sympathy for the suffering of others (including a desire to help) and generosity of time or resources.
• Love is NOT Jealous: Paul tells us that jealousy is not of the Holy Spirit and those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Being resentful, insecure, envious, suspicious and mistrusting without cause, are all ungodly attributes.
• Love is NOT Boastful (Arrogant): Matthew 5:5 says the meek or humble will inherit the earth. To be boastful refers to overemphasizing your possessions or accomplishments. Boastful people neglect to recognize that all things come from God. Boastful people also lack humbleness and modesty. To avoid wrongful boasting, always acknowledge and praise God for any accomplishment with a pure heart.
• Love is NOT Proud or Rude: When we display a stuck-up attitude as if we are better than others and are offensive and ill-mannered toward them, we are operating in our sinful nature. Prideful and rude people lack gentleness, or humbleness, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love DOES NOT Demand Its Own Way: Love is self-sacrificing and seeks to preserve others. Human love is self-centered and to be maintained, it requires a lot of time, attention, energy, and resources. God’s love is not so effort intensive. Demanding people lack self-assurance and patience, or long-suffering, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love is NOT Irritable: Irritable people are easily annoyed, extremely sensitive, and highly excitable to external conditions. Irritable people lack temperance, or self control, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love Keeps NO Record of Being Wronged: It is equally important to forgive others as well as FORGETTING the wrong that was done to you. I will speak to the importance of this in my later devotionals. Forgiving and forgetting go hand-in-hand. Regardless of what anyone says or does to offend you, the best and godly reaction is to forgive and stop thinking about it. Not doing so will block your fellowship with God.
• Love DOES NOT Rejoice about Injustice but Rejoices Whenever the Truth Wins Out: Love covers injustices. If someone has done you wrong, you do not talk about it to others unless for prayer or godly advice. When something good, right, and truthful happens, you celebrate and speak well of that occurrence.
• Love Never Gives Up: This goes back to patience. Just as God has not given up on you, you are not to give up on the good in others. You cannot force them to change however you can pray to God for change.
• Love Never Loses Faith: Love is decisive regardless of feelings. It makes a decision and believes firmly in that decision. Faithfulness is loyal, consistent, and trustworthy.
• Love is Always Hopeful: Love requires passion, vision, and positivity. Hopefulness in love is a confidence that something desirable and wanted will happen eventually.
• LOVE ENDURES THROUGH EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE: This is self-explanatory and much neglected. Entering into any commitment in love requires you to say I will always put up with this person no matter what they do that offends me. This is the most challenging part of the love walk. It is the essence of love; divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, decisive, and thoughtful. Never enter into any covenant or commitment if you do not believe you can uphold this principle.

[tmichelle]

Interesting question! Well granny is right I think to the degree that love is an action and not a feeling. Also, I think there should be a natural affinity toward a Christian just because you love and appreciate the fact that he loves and appreciates Christ.

But practically... It would be hard for me to feel as deeply about some of the men in my church as I do my husband. While I should be able to love them as I mentioned before, the respect would be harder to implement because they are not as smart, funny etc. as my dh.

Also, women should still let God direct their marriages. Just becasue there is an eligible Christian does not mean that God wants you to marry him and fall in love. God could have somebody else in mind so you wouldn't want to foil those plans because you are taking it into your own hands.

[HeChangedMyName]

She seems to be on right track. If we love God unconditionally and allow him to show us how to love, then we will be able to love unconditionally. I am guilty of loving with conditions. Or rather "not loving", because I am so caught up in what I want rather than what God wants for me. I think we are all guilty to a certain extent of wanting our picture of love to come to us, and not taking into consideration that the kind of love that God has for us, may be something that we wouldn't even recognize. For example, We can't get caught up in
I can't love a man with kids
I can't love a man who makes only X amount of money
I can't love a man who's been married
I can't love a man who isn't this height
I can't love a man who doesn't look like A, B, or C

We limit ourselves. But then we turn around and blame God when we can't find what we're looking for in the limited range that we are looking. So, granny was probably right. We don't know how to love. We do know how to streamline our options though, which is obviously not always best.

[SEMO]

How can two walk together unless they agree? Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life. Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.

But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.

[mrsmeredith]

I agree sorta kinda. First ladies we should not be looking for anyone, the wife is to be sought. I think thats the problem with a lot of ladies they are looking for Mr. Right when that's not what we were called to do. I think so many times women miss "the one" by looking at superficial things and are continually led by your flesh(what it wants or perceives to be handsome). But all in all, yes she is on to something.

[kayte]

She basically proceeded to say that if you allowed God to move your heart enough, you could fall in love with anyone that was "Godly


I believe I have loved/love the men in my life....unconditionally with everything in me and they know it
It does not mean they are to be my life partner

the Bible says
guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life

and do not throw your pearls before swine so they may not turn and trample you

yes...love wholeheartedly.......accept him as he is w/out judgement

but be the proverbs 31 wife

that was a discerning woman...a business owner,homemaker,landowner,powerful woman with full support of her husband..that did not come by accident she was a praying woman and a smart cookie

not every man we love unconditionally is supposed to step into a permanent partnership and form our nuclear Christian family....just because both parties love God.....sometimes God's ways of 'working out the kinks' is to say No....NOT...this one..YES...I love you both... YES..you are both my children...but this is NOT the choice I have for you

if any one lacks knowledge...s/he can ask God who gives wisdom

[Farida]

I think you can love virtually anybody if you try hard enough.

It doesn't mean your habits, goals and personalities will be compatible enough to withstand the trials of marriage.

[cocoberry10]

Thanks ladies. Your answers are on point:yep:

[cocoberry10]

EXCELLENT ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!:yep:

She's not totally wrong or right.

Just because you are godly does not mean you have a preference for someone's personality. You can love someone and not like them very much. If you cant get along because you dont like them as a person but love them with true agape love, then a marriage will struggle because regardless of what anyone says you would want to be with someone you like just as much as you love. Also its not going to work with someone that you dont share similar aspirations with. If he wants to move to Scotland one day but you prefer to stay in the states, thats not going to work. If he prefers you to be a stay at home mom but you want to be a career mom, that will not work either. It doesnt mean your wrong and he's right, just mean you've different and thats quite already. God made us diverse for a reason.

She is right in that most young people and PEOPLE is GENERAL dont know how to love. People dont know what love is all about. I have done alot of research on true agape love and I was shocked and ashamed at how much I've failed the test. Here is a snippet of the research I have done based on 1 Corinthians 13.

So, what are the components of God Love?
• Love is Patient and Kind: Patience is the ability to endure, wait, and delay for long periods of time without becoming annoyed or upset. Patience requires an others-centered mentality. Self-centered individuals often lose their calm in the face of difficulty very quickly. Kindness involves sympathy for the suffering of others (including a desire to help) and generosity of time or resources.
• Love is NOT Jealous: Paul tells us that jealousy is not of the Holy Spirit and those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Being resentful, insecure, envious, suspicious and mistrusting without cause, are all ungodly attributes.
• Love is NOT Boastful (Arrogant): Matthew 5:5 says the meek or humble will inherit the earth. To be boastful refers to overemphasizing your possessions or accomplishments. Boastful people neglect to recognize that all things come from God. Boastful people also lack humbleness and modesty. To avoid wrongful boasting, always acknowledge and praise God for any accomplishment with a pure heart.
• Love is NOT Proud or Rude: When we display a stuck-up attitude as if we are better than others and are offensive and ill-mannered toward them, we are operating in our sinful nature. Prideful and rude people lack gentleness, or humbleness, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love DOES NOT Demand Its Own Way: Love is self-sacrificing and seeks to preserve others. Human love is self-centered and to be maintained, it requires a lot of time, attention, energy, and resources. God’s love is not so effort intensive. Demanding people lack self-assurance and patience, or long-suffering, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love is NOT Irritable: Irritable people are easily annoyed, extremely sensitive, and highly excitable to external conditions. Irritable people lack temperance, or self control, which is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Love Keeps NO Record of Being Wronged: It is equally important to forgive others as well as FORGETTING the wrong that was done to you. I will speak to the importance of this in my later devotionals. Forgiving and forgetting go hand-in-hand. Regardless of what anyone says or does to offend you, the best and godly reaction is to forgive and stop thinking about it. Not doing so will block your fellowship with God.
• Love DOES NOT Rejoice about Injustice but Rejoices Whenever the Truth Wins Out: Love covers injustices. If someone has done you wrong, you do not talk about it to others unless for prayer or godly advice. When something good, right, and truthful happens, you celebrate and speak well of that occurrence.
• Love Never Gives Up: This goes back to patience. Just as God has not given up on you, you are not to give up on the good in others. You cannot force them to change however you can pray to God for change.
• Love Never Loses Faith: Love is decisive regardless of feelings. It makes a decision and believes firmly in that decision. Faithfulness is loyal, consistent, and trustworthy.
• Love is Always Hopeful: Love requires passion, vision, and positivity. Hopefulness in love is a confidence that something desirable and wanted will happen eventually.
• LOVE ENDURES THROUGH EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE: This is self-explanatory and much neglected. Entering into any commitment in love requires you to say I will always put up with this person no matter what they do that offends me. This is the most challenging part of the love walk. It is the essence of love; divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, decisive, and thoughtful. Never enter into any covenant or commitment if you do not believe you can uphold this principle.

[cocoberry10]

I completely agree with you. But something in my heart does feel like compatibility does come into play. It's like, God did give us senses and personal taste, I've truly come to believe this. For example, I love brussel sprouts, but you may hate them. And I think that this can also apply to relationships. I agree with you that having all kinds of stipulations sometimes can "block your blessings," but at the same time, I would hate for someone to be married to someone and the whole time thinking "I could have done soooooooooooo much better":yep:
She seems to be on right track. If we love God unconditionally and allow him to show us how to love, then we will be able to love unconditionally. I am guilty of loving with conditions. Or rather "not loving", because I am so caught up in what I want rather than what God wants for me. I think we are all guilty to a certain extent of wanting our picture of love to come to us, and not taking into consideration that the kind of love that God has for us, may be something that we wouldn't even recognize. For example, We can't get caught up in
I can't love a man with kids
I can't love a man who makes only X amount of money
I can't love a man who's been married
I can't love a man who isn't this height
I can't love a man who doesn't look like A, B, or C

We limit ourselves. But then we turn around and blame God when we can't find what we're looking for in the limited range that we are looking. So, granny was probably right. We don't know how to love. We do know how to streamline our options though, which is obviously not always best.

[cocoberry10]

I love this answer:yep:
Interesting question! Well granny is right I think to the degree that love is an action and not a feeling. Also, I think there should be a natural affinity toward a Christian just because you love and appreciate the fact that he loves and appreciates Christ.

But practically... It would be hard for me to feel as deeply about some of the men in my church as I do my husband. While I should be able to love them as I mentioned before, the respect would be harder to implement because they are not as smart, funny etc. as my dh.

Also, women should still let God direct their marriages. Just becasue there is an eligible Christian does not mean that God wants you to marry him and fall in love. God could have somebody else in mind so you wouldn't want to foil those plans because you are taking it into your own hands.

[cocoberry10]

How can two walk together unless they agree? Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life. Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.

But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.

I agree with you!

[cocoberry10]

I agree sorta kinda. First ladies we should not be looking for anyone, the wife is to be sought. I think thats the problem with a lot of ladies they are looking for Mr. Right when that's not what we were called to do. I think so many times women miss "the one" by looking at superficial things and are continually led by your flesh(what it wants or perceives to be handsome). But all in all, yes she is on to something.

I agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cocoberry10]

I agree with you!
I believe I have loved/love the men in my life....unconditionally with everything in me and they know it
It does not mean they are to be my life partner

the Bible says
guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life

and do not throw your pearls before swine so they may not turn and trample you

yes...love wholeheartedly.......accept him as he is w/out judgement

but be the proverbs 31 wife

that was a discerning woman...a business owner,homemaker,landowner,powerful woman with full support of her husband..that did not come by accident she was a praying woman and a smart cookie

not every man we love unconditionally is supposed to step into a permanent partnership and form our nuclear Christian family....just because both parties love God.....sometimes God's ways of 'working out the kinks' is to say No....NOT...this one..YES...I love you both... YES..you are both my children...but this is NOT the choice I have for you

if any one lacks knowledge...s/he can ask God who gives wisdom

[cocoberry10]

I think you can love virtually anybody if you try hard enough.

It doesn't mean your habits, goals and personalities will be compatible enough to withstand the trials of marriage.

I agree with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dodie]

I have a question:

Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all. :ohwell: Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.

[cocoberry10]

I have a question:

Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all. :ohwell: Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.

This is a good question, and I'm kind of in the same situation right now (although I'm not sure it's meant to be anything more than friendship).

Maybe over time you will grow attracted to him????

If someone can answer, I would love their thoughts too!:yep:

[shortdub78]

How can two walk together unless they agree? Just because two people are both Christians does not mean they are necessarily walking on the same path in regards to God's plan for their life. Of course being a Christian is the basic prerequisite, but I think there is more to it than that.

But in a way, I understand what she was trying to get at.

you said it all for me.

[tmichelle]

I have a question:

Where does attraction come to play in all this? I'm asking because there is a man that's in my life right. Although, we are compatible, I am NOT attracted to him at all. :ohwell: Would God put someone in my life that I am supposed to be with KNOWING that I'm not attracted to them? I just want to know if I'm being superficial or not.

Unless you feel like you can recite the "Beloved" portion of Song of Solomon without gagging or laughing, perhaps you should look elsewhere. God did make us to be attracted and attractive to our mates.