Looking for Love...

[Aviah]

Hey Ladies, I am new to the boards, but have been lurking on this forum for quite a while.
Its a really long story really, but to shorten it over the past year or so God has shown me that my constant mental involvement with guys is very much linked to the fact that I had no present father, among other things.
Now I have decided that since before all of this coming to light I would lay off dating and develop myself in God, but still my mind is very much into them. I have spoken to someone recently who I know from my church who seems interested in me, and my first reaction was that I wasn't interested. I just saw him as a big brother, mind you ladies he is six-seven years older than me and I'm only 19 (Honey please :lachen:) but I got speaking to him and decided to meet up after work one day and he took me out to eat. Now for me this is usually a HUGE no-no, but I guess I tried to just go with somthing for once instead of being so.... reserved.
Interesting conversation and all that,but what struck me is he has a very interesting mind, in a good way.
The realist/pessimist in me wants to just leave it all alone and just work on myself, and the once dogmatic-minded me that was always strong in ripping me away from these situations seems to be asleep :perplexed. I really think this is going to end badly/dissapointingly at the least.
But mind you I am not new to the rules of the dating thing, or what requirements there should be at the very least in a good husband
(eventually).
Any advice? Pray for me y'all :rolleyes:

[Aviah]

Bumping....

[Aviah]

Anyone?:ohwell:

[star]

I think you should not look to date as you already stated you want to get closer to God. Relationships are very demanding it seems that you most important desire is to get closer to God. If the young man wants to be friends that would be fine but just be honest with yourself if you are able to handle that. Once emotions come in it then is very hard to pull away. I would strongly encourage you to get closer to God right now and put the dating on the back burner. God has some one great for you but he wants us to be initmate with Him first. And, this friend could be a good person and possibly the one but the timing is not good. Be honest with him and let him know you do not want to seriously date because of you walk with God. If he is spiritual he will understand. Thanks for sharing and don't worry God will give you desire of your heart in due season.

[MissNatural]

Hey Ladies, I am new to the boards, but have been lurking on this forum for quite a while.
Its a really long story really, but to shorten it over the past year or so God has shown me that my constant mental involvement with guys is very much linked to the fact that I had no present father, among other things.
Now I have decided that since before all of this coming to light I would lay off dating and develop myself in God, but still my mind is very much into them. I have spoken to someone recently who I know from my church who seems interested in me, and my first reaction was that I wasn't interested. I just saw him as a big brother, mind you ladies he is six-seven years older than me and I'm only 19 (Honey please :lachen:) but I got speaking to him and decided to meet up after work one day and he took me out to eat. Now for me this is usually a HUGE no-no, but I guess I tried to just go with somthing for once instead of being so.... reserved.
Interesting conversation and all that,but what struck me is he has a very interesting mind, in a good way.
The realist/pessimist in me wants to just leave it all alone and just work on myself, and the once dogmatic-minded me that was always strong in ripping me away from these situations seems to be asleep :perplexed. I really think this is going to end badly/dissapointingly at the least.
But mind you I am not new to the rules of the dating thing, or what requirements there should be at the very least in a good husband
(eventually).
Any advice? Pray for me y'all :rolleyes:

If you believe the Lord will answer your prayers as to what to do, then ask Him and WAIT for His answer. In the mean time, here's a good article about dating. Let me know what you think:

http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11571157/

[AmyInAtl]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=220469&highlight=realities+marriage

Hi and welcome.
Above is a link, that may help.
Blessings.

[Aviah]

If you believe the Lord will answer your prayers as to what to do, then ask Him and WAIT for His answer. In the mean time, here's a good article about dating. Let me know what you think:

http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11571157/

Thanks so far ladies! I think its a very good article that I have seen before, but definately needed to see again. I personally do not feel God chooses a particular person for us. Also, I don't think God has told me not to get into a relationship explicitly, I just know its not best in this state. It gets hard and I get weak sometimes! Maybe I need some deliverance?...

[Aviah]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=220469&highlight=realities+marriage

Hi and welcome.
Above is a link, that may help.
Blessings.

Thank you. I was just looking at that earlier today...

[klb120475]

Aww a newbie! Welcome sweetie!:kiss:

Aviah do me a favor and remind me to come back to your thread. My mind is a bit cloudy right now so I can't contribute the way I want to.:spinning: So if I haven't posted a reply after awhile just send me a reminder pm.:yep:

[fuchsiastar]

Welcome Aviah! :wave: I encourage you to build your base of friendships with young men and womn, but not allowing it to be emotionally intimate if you fear becoming attached due to your lack of a father figure. If it helps, do things in a group setting. Spend your time focusing on the goodness in life and building a relationship with God. Everything will come to you in due time, and that includes a mate who will inspire and encourage you in life. Our creator wouldn't have it any other way :yep:

[klb120475]

Hey Ladies, I am new to the boards, but have been lurking on this forum for quite a while.
Its a really long story really, but to shorten it over the past year or so God has shown me that my constant mental involvement with guys is very much linked to the fact that I had no present father, among other things.
Now I have decided that since before all of this coming to light I would lay off dating and develop myself in God, but still my mind is very much into them. I have spoken to someone recently who I know from my church who seems interested in me, and my first reaction was that I wasn't interested. I just saw him as a big brother, mind you ladies he is six-seven yearsolder than me and I'm only 19 (Honey please :lachen:) but I got speaking to him and decided to meet up after work one day and he took me out to eat. Now for me this is usually a HUGE no-no, but I guess I tried to just go with somthing for once instead of being so.... reserved.
Interesting conversation and all that,but what struck me is he has a very interesting mind, in a good way.
The realist/pessimist in me wants to just leave it all alone and just work on myself, and the once dogmatic-minded me that was always strong in ripping me away from these situations seems to be asleep :perplexed. I really think this is going to end badly/dissapointingly at the least.
But mind you I am not new to the rules of the dating thing, or what requirements there should be at the very least in a good husband
(eventually).
Any advice? Pray for me y'all :rolleyes:

Ok, let's address the bolded. I feel you on why not having a dad in your life could drive you to men. It's hard to know what a healthy relationship is suppose to be like when you don't have father figure to guide you.

I went thru a similar stage in my life...as a matter of fact I was bout your age. I had a step-dad growing up but he was sorry (molested me for years). So in my mind I've never had a real dad.:sad: But I kept yearning to be luved my men. If I was talking to one dude and he didn't fall in luv with me fast enuff I would move on to da next one. I was sexually active giving my body to men who didn't give a flying hoot bout me.

As far as you laying off dating....wake up that dogmatic mind of yours to help you focus on yourself. Spend sometime with yourself and allow our Daddy to help mold you. Try fasting from dating for a certain period of time or till you get your release. :yep:Now this won't be easy.....believe me....I know! But here's the thing if you're already sensing that it's gonna end badly why do it..ya know? HTH....:kiss:

[Aviah]

I hear you KLB... Really sorry to hear about what happened to you. And I haven't been dating (unless that event counts as a date).
I too sometimes feel the need to be loved by men, but hey guess its not on the cards for now...
To be honest I guess I was hoping I got that bad feeling mixed up with the pessimist in me and that someone would tell me what I wanted to hear :look:
Back to the drawing board... Thanks Ladies!

[klb120475]

I hear you KLB... Really sorry to hear about what happened to you. And I haven't been dating (unless that event counts as a date).
I too sometimes feel the need to be loved by men, but hey guess its not on the cards for now...
To be honest I guess I was hoping I got that bad feeling mixed up with the pessimist in me and that someone would tell me what I wanted to hear :look:
Back to the drawing board... Thanks Ladies!

And exactly what did ya wanna hear?:rolleyes:

No need to be sorry. I've accepted my past..don't approve of it but I've come to accept it.

It's a wonderful feeling to learn to love yourself. That need to be loved by men will eventually fade. :kiss:

[Aviah]

And exactly what did ya wanna hear?:rolleyes:

No need to be sorry. I've accepted my past..don't approve of it but I've come to accept it.

It's a wonderful feeling to learn to love yourself. That need to be loved by men will eventually fade. :kiss:

Ummmm something along the lines of "Girl you should go for it, you're being too pessimistic/pray about itetc etc" lol :rolleyes:
No matter, Thank all you ladis who replied. Needed to hear the truth from objective people!
God Bless!

[klb120475]

Ummmm something along the lines of "Girl you should go for it, you're being too pessimistic/pray about itetc etc" lol :rolleyes:
No matter, Thank all you ladis who replied. Needed to hear the truth from objective people!
God Bless!

HA! None of dat from me! I likes to keep it real.:lachen::lachen::lachen:

[shortdub78]

I'm going to try to make this short as possible.
I went through that when I was single. I had a string of bad relationships and other things going wrong that I couldn't do nothing but submit to God's calling. Messed up thing is that I was doing really good for months until I got bored and lonely. I went out on a date with someone that was a big no-no.(that was nothing but temptation) I ended up falling off and struggling with trying to get back on track. I believe what happened was that I was too busy looking for love and happiness in man and other things, instead of realizing it in the Lord. God had to show me that I needed to depend on Him and not others and that building a relationship with Him would never be dissappointing. I don't think I filled myself up with enough of positive things and people in my life to help me with my walk, so I ended up becoming distracted. That person that I ended up going on that date with was nothing but trouble and treated me like crap for a long time. He was very distructive, like on a mission from the devil to knock me off of my focus. He didn't add anything to my life but a waste of my time. Be careful and trust in the Lord and let Him and the Word be your guide. I'm working on that myself!

[shortdub78]

about the father thing:
I remember one time asking my father, why don't we talk, like have a normal conversation.
He started rambling on about whatever that didn't make sense. See when I needed my father to really be a part of my life and to be an example of how men should be, he was out doing his own thing and I lost a lot of respect for him. I try to get my dh to understand that since we have a little girl now. Having a father in a girl's life is really important. I think my dad could have saved me from a lot of pain and heartache if he would have just been there for me. I can't blame him for everything though.

[Aviah]

HA! None of dat from me! I likes to keep it real.:lachen::lachen::lachen:

:amen: :lachen:

[Aviah]

I'm going to try to make this short as possible.
I went through that when I was single. I had a string of bad relationships and other things going wrong that I couldn't do nothing but submit to God's calling. Messed up thing is that I was doing really good for months until I got bored and lonely. I went out on a date with someone that was a big no-no.(that was nothing but temptation) I ended up falling off and struggling with trying to get back on track. I believe what happened was that I was too busy looking for love and happiness in man and other things, instead of realizing it in the Lord. God had to show me that I needed to depend on Him and not others and that building a relationship with Him would never be dissappointing. I don't think I filled myself up with enough of positive things and people in my life to help me with my walk, so I ended up becoming distracted. That person that I ended up going on that date with was nothing but trouble and treated me like crap for a long time. He was very distructive, like on a mission from the devil to knock me off of my focus. He didn't add anything to my life but a waste of my time. Be careful and trust in the Lord and let Him and the Word be your guide. I'm working on that myself!

1st bolded: That's probably the same issue with me, I really think I need to do more to occupy my time
2nd bolded: That was my tip for a while, because I felt I had no close friends and didn't want to look at God as just a provider. I mean though I am GRATEFUL for all he has done for me, at times I felt like He would give me everything, but I couldn't feel His love, though I saw it and knew it.Wish God made house calls for hugs...:look:
3rd bolded: I've seen this too often with people I knew, and this is usually what keeps me straight ( along with too much pride at times:ohwell:)

As for the issue with your Dad how did you grow to feel His love?

[shortdub78]

1st bolded: That's probably the same issue with me, I really think I need to do more to occupy my time
2nd bolded: That was my tip for a while, because I felt I had no close friends and didn't want to look at God as just a provider. I mean though I am GRATEFUL for all he has done for me, at times I felt like He would give me everything, but I couldn't feel His love, though I saw it and knew it.Wish God made house calls for hugs...:look:
3rd bolded: I've seen this too often with people I knew, and this is usually what keeps me straight ( along with too much pride at times:ohwell:)

As for the issue with your Dad how did you grow to feel His love?

I came to the realization that my father was just a man and that he had a lot of shortcomings too. When I turned my life over to the Lord, I was able to see that and I forgave him and didn't stand in judgement against him. I felt peace and contentment in my heart. See God gave me a glimpse of how things would be if I would just completely turn it over to him, but I struggle with thinking I have to put in work to get back to that point or even go to another level. My father or any man for that matter can't fulfill that because they will dissappoint me every time. They are human and have flaws. Hey maybe this is something we can both try, when you feel lonely and like nobody cares or you just want to feel loved, go into a quiet room , light some candles, and play some praise and worship music. Sit very still and just allow the Spirit to come in. Open your hands to the Lord and sings praises softly. Do this until you feel a sense of peace inside of your mind and spirit. Try it and pm me to let me know if that works or come back in here. I will try this too. Love ya and God Bless!