Breakup Pains

[Sasha Fierce]

Hi Ladies,

I am 24 and have only had one relationship in my life that lasted for about 3 years from the time I was 20 til I was freshly 23. Well, it was a pretty bad relationship and many hurtful things happened to me throughout the entire 3 years we were together (Why didn't I leave sooner?). Anyway it has been 18 months since I have last spoken to him or seen him...From time to time he would send a facebook message or an e-mail, but I never responded and deleted him from my friends list.

My problem is that I still think about him in someway everyday. I never desire to be with him, but it's as if daily I remember something negative that he did to me. Most days it makes me feel bad only a few moments. Other days it can really get to me. I still have dreams about him. In these dreams he is being disrespectful or hurtful to me in some way. They are never positive. Last night I had a dream about him moving on. In the dream there was a facebook page of some girl where he spoke about finally finding true love with her after years of stupid relationships and I woke feeling sick. I think I grieve for those 3 years of my life that appear to have been spent in vain. Or maybe I am worried about him moving on. The vindictive part of me feels as if I should be the one to find love and happiness while he does not. (Yeah, I know that's wrong :p ). Anyway I would love to hear what you all think from any past experiences, Biblical perspective, or just advice you may have. Are there specific ways that Believers can get past this? Are there any good verses to draw on?

Thanks for listening :)

[Sasha Fierce]

BUMP (even though its not so far down on the list, lol)

Any comments are more than welcome :)

[pjrndon]

Read and commit to memory:

2 Cor 10:5 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

The enemy loves to use our minds as a battlefield. Joyce Meyers have a great book called Battlefield of the Mind that really set me free of wrong thinking.

You created a soul tie with your boyfriend that need to be broken. God can not erase the memory but He can neutralize the memory and fill the empty space with His grace and mercy. To understand more about soul ties (wrong agreements) go to libertysavard.com. Liberty Savard is a minister that has a very good revelation of soul ties. I pray that this bless you.

Breaking Soul Ties

I now loose, cut, and sever any and all soul-ties I have willingly or ignorantly entered into. I reject these soul-ties and every soulish satisfaction they have provided for me. I loose them, reject them, renouncing them and every wrong agreement I have ever come into that birthed those soul-ties in the first place.
I bind myself to the truth of your love, care, faithfulness, mercy, and grace. Your grace is sufficient for all my needs, hurts, and issues. I am choosing to bring my needs and vulnerabilities to you alone. I will no longer let fear overcome me when I feel defenseless and vulnerable. Instead, I will remember that this means I am in a place where my soul's walls and defense systems are down. I choose now to realign my thinking and confess that this is not a bad place to be. It is a good place to meet you-there on top of the fallen defenses and tumbled walls.
I will quickly call out to you to come as deep into my soul as you can, touching every dark spot with your grace and mercy. This vulnerability can surely be used as an open door to your grace, God, no matter how quickly my soul might try to reestablish its protective bars over it. I will not hesitate to run through this doorway towards you, for if I am not sure of what finally tumbled the defense systems I've been loosing, then I'm not sure how long they might stay down. There will come a time when they are completely gone, when my soul surrenders totally to you; but for now, I will continue to loose them until they can no longer be reactivated.
I've tried too long and too unsuccessfully to get my own soulish, human expectations fulfilled. Increase my awareness of the fallibility of my unsurrendered soul's expectations. Increase my awareness of old patterns of behavior I need to loose. Increase my awareness of the wrong thinking I need to loose and reject. Increase my awareness that I can trust you with everything I let you get close to. Help me to recognize every high thing I've allowed my soul to put up between me and you, and I WILL PULL THEM ALL DOWN.

[dreamer26]

Hi Ladies,

I am 24 and have only had one relationship in my life that lasted for about 3 years from the time I was 20 til I was freshly 23. Well, it was a pretty bad relationship and many hurtful things happened to me throughout the entire 3 years we were together (Why didn't I leave sooner?). Anyway it has been 18 months since I have last spoken to him or seen him...From time to time he would send a facebook message or an e-mail, but I never responded and deleted him from my friends list.

My problem is that I still think about him in someway everyday. I never desire to be with him, but it's as if daily I remember something negative that he did to me. Most days it makes me feel bad only a few moments. Other days it can really get to me. I still have dreams about him. In these dreams he is being disrespectful or hurtful to me in some way. They are never positive. Last night I had a dream about him moving on. In the dream there was a facebook page of some girl where he spoke about finally finding true love with her after years of stupid relationships and I woke feeling sick. I think I grieve for those 3 years of my life that appear to have been spent in vain. Or maybe I am worried about him moving on. The vindictive part of me feels as if I should be the one to find love and happiness while he does not. (Yeah, I know that's wrong :p ). Anyway I would love to hear what you all think from any past experiences, Biblical perspective, or just advice you may have. Are there specific ways that Believers can get past this? Are there any good verses to draw on?

Thanks for listening :)


Well unfortunately break ups are a part of life and being saved does not exempt us from this or hurt or pain.

The only thing I see that you're doing wrong is dwelling on it to the point where it's effecting you. 1st thing I think you need to do is forgive him for hurting you. (Easier said than done) Even if you have to call him and tell him. Then once you've forgiven him then you need to not dwell on it.

God asks us to forigive but we understands that we do not forget so we have to make a conscience effort to put it behind us.

When you feel those thoughts coming rebuke it and then tell youself (talk to yourself if you need to) I will not dwell on this today, This will not take over my thoughts. I deserve better, tell yourself whatever you need to and then replace that thought with thoughts of joy and sing a song or do something positive. I found out you can not praise God and be depressed or sad or worry at the same time. Find you some good gospel something that puts you in that shouting/praising mood. (Rain on Us) does it for me right now. After a while the devil is going to get tired of you praising God and he'll go away and try to find something else
to bother you with.

Another thing, get rid of any reminders, anything he gave you or anything that reminds you of him in your home remove it. Drastric times cause for drastic measures.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. You didn't fall in love over night so this might take a minute or two but continue to press forward and most of all learn from your mistakes so that this will not become a vicious cycle in your life.

Love ya

Be blessed.

[Sasha Fierce]

Thank you so much ladies :)

@ pjrndon..I will commit these verses to memory begining tonight. Those ties need to be broken for my healing. Thank you so much and that is a wonderful prayer.

@ dreamer26 thank you for your insight. And yes, I need to quit dwelling on it. It's just that the dreams take me by surprise as they come up at times when I dont have him on my concious mind. I do want to forgive him but I dont think I can presently handle any contact with him. Hopefully, God will allow be to be able to forgive him in his absence. I just downloaded some new gospel itunes "Let go, let God"...listening to that reminds me that even when I think that I have let go I have not fully and wholly surrendered. I have trashed all reminders of him...there are some sitting in the trash now which need to be taken out. And yes I am determined not to repeat the same mistakes. Even though it was only my first relationship, I want to make sure that any other relationships do not follow that negative pattern.

Thank you ladies so much. You have truly been a blessing to me today!

Well unfortunately break ups are a part of life and being saved does not exempt us from this or hurt or pain.

The only thing I see that you're doing wrong is dwelling on it to the point where it's effecting you. 1st thing I think you need to do is forgive him for hurting you. (Easier said than done) Even if you have to call him and tell him. Then once you've forgiven him then you need to not dwell on it.

God asks us to forigive but we understands that we do not forget so we have to make a conscience effort to put it behind us.

When you feel those thoughts coming rebuke it and then tell youself (talk to yourself if you need to) I will not dwell on this today, This will not take over my thoughts. I deserve better, tell yourself whatever you need to and then replace that thought with thoughts of joy and sing a song or do something positive. I found out you can not praise God and be depressed or sad or worry at the same time. Find you some good gospel something that puts you in that shouting/praising mood. (Rain on Us) does it for me right now. After a while the devil is going to get tired of you praising God and he'll go away and try to find something else
to bother you with.

Another thing, get rid of any reminders, anything he gave you or anything that reminds you of him in your home remove it. Drastric times cause for drastic measures.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. You didn't fall in love over night so this might take a minute or two but continue to press forward and most of all learn from your mistakes so that this will not become a vicious cycle in your life.

Love ya

Be blessed.

[EbonyEyes]

I agree with Dreamer26's advice about forgiving him. I'm currently going through healing from a really bad relationship. After getting angry with God for allowing me to get into this relationship after I asked Him repeatedly to stop me if it would hurt me, after saying to God that I wanted my ex to suffer just as much as I had, and after proclaiming that I was going to stop leading the praise team and quit the choir because I felt I was a terrible Christian, God led me to Lamentations 3. Though that chapter starts off with sorrow (I thought it was a joke that out of all places, I would open my Bible to this chapter), I got to one of my favorite verses: "They [God's mercies] are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness." - verse 23.

If God forgives me everyday, then I needed to forgive my ex for what he had done. In Joyce Meyer's "The Everyday Life Bible", she quotes that verse and says that we should not try to make people feel guilty or pay for their errors. God knew that I needed to read these words and after reading them, I immediately asked God for forgiveness for my "woe-is me/I want revenge" prayer and told them that I would try to forgive my ex, I would just need His help.

If you haven't read "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer, I highly recommend it.

You're going through a rough patch right now, but rejoice now because your deliverance is on its way!

God bless you and I look forward to reading your testimony!

[Sasha Fierce]

Thank you so much, Ebonyeyes!!! I am gonna get this book by Joyce Meyer...you are the second person to recommend it! I have a book now called managing the mind but it is more psychology based rather than spiritually based. Thank you so much for these encouraging words. I need to get past that revenge stage...I dont wish anything bad on him but I just feel as if I have to show him what he missed out on. But I need to get away from that attitude and ask God to help me forgive. I dont want anyone or anything to define me. Thank you again :)

P.S. Not sure if your name is Ebony, but mine if so..mine is too! (Except I drop the Y ad two E's and an accent, lol).

I agree with Dreamer26's advice about forgiving him. I'm currently going through healing from a really bad relationship. After getting angry with God for allowing me to get into this relationship after I asked Him repeatedly to stop me if it would hurt me, after saying to God that I wanted my ex to suffer just as much as I had, and after proclaiming that I was going to stop leading the praise team and quit the choir because I felt I was a terrible Christian, God led me to Lamentations 3. Though that chapter starts off with sorrow (I thought it was a joke that out of all places, I would open my Bible to this chapter), I got to one of my favorite verses: "They [God's mercies] are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness." - verse 23.

If God forgives me everyday, then I needed to forgive my ex for what he had done. In Joyce Meyer's "The Everyday Life Bible", she quotes that verse and says that we should not try to make people feel guilty or pay for their errors. God knew that I needed to read these words and after reading them, I immediately asked God for forgiveness for my "woe-is me/I want revenge" prayer and told them that I would try to forgive my ex, I would just need His help.

If you haven't read "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer, I highly recommend it.

You're going through a rough patch right now, but rejoice now because your deliverance is on its way!

God bless you and I look forward to reading your testimony!