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Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.

I'm done being a doormat...

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Posted 06-21-2009 at 12:37 PM by Soul♥Flower

When I wrote this it was 4:50am and I was wide awake after having a conversation with a "friend", and I must say...it didn't end well.

I've come to the realization that I'm guilty of being too available, supportive, accommodating, ect..to those that don't deserve it. People like me are a fire to those who take comfort in the chaos of victimhood, and like moths - they are drawn. When they arrive they find a person that says "It's ok" to every bit of bullsh*t they throw, and when they're done being themselves - they apologize with an excuse (because it's never their fault) and are then lulled by a familiar melody recognized as, "I understand". Then when we, with sincerity, reach deep within our own resources to help them out of the pit of their own creation, they resist; because they subconsciously take pleasure in remaining helpless, and being saved over and over again is their external validation of worth. It's their high, their addiction....and people like me are like the very first intravenous shot of heroin every time - euphoric, maybe even orgasmic. And if we ever grow a back-bone and speak up for ourselves, we've somehow devastatingly mauled their spirit with our new found "malevolence".

Then, there are those who depend on the constancy of our nature to excuse them of overtly irresponsible, disrespectful, exploitive behavior. These people aren't victims...they are predators, perpetrators, and opportunists. Luckily, these are the types I have been taught to unmask and avoid.

But I digress...

I say that I'm guilty because I am, and I can't really blame those who take advantage. I'm not saying availability, accommodation, and support are signs of weakness. But there is a thin line between caring generosity, and a doormat - of which I seemed to have crossed more than a few times.

Now that I am fortunate enough to acquire this new level of self-awareness, there will probably be some people that may no longer find it desirable to be around me, which is fine. They'll just have to find another doormat...this one is tired of being walked on.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Farida's Avatar
    Good For You!
    Posted 06-21-2009 at 01:53 PM by Farida Farida is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Dak's Avatar
    I think it comes down to being compassionate, not just for others, but also cultivating compassion for yourself, not putting yourself in a situation where you are going to feel abused. Balanced.


    I absolutely agree and that's a good way of putting it. Because I think that sometimes it goes both ways, victims love to be helped and the helpers love to feel needed. In these types of toxic relationships, it's not until the helpers develop compassion for themselves that their eyes are opened and they realize "Hey, what about me?". ~Soulflower
    Posted 06-21-2009 at 02:14 PM by Dak Dak is offline
    Updated 06-25-2009 at 02:43 PM by Soul♥Flower
  3. Old Comment
    I found myself in this situation some years back with my friend from college, which came to an abrupt halt when she was tapped by a car, hurting her wrist. My boyfriend left work to drive 30 miles each way to pick her up, gave her his set of my housekeys, she didn't say thank you, left the house with my keys, left her stuff in my house, asked me to please get off MY phone so she could call someone, and then waltzed in later on after having taken another of my friends out to dinner that night. I was like OH H*LL NO!! We barely spoke for almost 2 years, and to this day have a much different relationship. What I will and will not tolerate has considerably decreased, and honestly has made my life much calmer.
    Posted 06-21-2009 at 04:08 PM by Ronnieaj Ronnieaj is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Chicoro's Avatar
    Very well written, poetic and inspiring. Although the topic was difficult, you made this enjoyable to read. I was drawn in and hungrily read this post from beginning to end. Wow, that was extremely well said, well written and very insightful. Thank you for posting this.
    Posted 06-21-2009 at 04:15 PM by Chicoro Chicoro is online now
  5. Old Comment
    Wow that was deep can I use this sometime? WOW
    Posted 06-21-2009 at 08:24 PM by Almaz Almaz is offline
 


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