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lust for life

I'm trying ..

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by
lust for life
on 11-04-2009 at 11:35 PM (108 Views)
I've been with my SO for over a year & tonight he called me upset saying he had a dream that his mother died. He doesn't talk about his mother often, but I do know that she used to be/ is on drugs and is really poor. He said to me that he feels bad because when he was younger he used to be mean to her and she has bad memories about him. So I suggested that he visit her and set things right. & he definitely flipped saying that I don't understand and she's a hard person to be around etc. He mentioned that he didn't want to visit her because of the state that she is in and I told him how I have a homeless uncle who I visit. He then told me that I don't understand and it's different because it's his mother. He became frustrated and ended the phone call.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to relate to him and provide a listening ear, but he's so quick to shut me out. It's hard for me to relate to his family issues because I don't have problems with either of my parents and he barely speaks to his mother and father. I know he has lived a hard life but ... idk. I'm trying

Sorry in advance if this blog is hard to follow, I'm really upset

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  1. Neith - 11-04-2009 11:52 PM
    Neith's Avatar
    As a person who has a VERY strained relationship with her mother, I understand where he's coming from. (Not exactly the same situation, but trust me)

    Your mother (and father) is supposed to be care for you, nurture you and be a positive, supportive, driving force in your life.

    That is not going to happen ON ANY LEVEL when she's strung out on drugs

    He loves her, but he (probably JUSTIFIABLY) hates her at the same time. He has probably been through some horrible things - maybe that's why he doesn't talk about it.

    Of course you don't want to be around someone who physically/mentally/emotionally tortured you or neglected you for at least the first 18 years of your life. (I don't know his past, but I'm betting at least one of these things happened)

    At the end of the day, the mom would have to take responsibility for her actions and clean herself up if she wants a good relationship with him... but all too often parents will choose their unhealthy addictions over the people they are supposed to love the most.

    It's something that can drive SO deep and SO WOUNDING to your soul... you really don't understand unless it's your mom (or dad).

    Sometimes the best way to help is to take a step back and let him just get these feelings out. It's upsetting and confusing.

    I realize we may not be in the same situation, but that's just my initial response.

    Good luck and I hope things run smoother soon!
  2. GoddessMaker - 11-05-2009 12:46 AM
    GoddessMaker's Avatar
    I feel that maybe just pray and don't try to relate to him..men are so bull headed and don't understand that others feel them on their issues..i know the situation isnt nice but its not a really horrible situation..the past is the past..it hurts but if he wants to stop having those dreams he will have to try to heal those past hurts with his mother..
  3. ♥Lamaravilla♥ - 11-05-2009 06:07 AM
    ♥Lamaravilla♥'s Avatar
    He probably just wanted you to listen and comfort him, not find a solution to his problem.
  4. bumblb87 - 11-05-2009 07:06 AM
    bumblb87's Avatar
    ^^^ I agree with lamaravilla..... yr post remind me of how it usually goes when my SO tries to comfort me..... sometimes ppl just need a ear to vent, and arent really looking for the person they're venting to to offer a solution....

    When our conversations end this way after I calm down I have to remind myself that that is just my SOs way of trying to be comforting..... I hope yr SO can realize the same
  5. shenitab - 11-05-2009 10:00 AM
    shenitab's Avatar
    I agree with the other posts. Just listen to him and let him know that you care but DON'T offer any action advice unless he ASKS for it.