At this point in your Christian walk, would you date/marry someone who is unsaved?

[Crown]

Marriage means two becoming one and walking together in all areas (the most important : spiritual included), right?

The Christian husband is called to be spiritually the priest and prophet of his family, an image of Christ, right?

Amos 3:3 is the question to have an answer at your question :

Amos 3.3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

[Crown]

Forget to add :

I could accept the first steps of a courtship ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y77b9mUxpVA ) with a non Christian.
(who knows if it's not the way that God has planned for him?).

I would invite him in assembly and Bible studies.

But I would not engage and marry him till he is baptized and walking in the faith.
If you believe that I am THE one for you, then Christ is THE one for you, because I am sold to HIM.

I know a SDA who did this : they are now a lovely family.
I mean she had a debut of courtship with a non Christian - non SDA. But she married him as a SDA, baptized and involved in church.

[crwnandglory]

@crwnandglory (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=158554)
Just a little confused sis. Are you saying that its ok to marry an unsaved person because through your conduct you may help lead them to Christ?


Sorry for the confusion, I don't believe in missionary dating. I'm all for exposing men to Jesus but I'm not a fan of my sisters in Christ going out and dating men with the mission of converting him.

My whole point was that we should be careful of our words and actions. The bible tells us to not place a stumbling in our brother's/sister's way. Our words, actions, judgments can be those stumbling blocks. Not to be too critical but in this thread I read unsaved men being referred to as heathens, I read that they will cause us to sin, etc. I just thought to myself "were we not all born in need of salvation?" Surely we all know that receiving salvation does not immediately turn you into a righteous person. So we should be careful to not paint unsaved individuals as "bad" and saved individuals as "good." If we can speak so sternly about unsaved people on the internet, how do we act when we meet an unsaved man? I know women who frown their faces, argue with the man about their views or arrogantly quote a scripture to make it sound like he isn't good enough :nono:.

While it's great to stand on God's principles we should also remember that we were once unsaved...your future husbands will have at one point been unsaved so we should just make it a practice to "sprinkle salt" on our conversations, you never know who may turn salvation down because of the words or actions of another. You never know who is reading this thread and thinking "If this is how Christian women act then I'd rather not join the kingdom."


:yep:

[Chrissmiss]

I would never do this. If a man does not first love God then there is no way he could never love me like God intended. Why would I settle for less than what God has for me?

[lilanie]

Not if it is not God's will.

[gn1g]

No the bible says it is not good for man to be alone. Be equally yoked.

You are alone if you are not equally yoked. if he is going in any other direction other than the christian walk than you will eventually be miserable and frustrated cause Y?

The bible says how can two walk together except they agree.

[Babi]

What about this scenario?
When a man says that he is Christian, yet he does not understand my path to obey the scriptures and not fornicate or be celibate.
This post is right on the ball with the issues that I have been dealing with. I recently broke up with the guy I was dating because he feels resentment towards me because I chose to no longer fornicate. Ladies, I used to have sex during the first few months of the relationship. I felt that God understood that I loved this man and that we spoke of marriage and that I planned to marry. As you can see, I was battling the flesh and spirit, and the spirit was winning. Everything in my heart felt wrong. The holy spirit tugged at me and finally after a series of turmoil within and around me I prayed for the strength to begin anew and totally repent. I said I will no longer have sex. I will ask Gd for forgiveness, and I know in my heart that I want to do right with Christ.

Of course, I affected him, the boyfriend. He was perturbed. He said that I switched it up on him. I told him how before, although I used to reason with my heart and how I love him, that I have come to realize that regardless of our desire to marry and our love, we are still sinning according to the bible. I shared on how I want to repent and live totally in christ and that means sacrifice and wait till marriage. One would think, as a Christian man, I would have gotten support? NO WAY!!! He got real upset and said that the bible was written by man over thousands of years and that my choosing to abstain is selfish. He also says something similar to what one of the ladies said on here. " he believes in God and loves God and feels that everything he does, he does it in him ( GOD). He justifies lust because he says that he is making love to me and not lusting after random women in the streets. He says that he is right with "his" God and I am the one that decided to switch things up. He was so upset. even told me that I was a hypocrite for doing it then. All of these things hurt of course. All the more as to why we broke up.

I believe he is picking and choosing based on what is pleasurable as opposed to obeying what the word blatantly says. I tell him how I wish he was close enough to God, to be able to join me on this journey, but I he gets extremely angry in response and tells me that I am judging him and saying that he isn't close to God and that he cant stand the Christians that sit there and judge. I don't come close to judging the man at all! I am the least qualified to judge. He gets very defensive. We have been through so much arguments ever since I decided to better my walk with christ; hence why we are broken up.
Am I wrong for letting go of a "Christian" man that says that I am being selfish when I tell him that I want to repent, no longer fornicate and better my relationship with God. How do you ladies deal with celibacy? Do you find yourself compromising? Can I even salvage this relationship? Should I break this chain even though he seems to really care?

[Shimmie]

What about this scenario?
When a man says that he is Christian, yet he does not understand my path to obey the scriptures and not fornicate or be celibate.
This post is right on the ball with the issues that I have been dealing with. I recently broke up with the guy I was dating because he feels resentment towards me because I chose to no longer fornicate. Ladies, I used to have sex during the first few months of the relationship. I felt that God understood that I loved this man and that we spoke of marriage and that I planned to marry. As you can see, I was battling the flesh and spirit, and the spirit was winning. Everything in my heart felt wrong. The holy spirit tugged at me and finally after a series of turmoil within and around me I prayed for the strength to begin anew and totally repent. I said I will no longer have sex. I will ask Gd for forgiveness, and I know in my heart that I want to do right with Christ.

Of course, I affected him, the boyfriend. He was perturbed. He said that I switched it up on him. I told him how before, although I used to reason with my heart and how I love him, that I have come to realize that regardless of our desire to marry and our love, we are still sinning according to the bible. I shared on how I want to repent and live totally in christ and that means sacrifice and wait till marriage. One would think, as a Christian man, I would have gotten support? NO WAY!!! He got real upset and said that the bible was written by man over thousands of years and that my choosing to abstain is selfish. He also says something similar to what one of the ladies said on here. " he believes in God and loves God and feels that everything he does, he does it in him ( GOD). He justifies lust because he says that he is making love to me and not lusting after random women in the streets. He says that he is right with "his" God and I am the one that decided to switch things up. He was so upset. even told me that I was a hypocrite for doing it then. All of these things hurt of course. All the more as to why we broke up.

I believe he is picking and choosing based on what is pleasurable as opposed to obeying what the word blatantly says. I tell him how I wish he was close enough to God, to be able to join me on this journey, but I he gets extremely angry in response and tells me that I am judging him and saying that he isn't close to God and that he cant stand the Christians that sit there and judge. I don't come close to judging the man at all! I am the least qualified to judge. He gets very defensive. We have been through so much arguments ever since I decided to better my walk with christ; hence why we are broken up.
Am I wrong for letting go of a "Christian" man that says that I am being selfish when I tell him that I want to repent, no longer fornicate and better my relationship with God. How do you ladies deal with celibacy? Do you find yourself compromising? Can I even salvage this relationship? Should I break this chain even though he seems to really care?

Babi

:wave: :welcome3:

Every once in a while, God looks down from Heaven and His heart warms up 10,000 times more than the moment before...a soft smile comes across His face, He wipes a tear...a tear of joy, a tear of pride. Pride in one of His daughters.

Babi... it was you. It was you who made God smile. And for doing so, He has promised the following:


Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. (Mark 10:29-30)

Because of the intimacy that was shared between you and your friend, the anger is only natural from him. He loved having sex with you and to have it stopped doesn't sit well with him. He's having a tantrum as he did as a little boy when he wanted a 'cookie' before dinner and his mommy said no. :crybaby:

However, you deserve better. No wed, no bed, no contract, no contact.

Let God bring him to understanding and repentance. If he's meant to be your husband, God will tell both of you. In the meantime, don't give away your virtue as it may belong to someone other than him. You don't want to 're-gift' your virtue to your 'real husband'. Neither do you want your 'real' husband to be, re-gifting himself to you. You don't want him having sex with any woman other than you; you want him to save hisself for you. Whoever your 'real husband is, both of you deserve to have each other brand new.

Now simply enjoy making God your father smile. He's so pleased with you.

:bighug:

[LittleGoldenLamb]

What about this scenario?
When a man says that he is Christian, yet he does not understand my path to obey the scriptures and not fornicate or be celibate.
This post is right on the ball with the issues that I have been dealing with. I recently broke up with the guy I was dating because he feels resentment towards me because I chose to no longer fornicate. Ladies, I used to have sex during the first few months of the relationship. I felt that God understood that I loved this man and that we spoke of marriage and that I planned to marry. As you can see, I was battling the flesh and spirit, and the spirit was winning. Everything in my heart felt wrong. The holy spirit tugged at me and finally after a series of turmoil within and around me I prayed for the strength to begin anew and totally repent. I said I will no longer have sex. I will ask Gd for forgiveness, and I know in my heart that I want to do right with Christ.

Of course, I affected him, the boyfriend. He was perturbed. He said that I switched it up on him. I told him how before, although I used to reason with my heart and how I love him, that I have come to realize that regardless of our desire to marry and our love, we are still sinning according to the bible. I shared on how I want to repent and live totally in christ and that means sacrifice and wait till marriage. One would think, as a Christian man, I would have gotten support? NO WAY!!! He got real upset and said that the bible was written by man over thousands of years and that my choosing to abstain is selfish. He also says something similar to what one of the ladies said on here. " he believes in God and loves God and feels that everything he does, he does it in him ( GOD). He justifies lust because he says that he is making love to me and not lusting after random women in the streets. He says that he is right with "his" God and I am the one that decided to switch things up. He was so upset. even told me that I was a hypocrite for doing it then. All of these things hurt of course. All the more as to why we broke up.

I believe he is picking and choosing based on what is pleasurable as opposed to obeying what the word blatantly says. I tell him how I wish he was close enough to God, to be able to join me on this journey, but I he gets extremely angry in response and tells me that I am judging him and saying that he isn't close to God and that he cant stand the Christians that sit there and judge. I don't come close to judging the man at all! I am the least qualified to judge. He gets very defensive. We have been through so much arguments ever since I decided to better my walk with christ; hence why we are broken up.
Am I wrong for letting go of a "Christian" man that says that I am being selfish when I tell him that I want to repent, no longer fornicate and better my relationship with God. How do you ladies deal with celibacy? Do you find yourself compromising? Can I even salvage this relationship? Should I break this chain even though he seems to really care?

I ended my engagement four weeks ago because the man I was almost going to walk down the aisle with revealed some anger at the church and blasphemous beliefs that had yet to come to the surface.

He knew better than to try to tempt me out of my virginity, but he assumed he could dictate how I love and serve God and that he should come before God --post marriage.

Very unwise on his part, which he now knows.

I know it's difficult. I had wedding bells ringing and his family was chomping at the bit to make it happen...and to all of that, I had to say no for a god I can't see, touch, or hear.

It's not a small thing you are considering --but, it is a battle in your heart because you love the Lord. Don't shy from it and don't let the enemy try to use it to make you feel guilty.

I pray that the Lord gives you the peace, clarity, foresight, courage, and quiet strength to pursue Him --no matter what. Amen.

As for celibacy, I'm a 24 year old virgin (in all aspects :look:) and I want to say it is hard, can feel cruel, and difficult. Many people don't want to admit that and I think it's unfair for the unmarried to get this vague "it's only hard for you if you're bad or immature spiritually" sort of message because of the silence that is prevelant on this issue. It's not enough to say: STAY CELIBATE.

Like the issue of sex itself, the church needs to do a better job of aiding us in pursuing/navigating it.

Celibacy is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It is an act of COURAGE AND LOVE toward yourself.

I couldn't have walked away with such peace and not missed a beat from my former love if we had been "intimate".

I would have done it...but at great cost to my heart, schooling, family, and peace of mind.

It is WORTH IT and your desire to not fornicate is an act of LOVE for yourself. Don't let society, other "Christians" or the Enemy tell you anything to the contrary!

There's no one way for one to be celibate (we're all different with different "triggers"), but be sure to stay engaged --burn of extra energy with exercise, by challenged intellectually, steer clear of movies and music exposing sex or showing the "fruits" of it, do something that allows you to express all of your gifts for God to their fullest.

It won't erase that desire, but will better allow you to keep it in perspective and not let it overwhelm you --emotionally or physically.

You are blessed and loved by God, go forward in grace and courage!

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

@Babi (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=64993) and LittleGoldenLamb

Thank you both for your testimonies, I just want to remind you that God honours your sacrifice...

I pray that HE will give you both strength for this journey, and bless you both with men after HIS heart so that they can love you as HE loves the church...

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

veering just a little off topic....'dating' I'm not all together sure that I like that word for 'christian' use, dating sounds like what the world does...

I can't get it out of my mind that dating can mean seeing more than one person at the same time; as if you are 'trying' the man/woman out to see if he/she is the right one, and christians should not be doing that imo ....

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

now to answer the question;

No, the bible says that we should not be unequally yoked with a nonbeliever ...now this scripture may seem to some as 'over' used but it IS the word of God that we should standy by...

[Babi]

@ Shimmie
Thank you for such a warm welcome. That really made my day. I really do have strength in knowing that God approves.

LittleGoldenLamb and @ Iwanthealthyhair67 and Shimmie : your words are encouraging and I am so happy to have found this Christian Fellowship group. We cannot do it alone, and it is in fellowship and sisterhood that we can glorify God's name and continue to aide each other in understanding and obeying his word. I have been browsing LHCF for a long time now, but it isn't till just recently that I came across the Christian Fellowship group through my droid phone. I finally subscribed to LHCF because I wanted to engage in your wonderful Christian topics. Thanks ladies.

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Babi

I welcome you also...I see you were on lurk mode just like me:yep:

grace and peace to you...

@ Shimmie
Thank you for such a warm welcome. That really made my day. I really do have strength in knowing that God approves.

@LittleGoldenLamb (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=17373) and @ Iwanthealthyhair67 and Shimmie : your words are encouraging and I am so happy to have found this Christian Fellowship group. We cannot do it alone, and it is in fellowship and sisterhood that we can glorify God's name and continue to aide each other in understanding and obeying his word. I have been browsing LHCF for a long time now, but it isn't till just recently that I came across the Christian Fellowship group through my droid phone. I finally subscribed to LHCF because I wanted to engage in your wonderful Christian topics. Thanks ladies.

[Mis007]

I did have an unsaved husband needless to say it just wasn't meant to be, I don't think I could go through sitting at Sunday services in church, in tears, worrying about my husband's salvation all over again :nono:.

[LittleGoldenLamb]

@ Shimmie
Thank you for such a warm welcome. That really made my day. I really do have strength in knowing that God approves.

@LittleGoldenLamb (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=17373) and @ Iwanthealthyhair67 and Shimmie : your words are encouraging and I am so happy to have found this Christian Fellowship group. We cannot do it alone, and it is in fellowship and sisterhood that we can glorify God's name and continue to aide each other in understanding and obeying his word. I have been browsing LHCF for a long time now, but it isn't till just recently that I came across the Christian Fellowship group through my droid phone. I finally subscribed to LHCF because I wanted to engage in your wonderful Christian topics. Thanks ladies.

Anytime! We're not perfect, but a journey never feels as long as it should when you're walking with friends. :grin:

[Babi]

lol@ lurk mode!:yep: I sho nuff was!

veering just a little off topic....'dating' I'm not all together sure that I like that word for 'christian' use, dating sounds like what the world does...

I can't get it out of my mind that dating can mean seeing more than one person at the same time; as if you are 'trying' the man/woman out to see if he/she is the right one, and christians should not be doing that imo ....


I understand what you mean. I used to date like how the world does and that was a disaster as I mentioned before. I learned from it and know better now. We as Christians should date differently though, even though we call it the same. Its less hectic and more honorable to God if we first become friends with the man ( no physicality.. get to know him.. interview-like) then fiancee or courting, then marriage. right?But what other word can we use?

[MissNina]

veering just a little off topic....'dating' I'm not all together sure that I like that word for 'christian' use, dating sounds like what the world does...

can't get it out of my mind that dating can mean seeing more than one person at the same time; as if you are 'trying' the man/woman out to see if he/she is the right one, and christians should not be doing that imo ....

Iwanthealthyhair67 hi! Why dont you feel that Christians should not be doing that?

To answer the OQ, i couldnt date/marry someone unsaved by the Biblical definition. We each have our own set of "rules" or ideas of what fits being saved means outside of a Biblical concept, though.

[Shimmie]

lol@ lurk mode!:yep: I sho nuff was!




I understand what you mean. I used to date like how the world does and that was a disaster as I mentioned before. I learned from it and know better now. We as Christians should date differently though, even though we call it the same. Its less hectic and more honorable to God if we first become friends with the man ( no physicality.. get to know him.. interview-like) then fiancee or courting, then marriage. right?

But what other word can we use?

"Actively Discerning" ... :yep:

[Shimmie]

Babi

I welcome you also...I see you were on lurk mode just like me:yep:

grace and peace to you...

lol@ lurk mode!:yep: I sho nuff was!

Awwww... :circle:

Two new sisters in Jesus... :love5:

:welcome3:

Love and blessings to you both.