At this point in your Christian walk, would you date/marry someone who is unsaved?

[blazingthru]

I think that dating is so inappropriate and unnessary. We look at the world and we think we should date to get a spouse. I look back on my life and I regret all of it. Had I learned to make friends I would not have have so many regrets and I spent time talking to other woman. Its not that hard to find a mate. If your prayed up and your desire is to please God, he will send the right man to you in the right time. Its best to learn to be friends if you want to get to know someone invite them to church with you. have them stay for lunch or some social event at service. But don't look at them in any other way but friendship. I have learned that when your friends with people you are more yourself, your not as guarded if you like to sing you will sing or do whatever you would normally do and thereby you get to see a persons real out look on life, real opinion no one is trying to please anyone I have met several men at my church that I just enjoy being in their company and I love to see who they really are and what they are about since there is no hidden agenda everyone is theirself oh sure we all try to be nice but once you get to know a person you start little by little revealing truths about yourself with no hesitation. And they as well. I don't like the dating process, you go on a date, you dress really nice, get your hair done nails, all that, now some people do that on the regular and some do not. But we want to make a good impression. So we are going to do things we ordinarly do not do thats not good. But then you see oh good grief this person is not the one for me and you end up in the evening upset that you did all you did to go out with this person or worst you like them and they do not like you. Or they believe 50/50 and you got to pay although you dicuss everything somehow you never got around to money since he asked you out. NO thank you. Or he picks his teeth and complains about everything or talks about things to impress you but thats not who he really is. Its to much of a Fake game and to much time gets wasted. Now days christian or not, sex is expected. Now I have not dated since 1986 really and back then I wasn't pressured to have sex but my daughter says woman have sex on the first date. What!! without really knowing the person at all!! Yuck no thanks.
Any man I meet I hope he is willing to come and visit my church and stay for lunch and meet my friends and enjoy himself and come again. I won't give undivided attention but I would try to make him feel comfortable and see what he thinks and if he is willing to come again and keep it moving. If I ever date again it will be after the person that I have met has already completed bible studies and I know as a good friend first. This is my p's and q's. Plus he has to love me as I am, I wear no make up, I rarely put nail polish on, If I do I chip it off so why bothered. I am natual and love it. I sing out my car window all the time and wave my hands praising the lord anywhere any time. I sing while I am shopping in the mall, in the market. all these things annoyed my husband. I like pop music an since I listen to christian music I love the more mellow type of Christian music I love gospel too but most days I prefer mellow praising songs. I only clean up when I get an urge too and I use to be very very organized and perfunctory but no more. I'll get to it when I get to it so you see if I am going to date anyone he has to be serious about me from the door other then that I am not wasting my time anymore. I only like to cook when I like to cook and for the first time in my life its okay for me to be me. I would hate for anyone to disrupt that ever again. I pray this is not discouraging I am hoping this is though provoking. Christians should always be willing to do something then what the world is doing.

[Raspberry]

blazingthru - So are you saying you don't plan on ever compromising anything about your personality or lifestyle to accommodate another husband? That doesn't sound realistic but hey.. maybe it'll work out for you.

I think the term "dating" gets a bad rap in Christian circles because we define it very narrowly.

[StarScream35]

blazingthru

Very nice intimate post.

[Shimmie]

I think that dating is so inappropriate and unnessary. We look at the world and we think we should date to get a spouse. I look back on my life and I regret all of it. Had I learned to make friends I would not have have so many regrets and I spent time talking to other woman. Its not that hard to find a mate.

If your prayed up and your desire is to please God, he will send the right man to you in the right time.

Its best to learn to be friends if you want to get to know someone invite them to church with you. have them stay for lunch or some social event at service. But don't look at them in any other way but friendship.

I have learned that when your friends with people you are more yourself, your not as guarded if you like to sing you will sing or do whatever you would normally do and thereby you get to see a persons real out look on life, real opinion no one is trying to please anyone I have met several men at my church that I just enjoy being in their company and I love to see who they really are and what they are about since there is no hidden agenda everyone is theirself oh sure we all try to be nice but once you get to know a person you start little by little revealing truths about yourself with no hesitation. And they as well.

I don't like the dating process, you go on a date, you dress really nice, get your hair done nails, all that, now some people do that on the regular and some do not. But we want to make a good impression.

So we are going to do things we ordinarly do not do thats not good. But then you see oh good grief this person is not the one for me and you end up in the evening upset that you did all you did to go out with this person or worst you like them and they do not like you.

Or they believe 50/50 and you got to pay although you dicuss everything somehow you never got around to money since he asked you out. NO thank you. Or he picks his teeth and complains about everything or talks about things to impress you but thats not who he really is.

Its to much of a Fake game and to much time gets wasted. Now days christian or not, sex is expected. Now I have not dated since 1986 really and back then I wasn't pressured to have sex but my daughter says woman have sex on the first date. What!! without really knowing the person at all!! Yuck no thanks.

Any man I meet I hope he is willing to come and visit my church and stay for lunch and meet my friends and enjoy himself and come again. I won't give undivided attention but I would try to make him feel comfortable and see what he thinks and if he is willing to come again and keep it moving.

If I ever date again it will be after the person that I have met has already completed bible studies and I know as a good friend first. This is my p's and q's. Plus he has to love me as I am, I wear no make up, I rarely put nail polish on, If I do I chip it off so why bothered. I am natual and love it.

I sing out my car window all the time and wave my hands praising the lord anywhere any time. I sing while I am shopping in the mall, in the market. all these things annoyed my husband. I like pop music an since I listen to christian music I love the more mellow type of Christian music I love gospel too but most days I prefer mellow praising songs.

I only clean up when I get an urge too and I use to be very very organized and perfunctory but no more. I'll get to it when I get to it so you see if I am going to date anyone he has to be serious about me from the door other then that I am not wasting my time anymore. I only like to cook when I like to cook and for the first time in my life its okay for me to be me. I would hate for anyone to disrupt that ever again.

I pray this is not discouraging I am hoping this is though provoking. Christians should always be willing to do something then what the world is doing.

I get your point which is to be real from beginning to end. No games or fronts which will only be exposed sooner or later.

Blazing, I like your post because it's you, being you.. and you are indeed very special. :love5: Don't change for anyone but Jesus. If folks disagree, let it be. It's still you and that's all that matters. :Rose:

[mstrublvr]

Yes I would. I am not going to say no to an amazing person because of a label or temporary condition. You don't know what the future holds. As long as I keep myself right and do not compromise what I believe in Christ, why not? If everything else is on point, he respects my beliefs, and he treats me like the queen I am, heck yea...

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[Raspberry]

I get your point which is to be real from beginning to end. No games or fronts which will only be exposed sooner or later.

I agree with this..


Blazing, I like your post because it's you, being you.. and you are indeed very special. :love5: Don't change for anyone but Jesus. If folks disagree, let it be. It's still you and that's all that matters. :Rose:

Hmm.. but Biblically speaking, aren't women and men commanded to "submit" to each other..and isn't the very core of submission adapting oneself to your husband's needs? For me personally this is something I've had to come to terms with in my journey to become marriageable.. but not everyone has marriage as a priority and that's perfectly fine.

[fifi134]

Yes I would. I am not going to say no to an amazing person because of a label or temporary condition. You don't know what the future holds. As long as I keep myself right and do not compromise what I believe in Christ, why not? If everything else is on point, he respects my beliefs, and he treats me like the queen I am, heck yea...

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2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Wouldn't this compromise what you believe? It worries me that you feel "Christian" is just a label. It is a lifestyle. A man can have everything on point but if he is not saved, he is not the man for me.

[blazingthru]

@blazingthru (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=10022) - So are you saying you don't plan on ever compromising anything about your personality or lifestyle to accommodate another husband? That doesn't sound realistic but hey.. maybe it'll work out for you.

I think the term "dating" gets a bad rap in Christian circles because we define it very narrowly.

I would not want to have my future husband to be anything but what he is sure there are somethings we need to be more mindful of and when we love each other those things are no burden as long as it doesn't make you become something you are not. I was that person for years. My husband told me I could not sing and so I stopped. I didn't dance much because I thought I didn't dance well and he would get upset. There were so many things I had to change for my husband that I no longer knew who I was.

[blazingthru]

I agree with this..



Hmm.. but Biblically speaking, aren't women and men commanded to "submit" to each other..and isn't the very core of submission adapting oneself to your husband's needs? For me personally this is something I've had to come to terms with in my journey to become marriageable.. but not everyone has marriage as a priority and that's perfectly fine.

I think the world looks at the word Submit as a negative. Husband submit to theirs wives and wives submit to their husband. This is what I feel this means. it doesn't mean that you change the person that you are, hopefully if he is a man of God he has accepted you the way you are and not require you to change but if he likes his wife to only wear dresses and skirts that is submitting to his will. You submit to your husband will in terms of him being the head of the household which means if he says This is how things will be run and it doesn't intefer with the blessings that God has given you then fine. One of my husbands rule was that all garbage gets frozen. I thought that was strange and weird, but i did it. Later I realize that I never had a smelly trashbin. His second rule was that all peanut butter and jelly jars get wipe out so that when you pick it up you can see a clear line around the top. Now this annoyed me, but I got over it because I never had to deal with a sticky top and gross stuff on the top side. So I obeyed. He is also to submit, there are certain things I expect him to do as head of house and I tell him. I would love for you to make sure there is always eggs, butter, milk and bread in the house. These things do not affect the person that you are, they only make you a better spouse. etc., I Hope that make sense. I gave up the person who I was for my marriage and in the end I could not save my marriage. Because that kind of power destroys people. This is not God's desire for marriage. We are to love one another and submit to one another not just to one. its so miscontrued its like everyone knows that scripture but forget that we submit to one another. So what I am saying everyone that knows me know that about me already. It won't be this great surprise after the wedding. I love to cook when I want to cook. Everyone knows why I don't wear make up or rarely nail polish. I can be a great spouse and still be the person that God has designed me to be. I use to be a very quite person just observing but now I am very open about how I feel so much so that I am on so many ministries at service because people want to hear what I have to say. Everything that I have to say I pray is blessed by God and give him the glory. I would never want anyone to interfere and block my blessings ever again.

[loulou7]

My short answer is: You can do it, but I surely wouldn't recommend it.

[FlyyBohemian]

No. I've heard of women who did and they ended up in miserable marriages. I wouldn't want to risk my emotions getting involved.

[Shimmie]

I agree with this..



Hmm.. but Biblically speaking, aren't women and men commanded to "submit" to each other..and isn't the very core of submission adapting oneself to your husband's needs?

For me personally this is something I've had to come to terms with in my journey to become marriageable.. but not everyone has marriage as a priority and that's perfectly fine.

Blaz has a beautiful heart which is sold out to please God, and in that sense she is totally yielded to change what needs to be changed and to submit to where she is called to submit; which is why it's easy for me to agree with her post. Reading between the lines, I understand what she means. :yep:

I also understand your post as well and the two of you are actually saying the same thing; it's just worded differently. The two of you are women who love God and want to please Him and live in obedience to His Will. :yep:

You will both make beautiful wives to some very blessed husbands.

A happy marriage, simply flowing with the Holy Spirit with peace which will flow between you and your husband just as freely. :yep:

Marriage Blessings... to you.

[Shimmie]

I think the world looks at the word Submit as a negative. Husband submit to theirs wives and wives submit to their husband. This is what I feel this means. it doesn't mean that you change the person that you are, hopefully if he is a man of God he has accepted you the way you are and not require you to change but if he likes his wife to only wear dresses and skirts that is submitting to his will.

You submit to your husband will in terms of him being the head of the household which means if he says This is how things will be run and it doesn't intefer with the blessings that God has given you then fine. One of my husbands rule was that all garbage gets frozen. I thought that was strange and weird, but i did it. Later I realize that I never had a smelly trashbin.

His second rule was that all peanut butter and jelly jars get wipe out so that when you pick it up you can see a clear line around the top. Now this annoyed me, but I got over it because I never had to deal with a sticky top and gross stuff on the top side. So I obeyed. He is also to submit, there are certain things I expect him to do as head of house and I tell him. I would love for you to make sure there is always eggs, butter, milk and bread in the house.

These things do not affect the person that you are, they only make you a better spouse. etc., I Hope that make sense. I gave up the person who I was for my marriage and in the end I could not save my marriage. Because that kind of power destroys people. This is not God's desire for marriage. We are to love one another and submit to one another not just to one. its so miscontrued its like everyone knows that scripture but forget that we submit to one another.

So what I am saying everyone that knows me know that about me already. It won't be this great surprise after the wedding. I love to cook when I want to cook. Everyone knows why I don't wear make up or rarely nail polish. I can be a great spouse and still be the person that God has designed me to be.

I use to be a very quite person just observing but now I am very open about how I feel so much so that I am on so many ministries at service because people want to hear what I have to say.

Everything that I have to say I pray is blessed by God and give him the glory. I would never want anyone to interfere and block my blessings ever again.

Reading your post I thought about young Brides to Be and even older Brides to be, who need to know this and to not fear being themselves and to not fear a controlling husband... better yet, not tolerate a controlling husband.

[Nice & Wavy]

No:nono:...don't do it.

[mstrublvr]

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Wouldn't this compromise what you believe? It worries me that you feel "Christian" is just a label. It is a lifestyle. A man can have everything on point but if he is not saved, he is not the man for me.

Please don't worry about me. My walk is in progress and I have God to leading me. Christian is a label. I know folks who are kinder and do more good than so-called Christians. Eddie Long is a Christian too. Are you a real follower as Christ said it?? So you follow all the Laws of the Old Testament because He said he didn't come to dismiss them, but to fulfill them...so you a Christ-following Jew? Look, you never know when someone will accept Christ. You just got a headstart on some..doesn't make you better, just early. Give a good man who is open to Christ a chance. I wonder how many disciples Christ would've not had if he judged them for what they already were or labelled.

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[mstrublvr]

No. I've heard of women who did and they ended up in miserable marriages. I wouldn't want to risk my emotions getting involved.

There are Christian women who married Christian men and the same thing happened.

IMO the equalness needed is the same values, characteristics, core goodness, etc. Just because both are Christians and/or go to same church doesn't mean instant compatibility. I think being open to possibilities and being firm in your relationship with God is what is needed. I can see a lot of women on here passing up Aaron, Moses, Elijah, or Saul, pre-Paul, etc because technically they weren't Christians either. And poor David...yall wouldnt look 2x at him and he was the "apple of God's eye."

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[Love Always]

mstrublvr, I like what you had to say especially about being unevenly yoked. If you want to be real there are a lot of single women in the church that desre to be married and as the years go by they remain single for the simple fact that they will not entertain someone a man that isn't "saved". I don't really want to get deeper than that but I definitely see what you're saying :yep:. I also agree with the other ladies as well.

[mstrublvr]

mstrublvr, I like what you had to say especially about being unevenly yoked. If you want to be real there are a lot of single women in the church that desre to be married and as the years go by they remain single for the simple fact that they will not entertain someone a man that isn't "saved". I don't really want to get deeper than that but I definitely see what you're saying :yep:. I also agree with the other ladies as well.

Thanks, Love Always. I definitely understand what some of them are saying too. Who wants the work and headache...believe me I get it. Plus you are supposed to learn from examples and mistakes. I pray we all are blessed with amazing mates..and can post over in the marriage section soon LOL

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[Guitarhero]

We don't use that terminology but I understand what is meant by it. I think that at this point in my life, no. I would want someone who is not anti-my religion. It's just too hard a road to make a relationship work these days without having someone misunderstand your religious points of view and try sabotage you somehow.

[Guitarhero]

. If your prayed up and your desire is to please God, he will send the right man to you in the right time.

I don't think dating is inappropriate nor unnecessary, it's simply the way that people meet each other today. Few families use a matchmaker for their kids. But one thing that troubles me and is hard to get a grip on, whether to make a move or just wait. You know, they say wait on G-d but that at times, G-d is waiting for you to make a move. With spouses and whatnot, this is the single most complex issue for me to comprehend (know where I need to be given a certain situation).

No:nono:...don't do it.


I did...but well, I didn't think about G-d in those days anyway...but surely came back to Him. Yeah, don't do it...you will suffer greatly.