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brownsugarflyygirl
11-09-2006, 10:16 AM
I often ponder the scripture Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. I read it often and I think "that sounds good BUT HOW do I do that?" :confused: I have been asking that question of God for a couple months now and I believe that what I have written below begins to shed light on the practical application of that scripture. It also answers the question that I posed in my thread, "Dating Check-In" After I made the post yesterday, I wrote them for myself as guidlines for talking to this young man I just met but today I modified them so I could post it here. Hopefully it will help someone in a similar situation.

This is not about "dating" someone...the lines get blurred so quickly and easily...so I want to clarify this point upfront. The key is that this should be applied to a bonified neutral God-honoring friendship. This is what you can do if you are open and exploring the idea of a relationship or courtship with a person. This post assumes that you are dealing with a person who is spiritually equal....if they arent, then its a "no" from the door and 1-6 need not be applied :look: If they are, then this is about getting to know them, taking notes on their character, and letting God lead you.


6 Ways to Guard Your Heart While Exploring the



Possibility of a God-Honoring Romance:dinner:


Scripturally speaking….


1) Set limits for physical interaction. :naughty: Use the word of God to set your boundaries about physical interaction before you even meet anyone. That way you wont make a bad decision because your emotions or your hormones clouded your judgement. I decided that I don’t want to kiss my husband-to-be until the preacher says “You may now kiss the bride.” But that’s me…I strongly believe in “don’t start nothing, wont be nothing” and a too passionate kiss :kissing4: gets things started in my body….and that’s just real. ;) Set your limits…but remember “foreplay” is definitely not sexual purity…and can be considered sexual immorality…so be strict about your limits. Becoming physically involved is the quickest way to get your heart caught up with a man. Eph 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.
(Also read I Thes. 4:2-8, Romans 6:13, I Cor. 7:1)

A good idea to avoid sexual temptation is to limit your interactions to group settings and public places. Also pay attention to the time that you meet someone....7:00pm outing versus meeting up at 1:30 in the morning.
Remember this is a GOD-HONORING FRIENDSHIP so it should not even be a hint of impropriety. If you cant make it through a friendship without being pure, how are you ever going to have a GOD-HONORING ROMANCE?


2) Pray and ask God for wisdom and guidance about the friendship and the potential for a romantic relationship. Ask God to illuminate the purpose and plan that this person has in your life, and if it’s a detrimental one; Ask that they be removed. Make a decision to submit the friendship to God’s will and commit in your heart that if God doesn’t approve, then you wont pursue it. Ask God to show you how to proceed. I’m the first to admit that I have done things ALL wrong in the past, so I quickly ask God to show me what to do. James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him. We dont have all the answers but God does...people can decieve us but not GOD!


3) Take control of your thoughts. Don’t let your imaginations run wild. :think: We as women tend to envision our wedding day after knowing a man for only a short period of time. Slow down. Instead of picturing your house and your kids, think thoughts such as “I just met/started interacting with this man in this way, he may or may not be the one for me. I am going to proceed with caution and allow God to lead me.” Keep your mind open to all possibilityies. Our thoughts get our emotions involved. Proverbs 23:7 says As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 KJV. This scripture show us that our thoughts are directly connected to our hearts...so obey scripture and guard your thoughts with all diligence.


4) Be observant! Don’t gloss over the negative.:covereyes When you first meet someone, you may tend to zoom in on the best features about them. However, keep your eyes open and pay attention to everything about him…how he acts with his friends, where he goes when he’s not with you, listen to his conversations with others...is he rude and impolite? Does he “slip” and use profanity? We as women our often blinded by the positive, but if we keep track of both his negative and positive features that will give us a more realistic perspective and keep us grounded. Proverbs 22: 3A says a prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished. If you see negative characterics such as lack of commitment, irresponsibility, anger, etc., pay attention and hide your heart, otherwise you may end up hurt in the end.:crying3:



Practically Speaking...

5) Limit your interactions. You may not want to hear this, but it’s the honest truth. When you first meet/interacting with someone, there is no need to talk to them or be with them all-day every-day. Resist the urge to communicate or spend time with them constantly. This is the quickest way to get your emotions involved and cloud your judgment. Have you ever met someone while you were out of town? You spent every day with them for a week. By Day7, you were convinced you were in love:love: ? That’s too much, too soon, and that gets your emotions involved prematurely. Put a day or two between phone conversations and a week or so between outings, after all you should be busy with all other the things that God has called you to do. Plus, if it is going to end in a lifetime commitment, there is truly no rush. Guys like the pursuit anyway, so don’t make it easy for him….allow him time to “miss” you.

6) Don’t always be available. :nono: For example, If he calls while you are working or studying, you may really want to talk to him but you know you need to finish this assignment within the next hour. Instead of picking up the phone, call him back later. If you begin to always make yourself available, you are beginning to sacrifice for him before he has even committed to you in any way. He starts getting relationship-like benefits that he hasn’t earned yet… Let him prove himself deserving of your time and energy. Otherwise you end up giving him complete access to your heart prematurely....and he no longer has an incentive to work for it. :ohwell:
Remember the story of the cow :Cow: ....this applies not just physically, but emotionally as well.


So that's six areas. This is by no means a complete list...but this is my starting point. Feel free to add your advice. Again, this is about FRIENDSHIPS not dating....about extending the time from one stage to another....guard your heart while FRIENDS...so that you can make an intelligent and Spirit-led determination of what the next step should be.

Remember your heart, attention, and affection are precious in the sight of God and should be viewed the same way by men. God commands us to GUARD OUR HEART so if we dont do it, NO ONE will.

I love you ladies....:kiss:

ladylibra_30
11-09-2006, 10:29 AM
this is a truly neat post! thanks.

SUPER SWEET
11-09-2006, 10:42 AM
Great post :up: You and Shimmie keep me fed during my work day.

cocoberry10
11-09-2006, 01:35 PM
I often ponder the scripture Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. I read it often and I think "that sounds good BUT HOW do I do that?" :confused: I have been asking that question of God for a couple months now and I believe that what I have written below begins to shed light on the practical application of that scripture. It also answers the question that I posed in my thread, "Dating Check-In" After I made the post yesterday, I wrote them for myself as guidlines for talking to this young man I just met but today I modified them so I could post it here. Hopefully it will help someone in a similar situation.

This is not about "dating" someone...the lines get blurred so quickly and easily...so I want to clarify this point upfront. The key is that this should be applied to a bonified neutral God-honoring friendship. This is what you can do if you are open and exploring the idea of a relationship or courtship with a person. This post assumes that you are dealing with a person who is spiritually equal....if they arent, then its a "no" from the door and 1-6 need not be applied :look: If they are, then this is about getting to know them, taking notes on their character, and letting God lead you.


6 Ways to Guard Your Heart While Exploring the



Possibility of a God-Honoring Romance:dinner:


Scripturally speaking….


1) Set limits for physical interaction. :naughty: Use the word of God to set your boundaries about physical interaction before you even meet anyone. That way you wont make a bad decision because your emotions or your hormones clouded your judgement. I decided that I don’t want to kiss my husband-to-be until the preacher says “You may now kiss the bride.” But that’s me…I strongly believe in “don’t start nothing, wont be nothing” and a too passionate kiss :kissing4: gets things started in my body….and that’s just real. ;) Set your limits…but remember “foreplay” is definitely not sexual purity…and can be considered sexual immorality…so be strict about your limits. Becoming physically involved is the quickest way to get your heart caught up with a man. Eph 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.
(Also read I Thes. 4:2-8, Romans 6:13, I Cor. 7:1)

A good idea to avoid sexual temptation is to limit your interactions to group settings and public places. Also pay attention to the time that you meet someone....7:00pm outing versus meeting up at 1:30 in the morning.
Remember this is a GOD-HONORING FRIENDSHIP so it should not even be a hint of impropriety. If you cant make it through a friendship without being pure, how are you ever going to have a GOD-HONORING ROMANCE?


2) Pray and ask God for wisdom and guidance about the friendship and the potential for a romantic relationship. Ask God to illuminate the purpose and plan that this person has in your life, and if it’s a detrimental one; Ask that they be removed. Make a decision to submit the friendship to God’s will and commit in your heart that if God doesn’t approve, then you wont pursue it. Ask God to show you how to proceed. I’m the first to admit that I have done things ALL wrong in the past, so I quickly ask God to show me what to do. James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him. We dont have all the answers but God does...people can decieve us but not GOD!


3) Take control of your thoughts. Don’t let your imaginations run wild. :think: We as women tend to envision our wedding day after knowing a man for only a short period of time. Slow down. Instead of picturing your house and your kids, think thoughts such as “I just met/started interacting with this man in this way, he may or may not be the one for me. I am going to proceed with caution and allow God to lead me.” Keep your mind open to all possibilityies. Our thoughts get our emotions involved. Proverbs 23:7 says As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 KJV. This scripture show us that our thoughts are directly connected to our hearts...so obey scripture and guard your thoughts with all diligence.


4) Be observant! Don’t gloss over the negative.:covereyes When you first meet someone, you may tend to zoom in on the best features about them. However, keep your eyes open and pay attention to everything about him…how he acts with his friends, where he goes when he’s not with you, listen to his conversations with others...is he rude and impolite? Does he “slip” and use profanity? We as women our often blinded by the positive, but if we keep track of both his negative and positive features that will give us a more realistic perspective and keep us grounded. Proverbs 22: 3A says a prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished. If you see negative characterics such as lack of commitment, irresponsibility, anger, etc., pay attention and hide your heart, otherwise you may end up hurt in the end.:crying3:



Practically Speaking...

5) Limit your interactions. You may not want to hear this, but it’s the honest truth. When you first meet/interacting with someone, there is no need to talk to them or be with them all-day every-day. Resist the urge to communicate or spend time with them constantly. This is the quickest way to get your emotions involved and cloud your judgment. Have you ever met someone while you were out of town? You spent every day with them for a week. By Day7, you were convinced you were in love:love: ? That’s too much, too soon, and that gets your emotions involved prematurely. Put a day or two between phone conversations and a week or so between outings, after all you should be busy with all other the things that God has called you to do. Plus, if it is going to end in a lifetime commitment, there is truly no rush. Guys like the pursuit anyway, so don’t make it easy for him….allow him time to “miss” you.

6) Don’t always be available. :nono: For example, If he calls while you are working or studying, you may really want to talk to him but you know you need to finish this assignment within the next hour. Instead of picking up the phone, call him back later. If you begin to always make yourself available, you are beginning to sacrifice for him before he has even committed to you in any way. He starts getting relationship-like benefits that he hasn’t earned yet… Let him prove himself deserving of your time and energy. Otherwise you end up giving him complete access to your heart prematurely....and he no longer has an incentive to work for it. :ohwell:
Remember the story of the cow :Cow: ....this applies not just physically, but emotionally as well.


So that's six areas. This is by no means a complete list...but this is my starting point. Feel free to add your advice. Again, this is about FRIENDSHIPS not dating....about extending the time from one stage to another....guard your heart while FRIENDS...so that you can make an intelligent and Spirit-led determination of what the next step should be.

Remember your heart, attention, and affection are precious in the sight of God and should be viewed the same way by men. God commands us to GUARD OUR HEART so if we dont do it, NO ONE will.

I love you ladies....:kiss:



Thank you so much for this post. It was a big blessing!

Shimmie
11-09-2006, 01:58 PM
Great post :up: You and Shimmie keep me fed during my work day.

This is definitely a wonderful thread... :yep:

and thank you 'Darlin' Sweetevie for you too are helping to keep me fed :kiss: We feed each other, don't we? "Iron shapens Iron."

locabouthair
11-09-2006, 03:24 PM
good post i agree with all the points.

star
11-09-2006, 07:40 PM
I often ponder the scripture Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. I read it often and I think "that sounds good BUT HOW do I do that?" :confused: I have been asking that question of God for a couple months now and I believe that what I have written below begins to shed light on the practical application of that scripture. It also answers the question that I posed in my thread, "Dating Check-In" After I made the post yesterday, I wrote them for myself as guidlines for talking to this young man I just met but today I modified them so I could post it here. Hopefully it will help someone in a similar situation.

This is not about "dating" someone...the lines get blurred so quickly and easily...so I want to clarify this point upfront. The key is that this should be applied to a bonified neutral God-honoring friendship. This is what you can do if you are open and exploring the idea of a relationship or courtship with a person. This post assumes that you are dealing with a person who is spiritually equal....if they arent, then its a "no" from the door and 1-6 need not be applied :look: If they are, then this is about getting to know them, taking notes on their character, and letting God lead you.


6 Ways to Guard Your Heart While Exploring the



Possibility of a God-Honoring Romance:dinner:


Scripturally speaking….


1) Set limits for physical interaction. :naughty: Use the word of God to set your boundaries about physical interaction before you even meet anyone. That way you wont make a bad decision because your emotions or your hormones clouded your judgement. I decided that I don’t want to kiss my husband-to-be until the preacher says “You may now kiss the bride.” But that’s me…I strongly believe in “don’t start nothing, wont be nothing” and a too passionate kiss :kissing4: gets things started in my body….and that’s just real. ;) Set your limits…but remember “foreplay” is definitely not sexual purity…and can be considered sexual immorality…so be strict about your limits. Becoming physically involved is the quickest way to get your heart caught up with a man. Eph 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.
(Also read I Thes. 4:2-8, Romans 6:13, I Cor. 7:1)

A good idea to avoid sexual temptation is to limit your interactions to group settings and public places. Also pay attention to the time that you meet someone....7:00pm outing versus meeting up at 1:30 in the morning.
Remember this is a GOD-HONORING FRIENDSHIP so it should not even be a hint of impropriety. If you cant make it through a friendship without being pure, how are you ever going to have a GOD-HONORING ROMANCE?


2) Pray and ask God for wisdom and guidance about the friendship and the potential for a romantic relationship. Ask God to illuminate the purpose and plan that this person has in your life, and if it’s a detrimental one; Ask that they be removed. Make a decision to submit the friendship to God’s will and commit in your heart that if God doesn’t approve, then you wont pursue it. Ask God to show you how to proceed. I’m the first to admit that I have done things ALL wrong in the past, so I quickly ask God to show me what to do. James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him. We dont have all the answers but God does...people can decieve us but not GOD!


3) Take control of your thoughts. Don’t let your imaginations run wild. :think: We as women tend to envision our wedding day after knowing a man for only a short period of time. Slow down. Instead of picturing your house and your kids, think thoughts such as “I just met/started interacting with this man in this way, he may or may not be the one for me. I am going to proceed with caution and allow God to lead me.” Keep your mind open to all possibilityies. Our thoughts get our emotions involved. Proverbs 23:7 says As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 KJV. This scripture show us that our thoughts are directly connected to our hearts...so obey scripture and guard your thoughts with all diligence.


4) Be observant! Don’t gloss over the negative.:covereyes When you first meet someone, you may tend to zoom in on the best features about them. However, keep your eyes open and pay attention to everything about him…how he acts with his friends, where he goes when he’s not with you, listen to his conversations with others...is he rude and impolite? Does he “slip” and use profanity? We as women our often blinded by the positive, but if we keep track of both his negative and positive features that will give us a more realistic perspective and keep us grounded. Proverbs 22: 3A says a prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished. If you see negative characterics such as lack of commitment, irresponsibility, anger, etc., pay attention and hide your heart, otherwise you may end up hurt in the end.:crying3:



Practically Speaking...

5) Limit your interactions. You may not want to hear this, but it’s the honest truth. When you first meet/interacting with someone, there is no need to talk to them or be with them all-day every-day. Resist the urge to communicate or spend time with them constantly. This is the quickest way to get your emotions involved and cloud your judgment. Have you ever met someone while you were out of town? You spent every day with them for a week. By Day7, you were convinced you were in love:love: ? That’s too much, too soon, and that gets your emotions involved prematurely. Put a day or two between phone conversations and a week or so between outings, after all you should be busy with all other the things that God has called you to do. Plus, if it is going to end in a lifetime commitment, there is truly no rush. Guys like the pursuit anyway, so don’t make it easy for him….allow him time to “miss” you.

6) Don’t always be available. :nono: For example, If he calls while you are working or studying, you may really want to talk to him but you know you need to finish this assignment within the next hour. Instead of picking up the phone, call him back later. If you begin to always make yourself available, you are beginning to sacrifice for him before he has even committed to you in any way. He starts getting relationship-like benefits that he hasn’t earned yet… Let him prove himself deserving of your time and energy. Otherwise you end up giving him complete access to your heart prematurely....and he no longer has an incentive to work for it. :ohwell:
Remember the story of the cow :Cow: ....this applies not just physically, but emotionally as well.


So that's six areas. This is by no means a complete list...but this is my starting point. Feel free to add your advice. Again, this is about FRIENDSHIPS not dating....about extending the time from one stage to another....guard your heart while FRIENDS...so that you can make an intelligent and Spirit-led determination of what the next step should be.

Remember your heart, attention, and affection are precious in the sight of God and should be viewed the same way by men. God commands us to GUARD OUR HEART so if we dont do it, NO ONE will.

I love you ladies....:kiss:


Excellent and we love you too!!!

Kenedie
11-10-2006, 08:18 AM
This is an awesome post. Very helpful. I just started dating someone and we are doing great so far but I have allowed my emotions to lead me in some areas. This was a good reality check. Thanks for sharing.:)

phynestone
11-10-2006, 11:20 AM
This is really nice. I am going to print it out soon.

star
11-27-2006, 06:30 PM
Bumping!!!!

Shimmie
11-27-2006, 09:29 PM
I love this thread. It's quality and it keeps me encouraged.

Brownsugarflygirl is such a tremendous blessing. God is truly speaking through her and she is taking heed to share with us.

Thanks for bumping this up Star...;)

Poobity
11-27-2006, 09:49 PM
Awesome post. I just started my celibacy journey and this will come in handy.

jenteel
11-28-2006, 01:54 AM
this was powerful!
thank you and we love you back!

Nazarite27
11-28-2006, 02:00 PM
Priceless!!!

p31woman
11-28-2006, 03:23 PM
What a blessing your post was!!

Covergirl5906
01-17-2007, 05:21 PM
this is nothing but the truth :)

asubeauty
01-17-2007, 06:25 PM
Wonderful post!